0 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,303 ##[ Chorus Singing ] 1 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,984 [ Bell Ringing ] 2 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,918 [ Whistle Blowing ] 3 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,297 [ Beeping ] 4 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,938 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 5 00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,926 [ Beeping ] 6 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,928 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,232 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,934 [ All Gasp ] 9 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,982 You promised to stop watching that telly and take me on holiday. 10 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,682 Shut up-a your mouth! 11 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,452 [ Announcer] Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644... 12 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,221 has been canceled. 13 00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:37,296 While we scramble to find new programming... 14 00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:41,458 please enjoy this encore presentation of Princess Di's funeral. 15 00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,729 [ Groans ] I was really starting to enjoy... 16 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,397 Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644.! 17 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:50,442 I've never heard so many Viagra jokes in 30 seconds. 18 00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:54,001 Shut up-a your mouth! 19 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,049 [ Announcer ] Attention, Springfield.! How low will you go- 20 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,118 [ Gasps ] 21 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,687 to win a trip to Hawaii? 22 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,280 This Saturday, ourjudges will select the lowest, most disgusting nitwit in town... 23 00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:07,086 and send him straight to Maui. 24 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,093 Sponsored by Grandma Plopwell's... 25 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,288 the low fat pudding that's approved for sale... 26 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:14,662 -by the government. - ##[ Patriotic ] 27 00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,701 All right! A gross-out contest! 28 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,998 Grandma Plopwell, you've done it again! 29 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:24,433 - Care for a free sample? - Thank you. 30 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,073 Mmm. For low fat, this pudding's pretty good. 31 00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:33,243 Mmm. Mmm. I can feel the pounds just melting off. 32 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:37,221 Our new hyper sugar gives you 300% of your minimum daily sweetness requirement. 33 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,486 - [ Panting ] - Hmm. Do you suffer from diabetes? 34 00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,584 [ Shivering ] No. 35 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,186 Well, you do now. 36 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,290 We are here live in the K.B.B.L. parking lot to see... 37 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,666 how low will you go. 38 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:56,640 Our most disgusting contestant will win a free trip to Hartford, Connecticut. 39 00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:59,109 - I thought it was Hawaii. - No one said Hawaii. 40 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,772 Now let's get stupid with our first contestant... 41 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,349 - the human garbage disposal! - [ Applause ] 42 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:08,409 Ladles and jelly spoons, I will now take going low to new heights. 43 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:12,082 I will swallow anything- and I mean anything- 44 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,887 you people throw. 45 00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:16,359 - Here, take this! - [ All Shouting ] 46 00:03:16,462 --> 00:03:19,090 [ Coughs ] Please, no more spark plugs. 47 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,531 Lisa, would you like a penny to throw at your brother? 48 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,728 Unbelievable. We're rewarding people for acting like buffoons. 49 00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:27,738 Young lady, this may be the high point of Bart's life. 50 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,740 Cut him some slack. 51 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:35,403 - [ Belches ] - [ All Cheering ] 52 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,145 No, wait. That wasn't a trick. 53 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,311 I was gonna juggle chickens. 54 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,912 - [ Moans ] - [ Clucking ] 55 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:47,584 [ Deejay #2 ] Next up, Homer and his amazing Redenbacher Dreamcoat... 56 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:50,720 with a number he calls ''Kernel Knowledge. '' 57 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:54,391 ## [ Singing ] 58 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:01,172 [ Popcorn Popping ] 59 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,607 Four? [ Screaming ] 60 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,407 Oh, no! [ Screams ] 61 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:10,676 Oh, this is so embarrassing! 62 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:14,219 - Lisa, did anyone force you to come here today? - You. 63 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,652 Hmm. Well, no one's forcing you to stay. 64 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,522 - Okay, I'm leaving. - Hup. You're not going anywhere, missy. 65 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,822 [ Crowd Booing ] 66 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,193 But it's me, Moe, wearing a sailor suit. 67 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,357 Moe with a lolly. [ Chuckles ] 68 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,197 It's so out of character. Ain't that worth nothin'? 69 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:33,136 - [ Booing ] - [ Woman ] Come on. Next. 70 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,469 All right,judges, who is our winner? 