0 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,236 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,851 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,230 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,939 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,859 [ Beeping ] 6 00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,861 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,165 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,003 [ Air Blowing ] 9 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:28,444 And may we burn in painful and foul-smelling fire... 10 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:32,047 forever and ever. 11 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:36,094 A... Men-nonite minister... 12 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,256 will be giving a guest sermon next Sunday. 13 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:41,265 Go in peace. 14 00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:44,666 - A- [ Coughing ] - Don't make me come up there. 15 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,136 - men. - Whoo-hoo.! 16 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,764 [ Moe ] Let me outta here. The guy never stops talking. 17 00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:53,202 - [ Stomach Grumbling ] - Oh! I'm starving. 18 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,976 Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get Communion wafers and booze? 19 00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,244 No. No one's going Catholic. 20 00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,320 Three children is enough, thank you. 21 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,446 Hang in there, Son. I'm taking us out... 22 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:06,047 for our traditional Sunday brunch. 23 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,424 - [ Driver] Idiot! - He zinged you, Marge. 24 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:12,089 - [ Giggling ] - [ Gasps ] 25 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:15,361 - Brunch is served. - [ Gulping, Chomping ] 26 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,368 I feel guilty coming here every Sunday... 27 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,370 and never actually buying anything. 28 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,339 Why? We're following the rules. [ Chomping ] 29 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,842 If it has a toothpick in it, it's free. 30 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,370 Hey! 31 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,381 [ Gargling ] 32 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,180 Ah. This is my kind of aisle. 33 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,517 Soy substitute. ''Whizless'' cheese. 34 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,490 [ Gasps ] Oven-roasted cud. 35 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,560 It's packed in its own drool. 36 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,291 Gavin, honey, help Mommy pick a cereal. 37 00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,298 Oh. How about Alfalfa-Bits? 38 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,233 Those suck! I hate this store! 39 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,169 - But, sweetheart, Mommy- - I hate you too! 40 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,241 I wanna live with one of my dads. 41 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,309 Mmm! 42 00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:00,208 So, you say this product is known as ''fudge''? 43 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,804 Yes.Just like it was last week. 44 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,646 If you're gonna get snippy, I'll take my business elsewhere. 45 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,653 ''Jerry Garcia''? [ Groans ] 46 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:12,885 ''Honey Bono''? ''Desmond Tutti-frutti''? Eh! 47 00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:16,792 Lisa, help Daddy find some normal flavors. [ Strains ] 48 00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,763 ''Candy Warhol.'' ''Xavier Nougat.'' 49 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,766 Naw. Nothin' made of dead guys. 50 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,733 What's in the back? [ Grunts ] 51 00:03:23,836 --> 00:03:25,804 [ Yelps, Shivering ] 52 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,873 Hurry up. My hands are getting cold. 53 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,942 - Ah-choo! - Oh, my goodness! 54 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,103 - Homer, get her out of there. - Aw! 55 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,113 [ Teeth Chattering ] 56 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,649 [ Groans ] ''Sherbert Hoover''? 57 00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:40,981 We've gotta get you home to a warm blanket and a cold compress. 58 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:44,386 Ooh. [Jabbering ] 59 00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:48,119 [ Clears Throat ] Those are eight dollars a pound, sport. 60 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,493 Eight dollars a pound times, say, oh, five pounds is, um- 61 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,623 Let's see. How many pounds in a gallon? 62 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,701 Oh, I can't afford that. 63 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,702 [ Gasps ] Unless- 64 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,640 Ah-choo! 65 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,336 [ Chuckling ] I told you. I'm a financial genius. 66 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,345 I buy an eight-dollar lobster... 67 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,938 fatten it into an 80-dollar lobster and eat the profits. 68 00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,279 Lobsters need saltwater. 69 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,285 I'm way ahead of you. 70 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,250 [ Murmurs ] 71 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,849 - [ Bart ] Dad, the fish.! - Son, I'm still fine-tuning. 72 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,485 Uh, uh- Uh-oh. 73 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:27,032 Uh. Uh. Perfect. 74 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:30,569 - Ah-choo! - Oh, you don't sound so good. 75 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:33,138 - We'd better get you some cold medicine. - No problem. 76 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,707 - I picked some up at the store. - [ Sighs ] 77 00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:41,041 Oh, Homie. You made breakfast. 