Weir: This hero you speak of, he doesn't happen to have a name, does he?
Teyla: No, the athosian who spoke to me of his deeds
simply referred to him as a great hero of the town,
a warrior who possesses almost superhuman-like powers.
Well, we've sent teams to this planet before.
Well, they're good traders and kind people.
I don't recall there being many superheroes.
Sounds like one of my people.
Well, whoever it is, it would be nice to have someone like that on our side.
Provided the rumor's true.
It sounds to me like someone's imagination is running a little wild.
As I said, my fellow athosian who spoke to me of this hero
saw him in action against several armed men.
I do that all the time.
Where's McKay?
I'm here, I'm here.
I just had to get my autograph book
in case Teyla's superhero turned out to be the real deal.
Well, at the very least,
see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople.
We will.
Dial the gate.
Sheppard: My childhood hero was evel knievel.
Teyla: Was he not evil?
No, that was just his name.
He was a daredevil, which isn't a kind of a devil.
He just jumped motorcycles over things.
Ronon: Why?
Sheppard: Just because. Didn't always make it, either.
Teyla: And you greatly admired this behavior?
No, I just...
Look, at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman!
Misunderstood and unappreciated by many,
his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind.
Not just a hero, a superhero.
Dougie Angus wood, the highland giant.
Not only a hero but a legend in Scotland.
The marke hartoren, my first unit commander.
He once fought and killed 12 enemy soldiers,
gutting them with his bare hands.
He was also a funny guy, too.
Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrail slime.
Good day, travelers.
Good day to you.
This is your first visit to our village?
Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders.
We are.
My fellow athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town.
Rumor has it he's a warrior with some impressive kills to his credit,
including the wraith.
This is true.
Then there's a good chance he is one of my people.
Can you take us to him?
Of course. This way.
Here he is, the mightiest of heroes, our champion protector,
Lucius lavin.
Well! Will you look who it is?
You've got to be kidding me.
Lucius: As I lay there, the iratus bug's tendrils
just grasping my throat, choking me,
I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane.
With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death.
Now, had I been the only one in that building,
the only one in that burning building,
I would have surrendered and allowed sleep to overtake me.
But there were women and children there with me
whose very survival lay in my hands, and I'm not about to let them down.
So I reached deep down within me and I summoned whatever strength I had,
and I grabbed that bug and I ripped him away,
and through sheer force of will I began to choke him and...
Ow, ow! Ow, ow.
Thought you said that wasn't gonna hurt!
I lied.
And I sprang up and I led them all to safety.
Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
I appreciate it. Thanks very much.
How?
What?
How did you lead the people to safety?
You said the way out was blocked.
Oh, you were listening. That's good, that's good, because it was.
It was blocked until I cleared a path through the burning wreckage,
and ignoring the searing heat and the flames
that were just swirling and swirling...
But how did you... okay.
That's enough reminiscing for today.
Believe me, there's plenty more where that story came from,
so when we gather tomorrow,
I'll tell you about how I was almost seduced by a beautiful ancient.
Beckett: Sounds entertaining.
Yeah, you'd think so, but between you and me, not so much.
You know, your stories are awfully fascinating and familiar.
All right.
I admit I took some inspiration from some of the mission reports
that I perused while I was on Atlantis,
but I spiced them. A little story here, a bit of a story there...
All right, I'm done here.
Well, you're not gonna find any trace of that special herb in my system.
I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you.
You mean these people are not drugged? They simply adore you for who you are?
Yeah. Isn't it great?
You don't believe me.
Well, Lucius, I have a lab set up, so I think I'll just run the tests anyway.
You're wasting your time.
In all modesty, these people love me, pure and true.
Lucius, you can't say anything modestly.
I saved them.
A couple of months ago, this bunch of ruffians come into town
and start causing trouble.
I beat them up, I chase them away, and all of a sudden I'm the town hero.
They give me gifts, the women are throwing themselves at me.
It's like the old days except better, because now they're not drugged.
Hang on, hang on. So, you beat them up?
