1 00:00:03,053 --> 00:00:04,787 (oogah horn blows) 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,826 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:17,767 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:20,937 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:25,141 D'oh! 6 00:00:25,143 --> 00:00:26,142 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,044 (grunts) 8 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,614 (angry shouting) 9 00:00:34,818 --> 00:00:37,286 (dramatic music plays) 10 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,655 (cries out) 11 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,507 (belches) 12 00:01:05,182 --> 00:01:06,182 MARGE: Oh! 13 00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,487 Come on. Just pick one. 14 00:01:13,023 --> 00:01:14,323 (sniffing) 15 00:01:18,462 --> 00:01:21,030 Oh. Fine, you can have your old one. 16 00:01:21,032 --> 00:01:23,099 (Marge sighs) 17 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,207 You can have one of these. 18 00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:32,375 (sniffing) 19 00:01:32,377 --> 00:01:34,043 Hmph! 20 00:01:34,045 --> 00:01:36,479 Did you know some historians think American football 21 00:01:36,481 --> 00:01:38,848 is based on an ancient Aztec game? 22 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,450 It's not American football, it's just football. 23 00:01:41,452 --> 00:01:43,652 Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me 24 00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:46,789 to go to the American football game instead of you? 25 00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:49,191 Mom, Lisa's ruining football. American football. 26 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,695 No time for breakfast, Marge. Just give me a banana. 27 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,764 (humming) 28 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,101 Now, listen. I have to work late tonight. 29 00:02:02,572 --> 00:02:05,875 Again? I was hoping you could spend some time with the kids. 30 00:02:05,877 --> 00:02:09,211 It's a tough economy. Money doesn't grow on trees. 31 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:12,048 It grows on threes. 32 00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:13,516 (laughs) 33 00:02:13,518 --> 00:02:14,650 Yeah, I'm out. 34 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:15,651 Me, too. 35 00:02:15,653 --> 00:02:17,086 Too rich for my blood. 36 00:02:17,088 --> 00:02:18,788 I should not have anted with my blood. 37 00:02:19,923 --> 00:02:21,257 Whew. 38 00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:22,792 You got the touch tonight, Homer. 39 00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:25,528 (chuckles) 40 00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:27,930 Nice sunglasses, Lenny. 41 00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:29,598 Homer Simpson. 42 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,234 Do you really want to keep cheating your friends, 43 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,236 lying to your wife, and avoiding your kids? 44 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,871 What would Jesus do? 45 00:02:35,873 --> 00:02:37,440 Hey, you gotta pay to find out. 46 00:02:37,442 --> 00:02:38,674 You looking for a tell? 47 00:02:38,676 --> 00:02:40,676 I don't have one, my friend. 48 00:02:40,678 --> 00:02:43,079 What? What are you lookin' at? 49 00:02:43,081 --> 00:02:44,747 I'd better call it a night, guys. 50 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:47,116 I don't want to take any more of your money. 51 00:02:47,118 --> 00:02:50,753 Mm. Mm. Mm. 52 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,688 Hmm. 53 00:02:52,690 --> 00:02:56,459 Who's president now, Alexander Hamilton? 54 00:02:56,461 --> 00:02:58,194 I think it's Obama. 55 00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,364 Hold the door, please. 56 00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:04,567 (breathes heavily) Two minutes apart. 57 00:03:04,569 --> 00:03:05,968 Timing the elevators, eh? Oh. 58 00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:07,369 Smart. Oh. 59 00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:08,904 No, no. 60 00:03:08,906 --> 00:03:10,639 I'm timing my contractions. 61 00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:12,074 I think I'm in labor. 62 00:03:12,076 --> 00:03:13,742 Deep in labor. 63 00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,278 Okay, okay, no worries. 64 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,980 What the...? Oh! 65 00:03:17,982 --> 00:03:20,216 Do you have a cell phone? 66 00:03:20,218 --> 00:03:22,985 Everyone has a cell phone. Mine's at home. 67 00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:26,288 The most beautiful moment of my life is happening now. 68 00:03:28,391 --> 00:03:29,758 Everything will be fine. 69 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,161 Um...Oh you, uh, you like movies? 70 00:03:32,163 --> 00:03:35,297 This reminds me of that scene in Alien. What? 71 00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:38,234 The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end. 72 00:03:38,236 --> 00:03:40,002 Aw, well, that's sweet. 73 00:03:40,004 --> 00:03:42,605 Listen, I'm glad I'm not going through this alone. 