1
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,638
(Bart laughs)

2
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,477
(exclaiming)

3
00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:18,650
(school bell ringing)

4
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:22,421
(Barney burps)

5
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,722
(tires screeching)

6
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,591
D'oh!

7
00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:27,592
(tires screech)

8
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,161
Not again!

9
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:32,331
(classical music playing)

10
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,462
Now, I, Bart Simpson,

11
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,198
shall send the first coaster
down the track.

12
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,265
Hmm.

13
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,770
(Milhouse grunts)

14
00:01:12,805 --> 00:01:14,272
(gasping)

15
00:01:16,642 --> 00:01:20,212
No, for once,
I want to go first.

16
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,382
But, Milhouse, I already
let you push me on the swings.

17
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,817
And it's an honor,
but I'm doing this.

18
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,652
Ow! Knock it off, Milhouse!

19
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,820
(grunting)

20
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,723
(yells)
Eat safety bar!

21
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,226
(muffled):
Why are we best friends?

22
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:37,162
Because your seat
was behind mine!

23
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,497
(both grunting)

24
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,565
(groans)

25
00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:43,902
(both crying)

26
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,672
Feels like this playdate's
gone on forever.

27
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,074
I'll handle this.

28
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:52,210
"Dear Weirdo,
pick up weirdo kid."

29
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:53,245
And send.

30
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,246
Aah!

31
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,248
(gasps)
Did you eat a peanut?

32
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,550
No, I just sniffed a nectarine.

33
00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,918
It's okay.

34
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,187
I can breathe
through my tear ducts.

35
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:05,190
(whistling)

36
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,558
Tell me if this
gets annoying.

37
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,360
(whistling continues)

38
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,930
I think I'm gonna throw up
the mac and cheese you fed me.

39
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,231
I'm not supposed to have it.

40
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,734
That's why I had so much.

41
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,235
HOMER:
What the...?!

42
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:20,205
If this kid's dad isn't
here in one second,

43
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,607
he's going in the garbage can.

44
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,376
(car honks)

45
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,877
Hey, guys!

46
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,547
Who wants a whiff
of New Kirk Smell?

47
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:29,714
"YOLO"?

48
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,450
You Only Live Once.

49
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,718
Once again, cats have it better.

50
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,253
Kirk Van Houten.

51
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:38,056
I hope you're not having
a midlife crisis.

52
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,125
Please.
Just 'cause I bought a new car,

53
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,393
lost a little weight

54
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,228
and started taking
a DJ class,

55
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:45,964
everyone thinks
I'm having a midlife crisis.

56
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,099
Dad! You got me
a skateboard?

57
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,401
It's for me.

58
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:50,402
Now get in the back.

59
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,570
And while you're there,

60
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,905
use this cream to
massage the leather.

61
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,308
(leather squeaking)

62
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,077
To the tooth-whitening kiosk!

63
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,312
(laughing)

64
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:03,915
I'm sorry, but does Kirk
know how silly he looks?

65
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,317
Look at me!

66
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:07,419
I'm afraid of dying.
(laughs)

67
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,920
Oh, Homie.

68
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,422
I'm so glad you're happy

69
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:13,425
with your life
just the way it is.

70
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,760
You've had the same
job, same car,

71
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,630
same house for 20 years.

72
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,932
And that's all
you'll ever have.

73
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,268
A cycle you'll never ever,

74
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,437
ever, ever, ever,

75
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,472
ever change.

76
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,075
And you're okay with it!

77
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:34,279
Like I say night after night

78
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:35,981
after night...

79
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:38,049
nighty-night.

80
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,653
(birds chirping)

81
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:45,390
Kent Brockman is here
for your interview.

82
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,308
So, Kent, what brings you here?

83
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,710
The miraculous tale
of how we lost, then found,

84
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,646
our Lost and Found box?

85
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,347
Actually, Principal Skinner,
I'm here to talk

86
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,515
about something else...

87
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,516
cheating!

