0 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,236 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,919 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,298 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,939 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,927 [ Beeping ] 6 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,928 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,222 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,937 [ Frogs Croaking ] 9 00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:27,181 This ghost town is gonna be great! 10 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:29,278 ''Now with 30% more gunfights.'' 11 00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,414 And 40% more rootin'-tootin'. 12 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,651 And the tumbleweeds tumble at 2:00, 4:00 and 6:00... 13 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,660 plus a midnight tumbling on weekends. 14 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,458 It's so sweet of you to take us out like this, Homie. 15 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,363 Come on, kids. Three cheers for your father. 16 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,368 - Hip, hip- - Mom, don't. 17 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,461 - Hip, hip- - We heard you the first time. 18 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,564 - Hip, hip- - Hey, I'm trying to drive here. 19 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,542 - Hey, Dad, that light says ''check engine.'' - [ Beeping ] 20 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:54,511 Uh-oh. Tape must've fallen off. 21 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,476 There. Problem solved. 22 00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,212 - [ Engine Backfires ] - [ Lisa ] Oh, come on! 23 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,188 Relax. She just needs a little lovin'. 24 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:06,315 - [ Engine Cranking ] - [ Gasps ] 25 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:11,524 Ah, they remembered my birthday. 26 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,327 Come on, come on, come on, come on. Start, damn you! 27 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:15,799 Start! 28 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,166 ## [ Singing ] 29 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:23,538 [ Screaming ] 30 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,407 [ Gasps ] 31 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,714 Two hours? 32 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,318 Why'd they build this ghost town so far away? 33 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,723 That's why everybody does everything. 34 00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,760 [ Tires Screeching ] 35 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,998 This should be very educational. 36 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,264 I want you kids to pay attention. 37 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:55,068 Founded by prostitutes in 1 849... 38 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,871 and serviced by prostitute express riders... 39 00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:01,743 who could bring in a fresh prostitute from St.Joe in three days... 40 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,408 Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known... 41 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:09,011 as a place where a trail hand could spend a month's pay in three minutes. 42 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,750 Three minutes! [ Whistles ] 43 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,656 I never realized history was so filthy. 44 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,059 First on our tour is the whorehouse. 45 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:20,360 Then we'll visit the cathouse, the brothel, the bordello... 46 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,661 and finally the old mission. 47 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,569 - Oh, thank heaven! - Lots of prostitutes in there. 48 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,544 But there was more to the Old West than just sex, folks. 49 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,411 A lot more. If you look off to your left... 50 00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,543 you'll see a real Old West hitchin' post... 51 00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:45,920 possibly used by bandits, possibly during some exciting adventure. 52 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:49,984 And these planks below us were often used as a sidewalk... 53 00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:53,827 by people who may or may not have been bandits. 54 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:57,266 [ Camera Shutters Clicking ] 55 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,668 That's a keeper. 56 00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,797 - Uh, yes, sir? - Do we have to listen to you? 57 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,773 Well, no, you don't. 58 00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,037 But if you have any interest in history- 59 00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,670 - I'm done. - [ Marge Mutters ] 60 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:13,150 ##[ Ragtime Piano ] 61 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,381 [ Bart ] Wow.! Have you ever seen so many robot cowboys? 62 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,617 [ Screaming ] 63 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:24,387 Hey, robot, get your fat metal ass down here! 64 00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:27,330 First of all, I'm not a robot. 65 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:30,163 And second, I got this metal ass in 'Nam... 66 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,000 defending this country for lazy jerks like you. 67 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,006 Now what'll you have, partner? 68 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,941 Let's see. One, two, three- Six whiskeys. 69 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:41,775 - All right! - We only serve sarsaparilla, mac. No alcohol. 70 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,247 - [ Groans ] - You can get drunk when we get home. 71 00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:46,250 Duh. 72 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:49,321 [ Robot Voice ] Hey, these cards are marked. 73 00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,447 Now look what you've done. 74 00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:55,254 I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. 75 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,852 Let's forget this whole thing happened. 76 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,932 What the heck is this? A tea party? 77 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,297 Somebody kill somebody! [ Grunts ] 78 00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:08,335 - [ Screams ] - What is it with you and robots? 