0 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,236 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,851 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,230 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,871 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,859 [ Beeping ] 6 00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,861 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,165 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:28,582 This is Kent Brockman, live at the Monty Burns Casino. 9 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,589 Moments from now, ''the house that social security checks built''... 10 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:36,094 will be demolished to make way for a casino-themed family hotel. 11 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,426 This must be heartbreaking for you, sir. 12 00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:40,726 I'm just thinking of my employees- 13 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:44,668 All the cardsharps, bottom dealers and shills. 14 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,672 - Where will they go? - They're managing your chain of nursing homes, sir. 15 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,674 Excellent. 16 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,939 Gone are such headliners as Little Timmy and the Shebangs... 17 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:56,812 the Shebangs, and the New Shebangs, featuring Big Timmy. 18 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,282 Remember how excited we were when this place opened? 19 00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,546 Then a week later we just forgot about it. 20 00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:04,589 I'm surprised they bothered to move it when they moved the town. 21 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,591 Oh, I can explain that. You see- 22 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:10,322 Five, four, three, two- 23 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:12,796 All right! Here comes the implosion. 24 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:15,595 ''Implosion''? But I thought you said- 25 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,602 [ Crowd Clamoring ] 26 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,730 - Hockey puck! - [ Chuckling ] 27 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,831 Don Rickles zinged you, Marge. 28 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,106 Dust! 29 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,279 Eat my dust, dust. Oops. 30 00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:33,511 - [ Crash ] - [ Man Screams ] 31 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,850 [ Lisa ] Dad, we hit Don Rickles. 32 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:38,924 [ Man ] I'm okay, but the Puerto Rican guy's trying to steal your hubcaps. 33 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:42,085 [ Chuckles ] Just kiddin; I'm a nice guy. 34 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,561 We'd better stop and get the car washed. 35 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,967 Aw, what's the rush? Might rain next week. 36 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:54,938 Hey, Homer, your car's kind of dirty. 37 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,066 Really? You think I should get it washed? 38 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:01,341 - Yeah, maybe. - [ Tires Squealing ] 39 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:04,211 You listen to your friends, but you never listen to me. 40 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,649 Hey, that's great. 41 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,483 All right, young 'uns, bath time. 42 00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:13,355 Cover up your eyes and drop your britches. Who wants wax? 43 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:15,359 - [ Children ] Me! - [ Howls ] 44 00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:17,691 I insist you take special care with my collection... 45 00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,856 of valuable and humorous bumper stickers- 46 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,763 Particularly this one... 47 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,530 which was given to me by a Harrison Ford look-alike. 48 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,571 No hablo ingles, senor. 49 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,734 [ Machinery Whirring ] 50 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,212 Oh. 51 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:36,339 ##[ Muzak On P.A.] 52 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:38,679 Wow. You can't find this stuff anywhere. 53 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,652 Seals and Crofts? Pablo Cruise? Air Supply? 54 00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:44,484 Whoa, ho. Loggins and Oates. 55 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,491 And it's free. 56 00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,493 I've never heard of these bands, Mom. 57 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,790 - What kind of music do they play? - Crap-Rock? 58 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,797 - No. - Wuss-Rock? 59 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,424 - That's it. - [ Bell Dings ] 60 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:59,062 Ten dollars? What is this, a car wash for millionaires? 61 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,640 - Throw hot wax on him, Dad. - Howdy, Homer. 62 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,641 Five dollars, please. 63 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,940 Hey, how did ''Churchy LaFemme'' get half price? 64 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:11,983 - Senior citizens' discount. - [ Scoffs ] ''Senior citizen''? Flanders? 65 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,519 Well, we'll see about that. 66 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:14,721 ##[ Organ ] 67 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,121 ##[ Organ ] 68 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:22,024 And once again, tithing is 1 0% off the top. 69 00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,688 That's gross income, not net. 70 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:27,891 - Please, people, don't force us to audit. - [ Murmuring ] 71 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,936 Now, I'm going to pass this around a second time. 72 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,937 Brother Ned, if you'll do the honors- 73 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,200 I wouldn't do that, Reverend. 