88
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:12,717
(chuckles)

89
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,719
I thought this was a puff piece.

90
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:15,987
You're wearing a sweater.

91
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,490
This journalism just turned...

92
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,191
gotcha!
(gasps)

93
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,394
That's right, Channel 6
will uncover the truth

94
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,230
in a five-part series
two minutes a day.

95
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,732
People, make room for your local
Emmy nomination certificates.

96
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,401
No, do not make room.

97
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,069
Except for Mr. Largo
and his diet,

98
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,404
there's no cheating
in this school.

99
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,838
These 30 identical

100
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,741
"What I Did This Summer"
essays say different.

101
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,076
Um...

102
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,918
Myra, don't I have
another appointment?

103
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,521
Oh, this is your first
appointment ever.

104
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,656
Let's take a look
at this monitor.

105
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:58,196
<i>This school is more corrupt</i>
<i>than the Italian parliament.</i>

106
00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,531
<i>If these children</i>
<i>are our future,</i>

107
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:03,134
<i>then I, for one,</i>
<i>do not want to live.</i>

108
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,109
(quietly):
Ha-ha.

109
00:05:12,044 --> 00:05:14,245
Please don't air this.

110
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,247
I'll tell you the winners of
the kickball games in advance.

111
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,249
You can make a lot of cabbage
betting on K-ball.

112
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,418
And that's what we'll end
the story with.

113
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,387
No!

114
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,555
This is Kent Brockman.

115
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,757
Pleased with himself.

116
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,626
♪ You only

117
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:31,096
♪ Live once

118
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,198
♪ Or so it seems

119
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:38,570
♪ No life for yourself

120
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:43,141
♪ And none for your dreams

121
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,277
♪ You work

122
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,247
♪ Every day

123
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:54,819
♪ At a job so lame

124
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,756
♪ And every night

125
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:01,760
♪ The ending's the same.

126
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,929
♪ No dream will come true

127
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,131
♪ You only

128
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:10,435
♪ Live once.

129
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:11,770
(deep breath)

130
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,672
(crying to the tune of
"You Only Live Twice")

131
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,678
(higher-pitched crying)

132
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,480
Yeah, well, at least you
got your health, huh?

133
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,783
Now let's see if I can
take that away from you.

134
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,185
Your poison.

135
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:30,355
(groans)
I'm tired of living once.

136
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,190
I can't believe
I'm saying this,

137
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,959
but I'm starting to
regret saying "YOLO."

138
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,295
Marge, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna quit complaining

139
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:40,799
about my life and start
wallowing in the past.

140
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,368
Postage, marked in pesetas?

141
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,669
Who are those letters from?

142
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,538
My old pen pal from Spain.

143
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,339
Eduardo.
Hmm.

144
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,641
Back in fifth grade,
you either had to write

145
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,476
to a foreigner
or a prisoner.

146
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:52,977
I picked a foreigner
because the prisoners

147
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,879
wrote back too fast.

148
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:58,183
We'd write each other
with our dreams of the future.

149
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,318
I was gonna be
King of Cheeseburger Mountain.

150
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,387
(sighs)

151
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,022
Did I change or did they stop

152
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,324
making mountains
out of cheeseburgers?

153
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:09,227
Probably a little bit of both.

154
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,563
So sad.

155
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:16,201
(indistinct chatter)

156
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,336
(overlapping chatter)

157
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:20,405
What kind of moral example

158
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,174
is this dump for my boy?

159
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,342
(burps)

160
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,577
(crowd clamoring)

161
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,378
Please, calm down, everyone.

162
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,414
You know, maybe
this so-called cheating scandal

163
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,016
is actually
an opportunity to, uh...

164
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,753
(clears throat)
...initiate a-a dialogue

165
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:38,022
that would, uh, create
a teachable moment.

166
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,860
Uh, something, something
buzz word...

167
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,095
I got nothing.

168
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,064
Quick, get a picture
for the yearbook!