78 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:44,116 Nothin's too good for my one and only. 79 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,742 Eat! Eat! You're nothing but skin and bones. 80 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,753 Ah-choo! [ Groans ] 81 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,653 - [ Blows Nose ] - How are you feeling, sweetie? 82 00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,921 Much better. Ah-choo! 83 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,996 Oh, my. You're burning up. 84 00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:58,996 I'm going to tell the school you're staying home. 85 00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,464 I'm afraid I can't allow that. 86 00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:05,799 - Lisa! - Mom! No, wait. We can make a deal. 87 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:07,964 You don't have anything I want. 88 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,473 Oh. 89 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:13,375 [ Man Narrating ] The ocean abounds with fearsome creatures... 90 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,970 but none attacks its prey with more fury... 91 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,414 than the seaweed shark. 92 00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:21,783 The struggle is soon over. 93 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,857 Oh, you shouldn't be watching The Learning Channel. 94 00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:28,552 - You need to take it easy. - But I'm hardly learning at all. 95 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,687 Why don't you play with one of Bart's video games instead? 96 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,096 Hugh Downs says they're the latest craze. 97 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:38,601 ## [ Game Soundtrack ] 98 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,401 - [ Sighs ] - [ Chortling ] 99 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,407 [ Aussie Accent ] Foolish dingo. 100 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,807 You must find and devour the seven crystal babies... 101 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:50,315 or spend eternity trapped in deep didgeridoo! 102 00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:52,884 I am so scared. 103 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:57,217 All right. I guess you're supposed to go through this stupid door. 104 00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:00,520 Hmm. I wonder what's in this glowing barrel. 105 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,652 - [ Shrieking ] - What? Nunchakus? Those aren't even Australian. 106 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,664 ## [ Funeral March ] 107 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,734 Oh, great. So I'm dead now. 108 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:11,429 Fine. I'm sick of this stupid game anyway. 109 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:16,099 Yes.! I am just four power wands away from an antigravity lozenge. 110 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,609 Hope I don't run into that weird little troll. 111 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,111 - Hi, Lisa. - No! Pause! Pause! 112 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,183 I brought your homework. We have to read this. 113 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,581 ''The Wind in the Willows''? 114 00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:29,177 It's about a toad and a badger and a mole. 115 00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:31,222 I drawed on mine. [ Chuckles ] 116 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,725 - Is this my house? - No. You live in a different house. 117 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,093 Choo, choo, choo, choo! Woo-wooo! 118 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:41,792 And I shall rule the ''down under-verse!'' [ Chortling ] 119 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,337 We'll see about that, mate. 120 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,533 Okay. Together, we weigh 300 pounds. 121 00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:54,306 According to my driver's license, I weigh 1 40 pounds. 122 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:58,544 That means that you weigh, oh- 1 60 pounds! 123 00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,551 Oh! You're doin' great. 124 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:03,781 No, no. Yes, that's it! Bite! Bite! Bite! 125 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,654 [ Knocking ] Lisa? 126 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,125 - [ Snoring ] - Oh, sweetie, you look so much better. 127 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,822 - Ready to go back to school? - [ Weakly ] Oh, I don't know. 128 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,456 [ Coughs ] I mean, I could risk it, but- 129 00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,501 No, no. You just stay put. 130 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:19,162 Wow. You didn't even feel her forehead. 131 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,172 How do I get that kind of credibility? 132 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:25,074 - With eight years of scrupulous honesty. - Eh. It's not worth it. 133 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,647 Oh, I really need one more day, Mom. 134 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,944 I think the germs are regrouping. 135 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,451 Now, for breakfast, I'll have hash browns, coffee and a short stack. 136 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:37,045 And would it kill you to heat up the syrup? 137 00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:39,056 [ Tires Screech ] 138 00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:41,626 But I- I might infect the other kids. 139 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:43,854 That's a risk I'm willing to take. 140 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,863 So long! 141 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,991 Welcome back, Lisa. I trust you got the homework I assigned. 142 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,331 The Wind in the Willows? Oh, yeah. Ralph brought it over. 143 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,031 Perfect. Then I won't need to excuse you from the test. 144 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,539 [ Gulp ] Test? 145 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,201 [ Aussie Accent ] Game over, mate. 146 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,541 [ Sighs ] 147 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:05,281 Okay, all right. 