74 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:40,041 You see, ''Saint Flanders'' is as crooked as you or me. 75 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,943 [ Murmuring ] 76 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,948 That's right. 77 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:47,679 It's my sad duty to rat out this man for defrauding a car wash. 78 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:52,247 How, you ask? With a phony senior-discount card. 79 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:55,088 - [ Murmuring ] - Well, that's not quite true. 80 00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:58,925 Did you or did you not use a senior citizen discount card at said car wash? 81 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,900 - Well, I did, but- - Now, I'm not a fancy, big-city lawyer- 82 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:06,199 - [ All Gasp ] - But it seems to me that a senior citizen... 83 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,399 has to be over 5 5. 84 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:10,408 - Isn't that so? - Well, yes. 85 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,035 - And you are how old? - [ Sighs ] 86 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,946 I suppose, if you must know, I'm-Well, I'm- I'm 60. 87 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,417 - [ Lenny ] God, he looks so good. - [ Moe ] He looks unbelievable. 88 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,887 What's your secret, Flanders? Goat placenta? Monkey sweat? 89 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,551 - Some kind of electric hat? - Holy water? It's holy water, right? 90 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,560 Aah! It burns! 91 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,529 Listen, folks. There's no magic formula. 92 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,532 I just follow the three C's- 93 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,534 Clean living, chewing thoroughly... 94 00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,831 and a daily dose of vitamin church. 95 00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:42,374 - [ Groaning ] - And, of course, I resist all the major urges. 96 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,171 - All of them? - You mean you've never splurged... 97 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,576 and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake... 98 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,580 - then blamed it on the dog? - Oh? 99 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:52,845 You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach? 100 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,547 - [ Skinner Groans ] - You've never snuck out of church to break into cars? 101 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,851 No, no and double no. 102 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:00,892 I haven't done any of those things, folks. 103 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,257 You name it, I haven't done it. 104 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,263 Geez, Flanders, you're 60 years old... 105 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,265 and you haven't lived a day in your life. 106 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,835 Yeah, even the boy in the bubble had a deck of cards. 107 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,837 - [ Chattering ] - Hmm. 108 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,907 Can you believe it? 109 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:20,376 It almost seemed like those folks were making fun of old Steady Neddie. 110 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,005 Well, you may be a bit cautious, but what's wrong with that? 111 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:26,051 Some people like chunky peanut butter, some like smooth. 112 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:29,918 Mm-hmm, and some people just steer clear of that whole hornets' nest. 113 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:33,549 I'll stick with just plain white bread, thank you very much, maybe with a- 114 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,287 [ Together] Glass of water on the side for dippin'. 115 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,388 - [ Brakes Squeal ] - Gosh darn it. 116 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,559 Am I that pre-diddly-ictable? 117 00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:46,695 [ Sighs ] I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life. 118 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,967 - ##[ Rock On Radio ] - Hey there! 119 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:53,341 Look at that. Everyone's livin' it up except Ned. 120 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,881 Help! We're being carjacked. 121 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:59,008 Don't get clever, old man. 122 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,052 Now take us to Dress Barn. 123 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,552 [ Maude ] Where have you been, Neddie? 124 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,891 In the bathroom- not trimmin' my mustache. 125 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,897 What do you think? 126 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,160 Do I remind you of troubled troubadour David Crosby? 127 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,295 - No, you remind me of silly billy Ned Flanders. - [ Laughing ] 128 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:22,374 - Would a silly billy sit like this? - [ Snap ] 129 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:25,000 - Ooh! - Rod, Call Dr. Stein. 130 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,137 All right, Bart- Fire in the hole. 131 00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,775 [ Chuckles ] Okay, no more gasoline. 132 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:36,719 - Hmm. - ## [ Humming ] 133 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,352 Full power. 134 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,325 Never a dull moment, huh, Homer? 135 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,726 You got that right. Throw on the mesquite, Bart. 136 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,026 Mesquite it is. 137 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:53,299 You know, this may sound just a teensy bit insane in the ol' membrane, Homer... 