1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,770
(thunder crashing)

2
00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,405
(electrical crackling,
bird squawks)

3
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,542
(moaning growls)

4
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,114
(bellows)

5
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,117
(moaning)

6
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,185
(gasps)

7
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,222
(electrical crackling)

8
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,591
(grunts)

9
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,898
(suspenseful music plays)

10
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,033
(birds cawing)

11
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,101
(yelling)

12
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,475
(gasps)

13
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,181
(grunting)

14
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,750
(whistle blows)

15
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,920
(shrieks)

16
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,255
(screams)

17
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,561
(gasps)

18
00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,110
(yells)

19
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,182
(beeping)

20
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,085
(groans)

21
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,521
(singing opera)

22
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,490
(playing the blues)

23
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,426
(playing the blues)

24
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,265
(monster shrieking)

25
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,469
(bird caws)

26
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,438
(chuckles)

27
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,475
(all screaming)

28
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,614
(all moaning, shrieking)

29
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:58,383
(horn honking)

30
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,154
(panting)

31
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,290
(screams)

32
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:10,562
(tires screech)

33
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,098
D'oh!

34
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,166
(horn honking)

35
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,067
(yells)

36
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:19,204
(moaning)

37
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,508
(screaming)

38
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,942
(screaming fades,
clocks ticking)

39
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,410
(grunts, gasps)

40
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,057
(electrical zapping)

41
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:55,807
Lisa: <i>'twas Halloween night,</i>
<i>with the kids door-to-dooring,</i>

42
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,977
<i>And all over town</i>
<i>the blood sugar was soaring.</i>

43
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,379
(doorbell rings)

44
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,247
Give me your candy!

45
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,787
Lisa: <i>But the simpson abode</i>
<i>was deep down in the dumps,</i>

46
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:12,191
<i>'cause from little to bigger,</i>
<i>the kids had the mumps.</i>

47
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:15,227
Marge: Now, I'm off to a party,
my outfit is chic.

48
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:18,664
It's a catwoman costume,
I'm sure is unique.

49
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,065
(dog howls)

50
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,367
Wait a second--
it's Halloween?

51
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,537
Just rest on the sofa,
I'll be home by 10:00.

52
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,072
Can we have some candy?

53
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,273
Just one m&m.

54
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:35,013
Lisa:
<i>Then we heard a loud crash.</i>

55
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,048
Homer:
D'oh!

56
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,883
<i>We were tempted to scat.</i>

57
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,351
Bart: <i>And we looked</i>
<i>and we saw him...</i>

58
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,986
Lisa/bart:
<i>The fat in the hat!</i>

59
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,889
I'll save Halloween for
you three grumpy tots.

60
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:47,359
Just stick out your rumps
for some mump-stumping shots!

61
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,994
(sighs)

62
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,997
Now hop on my cycle,
there's nothing to fear.

63
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,932
And we shall have candy...
And maybe some beer.

64
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,367
Huh?

65
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:58,070
You should not be here
when their mother's away!

66
00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:01,106
And you should be dead,
you're so wrinkled and gray!

67
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:04,076
I'll give you the business,
you yellow sea cow!

68
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,178
This go-getting oldster will...

69
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,946
Where am I now?

70
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,414
(grunts)

71
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,284
We'll fix up this mix-up
in two minutes flat,

72
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,953
With the helpers I've hidden
right under my hat.

73
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,455
(kids exclaim)

74
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:20,859
I... Uh, I knew there was
something I left off my list.

75
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,662
Without food, air and water,
they cease to exist.

76
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,468
(explosion)

77
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,937
I am the borax.
I speak for the woods.

78
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,439
But I've plastered my likeness
on consumer goods.

79
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,707
Homer:
Sellout!

80
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,211
Hey!

81
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:45,751
¶ oh, the fat in the hat
doesn't care what moms say ¶

82
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,220
¶ the minute they leave you,
he'll take you away ¶

83
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:49,221
(gasps)

84
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,656
¶ his breakfast is dinner

85
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,257
¶ his dinner's dessert

86
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:56,561
¶ you might see his name
on an amber alert! ¶

87
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,897
Trick or treat!

