0 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,236 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,141 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:16,873 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,252 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:28,893 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,400 [ Tires Screeching ] 6 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,738 D'oh! [ Screams ] 7 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,873 - 'Scuse me. Pardon me. 'Scuse me. - [ Grumbles ] 8 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,443 - Hmm. - Hey. 9 00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:57,346 Hey, Springfield. If you're driving,you may wanna sit down. 10 00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,357 - [ Boing ] - Uh-oh. 11 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:03,020 Because it's time for Bill and Marty's 5:00 news ''flush.'' 12 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,292 - [ Toilet Flushing ] - ##[ Man Singing ] 13 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,390 - Our topless story- - [ Boing ] 14 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:11,197 President Clinton has launched a new Web site. 15 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,637 - Uh-oh. Wait. Let me guess. WWW dot- - [ Wolf Whistle ] 16 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,799 - dot- - [ Boing ] 17 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,877 [ Both Laughing ] 18 00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:20,969 [ Laughing ] ''Web site.'' 19 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,107 - [ Man ] Okay, here's another news ''flush.'' - [ Toilet Flushing ] 20 00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,447 ## [ Man Singing ] 21 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:31,581 Doctors say the life expectancy of the average man is now 76.2 years. 22 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,591 [ Gasps ] 23 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,888 - [ Tires Screeching ] - [ Horns Honking ] 24 00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:40,056 7 6.2? But I'm already 38.1 . 25 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,361 I've wasted half my life. 26 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,993 ## [ Man Singing ] 27 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,234 Half my life gone and I'm only guaranteed 38 more years. 28 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,969 [ Horns Honking ] 29 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:55,045 Marge, I've wasted half my life. 30 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,048 [ Woman ] Sir, do you need a tow truck? 31 00:01:57,150 --> 00:02:00,517 - What are you talking about, Marge? I don't need a- - [ Tires Screeching ] 32 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,520 Okay, send a truck. 33 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,586 - Oh. Hmm. - [ Marge ] Oh, honey. Don't eat that. 34 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,821 Wouldn't you rather have your sugar bag? 35 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,897 No, I don't deserve sugar. 36 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:15,490 I'm halfway to my grave, and I haven't accomplished anything. 37 00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:19,698 Oh, I am not looking forward to my funeral. 38 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,036 [ Electricity Buzzing ] 39 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,977 [ Beeping ] 40 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:30,413 No, Homer wasn't a great man... 41 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:34,578 nor even an adequate man, and he certainly never accomplished anything. 42 00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:37,349 Uh, President Lenny, you have anything to say? 43 00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,426 - Nah. - All right. Fair enough. Toss 'im in the hole, boys. 44 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,662 There goes a real sack of crap. 45 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,199 Indubitably, old chum. 46 00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,169 [ Growling ] 47 00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:53,330 [ Groans ] Marge... 48 00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:56,306 no matter what happens in the future, promise me you won't vote for Lenny. 49 00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:58,343 Okay, but you've accomplished a lot. 50 00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,571 You've made me very happy. 51 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,910 Oh, yeah. They'll put me on a stamp for that. 52 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,042 - [ Groans ] - I've wasted half my life, Marge. 53 00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:09,121 You know how many memories I have? Three! 54 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,122 Standing in line for a movie... 55 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,022 having a key made and sitting here talking to you. 56 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,153 Thirty-eight years and that's all I have to show for it. 57 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,891 - You're 39. - [ Yelps ] 58 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:22,024 [ Whimpers ] 59 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:30,598 [ Groans ] 60 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,406 - Hi, Dad. How was work? - Cold. 61 00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:36,004 Come on. Let's get you into your favorite shirt. 62 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,977 [ All ] Surprise! 63 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:43,886 Oh. I see you're having a party. I'll come back later. 64 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,458 You can't come back later because- 65 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,153 [ All ] Homer Simpson, welcome to your life. 66 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,162 ...to your life. 67 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:57,198 The kids and I wanna show you all the great things you've done. 68 00:03:57,303 --> 00:04:00,534 Oh, all right. Maybe I can pinpoint where my life went wrong. 69 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,835 Quiet, Dad, or we'll have to throw you out of here. 70 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:07,003 [ Gasps ] The pictures! They're coming alive! 71 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:10,207 [ Lisa ] There you are in outer space. That's pretty impressive. 72 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:14,980 Ah. All we did was grow some space tomatoes and sabotage Mir. 73 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,414 [ Shouting In Russian ] 74 00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,891 'Member when you almost became heavyweight champ? 75 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,156 [ Crowd Cheering ] 76 00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,833 - [ Blows Landing ] - No. 77 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,835 Finish him. Finish him! 78 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,428 Well, there's certainly no greater accomplishment... 79 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:36,303 than fathering three beautiful children. 