138 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,966 but I was wondering if you could show me how to have some fun. 139 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,975 Well, well, well. 140 00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,045 So Flawless Flanders needs help... 141 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,114 from Stinky Pants Simpson. 142 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,978 [ Chuckles ] Yeah, I guess I do. 143 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,983 Welly, welly, welly. 144 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:10,454 -Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus Magee. -How about it, Homer? 145 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,753 Will you teach me the secret of your intoxicating lust for life? 146 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,954 - Wellity, wellity, wellity. - Stop that! 147 00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,963 Will you help me or not? 148 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,965 - [ Can Clanks ] - Let's do it. 149 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:23,934 - [ Groans ] - So what about all this meat? 150 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,936 Aw, the missus will clean that up. 151 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,233 Now it's Marge's time to shine. 152 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,473 First of all, I get five dollars a day, plus expenses. 153 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,479 - Seems fair. - And I'll need your signature... 154 00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,481 here, here... 155 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,778 and initial here. 156 00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,317 [ Chuckles ] You're not really giving my father... 157 00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,390 - power of attorney, are you? - Of course I- 158 00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,823 [ Gasps ] Oh, my stars. I can't do that. 159 00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,487 Well, that's unfortunate. Really is. 160 00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,962 [ Sighs ] All right. 161 00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:54,965 Congratulations. 162 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,433 Welcome to the Homer Simpson Program. 163 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,437 So what happens next? 164 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,507 One day soon I will come for you... 165 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,507 and then the game will begin. 166 00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,509 Could be in the middle of the night. 167 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:08,171 It could be when you least expect it. 168 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,146 Or whatever's good for you. I don't care. 169 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,945 Okay, Homer, I'm ready to learn. 170 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,919 What's the first lesson? Just gimme the topic sentence. 171 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,148 Gimme that! That's your problem. 172 00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,158 You're livin' up here. 173 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:25,026 You gotta live down here, in the impulse zone. 174 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:28,191 If you wanna be like me, you gotta make snap decisions- 175 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,667 - Like this! - [ Tires Squealing ] 176 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,931 We're going to break the bank... 177 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,735 at the Monty Burns Casino. 178 00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:37,968 Homer, they blew that up yesterday. 179 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,375 - [ Homer ] Oh,yeah, right. - [ Ned Whimpers ] 180 00:09:40,479 --> 00:09:42,845 Then we're goin' to Las Vegas- 181 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:46,942 - Which is actually back in that direction. - [ Tires Squeal ] 182 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:52,282 ## [ Ad-libs Song ] 183 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:01,425 That sure was a fun trip to Las Vegas. 184 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,434 Eh, too many kids. 185 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,903 Ooh. It's goin' on 8:30. 186 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:09,304 I better call Maude and tell her where I am. 187 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:12,900 Relax. I called her from the gas station. 188 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:16,413 - Thanks, buddy. - [ Snickers ] Sucker. 189 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,272 Gee, Homer, this all looks so garish. 190 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,109 - [ Monkey Chattering ] - [ Elephant Trumpeting ] 191 00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:53,948 Oh! The lights, the noise, the letter ''X.'' 192 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,351 It's-It's all designed to inflame the senses. 193 00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:59,754 I'm overstimulated. I gotta get out of this town. 194 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,020 I don't think so. 195 00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:05,120 I think you'll find escape is quite impossible. 196 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,131 No, I got it. 197 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:10,134 Oh! Would you like to be in the audience for my infomercial? 198 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,898 [ Screams ] 199 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,906 - Help me! - [ Screams ] 200 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,909 My daughter's not talented. [ Groans ] 201 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,979 [ Tires Squealing ] 202 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,348 [ Crowd Cheering ] 203 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,350 Hey- Lance Murdock. 204 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,352 [ Revving ] 205 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:31,355 If he's not careful, his scooter could roll right down that ramp. 206 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:34,426 He's a daredevil, Ned. He laughs at death. 