71 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,133 The winner is... 72 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,643 me for being seen with you freaks. 73 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,977 Judges can't win the contest! Boo! 74 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:46,950 You have robbed us of our dignity. 75 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,749 Well, you- [ Gasps ] A urinal cake! 76 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:52,950 You, sir, have crossed the line. 77 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:54,890 Oy! 78 00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,554 [ Crowd Shouting ] 79 00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,531 People, stop, stop.! We're not animals.! 80 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,602 [ Ape Calls ] 81 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,406 Take that! 82 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,605 [ All Cheering ] 83 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,805 [ Groans, Gasps ] 84 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,848 [ Moans, Gasps ] 85 00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,855 An open letter to the people of Springfield. 86 00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:27,255 Today, our town lost what remained of its fragile civility... 87 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,521 drowned in a sea of low fat pudding. 88 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,860 - Look, I got runner-up prize. - You won second place? 89 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,933 No, but I got it. 90 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,936 Stealing is wrong. 91 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,904 ''Free boudoir photography.'' 92 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,975 Sweet! 93 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,211 Hmm. 94 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:51,340 [ Mutters, Gasps ] 95 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,681 Oh, right. 96 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,779 We are a town of lowbrows, no brows and ignorami. 97 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,620 We have eight malls, but no symphony. 98 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:03,491 Thirty-two bars, but no alternative theater. 99 00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:06,622 Thirteen stores that begin with ''Le Sex.'' 100 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:10,328 I write this letter not to nag or whine, but to prod. 101 00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,336 We can better ourselves. 102 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,201 - [ Pig Squealing ] - Yeehaw! 103 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,275 Well, most of us. 104 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,147 Dad, did you see anything provocative in today's paper? 105 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:26,412 Yes, there's a real think piece here about a bra sale. 106 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,750 Dad, stop kidding around. Look. They printed my letter. 107 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,791 Hey, that is wonderful, sweetie. I'm gonna read it... 108 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,759 just as soon as I finish what I'm doing here. 109 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,563 Well, I'm sure someone had the time to read it. 110 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,567 I envy them. 111 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,534 Hi, Mr. Flanders. 112 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:48,198 I see you're reading the newspaper. 113 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:50,366 [ Chuckles ] Everything but the opinion page. 114 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:53,843 I don't need to be told what to think... by anyone living. 115 00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,914 Chief Wiggum. 116 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:59,280 Oh, you sure got a lot of copies of the paper. 117 00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,615 Yeah, I need to housebreak our new police dog. 118 00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:05,179 Plus, it couldn't hurt Ralphie to brush up on the fundamentals. 119 00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:08,556 Daddy says I'm this close to living in the yard. 120 00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:11,391 [ Groans ] Doesn't anybody in this town read? 121 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:13,397 Oh, hello, Lisa. 122 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:16,798 Can you recommend any books for my mobile? 123 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:20,839 Oh, absolutely. Well, you know, anything byJane Austen. 124 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,137 Jane Austen. Thanks, Lisa. I'll get right on it. 125 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:32,415 [ Gasps ] 126 00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,418 ''We read your letter with great interest. 127 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,785 ''If you wish to learn more, go to 1 3 Euclid street. 128 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:41,291 Tell no one. And bring a dessert.'' 129 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:43,726 - Oooh. - [ Bart ] Hey, Lise. 130 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,025 - [ Squealing ] - Whoa! Whoa! 131 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,999 - [ Bell Chiming ] - [ Male Voice, Deep ] Lisa Simpson... 132 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:56,598 are you ready to go on a voyage of intellectual self-discovery? 133 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,108 I think so. 134 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,771 Is that a pie or a quiche? 135 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,644 - A pie. - [ Voices Chattering ] 136 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:06,240 You may enter. 137 00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:09,810 - [ Gasps ] - Welcome to Mensa, Lisa! 138 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,550 It's the organization for people with high I.Q.'s. 139 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:16,651 I know that. It's also a constellation visible only from the southern hemisphere. 140 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:19,026 She's good. She's very good. 141 00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,964 [ Laughs ] And she brought a cream pie. 142 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,869 You want me to join Mensa? 