79 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:14,270 - [ Grunts ] - ## [ Ragtime Piano ] 80 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:21,113 - Whoa! - ##[ Ragtime Piano Continues ] 81 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:24,121 Whoo! Hello, sweet cheeks! 82 00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,487 [ Grunts ] 83 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:29,891 - Look who's a little cowgirl. - [ Gurgling ] 84 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,362 Hey, Mom, look what I got! 85 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,592 Oh, that's cute.! 86 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,828 [ Laughs ] Did you get it in the souvenir shop? 87 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,496 No, that security guard is handing 'em out. 88 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:43,004 [ Groans ] 89 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,081 Uh-oh. Better run for cover, partners. 90 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,451 Some varmints are havin' a shootout. 91 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,547 Yee-haw! 92 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,922 - You stole my prostitute! - Missed me! 93 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,656 - Die, yellow belly! - [ Grunts ] 94 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:06,356 Bang-bang! 95 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,934 Uh, which way's the gunfight? 96 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:19,307 - [ All Laughing ] - There's Old Curly. 97 00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,937 He played the town preacher until we laid him off. 98 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,415 But he still hangs around. 99 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,043 Help me, please. I'm sick. 100 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:30,281 - [ Laughing ] - Homer! 101 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,052 But it's funny, Marge. The guy's sick. 102 00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:37,687 [ Groans, Gurgling ] 103 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,697 Uh, shouldn't we help him? 104 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,699 He knows what he's doing. 105 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,262 ##[ Piano Playing ] 106 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:50,240 Ahh. Can't get a good sarsaparilla like this back in Springfield. 107 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,243 It ''angries'' up the blood. 108 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,246 - You like it, huh? - Up yours! 109 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,875 [ Truck Horn Honking ] 110 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,613 Can I go to the bathroom before we leave? 111 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,680 We gotta get home. I don't want to miss Inside the Actor's Studio. 112 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,987 Tonight it's F. Murray Abraham. 113 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:12,053 - But I really need to- - F. Murray Abraham! 114 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,566 - ## [ Homer Whistling ] - [ Grampa Groaning ] 115 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,129 There's a rest area. Pull over. 116 00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,399 Can't stop now. We're making great time. 117 00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:25,637 [ Grampa Muttering ] Can I go behind a tree? 118 00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,804 What are you? An animal? 119 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,883 [ Homer] Whoever keeps saying ''please stop'' back there better quit it! 120 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:35,181 - [ Grampa Groans ] - [ Homer] Wow. Get a load of that toilet. 121 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,917 Please go back! You can make it my birthday present. 122 00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:41,118 We're almost home, Dad. 123 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,491 Only a couple more times over the horizon. 124 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:45,223 But I might explode! 125 00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:47,561 - You just sit back and relax. - [ Whimpering ] 126 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,398 I'm not gonna let anything happen to my old dad. 127 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,404 Oh, dear God! 128 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,599 This man's kidneys have exploded. 129 00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,938 - There's nothing left. - Oh, no! 130 00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,342 Yeah, that's what happens when you get older. 131 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:03,574 It's one of those natural things. Beautiful in its way. 132 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:07,642 Uh, actually his kidneys were fine yesterday when he had his annual checkup. 133 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:11,348 Excuse me, Doctor. I think I know a little something about medicine. 134 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:16,156 Homer, with all due respect, this X-ray reveals a textbook kidney blowout. 135 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:19,095 Which would explain those loud pops you heard. 136 00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,996 So you're saying I don't need a new muffler? 137 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:26,765 I don't feel so good. Maybe I oughta eat something. 138 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,866 Oh, I'm afraid your eating days are over. [ Laughing ] 139 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:35,880 [ Laughing, Groans ] 140 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,813 How long do I have to live, Doc? 141 00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,947 [ Laughs ] I'm amazed you're alive now. 142 00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:48,288 Oh, I blame myself for this. 143 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,692 We all blame you. 144 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:53,765 Come on, Doc. There's gotta be something I can do to help my dad. 145 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:58,166 - Well, you could give him a kidney. - A kidney? Okay, fine. 146 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,729 You see, the waiting list for a kidney is very long, and- 147 00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,672 I said fine. 148 00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:06,643 What is it about the word ''sure'' you don't understand? 149 00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,941 Oh, thank you, Son. 150 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:13,417 Hmm, I'll take the left one. It's good and springy. 151 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:16,955 Though the right one's not without its charms. 152 00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:23,219 Pork chops, sloppy joes, hot dogs and... pork chops! 153 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:26,059 Well, Dr. Hibbert said you have to build up your strength. 