74 00:03:42,607 --> 00:03:44,607 I haven't seen my boyfriend in months. 75 00:03:44,609 --> 00:03:47,810 Oh, uh, he was just here. 76 00:03:47,812 --> 00:03:49,245 No, he wasn't. 77 00:03:49,247 --> 00:03:50,279 But thanks for lying. 78 00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,248 You like lies? Here's a few: 79 00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,984 College is expensive but it's worth it. 80 00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:56,519 I think the baby's coming. 81 00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,988 Okay Homer, remember your Lamaze training. 82 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:01,924 Now, this next position is fantastic 83 00:04:01,926 --> 00:04:04,994 for women who are carrying especially big. 84 00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:06,762 Homer, can you demonstrate? 85 00:04:06,764 --> 00:04:08,297 Mm-hmm. 86 00:04:08,299 --> 00:04:09,598 Mm... 87 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,202 Oh. Yeah, wow, that does feel good. 88 00:04:13,204 --> 00:04:14,603 Oh, no, I think it's coming. 89 00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:17,039 Oh, I haven't even picked a name yet. 90 00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:19,175 You did this to me. 91 00:04:19,177 --> 00:04:20,176 No, I didn't. 92 00:04:20,178 --> 00:04:21,777 I'm talking to the baby. 93 00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:24,213 Here it comes. 94 00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,215 Um, I don't know how to tell you this, 95 00:04:26,217 --> 00:04:29,318 but your baby doesn't have any legs. What? 96 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,553 Oh, wait, there's more. 97 00:04:30,555 --> 00:04:31,787 Mm. (grunts) 98 00:04:31,789 --> 00:04:33,189 (baby cries) 99 00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:34,557 It's a dude. 100 00:04:34,559 --> 00:04:36,225 And he's uncut. 101 00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:37,960 Very Euro. 102 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:39,461 Now, hug your mommy. 103 00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:42,398 For unto you is born this day, in this elevator, 104 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,000 inspected in August 2009, 105 00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:46,569 a baby. 106 00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:47,836 (elevator motor humming) 107 00:04:47,838 --> 00:04:49,038 (relieved sigh) 108 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,640 Well, it was nice to share this moment 109 00:04:51,642 --> 00:04:53,209 with someone who cared. 110 00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,878 Yeah, that guy didn't even look over once. 111 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,813 Lobby please. 112 00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:01,417 (grunts) 113 00:05:01,419 --> 00:05:03,385 (moans) How was work? 114 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:04,987 Miraculous. 115 00:05:04,989 --> 00:05:06,021 Mm? 116 00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:08,390 Mothers are so awesome. 117 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,658 Oh. 118 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,895 These are great seats. 119 00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:14,830 You can hear the players swear from up here. 120 00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:17,566 PLAYER: I'll kick your ass, Milhouse. 121 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:20,402 ANNOUNCER: And now, to take your minds off the massive concussion 122 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,571 and subdural hematoma you just witnessed, 123 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:27,409 please welcome the Springfield Atomettes. 124 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:30,379 Now, for this routine, we need the help 125 00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:32,648 of a junior Atomette. 126 00:05:36,286 --> 00:05:38,387 They're picking me, Dad. 127 00:05:38,389 --> 00:05:40,923 Don't call me "Dad." If people think peanut vendors 128 00:05:40,925 --> 00:05:42,524 have families, it's too sad. 129 00:05:42,526 --> 00:05:44,593 ANNOUNCER: Looks like we've got a volunteer... 130 00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,663 right there. (gasps) 131 00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:51,900 Look, while I'd like to help, 132 00:05:51,902 --> 00:05:54,470 I'm kind of pessimistic about the team's chances. 133 00:05:54,472 --> 00:05:57,239 They're gonna get creamed. 134 00:05:57,241 --> 00:05:59,441 Go, go, go! 135 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,045 Mm? 136 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,313 (crowd cheering) 137 00:06:04,315 --> 00:06:06,382 Uh... 138 00:06:06,384 --> 00:06:08,450 ♪ 139 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,820 (crowd cheering, whooping) 140 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,557 I'm dating a cheerleader. 141 00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,159 LISA (in the distance): No, you're not. 142 00:06:17,161 --> 00:06:19,728 PLAYER: Burned again, Milhouse. 143 00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,730 (crowd chatter) 144 00:06:22,766 --> 00:06:25,334 Wow, that was great. 