Yes. Me. I did.
How'd you manage that?
It's not so hard when you're invincible.
I'm invincible.
Right.
All right.
Looks like this is gonna take some convincing.
Let me see.
Perfect.
Hey! Time for a demonstration.
Teyla: What is he...
Let it go. Trust me. Drop it.
Oh, my god!
Hit me.
Don't... come on. Hit me.
I wouldn't! I'm telling you. Don't.
See? Invincible. I can't be vinced.
As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along.
It was a gift from one of my many admirers back at the old village,
you know, before I was forced to pack up and leave, thank you very much.
Anyway, I didn't even know what it was until I went to Atlantis,
perused some of the mission reports about the ancient device
that you guys discovered...
You did an awful lot of perusing while you were on the base.
I peruse. It's a gift.
Hey, sweetheart. What do you say you come by my place tonight...
No, thanks.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm the town hero.
That was ages ago.
Let me tell you something. You're only as good as your last rescue.
How is it that you're able to operate the ancient technology
without the ata gene?
Oh, that was easy.
All I had to do was find a guy with the gene,
have him initiate the device.
I mean, it took a long time, but, you know, once it was done,
I could activate this thing anytime I want.
Fascinating.
You do know those things run out ofjuice eventually, don't you?
Come on, these ancient things last forever.
Look, lunch is on me. I'm gonna go take a walk.
If I don't see you before you leave, well, then, I'll just...
Well, I'll talk to you later.
We're not going anywhere until we get those test results.
Whatever you want. People to save.
Well, what do you think?
Perhaps he's learned alesson.
He's Lucius! Are you kidding me?
Well, he's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasn't?
Why are you looking at me?
Look, at least he's trying to do something good
in order to get people to like him this time.
Well, I've completed my tests. Looks like Lucius is telling the truth.
No traces of the drug in his system. He's clean.
That's our cue to leave.
McKay: Whoa, whoa, wait.
Am I the only person here who thinks he is taking advantage of these poor people?
Come on, Rodney, you just want another crack at that shield.
You're damned right I do. Look, it could come in extremely handy.
He's practically wasting it!
Where's Lucius?
He went out for a stroll. He should be returning shortly.
Well, whenever he gets back, tell him we said goodbye.
Man: All right.
I think we're making a mistake.
Yeah, we'll have the athosians keep an eye out on everyone.
If anything gets out of control, we'll come back.
Drop your weapons or die where you stand.
I said drop your weapons.
We're not looking for a fight. We're just passing through town.
I've got two on my right and one straight dead ahead.
Two at 12 o'clock and one behind the fruit stand.
If we act now, we risk injuring innocent villagers.
And us. We risk injuring us.
I can take my three out before they get a shot off.
There may be others hidden where we cannot see.
It's your call.
Here's the thing.
If we all start shooting at each other, somebody's bound to get hurt.
I can pretty much guarantee you'll be one of them.
Are you this hero we've heard rumors of?
Come here. Come!
Then lower your weapons.
Okay.
Sheppard? Trust me on this one.
So, where is this hero,
one who'd surely stop us from emptying the town's coffers,
helping ourselves to its women, burning it to the ground once we're done?
So, tell me, where is he?
Where is this great hero who'd keep us from destroying everything you hold dear?
Lucius: He's right here!
For I am the man you seek.
Kill him!
Get out! Don't come back!
For so long as I protect these people, this town shall be safe.
Man 1: Lucius! Lucius!
Man 2: Lucius!
Lucius! Lucius! Lucius!
Lucius: So, I finish off the last wraith guard
and I turn around and I look at the queen and I say,
"you know, if you were 20 pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife."
I said that 'cause she was just so fat!
Hey, colonel Sheppard! Hey, come in. Sit down, sit down.
Make way. Let them have a seat.
No, no, we have to go.
You're sure?
Because they're making some kind of a schnitzel in my honor tonight.
No, we've got to get back.
Well, I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me.
What for?
For saving your lives.
Thank you.
Please, it was nothing.
