0 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,236 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,919 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,096 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,938 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,859 [ Beeping ] 6 00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:03,861 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,233 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,705 ##[ Big Band ] 9 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:18,911 ##[ Carnival ] 10 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,245 [ Elephants Trumpeting ] 11 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:28,886 ##[ Ends ] 12 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:43,032 [ Man ] And welcome back now to Cash In Your Legacy. 13 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:46,401 This week we're appraising antiques in Springfield. 14 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,873 This gentleman's beer tap dates back to the turn of the century... 15 00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,501 and remarkably, seems to have never been washed. 16 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,637 Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to wash that, but- 17 00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,647 [ Chuckles ] it's been such a century. 18 00:01:56,749 --> 00:02:00,207 At auction, I'd expect this to bring $20,000 to $30,000... 19 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,448 except that on the handle somebody's carved ''Homer rocks.'' 20 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,854 And I do. Whoo! 21 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,325 - Appraised value: $1 5. - [ Groans ] 22 00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:10,328 I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him! 23 00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:12,625 - [ Gasps ] - Hey. Ah, geez. 24 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:17,601 I don't know how you can all just lay around the house on a nice day like this. 25 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:21,231 When was the last time we went for a good, old-fashioned family walk? 26 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:24,708 Oh, we stopped those when the kids said I was too fat to carry. 27 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,245 Oh, come on. Let's go for a walk. 28 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:30,180 This family's getting so lazy. 29 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:34,743 I'm not lazy. I'm just, um, uh- 30 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,845 Lisa, finish my sentence for me. 31 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,151 Why don't you finish your own darn- 32 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,193 [ Snoring ] 33 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:45,060 Fine. If we're not going for a walk, we'll just talk about our day. 34 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,191 I wrote another poem about a duck. 35 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:51,998 Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt. 36 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,903 All this fresh air is making my hair move... 37 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,842 and I don't know how much longer I can complain. 38 00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,674 Get a horse! 39 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,544 - Could we, Marge? Could we get a horse? - We're walking, Homer. 40 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,585 [ Whimpering ] There's some dogs. We could all ride dogs. 41 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:10,053 - Forget it. Nobody's riding any- - Hi-yo, Silver, away.! 42 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,056 - [ Whining ] - [ Grunts ] 43 00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:17,785 Oh, look! There's the store where I buy my yarn. 44 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,593 But you don't wanna buy your buttons there. 45 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,600 Whew. Well, I dodged a bullet. 46 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,398 Now there's the place you wanna buy your buttons. 47 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:28,804 And that's where the bookmobile lady used to live. 48 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,671 If you love me, you'll kill me. 49 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,677 - ##[ Marching Band ] - Hey, Mom, look! 50 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,247 Ooh. Looks like something exciting's happening. 51 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:38,283 Well, we'll have to read about it in tomorrow's paper. 52 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,352 Why can't we see it now? 53 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:44,150 Well, it's not really on our walking route. 54 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:49,387 - [ Groans ] - ## [ Continues ] 55 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:52,225 - Where'd you get that champagne? - Clown. 56 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,692 - Thanks, Noodles. - All this commotion just for a store? 57 00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,932 Hey, it's not just a store- It's a megastore. 58 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,440 ''Mega'' means good, and ''store'' means thing. 59 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,178 [ Gasps ] 60 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,486 Wow. What a high-tech wonderland. 61 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:19,353 Oop, got an itch. 62 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,484 [ All ] Ew. 63 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,994 Whoa! This place has everything... 64 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,997 even a Shoplifting Department. 