88
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,899
Who buzzed the buzzard?
Don't pester the rich.

89
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,102
I don't hand out candy,
you son of a gritch.

90
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:07,806
Bart: <i>He pulled out bamfoozlers</i>
<i>and side-winding gizzles.</i>

91
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:08,974
(explosion)

92
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,108
(laughing)
<i>he laughed as he heard</i>

93
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,943
<i>That old codger's</i>
<i>house-sizzles.</i>

94
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,980
Let this be a lesson
to those who love cash,

95
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,282
That your nice stash of cash
could be gone in a flash.

96
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:20,519
And if you are awful
and nasty and cruel...

97
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,954
Enough with the lessons!
This isn't a school!

98
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,856
(neck cracks)

99
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:31,129
¶ once a year
we are not hungry ¶

100
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:35,300
¶ thanks to christian charity.

101
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,368
(all gag)

102
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,607
(toilet flushing)
(snoring)

103
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:45,310
I don't got no candy,
I only serve beer.

104
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,512
And who said that you could
bring minors in here?

105
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,615
Your peanuts are pawed through,
your beer smells like skunk.

106
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,685
And you just pissed off
the wrong fat, furry drunk!

107
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,153
(gasps) hey, hey, hey!

108
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,055
This is supposed
to be a children's story!

109
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,958
Go grab all his money
and vodka and gin.

110
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,994
And I'll knit a nice thnord
from his leathery skin.

111
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,697
Say, mr. Hat, I don't mean
to complain,

112
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:09,968
But you promised us candy,
not mayhem and pain.

113
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,570
Bart:
<i>The dude thought a while,</i>
<i>then said:</i>

114
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,038
I know a man!

115
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,208
With an overpriced store,
who'll give all that he can.

116
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,410
Take whatever you want.
I don't want any trouble.

117
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,012
Take jims that are slim,
and gum of the bubble.

118
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:24,349
I won't shoot you now, 'cause
I've found something cruel-ah,

119
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:28,053
An afternoon off with eight kids
and manjula.

120
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,088
(bike bell rings, kids laughing)

121
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:36,294
(kids laughing)
no...!

122
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,397
¶ oh, the fat in the hat

123
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,166
¶ has some anger issues

124
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:45,036
¶ and some highly unusual
political views ¶

125
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:48,840
¶ if he comes a-calling,
you'd better hide ¶

126
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:52,077
¶ 'cause he's committing
aggravated floop-fluffle-cide! ¶

127
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,579
Don't forget me!

128
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,681
¶ floop-fluffle-cide!

129
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,117
Bart:
<i>We had to escape</i>
<i>from this behatted mammal.</i>

130
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,920
(burps)
lisa:
<i>So we hitched us a ride</i>
<i>on a three-hump gumbamel!</i>

131
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,456
<i>A gumbamel's a camel</i>
<i>but faster and humbler.</i>

132
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,925
<i>It doesn't take tips</i>
<i>and it's never a grumbler.</i>

133
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,294
So if you must leave
in a kind of a scramble,

134
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:11,897
Then jump on the hump
of a humble gumbamel.

135
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,466
Bart:
<i>But if the gumbamel should</i>
<i>ramble, then stumble,</i>

136
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,368
<i>Then just hop atop</i>
<i>a krustiferous krumbull.</i>

137
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,403
<i>But then if that krumbull</i>
<i>should happen to tumble,</i>

138
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,305
<i>Just call your amigo,</i>
<i>the bee man of bumble.</i>

139
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,473
(exhales)

140
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,241
Bee man:
Ay-yi-yi!

141
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,777
Lisa:
<i>We thought we'd escaped</i>
<i>from our psychotic guide...</i>

142
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,313
<i>But when we got home,</i>
<i>he was waiting inside!</i>

143
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,948
I'm staying forever.

144
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,316
You're all stuck
with that.

145
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,286
'cause I'm your new daddy,
the fat in the...

146
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,887
(screams)

147
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,927
I'm frightened of nothing,
not even hellfires.