Yeah, it was nothing.
What are you talking about, it was nothing?
These people had you on your knees.
Yes, they did.
Well? You're welcome.
You be careful on the way back to the gate
because there's talk of some angry raiders in the area!
No, no, no, no. Let's go.
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go out for a walk, take a look around,
make sure those ruffians are gone for good, all right?
Don't you worry. I'll be back.
Nice job, everybody. Very convincing.
A little too convincing.
You took out three of lanko's teeth and broke fortnum's wrist.
Hey, I had to make it look good.
Anyway, here's a little something that may make it worthwhile.
This isn't the amount we agreed on.
Yeah, well, to tell you the truth,
you guys didn't really seem to have your hearts in it.
We had a deal.
Maybe next time you'll make more of an effort.
How dare you speak down to us?
We were elite soldiers in the genii army, cowen's personal guard.
Yeah, you were. Now you're mercenaries.
Come on, as far as jobs for hire go, this wasn't so bad.
You come in, you scare a few people,
you take a few punches, then you leave.
You get paid, nobody gets hurt.
Well, except for lanko,
and, of course, fortnum with his gimpy wrist.
Sorry about that, buddy.
We may have been forced from our homes when ladon radim took power.
We're still genii,
and one of these days we'll march into the capital and retake what was ours.
Yeah, well, good luck with that.
Come on. Hit me.
Please, come on! There you go, yeah! Anybody else?
Anybody else wanna take a crack at me, huh?
Hey! Hey, what are you doing back here? I thought you left town?
Well, we were leaving when we ran into this gentleman
who has a very interesting story to tell.
Speaking of stories, did I ever tell you the story
about the time that I was on this planet made entirely of lava?
There's no point in pretending, Lucius.
You lied to these people.
Sheppard: This man's not a hero.
He paid those men to show up and then made it look
like he came to your rescue.
It's true.
It was all a setup to make him look like he saved the town.
Deceiver.
Well, you do have every right to be upset with him.
Not him, you.
Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders,
he chooses to besmirch our Lucius.
The whole thing was an act. The guns weren't even loaded.
If it were not for Lucius, you and your friends would all be dead.
Yeah! No, no! Hetnckedyou!
You don't know him like we do.
We're the good guys.
Man: Get out of here.
Go! Leave!
You're not welcome here!
Go back to where you came from.
Listen, I want to apologize for the whole angry mob thing.
Isuppose we should be grateful.
Yes, well, he did stop them from swarming us.
Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven.
All right, I'm putting a stop to this.
Oh, come on! They just got started!
I'm not talking about the foot massage...
Actually, I am talking about the foot massage.
All right, all right. Girls, come back later, all right?
This little scam of yours...
Scam? What scam?
You are taking advantage of these people.
I know it looks that way, but I was being honest about that bunch of thugs
that attacked this village a couple of months ago.
You know, this is a nice town, nice people,
and they needed somebody to save them, so I did. I was a hero!
Now, today's incident...
You mean performance.
It was just my way of reminding them of that fact.
In fact, I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt.
That was nice of you.
Yeah, then you had to go and figure it all out.
You're going out there right now
and you're gonna come clean with these people.
Or else.
Or else what?
No, you can't threaten me on account of my shield,
and they're not gonna believe you.
Hey, you're trying to figure out a way to hurt me, aren't you?
Yeah. Yep.
Well, you keep thinking, big boy, because...
It's not me this time, I swear.
Kolya!
The soldiers are genii. They're part of a...
Oh, I know all about kolya and the genii.
When I was on Atlantis, I perused...
Mission reports, right, right.
This is very bad.
No, no, this is great.
This will be a great opportunity for me
to solidify my place in the community.
They're gonna give me a parade after this one!
Hey, hang on! You're not taking on kolya and his men.
Why not? They can't hurt me. I've got the personal shield.
And if they burn the town down around you out of spite?
Well, that would be petty of them.
Yeah, well, they're like that.
Obviously somebody tipped them off that we're here.