65 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,626 - What convenience. - I'm doin' all my thievin' here. 66 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:33,900 This is so much nicer than the Kwik-E-Mart. 67 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,907 Oh. [ Whimpering ] 68 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,944 Oh, I'm sorry, but, oh, it really is. 69 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:42,606 Yes, I know, but still- [ Whimpering ] 70 00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:44,774 - ## [ Banjo ] - Hey, Dad. 71 00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,717 Give me 50 bucks. I gotta buy some things. Better make it a hundred. 72 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,720 Yeah, me too. 73 00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:53,053 Homer, don't you think you're spoiling- [ Muttering ] 74 00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:56,925 - ## [ Singing ] - [ Scoffs ] New music? 75 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,397 Man, all these bands are just rippin' offJudas Priest. 76 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,300 ## [ Continues ] 77 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:08,431 Ooh, I hear this really sucks. Hmm, director's commentary. 78 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,907 I'm sorry. I am really sorry. 79 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,171 Ugh! Ugh! I don't know what I was thinking... 80 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,406 but, uh, Field of Dreams was good, wasn't it? 81 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,415 Made us all believe again. 82 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:21,112 Oh, poor Mr. Costner. He tries so hard. 83 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,120 [ Costner ] Ah, thanks. You're sweet to say that. 84 00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:26,282 Uh, where are you? 85 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,553 I'm back here. Hi. 86 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,186 Will you bring me a sandwich? Please? No-No crusts. 87 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,197 - [ Whistle Blowing ] - [ Laughing ] 88 00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:41,263 [ Screaming ] 89 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,274 [ Sobbing, Groaning ] 90 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,537 Cool. 91 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,442 [ Tires Screeching ] 92 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:51,278 - [ Honking ] - Step lively, Smithers. That orphanage won't demolish itself. 93 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,979 Sir, although I do enjoy your loud, excessive honking... 94 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,488 it doesn't seem to be moving the crowd. 95 00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,615 Deploy the cowcatcher. 96 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,520 - [ Groaning ] - Hey! What the- 97 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:10,830 Ooh! [ Sighs ] Once again, my underwear has become tangled in a cowcatcher. Ooh! 98 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,236 Oh, tarnation. I've got to see what the excitement's about. 99 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,240 Make way! Doctor coming through! 100 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,809 - [ Buzzing ] - [ Groaning ] 101 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,377 - Excuse me. - [ Screams ] 102 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:20,776 - So sorry. - [ Screams ] 103 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,371 - Pardon me, good sir. - Well, hi-diddly- [ Screams ] 104 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:26,782 - That's a good lad. - [ Grunting ] 105 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,320 Books and cocoa in the same store? 106 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,947 What's next, a talking banana? 107 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,618 - Hmm. - Uh, I don't see one, sir. 108 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,755 No, of course not. The very notion of a talking banana is absurd. 109 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,925 Still- 110 00:06:42,034 --> 00:06:46,164 - ##[ Fanfare ] - Oh.! 111 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:50,138 Attention, good shoppers of Springfield! 112 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,872 Someone very special has just entered the store. 113 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,880 The world's most popular billionaire- 114 00:06:55,982 --> 00:07:00,043 Oh, please. All this fuss for little old me. 115 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:04,852 Please welcome the owner of Fortune Megastores, Arthur Fortune. 116 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:09,758 - What? - ##[ Man Singing ] 117 00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,456 Hello, Springfield! 118 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,795 [ Together] Hello, Arthur! 119 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,699 You know, I've done a lot of exciting things in my life. 120 00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:21,672 - I went down Mount Everest on a boogie board. - Wow. 121 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,504 - Climbed Niagara Falls. - Ooh! Oh! 122 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,171 And just last month, I knocked out Muhammad Ali. 123 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,374 [ Doorbell Rings ] 124 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,678 - [ Grunts ] - Oh, how awful. 125 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,685 But this is the biggest thrill ever- 126 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,688 the opening of my 1 1 2th store! 127 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,156 [ All ] Yea! 128 00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:43,194 Now I'm afraid I've got some bad news from my accountant today. 129 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,788 It seems I have too much money. 