169
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,198
(crowd clamoring)

170
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,534
LISA:
I have a solution!

171
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,771
You took your sweet time
coming to our rescue, Lisa.

172
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,873
Maybe the best way to keep
students from cheating

173
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,408
is to trust them not to cheat.

174
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,943
(crowd murmuring)

175
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,411
That's it?
That's all you've got?

176
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,547
Something I can read
on a tea box?

177
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:06,384
What I'm suggesting is
we create an honor code.

178
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,620
Oh, swell, more work
for the teachers.

179
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,221
The students would do it.

180
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,556
Let her speak!

181
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,292
If every student pledges
not to cheat,

182
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,561
and to turn in any cheater,

183
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,263
no one will cheat the system

184
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,965
because they'll be the system.

185
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:24,469
ALL (chanting):
Honor code! Honor code!

186
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,571
I did it.

187
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,072
I saved the day.

188
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,241
The same way I won
that battle in Vietnam.

189
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,409
By fainting!

190
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,311
(doorbell rings)

191
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,914
If you're my wife's
secret lover, come in.

192
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,416
There's nothing
I can do for her anymore.

193
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,251
I am looking
for my <i>amigo de la pluma.</i>

194
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,953
Or "pen pal."

195
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,488
(gasps) Eduardo?

196
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:44,589
Is it really you?

197
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,291
Why are you here?

198
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,326
To save the soul
of Homer Simpson.

199
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,428
Now where is he, old man?

200
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,996
I'm Homer Simpson!

201
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,097
<i>Ay, dios mio!</i>

202
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,265
What has happened to you?

203
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,267
(speaking in Spanish)

204
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,303
Did your hair burn
off in a fire

205
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,470
that trapped you
in a candy factory?

206
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,539
I wish.

207
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,447
Marge Simpson.

208
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,949
It's so nice
to meet a friend

209
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,318
Homer met through the mail
who isn't a sea monkey.

210
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,353
Yes, Eduardo Barcelona.

211
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,956
Or in English, Eddie Miami.
Homie,

212
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,457
I thought a visit
from your old pen pal

213
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,959
would cheer you up.

214
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,161
Ah, how eagerly
I would wait for a letter

215
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,364
from the <i>Estados Unidos,</i>
<i>and Homer Simpson.</i>

216
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,134
HOMER:
"Buenos días, Eduardo."

217
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:33,304
HOMER (continues):

218
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,373
(chuckles)

219
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,542
What happened
to us, Eduardo?

220
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,378
We had so many things
we were going to do.

221
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,814
And I, my friend,
have been doing them.

222
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,048
Yeah, well, listen, pal.

223
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,650
I have my treasure--

224
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,652
my wife and my children.

225
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,354
Ooh!

226
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,388
I've had eight wives

227
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:52,190
and 200 children!

228
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,493
Among them artists, doctors
and revolutionary chefs.

229
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,228
Do you have a
disrespectful son

230
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,897
who calls you by
your first name?

231
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,199
I cannot imagine
such a creature.

232
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,001
Hey, Homer.
Did you just fart?

233
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,370
Did you
just fart, <i>sir.</i>

234
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,371
Whatever.

235
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,705
Easy, easy, Homer.

236
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:11,175
I want to help you fulfill
some of your childhood dreams.

237
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,744
Really? Now?

238
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,746
I have two pizzas coming.

239
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,848
I wanted to see who
would get here first.

240
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:17,916
Now, Homer!

241
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,183
Get your coat.

242
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,919
I asked him here
to cheer you up.

243
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,387
But I didn't think
you'd drop everything

244
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,755
to go gallivanting

245
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,424
with some, no offense, Spaniard.

246
00:10:27,192 --> 00:10:28,693
I promise you
one thing, madam.

247
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:31,095
When I return your husband,
he will be happy,

248
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:34,365
bringing a new sense
of adventure to your marriage...

249
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,234
and to the bedroom.