143 00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:31,273 Oh, that's wonderful. But don't I have to take some sort of I.Q. test? 144 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:33,277 No, Lisa, you're more than qualified. 145 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,075 I shared all your standardized test scores with the other members. 146 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,447 - Aren't those supposed to be confidential? - Welcome to Mensa! 147 00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:42,214 You've joined such luminaries as cartoonist, Mel Lazarus... 148 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:46,087 Geena Davis and Parade magazine's Marilyn vos Savant. 149 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,217 Each the tops in his or her field... 150 00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,557 uh, except for Mel Lazarus. 151 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,494 Wow. I'm so honored you wanted me. 152 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:56,364 Well, it was your delightfully condescending letter that put you over the top. 153 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,802 - Lindsay Neagle, Advanced Capital Ventures. - Oh, what do you produce? 154 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,170 Synergy, and books on how to cheat at bridge. 155 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,266 Lisa, I think you'll really enjoy it here. 156 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,676 Now, let's get down to business. Any new palindromes? 157 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,647 [ Clears Throat ] Rise to vote, sir. 158 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:14,686 Now, you know the agenda. Palindromes, anagrams, eat Lisa's pie, then voting. 159 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,312 But ''rise to vote, sir'' is a palindrome. 160 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:19,323 - Good glavin. She's right. - Told you. 161 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:22,053 Lisa, I think you're gonna fit in just fine around here. 162 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,730 Wow. Me, fit in. 163 00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:39,674 Hello. I have a certificate for a free erotic photo session. 164 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:44,273 - Oh, yes. Your name? - Uh, Geraldo Simpson. 165 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,476 - All right, Mr. Simpson- - [ Screams ] Who told you? 166 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,020 Don't worry. These photos are perfectly legal. 167 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,954 Many husbands use them as a romantic gift for their wives. 168 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:55,425 Uh, you're not gonna ask me to pose nude, are you? 169 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,793 Well, yes, unless you have some issues with revealing your body. 170 00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:01,924 Well, I don't, but the block association seems to. 171 00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:05,162 They wanted a ''traditional'' Santa Claus. 172 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,795 ##[ Classical ] 173 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:09,875 I can't believe how they're dumbing down the Springfield Library. 174 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,137 They've gotten rid of the English literature section... 175 00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:15,304 and replaced it with a make-your-own-sundae bar. 176 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:18,906 I heard they got rid of the reference desk to make room for an air hockey table. 177 00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,385 - Even the microfilm? - Even the microfiche. 178 00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:26,151 - [ All Moan ] - My family never talks about library standards. 179 00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:29,091 And every time I try to steer the conversation that way... 180 00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,095 they make me feel like a nerd. 181 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:34,826 We are hardly nerds. Would a nerd wear such an irreverent sweatshirt? 182 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:37,368 [ Lisa Reading ] 183 00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:41,365 Oh, only one person in a million would find that funny. 184 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,601 Yes, we call that the Dennis Miller ratio. 185 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,749 Oh, Dad, I just spent the day with the most wonderful people. 186 00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:57,050 Oh, that's great, honey. You tell me everything you can before the commercial's over. 187 00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:01,092 - For the first time in my life, I feel that someone understand- - Bup, bup, bup, bup. 188 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,262 Are you ready in there, Mr. Simpson? 189 00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,333 Are you sure you're a fully accredited and bonded pornographer? 190 00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,334 Just come out. 191 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:14,133 - Please be kind. - You look fantastic. 192 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,105 Let me just adjust my lens here. 193 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:21,407 Now you're sure this will save my marriage? 194 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,812 Try not to speak. It's making your body ripple. 195 00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:26,316 Hmm. [ Grunts, Groans ] 196 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,751 - [ Shudders ] - ##[ Humming ] 197 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,845 - [ Bart ] Dad? Dad, are you home? - [ Knocking ] 198 00:11:30,956 --> 00:11:33,447 [ Gasps, Grunts ] 199 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,527 [ Grunts, Groans ] 200 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,062 Fine.! I don't care what you're doing.! 201 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,257 [ Sighs, Screams ] 202 00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,568 Don't look.! Don't look.! Don't look.! 203 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,230 Okay, I think he's gone. 204 00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:49,239 Let's reschedule. 