145 00:06:25,336 --> 00:06:27,970 Can I have my regular clothes back, please? 146 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:30,572 No... problem. 147 00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:31,907 Great job, ladies. 148 00:06:31,909 --> 00:06:33,842 Now here's your 50 bucks each 149 00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:37,313 which should just about cover your parking. 150 00:06:37,315 --> 00:06:39,415 I can't believe he pays you so little. 151 00:06:39,417 --> 00:06:41,517 The crowd was crazy about you. 152 00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:43,952 I know, but what are we gonna do about it? 153 00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:46,422 If we pipe up they'll put us in the mascot costume. 154 00:06:46,424 --> 00:06:47,790 WOMEN: Ew. 155 00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:50,926 After you wear that, you need to be hosed down for bedbugs. 156 00:06:52,762 --> 00:06:54,963 Good game, everyone. I never dreamed 157 00:06:54,965 --> 00:06:56,865 a night where you discovered I was cheating 158 00:06:56,867 --> 00:07:00,102 and beat the crap out of me could end on such an up note. 159 00:07:00,104 --> 00:07:01,370 See you next week. 160 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,605 WOMAN: Homer. 161 00:07:03,607 --> 00:07:05,774 Hmm? Hey, Gretchen. 162 00:07:05,776 --> 00:07:07,710 I had your jacket cleaned. 163 00:07:07,712 --> 00:07:09,611 Good as new. And thanks for loaning me 164 00:07:09,613 --> 00:07:11,447 your sweater for the ride home. 165 00:07:11,449 --> 00:07:13,515 It may be a little stretched out. 166 00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,951 Geez, that was a pregnancy sweater. 167 00:07:15,953 --> 00:07:18,954 So, you want to hold little Homer? 168 00:07:18,956 --> 00:07:22,358 Wow, so now there's two things named after me-- 169 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:26,395 a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m. 170 00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:30,432 (nasally): Aw, that's sweet. 171 00:07:34,571 --> 00:07:36,205 (tires screech) 172 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,341 MOE: Read 'em and weep. 173 00:07:39,343 --> 00:07:41,410 The novels of Charlotte Bronte. 174 00:07:41,412 --> 00:07:43,912 CARL: Um, I thought we were playing cards. 175 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,384 Uh, hey. 176 00:07:48,386 --> 00:07:50,219 I was just driving by 177 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:52,721 with some baby stuff we didn't need 178 00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:55,824 and, uh, well, here's some diapers Maggie's too big for, 179 00:07:55,826 --> 00:08:00,562 and an incredible educational toy I forgot to give Bart. 180 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:04,032 Thanks. Hey, could you babysit for an hour? 181 00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:05,868 I've been alone with the baby for days. 182 00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:07,436 Wow, I'd love to help, 183 00:08:07,438 --> 00:08:10,606 but I did kind of have plans for tonight. 184 00:08:10,608 --> 00:08:12,441 MOE: No, you can't leave. I'm dealin' you in. 185 00:08:12,443 --> 00:08:14,209 (grunts) (screams) 186 00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:15,411 Full house? 187 00:08:15,413 --> 00:08:17,946 You win again? 188 00:08:17,948 --> 00:08:21,083 I think I'll be good tonight and stay in with you. 189 00:08:22,519 --> 00:08:27,589 ♪ Baby, baby, please let me hold him ♪ 190 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,191 Where's Hoju? 191 00:08:29,193 --> 00:08:30,893 Where's Hoju? 192 00:08:30,895 --> 00:08:33,195 (screams) Where's Hoju? 193 00:08:33,197 --> 00:08:35,197 Where's Hoju? 194 00:08:35,199 --> 00:08:36,899 Where's Hoju?! 195 00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:38,867 (sobbing) ♪ We want to make him stay up all night ♪ 196 00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,702 ♪ Yeah, we do. 197 00:08:40,704 --> 00:08:42,771 ♪ 198 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,544 (song ends) 199 00:08:48,546 --> 00:08:50,712 ♪ Itchy and Scratchy show. 200 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:55,918 ♪ A child arrived just the other day ♪ 201 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,319 ♪ He came to the world in the usual way ♪ 202 00:08:57,321 --> 00:09:00,122 ♪ But there were planes to catch ♪ 203 00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,457 ♪ And bills to pay 204 00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:03,992 ♪ He learned to walk while I was away ♪ 205 00:09:03,994 --> 00:09:07,129 ♪ And he was talking 'fore I knew it ♪ 206 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:10,899 ♪ And as he grew, he'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad" ♪ 207 00:09:10,901 --> 00:09:13,469 ♪ "You know I'm gonna be like you" ♪ 208 00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:18,273 ♪ And the cat's in the cradle... ♪ 209 00:09:18,275 --> 00:09:19,842 (explosion, music stops) 210 00:09:19,844 --> 00:09:22,511 Kids blow up so fast. 211 00:09:22,513 --> 00:09:25,280 (Homer humming) 212 00:09:25,282 --> 00:09:27,516 Oh! Homie? 213 00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:29,918 Aw, you're shopping ahead for Maggie. 