148 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:07,682 You can bluff your way through one test. 149 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:11,188 Mr. Toad has a red blank. Okay. Skip that one. 150 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:14,726 Mr. blank needs a blank in order to blank his blank. 151 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:18,126 Oh, I am in deep blank. 152 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,359 - And the lowest grade in the class- - She's gonna say my name! 153 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,958 - Lisa Simpson- zero. - [ Gasps ] 154 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:27,267 Lisa, the president of Harvard would like a word with you. 155 00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:29,432 Nasty business that zero. 156 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,511 Naturally, Harvard's doors are now closed to you. 157 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:36,173 But I'll pass your file along to- [ Snickers ] Brown. 158 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:39,149 Mmm. Heck of a school. Weren't you at Brown, Otto? 159 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,948 Yep. Almost got tenure too. 160 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:44,022 [ Gasps ] No! Not Brown! 161 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,023 [ Echoing ] Brown. Brown. Brown. 162 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,753 Lisa, you're saying ''Brown'' an awful lot. Are you okay? 163 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:53,161 Well, actually, I do feel a little feverish. 164 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,724 Aw, don't worry about the test. Just get yourself a nice drink of water. 165 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,736 Then come back and finish the test. 166 00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,362 [ Gasps ] 167 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:06,500 I need a miracle. Come on. You owe me. 168 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,012 - 'Sup, Sis? - Bart, shouldn't you be in class? 169 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:13,108 I am. It's a little something I whipped up in shop. Mostly latex. 170 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,450 - What are you doin' out here? - We've got a test, and I didn't read the book. 171 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,650 I'll get a zero for sure. Bart, what do I do? 172 00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,284 - Well, if it was me, I'd just take the zero. - [ Growls ] 173 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,386 Uh, but that's not for everyone. 174 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,431 There's one other possibility. 175 00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,796 Hey! I can't go in there. 176 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:32,769 Relax. There's nothing here you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants. 177 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,108 [ Nelson ] Hang on. I'll buzz you in. 178 00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,179 Buzz.! 179 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,408 - Teacher and subject. - Miss Hoover. Wind in the Willows. 180 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,815 ## [ Humming ] 181 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,887 Oh. Here we go. 182 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,520 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God! These are the answers to the test. 183 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:57,118 - I don't wanna cheat. - Hey, hey. These are study aids. 184 00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,197 They're for novelty purposes only. 185 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,324 If a few bad apples use 'em for cheating, I can't be held responsible. 186 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,767 Forget it. I'd rather get a zero. 187 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,770 Good for you, lass. 188 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:11,832 I got me a zero once, and my life turned out just fine. 189 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,844 Ach! Whoa-ho! 190 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,278 That's a nasty clog. 191 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:19,078 Ooh, you've got yourself a partner, have ya? 192 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:22,279 - Yah! - Keep the change. 193 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,686 Come here, you slippery rascals. 194 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,657 Good news, my delicious friend. 195 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,752 You're going to be a free-range lobster. 196 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,763 Come on, boy. Dig in. 197 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:35,026 They'll give you a big, strong thorax. 198 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,829 Wh-Whoa! 199 00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:40,702 - Why, you little- - [ Whimpers ] 200 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:44,071 Oh, look at him cower. Just like the boy. 201 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,145 I can't stay mad at such a helpless little mammal. 202 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,874 [ Giggles ] I'm gonna get you for that, you little scamp. 203 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,882 Here! Yeh! Take that, Pinchy. 204 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,145 [ Giggling ] 205 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,881 I graded this morning's test over lunch... 206 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,889 and most of you did quite well. 207 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,891 I got a ''B.'' 208 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,655 No, Ralph. That's an ''F.'' I must have spilled some Kahlua. 209 00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:07,597 Perfect, Lisa. And you got all the extra-credit questions... 210 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,895 even the one that got cut off by the copy machine. 211 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:13,802 Well, I guess I was just on a roll. [ Whimpers ] 212 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,806 Don't be so modest, Lisa. 213 00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:17,876 You earned that A-plus-plus-plus. 214 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,945 Actually there are four pluses. 215 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:23,243 No. That's Drambuie. Mmm! 216 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,614 Oh, so plump andjuicy. 