154 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,862 Besides, nothing's too good for a wonderful, generous man like you. 155 00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,767 - Well, that's what I always thought, but somehow- - Check it out, Dad. 156 00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,340 I rented all your favorite gorilla movies. 157 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:38,342 Gorilla Squadron, Gorilla Island VI. 158 00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:41,936 [ Gasps ] Apes-A-Poppin;! Whoo, the airline version. 159 00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:45,381 - Can I fluff your pillow? - Nothing's too good for me. 160 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,942 Ahh, I'm the luckiest man in the world... 161 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,955 now that Lou Gehrig's dead. 162 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,625 Well, I gotta hand it to you, Homer. 163 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,093 You're really brave to go through with this operation. 164 00:09:57,196 --> 00:10:00,563 It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor says it's just a procedure. 165 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,226 No, no, no. Makin' polenta- that's a procedure. 166 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,362 You're talkin' about deadly, life-threatening surgery here. 167 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,202 Really? Do you think it's dangerous? 168 00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:12,004 Oh, yeah. Even if you survive the operation- 169 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,739 Procedure! Deadly procedure! 170 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,042 Whatever. The point is, with only one kidney... 171 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:19,640 you won't be able to drink yourself stupid no more. 172 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,344 Now you're just tryin' to scare me. 173 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,651 Plus they'll put you on one of those organ donor sucker lists. 174 00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:29,854 Everybody who wants an eyeball or a spine or a vestigial tail will be after you. 175 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:33,159 - But I don't want that. - Listen, I'm just gonna get right to the point here. 176 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:37,292 Can I have your buttocks? I mean, if you die. They look pretty comfortable. 177 00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,304 - Yeah, I guess. - And are those your original lips? 178 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:44,274 Well, actually, I- Hey! Quit harvesting me with your eyes! 179 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,277 [ Grunts ] 180 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,280 Oh, yeah. That would look so good on me. 181 00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,349 Marge, I've been thinking. 182 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:55,284 What if instead of donating one of my old, worn-out kidneys... 183 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,720 I gave Grampa that artificial kidney I invented? 184 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:01,190 Oh, Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle glued to it. 185 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:04,888 Oh, but I don't want them cutting up my soft, supple body. 186 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,160 Why didn't somebody tell me what I was volunteering for? 187 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,531 This is everybody's fault but mine. 188 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,968 I know you're scared, Homie. 189 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,564 But remember why you're doing this. It's for your father. 190 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,305 The man who raised you and nurtured you. 191 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:24,577 ''Jack and Jill went up the hill and- 192 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,244 Jill came tumbling after.'' The end. Good night. 193 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,322 Is that the sameJack from ''Jack and the Beanstalk''? 194 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,914 - You know, Son, I believe it is. - And Jack Sprat? 195 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,153 - Is that him too? - Sure. Why not? Good night. 196 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,492 Is he the same as ''Jack be nimble''... 197 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:41,225 and Jack Frost and LittleJack Horner? 198 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,097 Say, how about a little NyQuil? 199 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,262 [ Gulps ] All gone. 200 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:49,307 - [ Snoring ] - Ah, I love you, Son. 201 00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:52,104 I owe Dad so much. 202 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:58,013 Those bedtime stories began my lifelong love affair with the printed word. 203 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:02,019 Well, giving him a kidney is a wonderful way to show him how you feel. 204 00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,419 You're right, Marge. I'll do it. 205 00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:08,152 But if I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me? 206 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:12,356 - Oh, anything, sweetheart. - Blow up the hospital. 207 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:17,630 Hmm. Well, I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to. 208 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,705 That's my girl. 209 00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,830 [ Groans ] 210 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,335 [ Woman On P.A.] Doc Martens to Podiatry. 211 00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:29,710 - ''Liability waiver''? - Don't read it.Just sign it. 212 00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,976 Yeah, but all these skulls and crossbones on here. 213 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,075 I don't usually sign stuff like that. 214 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,586 It simply says you won't hold us responsible... 215 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,850 if you die as a result of gross negligence. 216 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,153 It's a standard form. 217 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,160 [ Groans ] 218 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:45,787 [ Machines Beeping ] 219 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,366 I love you, Son. 220 00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,492 I love you, Dad. 221 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:57,739 Now don't you fellas worry. This'll all be over soon. 222 00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:01,301 And-What the- 223 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,244 We gotta get rid of that window. 