148
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:45,897
Just don't let me ever be played
by mike myers.

149
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,199
(groans)

150
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:53,071
Bart:
<i>Now please do not worry,</i>
<i>'cause we did okay.</i>

151
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:56,308
Yes, kids will get candy,
whatever you say.

152
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,821
Pilot:
<i>What the hell?!</i>

153
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,790
(bart laughs)

154
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,259
Bart, isn't it dangerous
to fly your kite

155
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,994
Pilot:
<i>Stupid kids!</i>
<i>By an airport?</i>

156
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,128
Hey, if they get
on an airbus,

157
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,197
They know they're
taking their chances.

158
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,301
Kite at 2:00!

159
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,570
I don't know what that means,
I have a digital watch!

160
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,007
(pilots scream)

161
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,977
(both groan)

162
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:35,780
What's my wife's picture doing
on your control screen?

163
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:36,781
Over.

164
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:37,949
Homina, homina, homina.

165
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,017
Over.

166
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:50,996
(yawns)

167
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,030
(groans)

168
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,965
Nowhere to tie my kite...

169
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,634
And I forgot my scarf.

170
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,069
(gasps) bingo!

171
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,010
I'm seeing a 12-car pileup,

172
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,846
A naked rooftop cookout,
and... Oh, my god!

173
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,915
A box kite! (screams)

174
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,886
(sighs) well, at least
it's a beautiful night.

175
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,121
(grunts)

176
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:19,224
I'm alive!

177
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,392
All patched up!

178
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,493
End of story.

179
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:22,928
Actually, there's
a little more.

180
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,863
Ay, caramba!

181
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,598
I'm sorry.
This was the only way

182
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,333
To lengthen bart's
life for a year

183
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,834
While shortening
yours by 30.

184
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,770
I thought I was donating blood.

185
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,406
You are. Along with lymph,
spinal fluid,

186
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:37,075
And all the trimmings.
(chuckles)

187
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,611
But, lisa, your brain is
still in complete control.

188
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,748
I could do what
I want to bart's head?

189
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,116
Aw, geez.

190
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,685
Strangle me out
of this, fatso.

191
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,119
Why you little...!

192
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,889
I'll teach you
to make medical history!

193
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,291
Oops.

194
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,461
Ah, all good.

195
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:57,462
D'oh!

196
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,496
(neck cracks)

197
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,033
(humming)

198
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,301
(spits)

199
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,570
Hey, boy, since you don't need
a bedroom anymore,

200
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,907
I finally get my man cave.

201
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,609
¶ man cave!

202
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,645
¶ everyone's welcome
to my man cave! ¶

203
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,586
I assure you,
we've spared no effort

204
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,321
To accommodate your
special-needs student.

205
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,457
And... Done.

206
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,426
So, in conclusion,
my show-and-tell is...

207
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,061
This!

208
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:33,131
Excellent, lisa.
A-plus.

209
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,399
Bart, your turn.

210
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:38,169
Well, my show-and-tell is
that I'm on lisa's body.

211
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,005
Derivative
and repetitive!

212
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,072
F-minus.

213
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,008
Aw!
(giggles)

214
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:46,111
Bart, I expected more
from a fourth-grade head.

215
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,946
(gasps)

216
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,849
You're rotating it
in the wrong direction!

217
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,918
(both grunting)

218
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,588
That was gonna be
my show-and-tell!

219
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,124
Bart, lisa,
I'm afraid you two

220
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,793
Are going to be together
for a long time.

221
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,194
Why don't you try
to say something good

222
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,130
About each other?

223
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:07,132
Well, she's pretty
healthy for someone

224
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,099
Who's been living
with cooties.

225
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,335
Bart, aren't lisa's ears clean?

226
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,503
Yeah.

227
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,204
It's like looking down
a canadian tunnel.

228
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,205
What else?

229
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,473
Well... Now I always

230
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,509
Have someone
to eat lunch with.

231
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,010
Great!

232
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,546
That's as much therapy
as your parents can afford.

233
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,684
I think we've made
some progress here.

234
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,685
Great...