214 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,520 Oh, no, I'm shopping for Homer Jr., 215 00:09:31,522 --> 00:09:33,355 a baby I delivered in an elevator 216 00:09:33,357 --> 00:09:35,257 the night I pretended to go to work 217 00:09:35,259 --> 00:09:36,658 but was really playing poker. 218 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,693 What?! 219 00:09:37,695 --> 00:09:39,528 (grunting) 220 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:41,830 This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, 221 00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,699 a subsidiary of your penis. 222 00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:47,703 Oh, yes, I'm shopping for Maggie, our baby together, 223 00:09:47,705 --> 00:09:49,638 so this looks perfectly innocent. 224 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,607 Why are you saying that? 225 00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,675 Oh, you know how the first few weeks are: 226 00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,545 sleep deprived, walking around in a fog. 227 00:09:56,547 --> 00:09:58,514 First few weeks of what? 228 00:09:58,516 --> 00:10:00,048 Um, November. 229 00:10:00,050 --> 00:10:01,550 (groans) 230 00:10:01,552 --> 00:10:03,285 (grunting, low chatter) 231 00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:04,953 Hey, Atomette. 232 00:10:04,955 --> 00:10:06,688 I want to say... Caitlin? 233 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,524 Lisa. Guys, do you realize 234 00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:10,726 you're being exploited by this team? 235 00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:12,394 ALL: Wha...? 236 00:10:12,396 --> 00:10:13,896 They sell your posters, 237 00:10:13,898 --> 00:10:15,130 workout DVDs, 238 00:10:15,132 --> 00:10:16,331 and all of your practices 239 00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:17,933 are broadcast on a webcam. 240 00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,340 And some of the angles 241 00:10:25,342 --> 00:10:27,743 are low. 242 00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:29,645 But don't worry, collective bargaining 243 00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:31,780 will enable us to secure concessions. 244 00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:36,018 Uh, we're gonna push 'em back, 245 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,921 push 'em back, push 'em way, way back. 246 00:10:38,923 --> 00:10:40,589 All the way to a new contract. 247 00:10:40,591 --> 00:10:42,558 'Cause union power is a fact. 248 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,426 And we're... 249 00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:45,761 Okay, okay, we get it. 250 00:10:45,763 --> 00:10:47,729 Well, look who's here. 251 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,732 You been hit by the cheerleading bug, little lady? 252 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:54,603 Actually, I've been hit by the unfair labor practices bug. 253 00:10:54,605 --> 00:10:57,739 What? Why, that's Samuel Gompers talk. 254 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:01,743 Now, little missy, the only thing you should be organizin' 255 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,111 is your dollies. 256 00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:06,548 How? By size, brand, value? 257 00:11:06,550 --> 00:11:08,717 And don't even suggest race, 'cause I don't see that. 258 00:11:08,719 --> 00:11:10,752 I just see little people I own. 259 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:11,787 What do you say, ladies? 260 00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:13,755 (indistinct whispering) 261 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,757 Not right, not fair. 262 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,593 Let's say it with our hair. 263 00:11:22,632 --> 00:11:24,066 Okay, fine. 264 00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:25,634 I'm gonna give it some thought, 265 00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:28,770 then say no in the nicest way possible. 266 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,606 No. 267 00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:37,613 Oh, good. 268 00:11:37,615 --> 00:11:39,247 Nice. 269 00:11:39,249 --> 00:11:40,716 "Beat Dallas." 270 00:11:40,718 --> 00:11:43,285 Can never argue with that. 271 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:47,623 Hey, ladies. My vest isn't the only thing that's ripped. 272 00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:50,292 I am in the market for a backup mistress. 273 00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:51,727 Possibly two. 274 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:53,629 Have you kids seen your father? 275 00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:56,732 Surprised he's not here ogling these girls. 276 00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:58,100 He said he was going to work. 277 00:11:58,102 --> 00:12:00,168 On a Friday afternoon? 278 00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,971 (gasps) I bet he's playing poker again. 279 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,106 Coming through. 280 00:12:04,108 --> 00:12:05,807 Wife on a mission. 