217 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:30,086 Mmm! He's gonna boil up nicely. [ Slurps ] 218 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:33,716 Well, I guess this is it, old pal. This is your big day. 219 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,693 - Water's boiling. Quick. Chuck him in. - Uh- 220 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:38,696 - Come on. Chuck him in. - Okay. 221 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,698 Let's go. In the pot. In the pot. 222 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,963 - [ Murmurs ] - [ Cooing ] 223 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:47,096 - But, Marge, look at this little guy. - [ Gasps ] 224 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,106 [ Growling, Hissing ] 225 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,438 Looks like an ordinary- Ow! Son of a- 226 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,569 Feel that, Marge? He likes you. 227 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,372 And now for the main course- 228 00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,611 steamed Maine cabbages! 229 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,620 [ Clears Throat ] Pardon me for asking... 230 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,451 but where the hell's my stupid lobster? 231 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,287 We're not eating Mr. Pinchy. He's part of the family now. 232 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,384 [ Grunts ] 233 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,759 Pinchy, I made you some risotto. 234 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,832 - What? You gotta be kidding me! - Dad! 235 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,833 What's your problem, veggie? You don't even eat lobster. 236 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,835 No, but I enjoy the smell. 237 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:21,100 Lobster or no lobster, this is still a very special dinner. 238 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,232 Ta-da, ta-da, ta-da! 239 00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:27,039 Lisa broke her own record by two whole pluses. 240 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,205 Mom! Where did you get that? 241 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,840 It just turned up in the course of my daily rummaging. 242 00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:34,146 By the way, I oiled the hinge on your diary. 243 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:38,849 Aren't you proud of your big sister, Mr. Pinchy? Hmm? Hmm? 244 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:42,860 Oh! I am sick of everyone being so proud of me! 245 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,123 That's my girl. 246 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,755 [ Bart ] Cheer up, Lise. 247 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,460 You got a good grade without even reading the book. That's win-win. 248 00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,002 Can't you see the difference between earning something honestly... 249 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,004 and getting it by fraud? 250 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,940 Hmm. I suppose, maybe, if, uh- 251 00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:01,240 No. No, sorry. I thought I had it there for a sec. 252 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,975 [ Bell Rings ] 253 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:07,143 Psst. Lisa, check it out. Tomorrow's fraction quiz. 254 00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,221 I'll give you the numerators free... 255 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:11,289 but the denominators are gonna cost ya. 256 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,620 I don't want your dirty denominators. 257 00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:16,923 Well, la-di-da, Lady ''Cheaterly.'' 258 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,395 - Can I at least keep you in my Rolodex? - No. 259 00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:22,467 I never cheated before, and I never will again. 260 00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:25,002 Oh, I almost wish I hadn't gotten away with it. 261 00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:28,198 [ Skinner On P.A.] Lisa Simpson, report to the principal's office... 262 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,208 to discuss the results of yesterday's test. 263 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,108 We never met. 264 00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:37,114 I'vejust received some rather unusual news... 265 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:41,585 regarding your unprecedented A-triple-plus. 266 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,588 To be honest, I'm surprised and saddened- 267 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,318 N-No. Not ''saddened.'' What's the word? 268 00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,792 - Ah, yes. ''Delighted.'' - What? 269 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,363 I'm delighted to report that your grade... 270 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:56,400 brought the entire school's G.P.A. up to our state's minimum standard. 271 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,767 We now qualify for a basic assistance grant. 272 00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:02,841 It's the greatest honor the school has ever received... 273 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,877 and it's all thanks to you. 274 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:09,209 Your devotion to scholarship is a shining beacon to all who- 275 00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,215 Stop it! I cheated! 276 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:14,377 Cheated! Cheated! Cheated! Cheated! Cheated! 277 00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:16,454 Lisa, what are you trying to say? 278 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:19,615 - I cheated! - [ Gasps ] 279 00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,792 [ Skinner ] You cheated? 280 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:27,264 Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. Why didn't Miss Hoover tell me? 281 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,335 She doesn't know. You're the only one I've told. 282 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:35,797 Well, then, one could make the argument... 283 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,706 that there really is no problem. 284 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,644 - But what I did was wrong. - Oh, very much so. 285 00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:45,774 But as long as we handle this in a mature and, above all, quiet manner... 286 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,785 we'll still get that grant money. 