So go ahead, shoot him.
Good idea.
Teyla: Colonel, you can't. Just kolya.
The shooting will not stop them.
She's right. We'll have to kill them all. I'm all right with that, by the way.
Good! Letsdoit John.
What? You can't.
Oh, I'm pretty sure I can. In fact...
If we engage in open fire with them,
then many of these townspeople will certainly be killed.
They do not deserve to die because of us.
If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on.
Nobody gets hurt. That's my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.
You wanna hide.
Well, we could call it "strategic concealment."
I got just the place.
Sheppard: Yeah, well, I'm sure you do.
Here.
Lucius: See, I like to entertain,
and on occasion a husband will get angry, come looking for his wife,
so to avoid an awkward scenario...
Okay. We get it.
I'll let you know when the bad guys clear out.
Don't screw around, Lucius, all right? Tell them we've moved on.
Once they get out of town and they're out in the open, we'll deal with it ourselves.
This is no time to be a hero, you understand?
Perfectly. I'm serious.
I can see that. No heroics.
Lucius: All right, that's enough.
Take your men and get out. This town is under my protection.
Is it?
It is.
So you've got two choices.
You can either leave, or I'll make you leave.
Interesting.
Is that the best you can do?
As a matter of fact, no, it isn't.
I admit I've got a shield, but I've got to breathe.
I should have thought of that.
Not so invincible now, are we, hero?
You led them here?
They've been looking for this Sheppard a long time.
We had a deal!
I saw an opportunity and I took it.
No different than what you did with these villagers.
But I didn't hurt anybody.
All right, that guy, you know, lanko, and the one with the gimpy wrist...
Look, I don't wanna hurt you or anyone in this town.
All I want is Sheppard and his team.
But I told you, you missed them.
Look, maybe if you hurry, you can get them before they get to the gate.
My men are already guarding the gate.
I'll ask you once more, where are they?
I don't know.
I don't!
Well, then, we'll have to do a thorough job of searching the area,
which could take hours.
How long can you hold your breath?
Well, that didn't take too long.
All right, let's get out of this town,
and set up a decent ambush without all these people around.
They weren't there.
Really?
That's weird.
I wonder where they could have gone.
That personal shield of yours is very interesting.
Yeah.
If we were to Bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil,
but you would still suffocate.
A fascinating way to die, don't you think?
Got to tell you, it's not that fascinating to me.
It is to me.
Wait, wait. You can't kill me. Look, I'm the perfect bait.
If Sheppard finds out that I'm in trouble, he's gonna come rescue me.
We're really close.
Yeah. You and Sheppard?
I don't think so.
Then Weir, or Rodney, or Carson. We're like the best of friends.
And how is it you know them so well?
I spent some time in Atlantis.
It's the nicest place I've ever been, best time I ever had.
It's like I remember... Like I was there this morning.
Tell me more.
Lucius: So I finish off the last wraith guard and I turn to the queen and I say...
I say, "if you were 20 pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife!"
'Course, my ex-wife was a knockout, but, you know, where's the funny in that?
You know, that personal shield's amazing. You mind if I try it?
Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
I'll give it right back.
Got you! What, you think I'd let you have this?
You'd kill me right on the spot!
Yeah, I'd slit your throat from ear to ear.
Good times. Good times.
As much as I love hearing about your former wives, Lucius,
I'd rather hear more about what you know of Atlantis.
I told you everything already.
In that case, it's getting late and I could use some rest before the funeral.
Funeral? Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, don't Bury me alive, please, I don't deserve that.
You know what? Nobody deserves that.
I deserve banishment! That's what I...
Sheppard: Lucius?
What are you doing here?
Kolya's got all the exits out of town covered,
and rumor has it they were gonna Bury you alive.
I can't believe it. You came to save me?
Yeah, well, neither can I. Let's go.
I can't, I can't. I'm tied in to the chair.
Oh, no! Good luck with that shield!
Hey, what? Come on, untie me.
What are you, crazy? You could have killed me!
That shield of yours impresses me more and more.