235
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:27,952
Oh, and I have this

236
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,521
"two heads for one" coupon.

237
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:30,522
Well, that's for lettuce.

238
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:31,823
How about this one?

239
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:32,991
"one random disorder free

240
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,659
With every schizophrenia."

241
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,894
That's mine,
but it's expired.

242
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,729
D'oh!

243
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,131
(playing "when the saints
go marching in")

244
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,372
Should've chopped off
bart's head long ago.

245
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,409
Sleep well, lis.

246
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,044
Somehow, sewing my head
on your shoulder

247
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,679
Brought us
closer together.

248
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,147
Rainbow...

249
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,082
Oh, rainbow...

250
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:59,751
Oh... Not the pony
dream again.

251
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:03,822
(gasps)
hey, <i>I</i> did that.

252
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:06,825
Yep, that's me.

253
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,393
When she's asleep,

254
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,894
I'm in control.

255
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,063
Lis, I'm gonna make sure

256
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,099
You stay asleep.

257
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,334
(laughs evilly)

258
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,273
Ooh, mix-ins!

259
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,210
Mmm.

260
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,045
(snores)

261
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,012
(falls down stairs,
grunts, shouts)

262
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,614
Son of a...

263
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,949
(grunts)

264
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,016
(snoring)

265
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,589
(engine sputters, dies)

266
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,558
You start a car as well
as you start a family.

267
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,994
You wait here while I go
get the jumper cables.

268
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,299
Mrs. Skinner:
Oh, a panic attack, huh?

269
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,035
Well, I'll give you something
to panic about!

270
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:51,970
(grunting)

271
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,539
(groans)

272
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,742
Now I'll just cut off
her annoying head

273
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,277
And this body will be all mine.

274
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,779
Or we both die.

275
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:02,814
Not really sure
what the rules are.

276
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:03,815
(gasps)

277
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,049
Why, bart?

278
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,985
I thought we
were friends.

279
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,053
A brother can never
be friends with his sister.

280
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,089
Are you really,
really sure?

281
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,123
I'm afraid I am.

282
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,292
Well, then, I guess
I have no choice.

283
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,894
(yells)

284
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,662
How could this
go wrong?

285
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:18,963
'cause in a
head-to-head battle,

286
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,732
The one with the
most brains wins!

287
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,167
(groans)

288
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:26,070
(groans)

289
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,972
Well, wherever I am,

290
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,841
It's gotta be an improvement.

291
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,142
Guess again.

292
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,243
(moans)

293
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,013
Now I can always
sing karaoke duets.

294
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,581
¶ mock...
Yeah.

295
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:37,949
¶ ing...
Yeah.

296
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,951
I feel your pain,
brother.

297
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,119
Now, I need you
to memorize

298
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,922
These 10,000 setups
by next week.

299
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,089
Help me, doctor.

300
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,291
So this is what

301
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,159
Successful post-op
looks like.

302
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,432
(circus music plays)

303
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,633
Burnsum:
<i>Step right up.</i>

304
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,102
Step right up,
only two bits!

305
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,171
(snickering)

306
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,944
(slurps, growls)

307
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,178
Thrill as...

308
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,850
Thrill as marguerite
conquers the air!

309
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,025
(cheering)

310
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,894
Laugh at the clown's buffoonery!

311
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,295
Seriously, folks,

312
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,898
I really think we should stop
this hitler guy.

313
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,733
(laughing)

314
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,134
Disbelieve,

315
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:33,371
As the strong man pulls a wagon
with his bare tongue!

316
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,707
¶ this is the song
that you hear at the circus ¶

317
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,142
¶ sung by a guy
that you see at the circus ¶

318
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,711
(muffled):
¶ do-do-do, do-do-do

319
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:40,912
¶ do-do-do...

320
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:41,913
D'oh!

321
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,314
Or gape in terror

322
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,483
At almighty god's
whoopsy-daisies...

323
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,918
The freaks!

324
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,052
(crowd exclaims)

325
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,356
The human donkey.

326
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,857
Hee-haw!

327
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:55,059
The terrifying callback.

328
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,427
¶ mock
yeah.