130 00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,993 - Who wants a dollar? - [ Clamoring ] 131 00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:53,663 - I do! - Ha. All right. What's your name, young man? 132 00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,673 I don't know. Just give me the dollar. 133 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:58,938 Well, I hope this starts you on your way to a great fortune! 134 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,809 - Now who wants the second dollar? - I do! 135 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,439 - Well, all right. Here. Now- - I do! 136 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,314 Oh, the heck with it. 137 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,786 - Dollars for everyone! - [ Cheering ] 138 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,085 [ Chanting ] Fortune! Fortune! 139 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,788 That man's totally insane. 140 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,060 [ Chuckles ] This goes right in the old poor box. 141 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:24,261 - Not so fast, old chum. - [ Screams ] 142 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,672 ## [ Singing ] 143 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,707 Whoo! 144 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,676 - ## [ Ends ] - [ Mr. Burns ] Oh, that flamboyant fop. 145 00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:34,678 He's got them eating out of his hand. 146 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,941 - Well, you have to admit, he is charismatic, sir. - Oh, ''bollish.'' 147 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,745 Anyone can lead a conga line. Hop to it, Smithers! 148 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,344 ## [ Singing ] 149 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,892 ## [ Ends ] 150 00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:51,062 Springfield is still swooning... 151 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:54,826 from the whirlwind visit of playful plutocrat Arthur Fortune. 152 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:58,563 Oh! The man has no idea how to behave like a billionaire. 153 00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:02,471 Where's the dignity? Where's the contempt for the common man? 154 00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:06,204 This new breed of fun-loving billionaire is a welcome change... 155 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:11,011 from the classic joyless miser brooding in his cavernous mansion- 156 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,575 Bah! [ Echoing ] Bah! Bah! Bah! 157 00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:18,623 Grasping a glass ofbrandy with his thin, clawlike fingers... 158 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:22,888 and a superior smirk on his greedy, soulless face. 159 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:26,487 [ Sighs ] I thought I had everything- 160 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:30,501 money, good looks, strong, sharp teeth. 161 00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:34,505 [ Sighs ] But what's it all worth when nobody likes you? 162 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:37,735 - I like you, sir. - Are you still here? 163 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:44,782 Easy. Easy. 164 00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:47,819 [ Grunting ] Hey! Whoo-hoo! 165 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,820 Look at me! I can juggle! 166 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,390 - Uh, Simpson. - Aaah! 167 00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:55,983 I need your help. I want to be loved. 168 00:09:56,095 --> 00:10:00,122 I see. Well, I'll need some beer. 169 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:04,396 I want you to look at me the way I saw you look at Arthur Fortune. 170 00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:08,837 Oh, Arthur Fortune. [ Sighs ] 171 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,409 Yes! That's the look I'm looking for. 172 00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:14,809 What would make you and your slovenly kind look at me that way? 173 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,678 - Well, you don't have to call me slovenly. - Yes, exactly! 174 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,683 That's the kind of pointer I need. 175 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,720 - Tell me more, fatty. - Hmm. 176 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,756 Oh! This is a great idea, Simpson! 177 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:30,056 Free silver dollars, compliments of C. Montgomery Burns! 178 00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:33,029 [ Screaming ] 179 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,596 Ow! Ow! Take it out! Take it out! 180 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:41,764 No! Ooh! Put it back! Put it back! 181 00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:45,332 That was a close one. Wanna go bowling? 182 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,969 Maybe you should see a doctor about that coin in your brain. 183 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,913 Maybe you should mind your own business. Afternoon, miss. 184 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,076 Oh! 185 00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:56,177 - [ Bird Cawing ] - I can't believe it. 186 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:59,314 I'm still not among the hundred most popular billionaires. 187 00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,326 I'm behind Adam Sandler, for God's sake. 188 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,487 Well, how about donating money to charity? 189 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,861 Lots of crazy old coots do that. 190 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,457 A charitable donation, eh? 191 00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:11,593 Well, there's a first time for everything. 