207 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:38,588 Whoa. When I wanna laugh, I'll take Bob Saget, thank you very much. 208 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:43,067 And now, the indestructible Lance Murdock will jump his ''SuiCycle';.. 209 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,467 over an audience member- 210 00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:49,405 And he'll do it while attempting to open a locked safe... 211 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,408 on his head. 212 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,637 Any volunteers? 213 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,442 - Ooh, ooh, ooh! Pick him. Pick him. - Homer, no. 214 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,517 I wanna do something exciting... 215 00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:01,950 but I can't just go from zero to 30 like that. 216 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,522 - I-I could be killed. - Fine. I'll do it. 217 00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:07,717 - Where do you want me? - On the ''X.'' 218 00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,388 You mean the one with the red paint? 219 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,397 Uh, yeah, paint. 220 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,332 Now, it's of critical importance that you don't- 221 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:19,802 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll figure it out. This isn't rocket science. 222 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:23,102 Well, actually, there are several rockets mounted to the- 223 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:26,110 - Boring. - [ Crowd Cheering ] 224 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,946 [ Revving ] 225 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,849 [ Announcer ] Okay, he's cleared the ring of fire... 226 00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:39,186 passed the ring of ice, over the dog do stick. 227 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:43,125 - He's cracked the safe. - Hey, Flanders, don't spill my beer. 228 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,288 Oh, God! Lay down. Lay down. 229 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,594 [ Screaming ] 230 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,760 - Clear! - [ Electrical Crackling ] 231 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,065 He's all right, folks. 232 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,140 [ Cheering ] 233 00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,334 Okeydoke. Let's hit the tables. 234 00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,139 My God, Homer, watching you risk your life... 235 00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,976 turned my beat box all the way up to ''rumba.'' 236 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:05,380 I was praying you'd be safe... 237 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,181 but t-to be honest, part of me wanted to see you get splattered. 238 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:13,987 - Oh, I think someone just had his first taste of bloodlust. - Hmm. 239 00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,620 - [ Clicking,Jingling ] - Let's see. What's Marge's birthday? 240 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,857 Barney's is July 1 5, same as Lassie's... 241 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,196 so Marge must be 50- Oh, forget it. 242 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,271 - Flanders, what's your birthday? - Oh, leave me out of this, Homer. 243 00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,499 Games of chance are strictly forbidden by Deuteronomy 7. 244 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,871 Seven, eh? 245 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:37,246 - [ Man ] Seven a winner. - Way to go, Flanders. 246 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,249 The Bible's finally pulling its weight. 247 00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:41,251 Got any more holy numbers? 248 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,253 Oh, I've got a bunch, Homer, but- 249 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:45,619 I just don't feel right. 250 00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:48,420 Oh, Lord, what should I do? 251 00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:51,223 - [ Man With Deep Voice ] Keep Gaming. - What? 252 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:55,994 - It means gambling. Keep gambling. - Oh. Right-eo. 253 00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:59,366 - One betting disk, please. - ''One betting disk, please.'' 254 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:02,133 Watch and learn. 255 00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:07,637 - And 1 4 black. - Well, there you go. 256 00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,714 - Now, how about a drink? - [ Stammers ] 257 00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:14,517 How do you do it, Homer? 258 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:17,214 How do you silence that little voice that says, ''Think.'' 259 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:20,349 - You mean Lisa? - Oh, no. I mean common sense. 260 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:24,088 Oh, that. That can be treated with our good friend alcohol. 261 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,687 You might want to write that down. Where the hell's your notebook? 262 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,824 - You threw it out the- - Never mind.Just pay attention. 263 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,926 - Slave girl? Oh, slave girl. - [ Ice Cubes Tinkling ] 264 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,473 - More libations, my imperial conquerors? - What? 265 00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:39,203 - More booze? - Oh, yeah. Two more of these, please. 266 00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:41,245 - [ Beeping ] - And for you, Ned? 267 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,111 I'll have a Shirley- No, a virgin- 268 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,207 No, make it a children's- 269 00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:49,845 Oh, what the heck. You only live once. 270 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:53,413 Give me a white wine spritzer. 271 00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,425 [ Echoing ] Spritzer- 272 00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,395 [ Loud Snoring ] 273 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,038 - [ Groans ] - [ Snoring Continues ] 274 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,040 Oh, my goodness, Homer. 