You did your part, Lucius. You get to live another day.
Sheppard? He got away.
That's unfortunate.
Thanks for sparing me, sir.
Don't disappoint me again.
Secure the prisoners. Perhaps they'll be more effective bait.
Get this fixed.
Do you think he got away?
If they'd captured the colonel, wouldn't he be here with us?
He'll be back in a jumper in no time.
Your friend escaped the village.
They're still looking for him.
If they haven't found him yet,
chances are he managed to slip the perimeter.
Yes. He and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue as we speak.
Lucius?
He would not abandon us.
Oh, sure he wouldn't, just like he wouldn't sell us out
while we were trying to rescue him.
He would never do that.
Okay, you know what? Just stop it, all right?
Lucius is not a superhero.
Batman, that's a superhero.
I don't understand.
Your people cannot place their future in Lucius' hands.
The time has come for you to save yourselves.
We have no hope of defeating these soldiers.
You will with our help.
Then why did you not do so before?
We were concerned for the safety of the village.
Now, we don't care.
Okay, just pretend he didn't say that, and then just let us out of here.
No. It's too dangerous.
Best to wait for Lucius to return, then he'll save us all.
No, wait! Lucius isn't a hero!
Don't. Don't. Don't. I swear I didn't know about the bomb.
I don't know what those guys were doing under the table.
How the hell did you get out here?
Everybody's looking for you. I just walked out unnoticed.
Isn't that something? So, what are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do? Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna get by kolya's men so I can get to the gate and call for reinforcements.
Reinforcements? What do you say we just get off this planet?
My team is back there.
Yeah, so is the guy who wants to Bury me alive.
Oh, you're done playing hero now, are you?
Fine. You can leave as soon as we get to the gate. Just keep up.
You're angry, aren't you? Shut up.
See, now, that's anger.
Rodney, you're not trying to dig your way out of here, are you?
See if you can find another spoon.
With someone helping, this will go twice as fast.
Someone's coming.
I have to give colonel Sheppard credit.
No opponent's ever caused me this much trouble.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to kill him.
That's funny. He says the same thing about you.
Really? I'm flattered.
But you can't kill him if you can't catch him.
I will eventually.
McKay: And what about us, huh?
How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination?
You'll be allowed to stay alive for the time being,
unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, thank god.
In fact, I intend to send you back to Atlantis in exchange for a few things.
There's no way Dr. Weir would cut a deal with you, even if our lives were in danger.
You know that.
In the past, I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands.
This time, however, I have no intention of backing Dr. Weir into a corner.
After all, what's a small number of your p90s, a few grenades
and some ammunition in exchange for your lives?
And who knows?
If we're successful in toppling ladon,
and I assume rightful leadership of the genii,
we could end up allies.
That's not gonna happen, kolya.
While we're standing here having this little chat,
there's no doubt colonel Sheppard has reached the Stargate
and contacted Atlantis.
In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people.
And I can guarantee you that's not going to happen either.
Lucius: I don't believe this.
Isn't it the worst day you could imagine?
Kolya over radio: Colonel Sheppard? I'm going to assume you can hear me.
I'm also going to assume that if you haven't reached the gate by now,
you soon will, so I wanna save you some trouble.
My men have secured the gate.
There's no way you're getting through.
Come back and face me, colonel,
or I'll start killing your friends.
Which one of them shall we kill first?
I'm leaning toward Dr. McKay, myself.
Colonel?
Kolya, this is Sheppard. I'm coming back.
Don't keep me waiting.
That's what this is all about? Killing Sheppard?
Absolutely, Dr. McKay. But don't feel left out.
If I don't get those weapons from Dr. Weir, I fully intend to kill you as well.
I'm coming with you.
You sure?
Yeah, I am, I am. I'm coming with you... just...
Yes or no? I... don't pressure me like this!
I'm gonna come with you... Make up your mind!
And I'll help you out, okay?
Oh, boy, they'd better give me a parade for this one.
McKay: What's going on?
Out.
Let's go!