205 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:54,544 This is so cool. I feel like I'm back in the Renaissance. 206 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,638 Please stay in character, gentle wench. 207 00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,582 Verily I declare that the Earth revolves around the sun... 208 00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,744 and not t'other way around. 209 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,049 Stop looking down my blouse, Copernicus. 210 00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:07,182 Forsooth. Mine eyes doth rove of their own accord. 211 00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,091 Zounds! Someone took our gazebo! 212 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:14,192 No, no, that's impossible. We reserved it months ago. 213 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,200 Someone should stand up to them. 214 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,929 - Oh, dear. - Hmm. 215 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,267 I'll do it. 216 00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:24,172 Excuse me, gentlemen. Might I take a peak at your gazebo reservation form? 217 00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:27,768 - Beat it! - [ Chuckles ] Yes, well, we each have a good case. 218 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,905 What part of''beat it'' didn't you understand? 219 00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:32,381 Hmm, I guess it would be the ''it.'' 220 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:36,319 I'm not exactly sure to what that refers. It's- Ow! 221 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:40,586 Oh, it's hopeless. There are some she-males in gazebo three... 222 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,025 a nasty looking spider in gazebo six... 223 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,723 and the less said about gazebo eight, the better. 224 00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,822 Ah, Chief, thank God you're here. 225 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,424 We reserved gazebo seven, and look. 226 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,937 Geez. How many gazebos do you she-males need? 227 00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,740 Beer me, boys. 228 00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,607 Why do we live in a town where the smartest have no power... 229 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,613 and the stupidest run everything? 230 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,683 - Maybe I should just move back to Alabama. - No. 231 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:09,244 We should fix things here. If we put our minds to it, there's no limit to what we can accomplish. 232 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:12,688 - I think the girl's right. - Good point. 233 00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,690 - The jig is up, Quimby. - Oh, God! 234 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,963 When you see what's in this report, things are going to change in this town. 235 00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,333 - I earned that lotto money. I swear. - [ Buzzing ] 236 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,903 - Hyah! - [ Horse Neighs ] 237 00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,073 Faster, you moron. 238 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,520 [ Neighs ] 239 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,452 Oh. Well, that was unexpected. 240 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,048 - [ Guns Cocking ] - What's going on? Where's the mayor? 241 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,423 - He skipped town. - Really? 242 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,758 So, who's in charge? 243 00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:56,233 Well, that's a good question. Let's, uh, take a quick look at the town charter. 244 00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:01,867 - [ All ] Done. - Finished. 245 00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,101 According to the charter, ''should the mayor abdicate... 246 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,407 a council of learned citizens may rule in his stead.'' 247 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,538 Well, there's no one more learned than us. 248 00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,811 So, I guess... we're in charge. 249 00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,443 What! Let me see that. 250 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:19,752 Let's see here. ''We the people,'' ''cruel and unusual,'' blah, blah, blah. 251 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,952 ''Ritual circumcision,'' yak, yak, yak. 252 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,086 Ah, geez, I'll take your word for it. 253 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:27,131 - I guess you are in charge. - [ Cheering ] 254 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,133 With our superior intellects... 255 00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:32,568 we could rebuild this city on a foundation of reason and enlightenment. 256 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,798 We could turn Springfield into a utopia. 257 00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:37,501 - A new Athens. - Or Walden Two. 258 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,908 Yeah, a real Candy Land! 259 00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,414 Of the mind. The mind. 260 00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:45,949 I'll just go now. Bunch of dorks. 261 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,184 This is Kent Brockman at City Hall... 262 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,723 where the intellectual junta known as the ''Bright Pack''... 263 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,385 has been running this town for the better part of three days. 264 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,985 [ Chattering ] 265 00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:01,498 So, Lisa, what do you and your fellow eggheads have planned for the city? 266 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,500 - Business as usual? - No, Kent. 267 00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:06,935 We're gonna use the power of good ideas to change things for the better. 268 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:10,065 Well, excuse this jaded reporter if he says he's heard that before. 269 00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:12,769 - Oh, well, we really mean it. - [ Gasps ] You do? 270 00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,847 Yes. For example, no one was showing up for jury duty. 271 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,041 So we made the experience more exciting... 