275 00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,110 - Wake up. - [ Mumbling ] 276 00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:16,038 Oh, look at this place. 277 00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:19,140 Hoo. We must have really painted the town last night. 278 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:22,220 I have a pounding headache, my mouth tastes like vomit... 279 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,221 and I don't remember a thing. 280 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,223 Welcome to my world. 281 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,225 Oh, I did it! 282 00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,854 I conquered my fears and I made up for a lot of lost living. 283 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:35,229 - And I owe it all to the Homer Simpson Program. - The what, now? 284 00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,461 [ Woman ] Well, it's about time you two woke up. 285 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,469 Well, of course. It- [ Screams ] 286 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,369 - Who are you? - Who am I? 287 00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:44,942 I'm Mrs. Ned Flanders. 288 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,978 - G'ah! - [ Laughs ] 289 00:15:47,079 --> 00:15:49,513 Hey, smooth move, Flanders. 290 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,277 And I'm Mrs. Homer Simpson. 291 00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,284 [ Screams ] 292 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:57,082 - Here comes that vomit again. - Eww. 293 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,192 [ Homer ] Okay. Okay. Okay. 294 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,196 Okay. Okay. 295 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,266 Okay. 296 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,267 Okay. 297 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,429 Okay, you're saying that Ned and me married you two. 298 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:17,566 - Oh, yeah. We're hitched, all right. - Till death do us part. 299 00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,644 - Mm-hmm. I'm working on that. - Ned, no! 300 00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,679 Think of your wives. 301 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:24,044 Wait a minute. This could be some kind of scam. 302 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,117 Or possibly ''scam-ola.'' 303 00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,482 We would remember if we got married. 304 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:32,148 Boy, you did have a lot to drink last night, ''Homeo.'' 305 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,317 - Take a look at this. -[ Homer ] Aw. ''Precious Memories. '' 306 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:42,231 I okilly-dokilly, ''schmokilly'' do. 307 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,497 And do you, Homer, take this cocktail waitress you just met... 308 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,504 to be your lawfully wedded wife? 309 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,506 - What did you call me? - [ Groans ] 310 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:52,270 Do you want to get married? Married. 311 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,779 Sure. Sock it to me, baby. 312 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,475 By the power vested in me by the Chicago outfit... 313 00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,745 I now pronounce you husbands and wives. 314 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,754 ##[ Synthesizer ] 315 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,656 We are so dead. 316 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,196 Ladies, we want to do the honorable thing, so breakfast is on us- 317 00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:13,389 with full waffle bar privileges. 318 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:16,696 But first, I'm afraid we have some bad news. 319 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,396 [ Sighs ] The waffle bar is closed. 320 00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,405 - I'm sorry. I'm so very- - Homer! 321 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:24,601 The bad news, ladies, is we already have wives. 322 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,146 Well, you can't be very happy with them if you married us. 323 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,182 You two fellas are the nicest husbands we've ever had- 324 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,478 And we're not giving you up without a fight. 325 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:37,146 But, Ginger, honey, I am not the catch I appear to be. 326 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,851 - Ginger's my wife. - Are you sure? Oh, rats. 327 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,859 No offense, sweetie. 328 00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:44,929 Homer, why don't we... 329 00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:49,091 go make the girls some custom omelets? 330 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:52,728 Geez. I've never seen anyone so whipped so fast. [ Imitates Whipcrack ] 331 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,839 [ Whimpers ] 332 00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:59,240 What are we gonna do, Homer? My kids are gonna be traumatized. 333 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:04,111 - And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude! - I don't know, Flanders. 334 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:07,879 Having two wives could have its advantages. 335 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:13,486 Chop, chop, dig, dig. Chop, chop, dig, dig. 336 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,583 Chop, chop, dig, dig. 337 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,458 You know, Homey, there's so much more... 338 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:21,032 two wives could do for you. 339 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,795 I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping. 340 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:29,868 - [ Buzzing ] - Ooh! A friendly bee. [ Screams ] 341 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:33,934 Ow. That sting hurts so much. 342 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,014 - We gotta get out of this, Ned. - Well, do something. 