Lucius: I'm just spitballing here.
What if we hugged each other and the device would, you know, help us...
Sheppard: I don't like that idea... no, I know, I don't think...
And it's not possible.
Lucius: Yeah, it doesn't work that way.
Okay, okay, here's what. Okay, what if I swung from a clock tower
on a long rope right into town?
And?
I don't know. That's all I have. I could set myself on fire.
I like that.
Okay.
I could run naked. Oh, I know, I know! I have one.
What if I got on your shoulders and we have a cloak that they...
It's some religious thing... They could be afraid of giants.
Lucius: Okay, what if we build a tunnel, okay?
We could tunnel. Or a Boulder, a huge Boulder.
I'm camouflaged, I'm protected. Now, the Boulder protects you...
Or a magnifying glass and some tape.
I have an idea, Lucius.
Some poisoned tape.
Lucius!
I knew you'd return to save us.
I've returned, but you people, you're gonna have to save yourselves.
What? You do not wish to help us?
Oh, no, no, no, of course iwanna help, but just...
Look, what if I wasn't here? What would you do then?
Wait for you to come back?
All right, there's the problem.
What if I didn't know that you were in trouble, or I couldn't get back in time?
What would you do then?
I mean, look, you're a great group of people, it's a lovely town,
but there's a lot of horrible people out there,
so you've got to fend for yourselves, starting today.
I understand what Lucius is saying.
You do?
By allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us,
we're surrendering our independence.
That's right. Right?
So, in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town,
we're giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect.
Listen to her. She's smart.
We need to regain our strength and our independence
by taking responsibility for our lives,
and the lives of our neighbors. Yep.
After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man.
We”... there will be no champion protector,
for it will fall to us to protect...
Well, okay, okay, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, okay. You're getting a little carried away here.
Okay, independence is a great thing, but so is the comfort
of having somebody there to pick up the slack now and again, okay?
You don't wanna be doing it all the time because you've all got jobs,
or you have hobbies, right?
Beardo here, he likes to fish, right?
You don't wanna be bothered by having to rise up
and save the village every day, you know what I mean?
But that's a thought for another day, okay?
For today, you're gonna have to fight for yourselves, okay?
So remember what you said about strength and integrity and responsibility.
So, you get out there and you fight for your town, go to the alleys,
spread the word.
Now, go! Get out, get out!
Okay, yes, rally, rally. Yes, good, kid. Okay. Get out.
Man 1: Any kind of weapon. Man 2: Get it all together.
Man 1: Gather the masses. Man 2: Stand together...
Colonel Sheppard?
Maybe he changed his mind.
You're out of time, colonel.
Dr. McKay.
Me first. No, me.
I'll do it.
Well, how positively moving. I almost wish I could shoot you all at once.
Sheppard: Kolya!
I should have killed you when we first met, colonel.
It would have saved me a lot of trouble.
The feeling's mutual.
Goodbye, Sheppard.
Well, now that you got that out of your system...
Oh, crap!
Reload!
Lucius: Don't bother.
You should have left town when you had the chance.
I'm sure you're thinking the same thing right about now.
If I gave you the opportunity to surrender,
I don't suppose you'd take it?
I didn't think so.
Put down your weapons.
Lucius: You sure you guys can't stay for some schnitzel?
I mean, this is a party for you guys as much as anybody, right?
Sheppard: You guys have a good time. We're overdue.
Lucius: Well, thanks for everything.
Just remember, stay out of trouble, or we'll be back.
Oh, colonel Sheppard?
Aren't you forgetting something?
Oh, yeah!
I did say I'd give that back to you, didn't I?
Yes, you did.
You're a good man. You're an honest man.
And you made me a better man myself, you know that, don't you?
Good. Bye, Lucius.
I thought you said that personal shield was depleted.
Oh, yeah.
Then it is worthless.
Pretty much.
You're not gonna tell Lucius? Sheppard: No.
Lucius: Kick me as hard as you can.
Sheppard: He'll figure it out.
English -us - psdh