272 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,380 by synergizing it with his comic book collection. 273 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,851 ''You have been chosen to join theJustice Squadron... 274 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:29,189 8:00 a.m. Monday at the Municipal Fortress of Vengeance.'' 275 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,887 Oh, I am so there. 276 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,930 We studied traffic patterns and found that... 277 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,899 drivers move the fastest through yellow lights. 278 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:41,439 So now, we just have the red and yellow lights. [ Chuckles ] 279 00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:48,440 Come on. Stay yellow. Stay yellow! 280 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:52,313 Man, I'm making record time, if only I had someplace to be. 281 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:56,047 And we've really elevated the level of discourse at the dog track. 282 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:59,454 We replaced the fanfare with classical music. 283 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:02,356 And instead of chasing a rabbit, the dogs chase a diploma. 284 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,985 [ Barking ] 285 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,656 The world has already taken note of our accomplishments. 286 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:09,325 Springfield has moved up to number 299... 287 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:12,461 on the list of America's 300 most livable cities. 288 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:14,664 Take that, East St. Louis. 289 00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:21,503 Gee. You said you were gonna make me look sexier, but it's awfully dark in here. 290 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:25,344 Light is not your friend. All right, let's do this thing. 291 00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,579 - ##[ Dance Rock ] - It's time to get Homer-erotic! 292 00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,712 - [ Shudders ] - [ Camera Shutter Clicking ] 293 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,087 Okay, next item ofbusiness is our weekly progress report. 294 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,529 Principal Skinner, how's your transportation project coming? 295 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:43,726 Oh, excellent. Not only are the trains now running on time... 296 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,736 they're running on metric time. 297 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,274 Remember this moment, people- 80 past 2:00 on April 47 th. 298 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,071 It's the dawn of an enlightened Springfield. 299 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:55,544 Excellent. Now, next week is our state of the city address. 300 00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,581 Has everyone finalized their proposals? 301 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:01,119 Well, first of all, I have a plan to eliminate obesity... in females. 302 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,484 Oh, please. For a nickel a person tax increase... 303 00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,614 we could build a theater for shadow puppets. 304 00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:09,125 - Balinese or Thai? - Why not both? Then everybody's happy. 305 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,423 Oh, yeah. Everyone's real happy then! 306 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,589 Do I detect a note of sarcasm? 307 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:17,066 Are you kidding me? This baby is off the charts. [ Chuckles ] 308 00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:20,332 - Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a real useful invention. - [ Beeping Rapidly ] 309 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,867 [ All Arguing ] 310 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,467 [ Homer ] Marge. Oh, Marge. 311 00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:29,979 I've got something for you. 312 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:33,279 - Oh, Homie. - Houston, we have a problem. 313 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,478 A sexy problem. 314 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,681 Homie. Well, look at you. 315 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,521 [ Growling ] I'm gonna maul you. 316 00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,118 Homer, I've never seen this side of you. 317 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,959 But I like it. 318 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,865 Whoo, whoa. Look at those silk pillows. 319 00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:55,439 It's like the set of some high-class porno film. 320 00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:58,442 No, no. It's just our basement. 321 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,603 [ Groans ] Hold on! Wait. 322 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,680 That's our basement? 323 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:05,079 Yeah. So? Come on. More kissing. 324 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:10,087 It looks so elegant. And all it takes are some lace curtains and a beaded lampshade. 325 00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:12,248 You've got to show me exactly what you did. 326 00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:14,917 - But I was gonna score. - No, you weren't. 327 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,095 Welcome, everyone! Today, we embark... 328 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,689 on a new era of intelligent governance. 329 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,132 [ Chanting ] Governance! Governance! 330 00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:26,602 - Governance.! - [ Microphone Feeds Back ] 331 00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,969 [ Clears Throat ] We have some new rules and regulations... 332 00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:31,133 that you're gonna just go ape poopy over. 333 00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,939 - Professor Frink. - [ Clears Throat ] Well, first of all... 334 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,709 we're going to ban such barbaric sports as bullfighting and cockfighting. 