250
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,603
(panting)
I'm not used to strange men

251
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,872
saying the word
"bedroom" around me.

252
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,207
Would you prefer, uh,
"sala de amor"?

253
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,709
That's even worse.

254
00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:46,210
Could you say it
one more time?

255
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,378
Sala de amor.

256
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,981
(gasps) Ooh!

257
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:52,250
Hello, children.

258
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,285
I hold before you a copy

259
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,454
of the school's new honor code.

260
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,455
(all groaning)

261
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,589
I know if I can get

262
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,758
the toughest kid in class
to sign it,

263
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,226
the rest of you will sign it.

264
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,328
Milhouse?

265
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,400
(grunts)
He's not the toughest kid, I am!

266
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,235
Mm-hmm!

267
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,237
Now, the smartest kid.

268
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:14,772
Milhouse?

269
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,407
He's not the smartest kid.

270
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,410
I am.

271
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,246
Now the class nerd.

272
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,083
Milhouse?

273
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,151
(sighs): Oh.

274
00:11:28,253 --> 00:11:30,555
(snickers)

275
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,125
Homer, are you prepared
to achieve the dreams

276
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,426
of a ten year old?

277
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,363
I took the liberty of crossing
off the, uh, stupid ones.

278
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,267
Now, this book
of your childhood drawings

279
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,936
will come to life.

280
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,005
Why are you doing this?

281
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,307
Wait, are you in love with me?

282
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,976
In love
with the concept of you, yes.

283
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:55,713
Woo-hoo! I'm an attractive
concept like Liberty!

284
00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:01,019
(siren wailing)

285
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,120
(tires screech)

286
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,821
One more ride?

287
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,289
All right.

288
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,492
Don't forget to ring the bell.

289
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,193
(bell ringing)

290
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:13,297
(laughing, grunting)

291
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,665
I'm sick of pirates

292
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,135
off the street ruining my play!

293
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:20,471
I'm going back to my old career!

294
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,973
Care to see a dessert menu?

295
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,909
We have the best cobbler
since Daniel Day-Lewis.

296
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,316
How much did this
cost to restage?

297
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,720
They rented everything from
Comic Book Guy for ten bucks.

298
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,656
Don't stink up
the Gorn head.

299
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,492
I need it
for a Bar Mitzvah later.

300
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,860
(birds chirping)

301
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,329
Now don't forget,
this is the first exam

302
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:46,564
under the new honor code.

303
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,999
They're doing it.

304
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,367
They're self-proctoring.

305
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,536
Can't you say anything
in a normal way?

306
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,672
The answer, sadly,
is not yes.

307
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,074
(crickets trilling)

308
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,009
I don't know what it is

309
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,510
about having
all my dreams fulfilled,

310
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,412
but I feel great!

311
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,748
Oh, if you're
happy I'm happy.

312
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,749
What?

313
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,250
That doesn't sound happy.

314
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,386
I feel kind of, oh...

315
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,354
melancholy.

316
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,690
Mmm, melon collie.

317
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,225
(barking)

318
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,027
That's not helping.

319
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,262
Well, what was
your childhood dream?

320
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,064
Jumping on the bed.

321
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,100
But I never disobeyed
my parents.

322
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,367
Till I married you.

323
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,069
Let's do it.

324
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,271
Oh, I'm a little tired.

325
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,040
Could we just snuggle again?

326
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,374
We do that every night!

327
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,375
Come on!

328
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,844
Jump on the bed!

329
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:37,048
(Homer giggling)
Ooh, okay!

330
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,950
(both laughing)

331
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,218
Can I help you, stranger?

332
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,386
I am just watching
my friend and his wife

333
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:45,256
innocently pleasure
themselves in bed.

334
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,224
That sounds salty,

335
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,925
but you seem sweet.

336
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,660
I'm gonna call you
Kettle Corn.

337
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:55,566
Eduardo, I haven't felt
this good in years.

338
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,568
You're like the Tooth Fairy.