281 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,175 Go, fight, win. 282 00:12:07,177 --> 00:12:08,377 Marge. 283 00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:12,648 Wow, I've never burst through a banner before, 284 00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:14,650 but it really does the trick. 285 00:12:14,652 --> 00:12:15,917 (pounding on door) 286 00:12:15,919 --> 00:12:18,487 Homer, I know you're here. 287 00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:19,988 Your car's outside. 288 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,657 Where is he? 289 00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,492 I honestly don't know. 290 00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:26,528 I'm just teaching myself massage here with online videos 291 00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,696 and a store mannequin. 292 00:12:27,698 --> 00:12:30,832 Oh, I'm so sorry. 293 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:33,001 So, do you have any injuries I should know about? 294 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,302 Oh! 295 00:12:34,304 --> 00:12:36,772 Hmm, if he's not in there, where is he? 296 00:12:36,774 --> 00:12:38,440 HOMER: Oh, baby. 297 00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:40,809 Oh, baby, shake it. Homer like. 298 00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:43,311 (gasps) Oh. 299 00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:45,881 Shake it. Now, roll over on your tummy, 300 00:12:45,883 --> 00:12:47,315 just like I taught you. 301 00:12:47,317 --> 00:12:49,518 Tell me what a cow says. 302 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,886 (toy moos) 303 00:12:50,888 --> 00:12:52,954 Aah! My other baby mama. 304 00:12:52,956 --> 00:12:55,157 So this is where you've been going. 305 00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:57,793 Another woman's apartment. 306 00:12:57,795 --> 00:12:59,528 Marge, it's not what you think. 307 00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,530 Quiet. You're upsetting Homer Jr. 308 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,899 (quietly): You have a baby together? 309 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,233 Oh, it's cool. 310 00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:06,968 We did it in an elevator. 311 00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:09,871 (gasps) I'm a Schwarzenegger wife. 312 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,808 But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good. 313 00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:13,909 It's not good. 314 00:13:13,911 --> 00:13:15,310 None of it's good. 315 00:13:15,312 --> 00:13:17,245 I haven't had a drink for a week. 316 00:13:17,247 --> 00:13:18,780 That is pretty good. 317 00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:24,553 So then you delivered her baby 318 00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:27,355 right there in the elevator. It's true. 319 00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:29,725 Even the other guy in the elevator-- he's right here. 320 00:13:29,727 --> 00:13:32,227 And the really funny thing is I'm a doctor. 321 00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,897 Well, I'm glad you did a good deed, 322 00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:37,766 but you shouldn't come here again. 323 00:13:37,768 --> 00:13:40,502 I thought that was strange poop on your collar. 324 00:13:40,504 --> 00:13:41,903 (moans sadly) 325 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,271 Good-bye, Homer Jr. 326 00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:45,373 I guess you're the man of the house now. 327 00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:46,742 And never forget, 328 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:48,910 even though the mortgage is due on the first, 329 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,880 you can usually wait till the 17th. 330 00:13:51,882 --> 00:13:54,750 (sobbing) 331 00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:56,752 You know what? 332 00:13:56,754 --> 00:13:59,921 I think it's fine if Homer spends a few hours 333 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:01,623 now and then with... 334 00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:03,525 Homer Jr. 335 00:14:03,527 --> 00:14:04,960 Exactly. 336 00:14:04,962 --> 00:14:06,895 You always said charity begins at home. 337 00:14:06,897 --> 00:14:08,530 But not which home. 338 00:14:08,532 --> 00:14:11,533 It's true, I never specified the home. 339 00:14:11,535 --> 00:14:13,535 ♪ There's a great and a bloody fight ♪ 340 00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:15,137 ♪ 'Round this whole world tonight ♪ 341 00:14:15,139 --> 00:14:18,039 ♪ And the battle, the bombs and shrapnel reign ♪ 342 00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:20,108 ♪ Hitler told the world around 343 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,743 ♪ He would tear our union down ♪ 344 00:14:21,745 --> 00:14:24,946 ♪ But our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 345 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:28,884 ♪ Our union's gonna break them slavery chains ♪ 346 00:14:28,886 --> 00:14:30,786 (tires screeching) 347 00:14:30,788 --> 00:14:35,123 ♪ I walked up on a mountain in the middle of the sky ♪ 348 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:38,059 ♪ Could see every farm and every town ♪ 349 00:14:38,061 --> 00:14:40,996 ♪ I could see all the people in this whole wide world ♪ 350 00:14:40,998 --> 00:14:45,467 ♪ That's the union that'll tear the fascists down, down, down. ♪ 351 00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:48,970 Now to sing you a lullaby my father sung to me. 352 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:51,139 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep ♪ 353 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,975 ♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. ♪ 354 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,044 (snoring softly) 355 00:14:58,281 --> 00:15:01,950 Oh, man, I really overdid it tonight. 