329
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,029
¶ ing...
Yeah.

330
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,164
Creatures from
another galaxy!

331
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,967
Actually, it's more
of a globular cluster.

332
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:05,770
Not the dark,
not the dark!

333
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:06,771
Ah!

334
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:07,906
And now...

335
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,108
I must ask that
small children leave,

336
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,609
Good women avert their eyes,

337
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,112
And men take a stiff slug
of circus whiskey.

338
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:18,383
Behold, the most hideous
creature of all.

339
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,084
How ya doin'?

340
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,352
(audience screams)

341
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,521
So, uh, anyone here
from new jersey?

342
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,956
I'm goin' there
next week.

343
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,424
(screams)

344
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,493
(humming)

345
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,130
(humming continues)

346
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,364
Whoa!

347
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,300
(grunting)

348
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,036
(humming)

349
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,103
Hey, torso!

350
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:39,103
Huh?
What's with
the cookies?

351
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,307
Even the human snail
would've been done by now.

352
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,542
I am so sick and tired
of people assuming

353
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,978
That the human snail is,
in some way, slow.

354
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,446
Good day!

355
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,515
(grunts)

356
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:53,952
All of you!

357
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,787
Get back out there
with your flippers flapping,

358
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:56,955
And your stumps a-stumping!

359
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,256
Joe and jane normal

360
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,091
Expect some entertainment
for their nickel!

361
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,559
Mr. Burnsum!

362
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,495
You should treat these
poor people with respect!

363
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,464
Marge! Get away
from those freaks.

364
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,966
You belong to me!

365
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,101
The dumb, hairless brute.

366
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:13,504
Well, you are the best
this circus has to offer.

367
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,673
(laughing)

368
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,176
Taste the strength
of your fiancé.

369
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:22,180
Ooh!

370
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,982
Ooh...

371
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,017
With the mighty tongue
god's given you,

372
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:29,754
Why can't you speak kindly
of these imperfect angels?

373
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,657
Marge, they knew
what they were getting into

374
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,926
When their parents sold them
to the circus.

375
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,594
Enough!
You will comport yourself

376
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:37,695
With the dignity expected

377
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,998
Of a traveling freak show.

378
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,065
(grunts)

379
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:43,101
Excuse me, ma'am,

380
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:47,305
But, uh, I ain't never seen
a normal stand up for us.

381
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,339
(sighs)

382
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,375
I, too, am a freak.

383
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,376
One eye is blue,

384
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,277
And the other
a pale brown.

385
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,780
I wouldn't want to
be you, lady.

386
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,216
Never give up hope,
my friends.

387
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:02,954
Of all the kisses
I have ever gotten in my life,

388
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,555
That was the first.

389
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,357
Hey, you should
ask her out, moe.

390
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,993
Ah, but she's sweet
on the strong man.

391
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:10,995
You're fine unless
rabbit ears hears

392
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,697
And tells big mouth.

393
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,665
(whispering)

394
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,834
Wha...?!

395
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,637
I ain't got no chance
with the strong man's girl.

396
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,005
He makes ten dollars a week

397
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,740
Plus all the sawdust he can eat.

398
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,375
Well, you've got
an emerald ring.

399
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:26,978
My mother's ring.

400
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:27,979
(sobs)

401
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,914
She gave it to me
on her deathbed.

402
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,983
She also acquired it
on her deathbed.

403
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,052
That was a very busy deathbed.

404
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,586
With an emerald that big,

405
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:36,988
I could buy anything.

406
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,057
A jalopy, an icebox,

407
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,025
A steamer trunk full of fedoras!

408
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,661
But how do I get my hands on it?

409
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,163
Oh, I'm an idiot!

410
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,164
Of course!

411
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,598
I get marge to marry moe,

412
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,733
Then I kill moe,

413
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,901
Then she gets the ring,

414
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,436
Then I marry her
and the ring is mine.

415
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,305
And the brilliance of my plan
is its simplicity.

416
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,076
You're gonna be sorry
you said that.

417
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:01,345
<i>You're</i> gonna be sorry
you said that.