339
00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,238
Except you don't collect
human bones.

340
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,407
Yes, yes. Of course I don't.

341
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,408
Here.

342
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,576
So, that's it?

343
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,246
All my dreams, lived?

344
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,914
Eh... all but one.

345
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,082
Well, we've got to do it!

346
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,117
I never leave
a job unfinished.

347
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,819
It's as true now as that week

348
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,587
I worked
on the high school yearbook.

349
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,122
So much infighting.

350
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,590
I had to get out of there.

351
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,293
All right, Homer,
we shall do this thing.

352
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,929
The editor put in
like six pictures of this girl

353
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,331
'cause she was his girlfriend.

354
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,000
Everyone has a
bad yearbook story.

355
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,101
They spelled my name wrong!

356
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,169
Get over it! Ha!

357
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,270
D'oh!

358
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,106
(propellers churning)

359
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,974
So don't do what I did.

360
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,343
That concludes our safety video.

361
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,978
(grunts)

362
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,314
Just step out that door

363
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,283
and you can glide to earth

364
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,651
like your boyhood hero...

365
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:49,387
Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

366
00:14:50,622 --> 00:14:52,456
Uh, actually,
my hero

367
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,992
was the actress
who provided Rocky's voice,

368
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,794
June Foray.

369
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,297
A true legend
in the voice-over community.

370
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,132
I'm just gonna stay on the plane

371
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,700
and think about her influence.

372
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,168
She has lived her life.

373
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,503
Now, you must live yours.

374
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,537
No!

375
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,638
Do not worry!

376
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,473
I will follow
the trail of your fear!

377
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,474
(Homer yells)

378
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,143
ANNOUNCER:
<i>Will Homer make it?</i>

379
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,011
<i>Or will he leave</i>
<i>a crater the size</i>

380
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,314
<i>of the one</i>
<i>that destroyed the Yucatan?</i>

381
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,983
<i>Find out in our next</i>
<i>exciting installment:</i>

382
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,351
Fat Splat...

383
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,753
<i>or</i> When You Squish
Upon a Car.

384
00:15:27,326 --> 00:15:28,993
Mmm, it's amazing.

385
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:32,530
Every day has the peace
and serenity of a flu outbreak.

386
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,900
(laughs) Guess I'll be getting
some extra credit for this.

387
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,668
Lisa, I'm afraid you've gotten

388
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,170
all the extra credit
we can give out.

389
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,539
So Willie has been
growing you a nice pumpkin.

390
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,174
Here it is, lass.

391
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:46,377
You want me to carve it
into a thank-o'-lantern?

392
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:47,411
No, this is good.

393
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:52,350
Well, this knife's got
to carve something.

394
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,418
(menacing music playing)

395
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,688
(grunting)

396
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:58,689
Homer!

397
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,224
(grunts thrice)

398
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,026
You don't have to flap.

399
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,095
Just glide on the wind.

400
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,264
Uh, okay.

401
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,232
Flap! Flap! Flap!
Flap! Flap! Flap!

402
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,534
(grunts twice)

403
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:13,471
Yes, good,
much better.

404
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,210
(groans)

405
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,279
I got Bart's backpack.

406
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,382
He got a hundred on his test?

407
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,450
That's impossible.

408
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,589
(gasps)
Is Bart cheating?

409
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,424
Are the Pope's tweets
infallible?

410
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,426
(laughs)

411
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,761
Bart, I'm gonna tell!

412
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:37,795
No, you're not.

413
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,563
Because if you tell people
I cheated,

414
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,132
that means your system failed.

415
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,234
Oh, my God,
you found a loophole!

416
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:46,604
Why don't you put this much
inventiveness into your work?

417
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,906
Because then I'd be the one
thing I swore I wouldn't.

418
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,074
You.

419
00:16:50,076 --> 00:16:52,310
(whistling)

420
00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:57,415
I'm doing it!

421
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,949
I'm flying like the squirrel

422
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,485
I always knew I was.