356 00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:03,585 Late night at Moe's, eh? 357 00:15:03,587 --> 00:15:05,420 No, I'm exhausted from 358 00:15:05,422 --> 00:15:08,023 ♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. ♪ 359 00:15:08,025 --> 00:15:09,991 It's the toes that get you, Marge. 360 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,159 It's the toes. 361 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,994 What about your own children? 362 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,831 Way ahead of you, Marge, I'm taking all four 363 00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:17,699 of my kids to the zoo tomorrow. 364 00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:19,000 Three. 365 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,168 Yes, we'll be back by 3:00. 366 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,003 Homer has a very tight nap schedule. 367 00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,306 Quit talking about that baby. 368 00:15:24,308 --> 00:15:27,042 I was talking about myself in the third person. 369 00:15:27,044 --> 00:15:28,543 Oh. 370 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,279 We can't take much more of this, Lisa. 371 00:15:31,281 --> 00:15:34,182 The girls are getting so antsy they'll cheer anything. 372 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,651 You're the greatest generation, 373 00:15:36,653 --> 00:15:39,054 worthy of our veneration. 374 00:15:39,056 --> 00:15:41,690 Go Grampa! 375 00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:45,460 If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match? 376 00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:47,462 (doorbell rings) 377 00:15:47,464 --> 00:15:50,332 (deep sigh) Okay, I give up. 378 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:53,735 I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo-- 379 00:15:53,737 --> 00:15:54,870 surrender. 380 00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,404 (cheering) 381 00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,707 While you're at it, how about a little boost 382 00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,208 for peanut vendors? 383 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:03,612 What do you think I'm taking their raise out of? 384 00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:10,051 (jabbering happily) 385 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,087 I wanted you all to be happy together, 386 00:16:12,089 --> 00:16:13,421 so I brought you to the zoo 387 00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:16,324 where all the animals live in harmony. 388 00:16:18,694 --> 00:16:20,095 (growls) 389 00:16:20,097 --> 00:16:21,763 (triumphant wail) 390 00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:23,565 Okay, guys, I got your ice creams. 391 00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:28,670 Hey, ah, ah, ah. 392 00:16:28,672 --> 00:16:31,573 Now, Maggie, we don't hurt each other in this family. 393 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,108 Are you nuts? 394 00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,043 You can't even kiss me good night without slicing me 395 00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:37,045 with your stubble. Why you little... 396 00:16:37,047 --> 00:16:39,114 I'll give you a good-night kiss you'll never forget. 397 00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:40,448 Come here, you. 398 00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,083 (grunting) Aah, ooh, ah! 399 00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,686 Ah! Ow! Yeah! 400 00:16:44,688 --> 00:16:48,924 Dad, we're missing the giant capybaras of Uruguay. 401 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,062 Okay, I know what'll cheer you kids up. 402 00:16:54,064 --> 00:16:56,798 Seeing me out-monkey the monkeys. 403 00:16:57,566 --> 00:16:59,601 (hooting like a monkey) 404 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,736 (angry hooting, screeching) 405 00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:03,939 I have a soul and you guys don't. 406 00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:05,073 (hooting) 407 00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:06,975 Aah! Monkeys! 408 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,312 (grunts) 409 00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:12,480 (angry grunt) 410 00:17:17,486 --> 00:17:19,754 Dad, Maggie's rolling away. 411 00:17:19,756 --> 00:17:21,923 (gasps) She's heading for Prairie Dog Village. 