224 00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:08,184 - Where'd he go? - [ Grunting ] 225 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,489 I can't imagine Dad running away like this. 226 00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,494 Leaving his father to die? 227 00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:20,121 Even I wouldn't do that. And I'm America's bad boy. 228 00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:24,862 It's a heartbreaking situation. [ Chuckles Slowly ] 229 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,734 - Am I dead yet? - No. 230 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,705 - How about now? - No! 231 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,607 - Now? - I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa. 232 00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,771 - Thank you. - [ Grunting ] 233 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,923 Phew. 234 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,560 I'm not worthy to live among civilized people. 235 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,659 [ Men Coughing, Murmuring ] 236 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,466 Even those guys look too civilized for me. 237 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,633 [ Seagull Squawking ] 238 00:14:03,742 --> 00:14:07,143 [ Gasps ] I can live at sea! The sea forgives all! 239 00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:11,876 Not like those mean old mountains. I hate them so much. 240 00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:13,781 [ Wind Gusting ] 241 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:16,753 - [ Men Groaning ] - The sea won't stand for this. 242 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:26,264 Excuse me. I'm fleeing in shame, and I'd like to look my best. 243 00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:33,800 Um, can I be a mate on your ship? Preferably first mate. 244 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:39,242 Well, if you look closely, you'll see this is a taffy shop shaped like a ship. 245 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:43,213 Oh, I like taffy, but I don't deserve taffy. 246 00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:45,442 ##[ Ukulele ] 247 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,042 - Hey, hey! - What's that? 248 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,246 Krusty here to cheer you up... 249 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,519 as part of the hospital's Last Laugh program. 250 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,321 Last laugh? 251 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:58,624 So, how about that hospital food, huh? 252 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,359 I wouldn't know. I'm not allowed to eat. 253 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:05,403 Okay. Well, let's have a look at the old chart. 254 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:10,100 Oh, boy! Ooh, looks like we're both short on time. 255 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,473 So I'll go to the big finish. 256 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:16,014 ## [ Singing ] 257 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:19,278 ## [ Ends ] 258 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,148 Feel better. 259 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,517 Come back, Doctor. 260 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:27,422 [ Horn Blowing ] 261 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:29,653 A tramp steamer! That's perfect! 262 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:33,027 [ Grunting ] 263 00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:35,532 [ Groans ] 264 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:38,603 I'd like to apply for a job. Any job. 265 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:41,002 If you don't have a captain, I could be that. 266 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,904 Arr! What other ships have you been on? 267 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,274 I've been on that one. The taffy shop. 268 00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:50,007 Good enough. 269 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,208 [ Both Grunting ] 270 00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,809 Welcome aboard the ship of... 271 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,184 lost souls. 272 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,189 The name on the back says Honeybunch. 273 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,055 Yarr, I've been meaning to paint over that. 274 00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,755 Now come and meet the rest of the damned. 275 00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:08,697 Did I mention they're... lost souls? 276 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:12,328 - Well, actually you did. - Yarr, yarr. 277 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,443 [ Ship Creaking ] 278 00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:23,880 [ French Accent ] Ah, another lost soul has joined our world-weary ensemble. 279 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:27,316 - Hey, who are you guys? - [ Laughing ] 280 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:31,685 Who are we? No one. Where are we sailing? Nowhere. 281 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:34,918 Do we even exist? Who knows? 282 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,086 Hey, let me off this thing. 283 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,893 [ English Accent ] Oh, don't listen to him. We exist all right. 284 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,800 We wander the seven seas trying to forget. 285 00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,497 - Forget what? - Oh, boy. Here we go. 286 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:52,441 My story of jilted love is long and bittersweet. 287 00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:56,207 If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go. I don't want you walking around during my story. 288 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,408 My story's better. It has tigers. 289 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,782 - ## [ Concertina ] - I was born into wretched poverty. 290 00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,185 So one day I stole a loaf of bread... 291 00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,554 put it in the freezer until it was very hard, then robbed a bank with it. 292 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,183 [ Gasps ] 293 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:15,529 And when Mr. Dinkley saw what I had done... 294 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,728 I was banned from the car wash forever. 295 00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,737 Forever? How awful! 296 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,739 I would have killed Dinkley for that. 297 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:27,904 As you can see, we're a contemptible lot of cads, bounders and tiger stabbers. 298 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,811 Come, stranger. Join our circle of infamy. 299 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:34,511 Tell us your story of ennui. 300 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:39,023 Well, back on land my name was Homer Simpson. 301 00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:41,649 And I guess it is here too. 302 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,660 I promised my dad one of my kidneys... 