423
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:05,756
Ooh, indigo!

424
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,625
MARGE: Homer?
(yells gibberish)

425
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,127
It's me,
talking in your earphone.

426
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,762
Come down, Homie.

427
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,164
"You only live once"

428
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,767
also means when you die,
you die!

429
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,836
(cries out)

430
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:20,805
What's going on?

431
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,139
Hello?
(goose honks)

432
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,274
Hmm?
(honks)

433
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,275
Hmm? Hmm?
(honks)

434
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,476
Are you mocking me?

435
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,445
You can listen to your
wife when you are dead.

436
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,347
Savor the moment.

437
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:52,870
Majestic eagle.

438
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:56,707
Just like me,
unashamed of his baldness.

439
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,142
(eagle cries)

440
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,144
So beautiful.

441
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,979
Aw, he probably sees a mouse

442
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,547
he wants to tear in half.

443
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:04,548
(grunts)

444
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,150
D'oh!

445
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,186
Stupid tallest building
in Springfield!

446
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,255
(grunting)

447
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:17,228
Hmm...

448
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,396
(grunts)

449
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,464
(grunting)

450
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,535
Ha!
Whoa!

451
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,405
You've presented me
with quite a conundrum.

452
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,672
A word you should know

453
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:32,009
since it was on a
vocabulary test you aced.

454
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,244
(giggles)

455
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:37,047
But after some thought,
all my worries went away.

456
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,549
I know the answer.

457
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,019
I'm gonna force you
to turn yourself in.

458
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,087
Good luck with that.

459
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,388
The only thing that'll change
my mind

460
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,457
is a sign from God.

461
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,027
(Bart grunts)

462
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,863
Son, it was so beautiful!

463
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:56,200
I went faster
than the speed of sound.

464
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,269
(Homer yelling)

465
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:00,738
(grunts)

466
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,373
Well, Bart, is that enough

467
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,941
of a sign for you?

468
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,277
All right, I'll turn myself in.

469
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,945
It'll give me a chance
to work some more

470
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,713
on the detention quilt.

471
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,049
(humming a tune)

472
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,051
(all grunting)

473
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,053
This patch is
for all the victims

474
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,823
of atomic wedgies.

475
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:22,293
My friend,
you've lived your dreams.

476
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,229
No matter what,
Homer Simpson has done it.

477
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:28,299
And soon I hope I remember
who Homer Simpson is

478
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,568
and his relationship to me.

479
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,236
But I have no regrets.

480
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:35,439
In fact, all this
has given me a sense of calm

481
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,242
I've never had before.

482
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,910
That's the morphine.

483
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,246
Can you give me the
morphine forever?

484
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,247
No way!

485
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:44,748
A person on morphine
all the time

486
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,750
would constantly dissolve
in inappropriate laughter.

487
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:50,454
(laughs)

488
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:51,889
(sighs)

489
00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,262
Eduardo? Eduardo! Eduardo!

490
00:19:58,264 --> 00:19:59,830
(grunts)

491
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:02,166
Oh.

492
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,335
It was all just a dream.

493
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,936
EDUARDO:
It was not just a dream.

494
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,938
And you said you'd drive me
to the airport.

495
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,273
Oh, yeah.

496
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:10,441
Great.

497
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,775
Um...

498
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,010
Do I drop you at the curb

499
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,979
or do I have to park
and walk you in?

500
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,882
Go as far as your heart
will take you.

501
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,652
You are a good friend.

502
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:25,723
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff">Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
<font color="#00ffff">access.wgbh.org</font>

503
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:37,501
♪ You only live once

504
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:41,672
♪ But that's okay

505
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,975
♪ You'll live quite long

506
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:50,848
♪ In the USA...

507
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:56,153
♪ But back to my point

508
00:20:56,155 --> 00:21:00,824
♪ You only live once

509
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:03,527
♪ You've got years and years

510
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:09,233
♪ Unless it's just months.

511
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,405
Shh!