412 00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:23,291 If they get her in their warrens, 413 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,960 we'll never see her again. 414 00:17:24,962 --> 00:17:26,628 (chittering) 415 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,229 Look, shiny keys. 416 00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:29,297 Jingle jangle. 417 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,000 (grunts, laughs) Stupid monkeys. 418 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,141 That's it, Maggie, use the Dino-Wand. 419 00:17:48,451 --> 00:17:52,620 This is the last time you'll see that elevator baby. 420 00:17:52,622 --> 00:17:55,190 I'm sorry, Homer Jr. 421 00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:58,026 You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart 422 00:17:58,028 --> 00:18:01,529 that no one can ever quite fill. 423 00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:04,432 (Homer sobbing) 424 00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:07,602 Therapy, please. Me, too. 425 00:18:07,604 --> 00:18:09,871 Okay, I've got to impart all my fatherly advice 426 00:18:09,873 --> 00:18:11,339 in this one walk. 427 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,476 The sky is blue, but nobody really knows why. 428 00:18:14,478 --> 00:18:16,144 Don't believe what they tell you. 429 00:18:16,146 --> 00:18:18,213 Girls are great and terrible at the same time. 430 00:18:18,215 --> 00:18:19,814 Get used to it. 431 00:18:19,816 --> 00:18:22,183 And, most importantly... Oops, we're here. 432 00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,119 You'll have to figure it out on your own. 433 00:18:25,788 --> 00:18:28,023 Sorry, little fella. One day I'll be that guy 434 00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:30,692 who comes to your wedding, makes you feel a little weird, 435 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,027 and then runs away. 436 00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:33,395 Homer, great news. 437 00:18:33,397 --> 00:18:34,863 Chase came back. 438 00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,631 (whoops) Who's Chase? 439 00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:38,199 Homer Jr.'s father. 440 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,069 Oh, my God, is that my son? 441 00:18:41,071 --> 00:18:42,670 You didn't tell me he was a soldier. 442 00:18:42,672 --> 00:18:44,639 You didn't tell me you were pregnant. 443 00:18:44,641 --> 00:18:46,841 I didn't want you to marry me because I was pregnant. 444 00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:49,144 I wanted you to marry me because I was nagging you. 445 00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:50,645 (fusses) 446 00:18:50,647 --> 00:18:53,314 Um, he likes it if you tickle his toes. 447 00:18:53,316 --> 00:18:55,050 Dude, he's my kid. He likes what I like. 448 00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:56,918 But n-n-n-nurture. 449 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,220 Gretch, I think he's got my calves. 450 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,056 He does, baby, he does. 451 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:03,224 Can I just say good-bye to him quick? 452 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,225 Sure. 453 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,227 I guess this is it, little guy. 454 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:10,265 Da-da. (gasps) The most beautiful words a father can hear. 455 00:19:10,267 --> 00:19:13,068 Da-da. Da-da. Oh. 456 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,437 Hey, one day you'll have kids of your own. 457 00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:19,207 I do. Really? Then this is much creepier than I thought. 458 00:19:19,209 --> 00:19:20,675 Much. 459 00:19:22,111 --> 00:19:24,212 Shouldn't have bet his door if he didn't want to lose it. 460 00:19:24,214 --> 00:19:26,181 (sighs) 461 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,256 Hi, Maggie. If you could talk, 462 00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:38,126 I know you'd have a few choice words for me. 463 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:43,364 You want me to take care of your dolly? 464 00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:47,102 That's the sweetest thing any baby has ever done for me. 465 00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:01,783 Honey, you know where the bottle opener is? 466 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,218 I think it's in the drawer. 467 00:20:04,753 --> 00:20:06,154 Whoa, little dude. 468 00:20:06,156 --> 00:20:07,522 Where did you learn that? 469 00:20:12,161 --> 00:20:15,597 This is what we're fighting for, babe. 470 00:20:15,599 --> 00:20:17,332 (marching band playing theme song ) 471 00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:19,501 HOMER: Hey, what's this marching band have to do with Homer Jr.? 472 00:20:19,503 --> 00:20:21,102 What?! 473 00:20:21,104 --> 00:20:24,005 There were cheerleaders in our house and nobody told me? 474 00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:26,074 (Homer moans) 475 00:20:32,014 --> 00:20:34,082 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 476 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,844 Shh!