192 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:14,104 Mmm. Ah. 193 00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:18,734 Take this check for $200,000 to the Springfield Hospital. 194 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,812 Can do. 195 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,347 [ Muttering ] 196 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:31,583 Now there's nothing to do but sit back and wait for the kudos to roll in. 197 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,794 [ Crickets Chirping ] 198 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:42,690 - [ Air Hissing ] - [ Coughing ] 199 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,064 Where are my kudos? 200 00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:51,542 Hmm. No. We don't have any record of you giving the hospital any money, Mr. Burns. 201 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:56,206 Oh, but we did get a very generous donation from a Mr. Homer Simpson. 202 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,510 What? 203 00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:02,485 [ Grunting ] 204 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,818 It's not fair. It's not fair! 205 00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,824 You- [ Muttering ] 206 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,826 Morphine, please. 207 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:13,627 Wait a minute. Because I brought the check, they named a wing after me? 208 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,497 [ Laughing ] 209 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,504 Oh, you must be mad. 210 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:23,006 Well, I will be when the morphine wears off, but until then- 211 00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,135 ## [ Humming ] 212 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,145 Gee, I feel bad. 213 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:30,147 If people knew the real Monty Burns... 214 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,945 and not the silver-dollar-throwing, morphine addict you've become... 215 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,952 they might like you. 216 00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:37,921 Yeah, if you wanna change your image, you gotta get your face out there. 217 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:41,117 Ew. On the radio. 218 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:45,789 That's it! The radio. I'll go on the most popular program of the day. 219 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,924 I assume that's still Don McNeill and his Breakfast Club. 220 00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:53,164 Oh, get with the times, man. It's Jerry Rude and the Bathroom Bunch. 221 00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:56,264 Oh, I don't think Mr. Burns would like that show. 222 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,775 What's the matter? Think I'm not hip? 223 00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:02,314 I don't have enough- [ Quoting Lyric ] 224 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,918 Thank you, Knickknack and Paddywhack, the Siamese midgets. 225 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,454 We'll be sure to catch your new series on Fox. 226 00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,751 Good luck, Mr. Burns. And if you get in trouble... 227 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,986 I wrote some jokes about how white people are different from black people. 228 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,222 - Hmm. - How you doin', Mr. Burns? 229 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,423 Jerry Rude. Welcome to the show. 230 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,501 [ Chuckles ] I am pleased to- 231 00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:25,502 All right, let's get this geezer out quick so we can bring in the lesbian gladiators. 232 00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,164 You see, white people have names like Lenny... 233 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:31,243 whereas black people have names like Carl. 234 00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:34,403 [ Laughing ] Zoom! 235 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:38,449 Now, Mr. Rude, I just want you to know I'm a good sport. 236 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,783 If you want to make fun of my legendary love of cashews- [ Chuckles ] you have at it. 237 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:46,085 Uh-huh. All right. Uh, how many times a day do you go to the can? 238 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,320 Oh, about 40, I suppose. When are we going on the air? 239 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:51,828 - We're on the air now, Skeletor. - What? 240 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:54,024 Question two: How long is your wiener? Seriously. 241 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,660 Great heavens! What kind of Radiola show is this? 242 00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,432 All right, how about this? When was your first gay experience? 243 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,940 Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. 244 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:06,011 That was a gay old time. 245 00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:08,739 Ho-ho! I ate my share of wieners that day. 246 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,975 Oh, that sounds lovely. [ Coughs ] Queer. 247 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:14,211 [ Coughs ] Queer. Um, ever murder anybody? 