287 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,152 [ Chuckling ] Oh, you really scared me there. 288 00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,124 But we can't accept that money. It's tainted. 289 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,126 Now, now. Leave the money out of this. 290 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,128 It's not the money's fault you cheated. 291 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:01,722 Besides, I've already started spending it. Check out the new scoreboard. 292 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,029 - ## [ Fanfare ] - [ Crowd ] Charge! 293 00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:06,661 [ Chuckling ] I'm still learning all the buttons. 294 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:08,672 Well, if you're gonna cover this up... 295 00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:11,334 - I'll just have to go over your head to Super- - [ Loud Buzzer ] 296 00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:12,967 - intendant- - [ Loud Buzzer] 297 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,069 - Chalmers! - [ Incoming Whistle ] 298 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:18,149 [ Loud Explosion ] 299 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:22,050 Skinner! I am outraged that you've kept this from me. 300 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,555 You were supposed to call as soon as the new scoreboard was in. 301 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,092 Tell me, does it play that song ''Charge''? 302 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:31,185 - Oh, does it ever. - You can't keep this scoreboard. 303 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:33,424 Because there's not gonna be any grant money. 304 00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:35,932 Because I cheated! 305 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,736 Lisa, let's take a walk. 306 00:15:40,839 --> 00:15:42,739 A little traveling music, Seymour. 307 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,901 ## [ ''Charge'' Stomp ] 308 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:49,503 - Uh! Good Lord, what a dump. - [ Dog Barking ] - [ Cat Screeching ] 309 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,981 It's not surprising. This school was once classified... 310 00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,678 the most dilapidated in all of Missouri. 311 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,086 - [ Together] Hmm? Huh? - That's why it was shut down and moved here, brick by brick. 312 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:01,853 Look around, Lisa. That grant money could do a lot of good. 313 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,294 Don't you think those youngsters deserve a regulation tetherball? 314 00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,865 - Ow! - Ohh! 315 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,935 We can buy real periodic tables... 316 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,162 instead of these promotional ones from Oscar Mayer. 317 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,035 Who can tell me the atomic weight of''balonium?'' 318 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,506 - Ooh. ''Dee-licious''? - Correct. 319 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:19,975 I would also accept ''snack-tacular.'' 320 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:24,709 And for the first time ever, our computer lab actually has a computer in it. 321 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,479 [ Typing Slowly ] 322 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:33,115 Hi, Lisa. Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers. 323 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,090 - [ Beeps ] - [ Meow ] 324 00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:37,094 I'm ''learnding.'' 325 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:39,096 Aw, way to go, Ralph. 326 00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,257 Oh, she's a beaut. You can't beat a Coleco. 327 00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,358 How many can I put you down for? A lot? 328 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,960 Please say a lot. I need this. 329 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:49,268 I don't know. I'm not even sure we can keep this one. 330 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,310 - It's up to Lisa. - What do you say, Lisa? 331 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:55,847 Will you keep our little secret for the good of your classmates and your school? 332 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,473 And let's not forget old Gil, huh? 333 00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,518 The wolf's at old Gil's door. 334 00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:10,458 Oh, I guess I don't have much choice. 335 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:13,531 Oh, thank God! Now let's talk rustproofing. 336 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:16,157 These Colecos will rust up on you like that. 337 00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:19,431 Shut up, Gil. Close the deal. Close the deal. 338 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,975 Relax, boy. We're not gonna cook you. 339 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,101 Enjoy your day at the beach. 340 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:29,305 Ooh! Look, here's a little playmate for you. 341 00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,713 [ Yelps, Whimpering ] 342 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:34,843 Hey, you don't have to take that from no punk-ass crab. 343 00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:38,548 - What's wrong with you? - Arr! It's not his fault he's a sissy. 344 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,023 Someone's been coddling him. 345 00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,822 Don't look at me. I wanted to eat him. 346 00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:46,489 Sorry. It's usually the mother. 347 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:50,295 You know, I run a small academy for lobsters like this one. 348 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:53,565 We stress tough love- daily chores and the like. 349 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:58,302 No. We're not sending the lobster away to some snobby boarding school. 350 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,538 Arr. I understand. It's hard to let go. 351 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:05,708 Uh, tell me this then. Do you have any spare change? 352 00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:10,184 And now to present the grant money... 