335 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:39,875 [ Cheering ] 336 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:43,477 Also, boxing, both kick and the kind with the gloves. 337 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:46,217 - [ Woman ] Good! - And hockey, football, push-ups... 338 00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:50,022 and anything in general where you have to take off your shirt, which is embarrassing. 339 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,723 - [ All Murmuring Disagreement ] - I don't remember discussing that. 340 00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:57,962 Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans... 341 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,766 breeding will be permitted once every seven years. 342 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,364 - [ All Gasp ] - For many of you, this will mean much less breeding. 343 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,272 For me, much, much more. 344 00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:08,710 Ya cannot do that, sir! Ya don't have the power! 345 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,975 Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize. 346 00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,381 This man does not speak for the Council of Alphas. 347 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,953 We hold you subomeguloids in the highest regard. 348 00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:18,249 When are we gonna get to my broccoli juice program? 349 00:19:18,357 --> 00:19:21,121 Quit butting in, please. Your I.Q. is a mere 1 5 5... 350 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,057 while mine is a muscular 1 7 0. 351 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,720 [ Singsongy ] I am smart. 352 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,264 Much smarter than you, Hibbert! 353 00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:31,666 You should all do what I say. My I.Q. is 1 99, for crying out glavin. 354 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,398 [ Groans ] 1 98. 1 97. 355 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:37,475 [ Computerized Voice ] Big deal. My I.Q. is 280. 356 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,908 [ All Gasp ] 357 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,809 [ Together] Stephen Hawking! 358 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,712 - The world's smartest man! - What are you doing here? 359 00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:47,182 [ Computerized Voice ] I wanted to see your utopia. 360 00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,914 But now I see it is more of a Fruitopia. 361 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,753 - I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is- - Silence. 362 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,818 I don't need anyone to talk for me, except this voice box. 363 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,161 You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame! 364 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,700 Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink! 365 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,396 [ All Shouting Agreement ] 366 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:09,269 I don't know which is a bigger disappointment- 367 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,741 my failure to formulate a unified field theory, or you. 368 00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,709 I don't like your tone. 369 00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:17,509 If you are looking for trouble, you found it. 370 00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,846 Yeah,just try me, you- [ Screams ] 371 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,386 - [ All Cheering ] - Now's our opening! 372 00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:25,251 Come on, you idiots! We're taking back this town! 373 00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,757 Yeah! Let's make litter out of these literati! 374 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:30,327 That's too clever. You're one of them! 375 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,192 [ All Shouting ] 376 00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,231 Please stay calm everyone. 377 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,333 [ Screams ] 378 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,927 Time for this Hawk to fly. 379 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:43,738 Wrong button. 380 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,446 [ Lisa ] Help! 381 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:03,824 Lisa, thank God you're okay. 382 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,092 - Did you have fun with your robot buddy? - Dad! 383 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:11,533 Oh, Dr. Hawking, we had such a beautiful dream. What went wrong? 384 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,332 Don't feel bad, Lisa. 385 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:17,033 Sometimes the smartest of us can be the most childish. 386 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:20,737 - Even you? - No, not me. Never. 387 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:24,077 I guess everyone has a different vision for the perfect world. 388 00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:26,150 Wow, Mom, that's very profound. 389 00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,344 Hey, you read that off my screen. 390 00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,083 - Who's up for some beers? - I am! 391 00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:33,680 That's the smartest thing I've heard all day. 392 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,456 Your theory of a doughnut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. 393 00:21:39,564 --> 00:21:41,464 I may have to steal it. 394 00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:44,433 Wow. I can't believe someone I never heard of... 395 00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:46,436 is hanging out with a guy like me. 396 00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:49,098 All right, it's closing time. Who's paying the tab? 397 00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:51,573 - [ Homer, Monotone ] I am. - I didn't say that. 398 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:54,475 Yes, I did. D'oh. 399 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:44,725 - Shh! - [ Homer ] Larry Flynt is right.! You guys stink.! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net