80 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,309 Hike. 81 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,379 [ Laughing ] 82 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:44,678 Oh, I should've punted. Turn it off. Turn it off. 83 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,947 Hang on, Dad. This next part will definitely make you feel better about yourself. 84 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:54,656 - Hello, Homer. It's me, KITT, from TV's Knight Rider. - [ Gasps ] 85 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,729 Your family has asked me to take time out... 86 00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,729 from my busy schedule to invite you... 87 00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:02,824 [ Voice Slowing Down ] to a very special- [ Indistinct ] 88 00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,501 [ Groaning ] Stupid movies. 89 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:11,134 Who invented these dumb things anyway? Was it you, Bart? 90 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,475 - It was Thomas Edison, Dad. - I thought he invented the lightbulb. 91 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:18,516 That too. He also invented the phonograph, the microphone and the electric car. 92 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,518 No one man can do all that. 93 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,520 You're a liar, honey- a dirty, rotten liar. 94 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,556 Finish her! Finish her! 95 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,854 It's true. I read it on a place mat at a restaurant. 96 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,397 Really? A restaurant? Well, now I don't know what to think. 97 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:32,598 Go.! Go.! Go.! 98 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,896 Go.! Go.! Go.! 99 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,027 - Go! Go! Go! - Top of the world, Ma! 100 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:41,038 - [ Homer ] Cut it out, boy. - [ Screams, Grunts ] 101 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,906 - Dad, what are you doin' here? - Readin' about this Edison character. 102 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,640 They won't let me in the big people library downtown. 103 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:52,684 There was some... unpleasantness. I can never go back. 104 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:56,312 Ooh. Look at all the inventions Edison came up with. 105 00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,515 The stock ticker... 106 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,524 the storage battery... 107 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,526 even wax paper. 108 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,892 And look at him dance. ## [ Vocalizing ] 109 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,158 [ Laughing ] 110 00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,234 That's great, Dad. 111 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,270 And these Hardy Boys books are great too. 112 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,772 - This one's about smugglers. - They're all about smugglers. 113 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,776 No, not this one: The Smugglers of Pirate Cove. It's about pirates. 114 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,642 'Scuse me. Are you a student at this school? 115 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,774 I think it's pretty obvious that I am. 116 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,818 Go school! 117 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:31,184 So, this broad stands up in the ocean... 118 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:34,282 and this big wave knocks her bathing suit off. 119 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,419 Oh, yeah? And then what happened? 120 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,054 Omit no detail, however small or filthy. 121 00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:43,465 So anyway, and this is the part you'll remember for the rest of your lives- 122 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,469 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great story, Lenny. 123 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,096 But here's one that's even more spellbinding. 124 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:52,541 Once upon a time, there was a man named Thomas Edison... 125 00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:56,877 and he invented the dictating machine and the fluoroscope... 126 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:59,417 and the repeating telegraph. 127 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,419 - [ Snoring ] - And he was a firm believer in Fletcherism... 128 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,251 and he played the organ and his favorite flower was the heliotrope. 129 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,257 Oh, and his middle name was Alva... 130 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,260 and he never, ever, ever wore pajamas. 131 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,887 Okay. I think we've been polite long enough here. 132 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,728 - Lenny, what happened with the dame in the bathing suit? - Huh? 133 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,234 Oh. Uh- 134 00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:19,827 Oh, nuts. I forgot. 135 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,033 All I can think of now is Edison. I can't even remember where I work. 136 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:26,134 Well, I remember where Edison worked. It was Menlo Park. 137 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:29,146 That's where he came up with the tasimeter, the ore separator and- 138 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,081 Uh,James Watt invented the steam engine. 139 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,653 That's boring. You're boring everybody. 140 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:36,654 Quit boring everyone! 141 00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:39,350 And then he worked on a machine to communicate with the dead. 142 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,359 - [ Groans ] - Some kind of scary telephone, I guess. 143 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,726 - Maybe he planned to stick his head under the ground and yell. - All right already! 144 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,992 Everyone knows the man accomplished a lot. 145 00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:51,126 Maybe because he didn't spend every waking moment talking about Thomas Edison. 146 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,137 Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge. 147 00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,605 He was a shameless self-promoter. 148 00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:58,404 Well, you're not Thomas Edison. 149 00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:02,572 Marge, that's it! That's why I haven't done anything with my life. 150 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,480 I need to be more like Thomas Edison. 151 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,485 Whatever. 152 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,555 And I'm starting right now. 153 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,818 No more lousy pajamas! [ Grunts ] 154 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,826 From this day forward, I am an inventor! 