248 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,756 Murder? Well, mistakes have been made. 249 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,849 Monty, I've heard you're a pretty flatulent guy. Any comment on that? 250 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,258 - Well, now, see here. Stop that. - [ Farting ] 251 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,262 - Attention, wireless listeners. - [ Farting Continues ] 252 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,390 Most of the sounds you are now hearing are not being made by me. 253 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,368 - Oh, stop! Stop! Won't someone please stop the farting? - [ Farting Gets Louder] 254 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,371 Aah! [ Groaning ] 255 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:37,101 Don't worry, folks. He's not dead. I still hear some faint sounds of life. 256 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,109 [ Farting Continues ] 257 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,746 That didn't go well, did it? 258 00:14:42,848 --> 00:14:46,477 - Good thing those lesbians knew C.P.R. - Oh, what's the use? 259 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:50,681 I'll never be a popular, beloved billionaire like Arthur Fortune. 260 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:54,691 Oh, Arthur Fortune. [ Sighs ] 261 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:57,489 You know what that fabulous man just did? 262 00:14:57,596 --> 00:15:00,861 He gave the Springfield Zoo two male pandas... 263 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:03,730 and got them to mate successfully. 264 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,202 And a stunt like that impresses people? 265 00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:10,036 Oh, yeah. And I'm not easily impressed. 266 00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,042 Wow! A blue car! 267 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:15,580 If a couple of Chinese bamboo-gobblers can win people's hearts... 268 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:20,709 I'm going to bring them something that man has searched for since the dawn of time. 269 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:24,687 - A sober Irishman? - Even rarer. 270 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:34,589 [ Homer ] Whew.! That was one long helicopter ride. 271 00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,270 ##[ Bagpipes ] 272 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,639 Do you really think you can capture the Loch Ness Monster? 273 00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,677 I mean, he's eluded Leonard Nimoy and Peter Graves. 274 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:51,079 [ Scoffs ] Peter Graves couldn't find ugly at a Radcliffe mixer. 275 00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:55,142 [ Clears Throat ] Hey. Hey. Let's see now. We have the Monsterometer... 276 00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:59,714 Flipper-finder, Hoax-a-Scope, which is important for the looking and finding- 277 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,986 Ugh. The whole town's turned out. 278 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,028 I've never seen them so excited. 279 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:08,894 Hey, Willie. That old couple looks just like you. 280 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:12,903 Aye. 'Tis my ma and pa. They own a tavern hearabouts. 281 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:18,500 They still have the same pool table on which I was conceived, born and educated. 282 00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:22,639 - So you're back, Son. - Aye. 283 00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:25,683 - I suppose you'll be leavin' soon. - Aye. 284 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:32,151 [ Grunting ] Good. [ Muttering ] One more. 285 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,762 Where's my monster, tubby? What do you people think I'm paying you for? 286 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:41,629 - Uh, to work in your power plant? - You're not payin'me anything.! 287 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,861 You kidnapped me. I remember it distinctly... 288 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,437 with the grabbing and duct taping and the tennis ball in the mouth. 289 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:50,167 - It hurt me. - The beast looks something like this. 290 00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:53,244 - [Jingles ] - Only without the saucy T-shirt. 291 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,472 Check! Okay. 292 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,517 ## [ Whistling ] 293 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,885 He's been down in that icy water for hours. 294 00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:11,258 How can the lad survive such brutal punishment? 295 00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:18,430 - [ Bell Dinging ] - [ Barking ] 296 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,437 - [ Grunting ] - [ Buzzing ] 297 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:23,406 [ Mutters ] You monster! 298 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:25,943 [ Pinging ] 299 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,809 Oh, my great, good God. Gentlemen, your attention, please. 300 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:32,111 I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form. 301 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,777 It's 80 meters long, and it's heading this way. 302 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,412 Oh, good glavin! It's on my shoe! 303 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,490 - It's a- a small frog. - [ Croaking ] 304 00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:43,060 Just get off.Just get off there. Just get out. Get out! 305 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,392 Stupid machine. Oh, wait a minute. 306 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:49,297 This isn't the Monsterometer. It's the Frog Exaggerator! Oy. 307 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,426 We're the laughingstock of the town. 308 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,106 Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We're gonna find that monster... 309 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:57,175 no matter how long it takes. 