353 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:13,122 a legendary figure in educational disbursement- 354 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,523 State Comptroller Atkins. 355 00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,391 - [ Applauding ] - Whoo! 356 00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:21,489 [ Flashbulbs Popping ] 357 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,296 Thank you. I'm here tonight to honor the girl... 358 00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:28,100 whose unprecedented test score has set a new standard in excellence. 359 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:30,971 - Lisa. - [ Applause, Cheering ] 360 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:37,474 Thank you. I know this giant check is very important to everyone here... 361 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,108 but what's even more important is the truth. 362 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:43,416 - What? - Huh? - [ Murmuring ] 363 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,956 Because, after all, education is the search for truth. 364 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,720 No. No, it isn't. Don't listen to her. She's out of her mind. 365 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,125 And the truth is we don't deserve this grant... 366 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,130 and I don't deserve your applause. 367 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:56,861 - I cheated on that test. - [ Gasping, Booing ] 368 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,961 Wait! How dare you condemn this girl? 369 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,768 Who among you can honestly say you've never cheated? 370 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,709 - On your wives or your husbands. - [ All Murmuring ] 371 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,042 What she just did took courage. 372 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,015 And where I come from- Canada- we reward courage. 373 00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,608 So I hereby decree that you keep the grant... 374 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,553 and let's give this brave girl the ovation she deserves. 375 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,954 [ Applauding, Cheering ] 376 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,691 Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. 377 00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:29,892 You got the highest grade in the class. 378 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,062 - But, Mom- - The highest grade. 379 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,140 Okay. Lisa's gone. 380 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,265 Places, people. 381 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:42,109 [ Straining ] Man! Acting is tough. 382 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,182 I'll be in my trailer. 383 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,251 Oh, good old predictable Lisa. 384 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,320 I knew her conscience was a ticking time bomb. 385 00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:52,151 Heads up! Here comes the real comptroller. 386 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:56,751 This grant ensures a lightbulb in every classroom... 387 00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,059 and a high-definition TV for the teachers' lounge. 388 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:03,623 - [ Flashbulbs Popping ] - [ Applause, Cheering ] 389 00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:07,102 Now, where's the little girl who made this grant possible? 390 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,141 - Where's Lisa Simpson? - [ Microphone Feedback ] 391 00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,872 - [ Scattered Applause ] - Come on up here, Lisa. 392 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:18,313 Well, how about that? Smart and modest. 393 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:22,683 Well, I should be going now. These giant checks don't hand themselves out. 394 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,188 Okay, people, let's have a round of applause... 395 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,190 for the real comptroller. 396 00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:30,489 - [ Applause, Cheering ] - Hmm? - Idiot. 397 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:34,794 I know a liquor store where we can cash this right now. 398 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,425 [ Cheering ] 399 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:43,168 And so. That's one grade I truly earned. 400 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:47,006 [ Groans ] Who left these muddy claw prints on my clean floor? 401 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:50,479 Sorry, Marge. Pinchy got all dirty in the yard chasing birds. 402 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:53,813 But don't worry. I put him in a nice hot bath. 403 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,080 [ Sniffs ] Hey, what smells so good? 404 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,850 Yeah- Pinchy? 405 00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:00,857 Pinchy? Oh! 406 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:03,484 Pinchy! [ Whimpering ] 407 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:07,156 [ Homer Sobbing ] 408 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,166 [ Sobbing Continues ] 409 00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,469 Oh, man, that's good. 410 00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:18,407 [ Sobbing ] Oh, pass the butter. 411 00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:21,138 [ Sobbing ] 412 00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:24,841 - [ Chomping, Swallows ] - Are you gonna eat that all by yourself? 413 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:28,977 [ Whimpering ] Uh-huh. Pinchy would've wanted it this way. 414 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,821 My dear, sweet Pinchy. 415 00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:38,256 No more pain where you are now, boy. 416 00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:40,263 - [ Grunting ] - [ Cracking ] 417 00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:43,801 [ Slurps ] Oh, God! That's tasty. 418 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,564 I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy this. 419 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,402 [ Sobbing ] 420 00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:51,567 [ Chomping ] 421 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:53,611 [ Whimpering ] Oh, Pinchy. 422 00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:41,115 - [ Murmuring ] - Shh! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net