343 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,346 This is all your fault- You and your stupid program. 344 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:42,477 Blame me if you must, but don't ever speak ill of the program. 345 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,716 The program is rock solid. The program is sound. 346 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,952 - Yoo-hoo! - Oh, those awful women want their omelets. 347 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:54,999 Oh, how are we gonna get out of this mess in an honorable and decent- 348 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,000 Oh, nuts.! 349 00:18:57,102 --> 00:19:00,128 I don't know. Omelets have a lot of fat in them. 350 00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:03,174 Forget it. You're married. Let yourself go. 351 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,800 - [ Grunting ] - They're running away. 352 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:10,007 ##[ Man Singing Rock ] 353 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,183 Aah! 354 00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:17,187 ##[ Continues ] 355 00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:30,065 Aah! 356 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,729 [ Grunts, Thuds ] 357 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,067 - [ Both Groaning ] - ##[ Ends ] 358 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,645 How could a fat guy run so fast? Hey! 359 00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,272 Aw- 360 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,283 Come on, baby, show Gil a four. 361 00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,512 - Craps. - Oh, no. 362 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,884 Why did I bet the company payroll? 363 00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:53,287 Oh, Gil's in a lot of trouble. 364 00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:56,984 - [ Nervous Laugh ] - Somebody help! 365 00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:59,154 Our husbands are trying to ditch us. 366 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,693 Someone dishonoring their marriage vows? Not in Las Vegas. 367 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:07,499 Attention, all employees. We've got two runaways. Stop them. 368 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,904 - [ Whimpering ] - [ Panting ] Oh, no! 369 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,708 - [ Roars ] - [ Screams ] A lion. 370 00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:17,407 Drederick Tatum. 371 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,814 Your behavior is- It's unconscionable. 372 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,853 [ Whimpers, Screams ] The Moody Blues! 373 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,253 Cold-hearted Homer, ditching his wife... 374 00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:28,224 while ancient Ned runs for his life. 375 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:32,593 Chips of red and blue and white, but we decide which- 376 00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,859 Can the poems. It's ass-whooping time. 377 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,299 - I want fatty. - [ Screams ] 378 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:40,428 - Get him! Get him! - Let's get him. 379 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:49,573 What if we switched wives? Would that help? 380 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:53,344 - For the last time, no. - Hello! Our ticket to freedom. 381 00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:58,189 - [ Car Starts ] - So long, suck- 382 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,918 - [ Clamoring ] - [ Roaring ] 383 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,361 - [ Homer, Ned Whimpering ] - Get out and stay out. 384 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,728 Las Vegas doesn't care for out-of-towners. 385 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:09,767 Take your money and go someplace else. 386 00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:12,496 - [ Crowd ] Yeah! - I really disrespect them. 387 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,629 And don't you ever try to marry us again. 388 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:17,709 We found some guys who know how to treat a woman. 389 00:21:17,809 --> 00:21:20,369 - [ Nervous Laugh ] - [ Grunts ] 390 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,214 - But, Amber, I can change. - Will you shut up? 391 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:22,509 - But, Amber, I can change. - Will you shut up? 392 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:30,081 - We were out buying them fabulous gifts- - What's the occasion? 393 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:33,214 Because we love them,jackass. 394 00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:36,089 Anyhoo, we came out of Wal-Mart, when suddenly, 1 00 spaceships- 395 00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:38,094 - Homer! - You're right, you're right. 396 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,391 Fifty spaceships beamed us aboard. 397 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:43,195 They gang-probed you, while I discovered an invention... 398 00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:45,361 that blew their heads up and saved America. 399 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,563 Uh, do I have to be gang-probed? 400 00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:49,573 Would you rather tell Maude the truth? 401 00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:53,076 - What did the aliens look like? - Well, I only saw them from the back... 402 00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:55,510 'cause they were so busy gang-probing you. 403 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:55,714 - Well, hello, little birdies. - [ Both Scream ] 404 00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,114 - Well, hello, little birdies. - [ Both Scream ] 405 00:21:58,216 --> 00:22:00,946 - Not the eyes.! - My eyes.! Cover your eyes.! 406 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:06,886 ##[ Man Singing Rock ] 407 00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:22,967 ##[ Continues ] 408 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:38,822 ##[ Ends ] 409 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:43,061 - [ Murmuring ] - Shh! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net