155 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:20,432 Do us a favor. Invent yourself some underpants. 156 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,105 ## [ Whistling ] 157 00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:30,368 Ah. 158 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,070 Well, I quit my job just like you said to. 159 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,374 I didn't tell you to quit your job. 160 00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,972 Yes, you did. I remember your exact words. 161 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:42,851 You said I should quit my job and become an inventor, or you'd torch the house. 162 00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:45,788 That doesn't sound like me. 163 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:49,828 Well, I suppose if this doesn't work out, you can always go back to the plant. 164 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:53,865 [ Chuckling ] Not the way I quit. 165 00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,230 Whoo-hoo. 166 00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:11,883 At my age, Edison had already invented 203 things. 167 00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:15,545 Uh, I got a lot of work to do to catch up to him. 168 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:20,058 Let's see now. Invention. Invention. 169 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:25,154 Hmm. Hmm. 170 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:27,255 Something electrical might be good. 171 00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:30,301 [ Muttering ] Let me handle the creative end of this, Marge. 172 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:34,533 - You don't understand how the creative mind works like I do. - Oh? 173 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,633 You look at this table and what do you see? Just a table. 174 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,769 Now a creative person like me looks at this table... 175 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,782 and sees all kinds of creative things, but no tables. 176 00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:47,478 Homer, that's not a table. That's our dryer. 177 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,317 [ Shrieks ] My files! 178 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,254 Hmm. 179 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,553 Hmm. This isn't working. I've gotta try a different approach. 180 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,292 Hmm. Hmm? 181 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,267 Hmm? Hmm? 182 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:10,202 [ Grunts, Gasps ] 183 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,038 [ Groans ] 184 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,781 [ Coughing ] 185 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:21,216 [ Sighs, Coughs ] 186 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,220 You started smoking, Dad? 187 00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:26,621 Yes. Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day. 188 00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,660 - Yeah, he invented stuff too. - Shut up. 189 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:32,162 [ Grunting, Shouts ] 190 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,764 As long as you're here annoying me, let's have a brainstorming session. 191 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:41,067 And here's how it works. Lisa, you say one thing, then Bart, you say another. 192 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,198 Just toss out things and I'll use my inventive mind... 193 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,176 to combine them into a brilliant, original idea. 194 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,178 Okay. Um- 195 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,180 - Automatic- - Butt. 196 00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:51,806 Okay. 197 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:55,580 - Fluorescent- - Booger. 198 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,588 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 199 00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:01,421 Wait a minute. These aren't exciting new products. You're not even trying. 200 00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:04,690 Okay, that's it. Both of you go to your rooms and spank yourselves. 201 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:12,166 - Lazy father. - Can't even spank his own kids. 202 00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:17,299 Homer, you can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea. 203 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:21,005 - I don't see why not. They're my kids. I own 'em. - [ Groans ] 204 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:24,480 - Okay. We own 'em. - Hmm. 205 00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:28,417 I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. 206 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,546 I guess because there's so much dolphin in it... 207 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,590 and you know how smart they are. 208 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,592 [ Groans ] It's no use. 209 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,720 I can't work like this, cut off from the scientific community. 210 00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,823 You stay here and guard my sandwich. 211 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,495 And these should give you the grounding you'll need... 212 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:49,165 in thermodynamics, hypermathematics... 213 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,608 and, of course, microcalifragilistics. [ Babbles ] 214 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:57,342 [ Groans ] Look, I just wanna know how to invent things. Tell me. 215 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:01,318 Uh, all you have to do is think of things that people need... 216 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,320 but which don't exist yet. 217 00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:07,756 - You mean like an electric blanket-mobile? - Uh, well, possibl- 218 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:12,559 Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it. Like- 219 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,599 Hamburger earmuffs! 220 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:18,295 Uh, well, I suppose that would qualify- 221 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,304 Thanks, sucker! 222 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:24,604 [ Stammering ] All right.Just stay calm, Frinky. 223 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,610 These babies will be in the stores... 224 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,612 while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix. 225 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,682 [ Babbling ] 226 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,388 [ Explosion ] 227 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,906 Okay. I have here the four greatest inventions... 228 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:05,381 in the history of mankind. 229 00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:09,680 First, my all-purpose electric hammer... 