418
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,014
Whoa, whoa, whoa,

419
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:06,951
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh...

420
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,053
I just lost my keys!

421
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,721
Whoa-whoa-whoa...

422
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:13,691
What do you know?
I  <i>am</i>gathering moss!

423
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,093
(owl hoots)

424
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,361
Hey, marge, you want
to marry moe?

425
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,797
I'm engaged
to you, my love.

426
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,300
The poor, lonely fellow
is about to die.

427
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,801
Really? How?

428
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,703
Well, let me
worry about how.

429
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,473
But you know, you could make
his last day a happy one.

430
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,875
And the ring is just
the icing on the cake.

431
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,110
What ring?

432
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,879
The ring that'll get me
out of this lousy circus

433
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,314
And into a good circus.

434
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,648
Now, let's get you married.

435
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,784
But wouldn't you
be jealous, my love?

436
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,220
(laughs)
dear, I am not
the jealous type.

437
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,222
And from you,
I have learned

438
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,492
To feel compassion
for these disgustos.

439
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,093
Aw...

440
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:52,497
(solemnly):
¶ she's a superfreak

441
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,665
¶ superfreak

442
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,668
¶ she's superfreaky

443
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,137
¶ yow.

444
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,338
"yow" indeed.

445
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,606
And so, with the conclusion

446
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,007
Of our traditional wedding song,

447
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,442
I now declare you

448
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,977
Husband and wife.

449
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,913
Moe, whatever small time
together we have

450
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,948
Will be wonderful.

451
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,116
(laughs)

452
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,818
A very small time!

453
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,620
Those are strange
things to say,

454
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,089
But a wedding is no place
to worry about threats

455
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:19,957
From the bride's former lover.

456
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,125
Now, the toast.

457
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,493
To you, marge.

458
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,995
Now you are
one of us.

459
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,963
Freaks (chanting):
One of us!

460
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,965
Gooble goo!

461
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,034
One of us!

462
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,636
Gooble goo!

463
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,938
Why is it company parties
always get weird?

464
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,373
(cork pops)

465
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:37,842
God, you are
so beautiful

466
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,143
In that
peignoir there.

467
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:41,379
I, uh, better
freshen up
a little bit.

468
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,315
(humming)

469
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,883
Set it to "massage," jumbo.

470
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:50,021
(humming)

471
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:52,957
Hmm? What
are you doing?

472
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,393
Oh! Trying
to kill moe

473
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,195
So we'll get
his emerald!

474
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,496
By the way,
I haven't checked,

475
00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,830
But emeralds
are valuable, right?

476
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:00,865
(gasps)

477
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,300
Strong man!

478
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,702
Moe may be ugly
on the outside,

479
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,039
But inside, you are
the true monster.

480
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,974
Leave my trailer forever!

481
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,209
You're rejecting <i>me?</i>

482
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:15,646
But I'm in the best shape
anyone is in the 1930s.

483
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,048
I said go!

484
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,149
(whimpers)

485
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,553
(chanting):
One of us!

486
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,554
Gooble goo!

487
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,855
One of us!

488
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,157
Gooble goo!

489
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:28,059
What the hell does
"gooble goo" mean?

490
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,060
(chanting):
We don't know!

491
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,161
Gooble goo!

492
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,395
We don't know!

493
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,463
Gooble goo!

494
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,566
(gasps)

495
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,901
You killed burnsum!

496
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,003
Now who is gonna say,
"step right up"?

497
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,339
Freaks:
Gooble goo! Gooble goo!

498
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,040
Tar and
feather him!

499
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,109
Tear off his drumsticks!

500
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:47,278
Make him...
One of us!

501
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,013
Freaks (chanting):
One of us!

502
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,748
One of us!
This is exactly why

503
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,917
Circus attendance is plummeting!

504
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,787
And that, kids, is
how I met your mother.

505
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,856
(  <i>how I met your mother</i>
<i>theme music playing)</i>

506
00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:09,700
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff">media access group at wgbh</font>
<font color="#00ffff">access.Wgbh.Org</font>

507
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,135
Freaks (chanting):
<i>One of us!</i>