310 00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,540 Besides, I'm getting kind of used to wearing a kilt. 311 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:03,581 [ Giggles ] Can you believe I'm a size four? Whoo! 312 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:04,944 - Ach. - Aye. 313 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,950 Oh, it's pointless hunting for an animal... 314 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:10,283 that has 2 4 miles of water to hide in. 315 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,653 - Drain the lake. - What? 316 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,955 You heard me. Deploy the Delochinator. 317 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,589 [ Groans ] Ooh! [ Muttering ] 318 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:24,999 Oh, pumping is hard. [ Muttering ] 319 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:38,211 - We've lost our homes and everything we hold dear. - Aye. 320 00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:43,719 I see it! I see the monster! 321 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:51,592 Nae! There's merely Loch Ness High School's discarded homecoming float. 322 00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:55,031 No way! Aberdeen rules! 323 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:59,002 [ Roaring ] 324 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,339 [ Screaming ] 325 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,841 [Jingling ] 326 00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:08,071 - God, it's him! - Come on, boys. Overpower it. 327 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:12,446 - ## [ Whistling ] - Fine. I'll do it myself. 328 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,520 [ Grunting ] 329 00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,783 That was amazing, Mr. Burns! 330 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,382 I was a little worried when he swallowed me... 331 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,461 but, well, you know the rest. 332 00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:27,862 Ah. And now for my triumphant return to Springfield. 333 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,967 Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat. 334 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,975 And it's all thanks to one man- 335 00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:43,446 Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. 336 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,074 And by the way, girls, he's single. 337 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,953 Single? Well, he passes the Selma test. 338 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:58,589 And now, presenting the ninth wonder of the world- 339 00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,825 the eighth being Gomer Pyle's heavenly singing voice- 340 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:05,028 I give you the Loch Ness Monster! 341 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,264 - ##[ Fanfare ] - [ Cheering ] 342 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,273 - [ Chanting ] Monty! Monty! - Thank you. You're too kind. 343 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:14,869 Yes, that's it. Let it all out. Clutch me to your common bosom. 344 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,312 Hey, look. He's getting up. 345 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,655 No, no. Stop it. Stop it. 346 00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:26,553 - You'll enrage the beast.! - [ Cooing ] 347 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,819 No pictures. You're driving him mad! 348 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:34,223 [ Shuddering ] 349 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:37,564 Aah.! Stop it.! You're blinding me.! 350 00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:40,069 Oh. Oh! I can't see. 351 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:43,073 - Aah! - [ Screams ] 352 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,200 Run! 353 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:48,074 - Mr. Burns will kill us all! - [ Screaming ] 354 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,439 Wait. Don't go. 355 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:54,678 Love me! 356 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,719 Well, if you wanted people to love you... 357 00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,224 you sure blew it with that insane rampage. 358 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,226 - [ Sighs ] - But you know what? 359 00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:05,592 To be loved, you have to be nice to people... 360 00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:07,597 every day. 361 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:10,532 But to be hated, you don't have to do squat. 362 00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,536 You know, perhaps you're right. 363 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:16,870 I got so swept up with the notion of being liked, I completely forgot who I am. 364 00:21:16,975 --> 00:21:20,877 I'm a selfish old crank, and that fits me like a Speedo. 365 00:21:20,979 --> 00:21:25,143 [ Cooing ] 366 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,583 So what do we do with our friend here? Uh, throw him in the Dumpster? 367 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:33,488 No, no, no. I really want to give the lovable scamp a good home. 368 00:21:40,732 --> 00:21:42,700 - D'oh! - Tough luck, Simpson. 369 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:45,964 - Come on, Nessie. One more pull. - [ Roars ] 370 00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:49,131 Okay, okay. Want a shrimp cocktail? 371 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:52,438 - Nah. - Yeah, they're not great. 372 00:21:52,544 --> 00:21:54,512 ##[ Bagpipes ] 373 00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:57,815 ##[ Ends ] 374 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:41,654 - Shh! - [ Lisa ] Ooh, I hear this really sucks. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net