230 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,087 for all your pounding needs. 231 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,193 [ Grunting ] Ow! 232 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,820 - [ Muttering ] - [ Screeches ] 233 00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:21,365 - [ Crash ] - [ Santa's Little Helper Barks ] 234 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,231 [ Yelping ] 235 00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:26,236 Probably needs to be more powerful. 236 00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,203 I'll buy 1 0 of those right now. 237 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,834 Now, here's my ''Everything's Okay'' alarm. 238 00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:36,438 - [ Alarm Blaring ] - [ Shouting ] This will sound every three seconds... 239 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,313 unless something isn't okay. 240 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,943 Turn that off, Homer. 241 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:45,490 - [ Alarm Continues ] - It can't be turned off. 242 00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,889 [ Alarm Slows, Stops ] 243 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,961 But it, uh, does break easily. 244 00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:52,257 Now this next one's for the ladies. 245 00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:55,731 How many times have you gals been late for a high-powered business meeting... 246 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,770 only to realize you're not wearing makeup? 247 00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,896 That's every woman's nightmare. 248 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:04,066 That's why I invented this revolutionary makeup gun. 249 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:07,805 It's for the woman who only has four-fifths of a second to get ready. 250 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,848 Close your eyes, Marge. 251 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:14,977 - And now you're ready for a night on the town. - [ Gasps ] 252 00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:17,419 Homer, you've got it set on ''whore.'' 253 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,753 Uh, oop- Okay. 254 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,726 This time, try to keep your nostrils closed. 255 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,189 Oh, look what you did. Now I have to go get my cold cream gun. 256 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,825 Dad, women won't like being shot in the face. 257 00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:34,633 Women will like what I tell 'em to like. Now here's something for everyone. 258 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:38,836 In the olden times, if you were watching TV and nature called... 259 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:41,378 you'd have to get up and walk to the bathroom. 260 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,278 It was the hardest thing in the world to do. 261 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:48,251 But now, with the Lazy Man Reclining Toilet Chair... 262 00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,152 you can just lean back and let 'er rip. 263 00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,385 You expect people to go to the bathroom in their living rooms? 264 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:58,088 Sure. Believe me, every man in America will want to have one. 265 00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,097 [ Flushes ] 266 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,565 - Gangway! Gotta poop. - No, Bart! 267 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:07,105 - Homer, all these inventions, they're- - Yes? 268 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:10,198 - Oh-They're not very- - Yes? Yes? Yes? 269 00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:12,174 - They're terrible. - What? 270 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:16,009 I'm not saying you're a bad inventor. 271 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:20,575 I'm just saying these particular... inventions are awful... 272 00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:25,180 and no one in their right mind would buy them or accept them as gifts. 273 00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,385 But this is the best I could do. 274 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:32,760 I guess I'm no better at being Thomas Edison than I was at being Homer Simpson. 275 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:38,925 Oh, dear. I hope I wasn't too rough on him. 276 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:42,701 Somebody had to tell him, Mom. In the long run, it's much kinder to- 277 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:46,005 [ Clears Throat ] Do you mind? 278 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:52,242 All week, my lifelong dream was to be the next Thomas Edison... 279 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,251 but now it's over. 280 00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:57,015 I guess I'll just give up my hopes and dreams... 281 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:01,058 and settle for being a decent husband and father. [ Grunting ] 282 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,491 - Homer! - [ Together] Dad! 283 00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:04,186 [ Shouts ] Huh? 284 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,959 - What happened? You didn't fall. - Oh, that. 285 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,967 I stuck a couple extra legs on there... 286 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:13,561 'cause I kept tipping over when I was trying to invent stuff. 287 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:16,300 They're on hinges. That's really ingenious, Dad. 288 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:20,105 - It could save lives. - Really? You think it's a good idea? 289 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,680 Oh, yeah. Safety sells, especially to lame-o's. 290 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,749 - I'd buy one. - Me too. 291 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:26,750 [ All Cooing ] 292 00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,786 I did it! I'm gonna be rich! 293 00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:41,130 ## [ Humming ] 294 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:44,430 Look, Mr. Edison. I did it! I'm an inventor. 295 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,369 And I owe it all to you. 296 00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,373 See? It's just a regular chair... 297 00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,670 but I attached a couple of extra legs to the back... 298 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,745 kind of like the ones on the back of your- 299 00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,382 Oh, damn it! 300 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:01,613 Hey, Dad. Heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap! 301 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,120 I thought I had a great idea... 302 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:07,386 but I must have seen it on this poster. 303 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:11,327 If Edison thought of that chair, how come it's not on this chart? 