303 00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:46,925 but I chickened out at the last minute and left him on his deathbed. 304 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:49,557 - Good Lord! - Oh, how could you! 305 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:54,401 - I think I'm going to be sick. - I stole this accordion from a blind monkey. 306 00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:58,135 But you! [ Spits ] You disgust even me! 307 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:01,007 - Well, yeah, I know- - [ Grunting ] 308 00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,513 [ Screams ] 309 00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:11,115 - [ Horn Blowing ] - That's the last time I trust the strangest people on Earth. 310 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,629 [ Coughing ] 311 00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:20,926 Even the sea won't forgive me. 312 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,196 That's the best sand castle we've ever built, Dad! 313 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,294 We make a great team, Son. 314 00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:31,707 Oh, I wish I had that kind of relationship with my father. 315 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,075 [ Sniffs ] Or my kids. 316 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:39,617 Well, I guess it's up to me to take the first step. 317 00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:42,687 - [ Crying ] - Hey! 318 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,312 [ Woman On P.A.] Dr. Bombay, come right away. 319 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:47,620 All right. This is it. No more living in shame. 320 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:51,594 I'm going to show my family the kind of man I really am. 321 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,766 [ Whimpering ] 322 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,302 All right. I'm gonna- 323 00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:00,462 [ Whimpering ] 324 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:07,011 - [ Screaming ] - [ Machine Beeping ] 325 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,876 Aren't you going to give him the last rites? 326 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:14,476 That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance. 327 00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:17,749 Dr. Hibbert, I thought you'd located another kidney for Grampa. 328 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:21,986 Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now. And three hearts. 329 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,154 We didn't want to give them to him, but he overpowered us. 330 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:30,031 Don't worry about old Grampa. I'm going to a better place. 331 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,831 - Shelbyville Hospital! - [ Alarm Beeping ] 332 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:36,339 Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a goner. 333 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,341 [ Homer ] No,you're not, Dad. 334 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,172 - Homer! - Dad! 335 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:43,214 - Son! - I'm sorry, Dad. 336 00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:47,115 The way I behaved was shameful. I guess fear made me run away. 337 00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:50,120 But love made me come back. 338 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:52,690 Bless you, Son. 339 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:56,124 I knew you'd come through for me. 340 00:19:56,228 --> 00:20:00,221 Now, Homer, this may sting just a tiny bit, but- 341 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:06,901 - Oh, son of a- - [ Panting, Whimpering ] 342 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,899 Oh, dear. 343 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:14,501 [ Screaming ] 344 00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:18,640 Phew! Boy, that- Ow! 345 00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:22,276 - [ Homer Groaning ] - He's waking up! 346 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:25,117 Oh, Homie, I'm so glad you're all right. 347 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,193 [ Groaning ] 348 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:31,729 Try not to move, Dad. You swallowed a lot of motor oil. 349 00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:34,355 I'm sorry I ran off again. 350 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:37,833 Oh, I guess Dad must be dead by now. 351 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,836 When I get better... 352 00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:43,271 and after I've built those shelves for the kitchen, we'll visit his grave. 353 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:47,277 Grave nothin;! I never felt more alive.! 354 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,279 - [ Laughs ] - [ Bones Cracking ] 355 00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:51,611 Oh, boy, I shouldn't have done that. 356 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:55,619 It's a miracle! You recovered! 357 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:58,656 [ Nervous Laughing ] 358 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,726 What? What? 359 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:03,658 Hey! 360 00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:07,323 While we were setting your broken bones and putting your blood back in... 361 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,765 we helped ourselves to a kidney and gave it to your father. 362 00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:13,235 You butchers! Give it back! Give me that- 363 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:17,968 [ Laughing ] Na-na-na-na-na-na! 364 00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:20,271 Don't you dance out that door, you- 365 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,279 I'll get my kidney back, old man! 366 00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:24,281 You have to sleep sometime. 367 00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:28,479 I know you're a little peeved at Grampa, Dad, but you've done a wonderful thing. 368 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:31,385 Yes. You've shortened your life significantly... 369 00:21:31,490 --> 00:21:34,618 so someone else can have a slight extension of theirs. 370 00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:38,389 Yeah, I guess you're right. Give me a hug. 371 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,933 Ah, I don't need two kidneys. 372 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:46,562 I have everything I need right here. Hmm. 373 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:49,300 [ Laughing ] Dad, you're tickling me. 374 00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:52,309 Yes, tickling. 375 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,072 Hmm? 376 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:43,961 - [ Murmuring ] - Shh! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net