304 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:15,298 It's not? Maybe he never told anyone about it. 305 00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:19,599 - That chair might be the only one he made. - So? 306 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:24,699 So, we've got to go to the Edison Museum and smash it! 307 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,176 Then I'll be an inventor. 308 00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,908 - But I thought you loved Edison. - Ah, the hell with him. 309 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:34,315 Yeah! Hell, damn, fart! 310 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:38,083 - [ Tires Screeching ] - Taking Bart cross state lines. Back soon. 311 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:41,217 I took your wallet.! 312 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,590 Oh, I just mopped that driveway. 313 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,458 Man, I can't wait to smash that chair. 314 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,059 [ Chuckling ] Oh, Son. 315 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:55,572 You're young and headstrong just like Thomas Edison Jr. 316 00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:59,132 You know, he started a mushroom farm and an auto parts company... 317 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,042 and he sold his good name to a quack medicine company. 318 00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:05,548 Oh, and later he raised turkeys. That was on his turkey farm. 319 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:08,484 [ Snoring ] 320 00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:14,356 Hmm. 321 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,122 Mmm. Mmm. 322 00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:21,393 [ Muttering, Gasps ] 323 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,367 - Stop, Homer! - [ Gasps ] 324 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:29,134 By smashing my chair, you're only hurting yourself. 325 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,799 [ Growls ] 326 00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:34,106 [ Yelping, Grunts ] 327 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,780 I'll get you, you fat lunatic! 328 00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:42,376 - [ Tires Screeching ] - Uh-oh. 329 00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,752 [ Whimpering ] 330 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,330 [ Panting ] 331 00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:56,333 All right! The museum's still open. 332 00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:59,302 - Why don't you like Edison that much? - [ Grunts ] 333 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,676 - Hey, folks. Do you like riddles? - [ Chattering ] 334 00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:06,767 Okay, then. 335 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,906 How many geniuses does it take to invent a lightbulb? 336 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:15,043 Just one: Thomas Edison. 337 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:19,682 - [ Laughter, Applause ] - That's very good. 338 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,691 And that's true too. It's funny and true. 339 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:26,958 Now behind that door is Edison's actual preserved brain. 340 00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:28,794 [ Gasping ] 341 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,667 Ordinarily, folks, tour groups are not allowed to see it... 342 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:36,707 - and, of course, today will be no exception. - [ Groaning ] 343 00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:41,245 Now no tour would be complete without a visit to Edison's boyhood gift shop. 344 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,804 [ Chattering ] 345 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,622 [ Chattering Continues ] 346 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,861 Now let's take care of business. 347 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,537 Out of the way. 348 00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:10,733 This is one invention you're not getting credit for, you inspiration hog. 349 00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,639 Your electric hammer, maestro? 350 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:18,372 Invent your way out of this, Edison! Hmm? 351 00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,319 Hmm. 352 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:30,290 [ Gasps ] Look, Son. Edison was just like me. 353 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,953 You mean the wild mood swings? 354 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:36,364 No! We both lived in another man's shadow. 355 00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:41,963 This old-timey nerd and I have suffered the same frustration and heartache. 356 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,008 We're not rivals. 357 00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:48,443 We're just a couple of dreamers who set the bar a little too high. 358 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:53,143 - I can't destroy your work, my friend. - Can I? 359 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:57,621 No, but we'll stop off at the da Vinci museum on the way home. 360 00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:59,850 Uh, I think that's in Italy, Dad. 361 00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,085 Oh. Well, then we'll take it out on Eli Whitney. 362 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,822 Authorities say the phony pope... 363 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:10,459 can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth. 364 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,470 In other news, Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of all time- 365 00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:15,904 - [ Both Gasp ] - is apparently still inventing... 366 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,442 despite the notable handicap of being dead. 367 00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:20,135 That's my Tommy! 368 00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:23,874 [ Brockman ] Two new Edison creations have just been discovered in his museum. 369 00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:27,418 - A six-legged chair that won't tip over- - [ Applause ] 370 00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:30,113 and even more astounding, an electric hammer. 371 00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:33,316 - [ Applause ] - [ Camera Shutters Clicking ] 372 00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,791 That was your idea. 373 00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:39,125 This brilliant innovation is expected to generate millions... 374 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,927 - for Edison's already-wealthy heirs. - [ Laughing ] 375 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,059 Dad, those should be your millions. 376 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:46,967 I gotta admit, Homer. You're takin' this pretty well. 377 00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:51,736 Let's just say I'm sitting in the right chair. 378 00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:40,525 - [ Murmuring ] - Shh! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net