1
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:07,397
(metronome ticking)
2
00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:10,133
(classical music playing)
3
00:00:21,913 --> 00:00:23,547
(jazz music playing)
4
00:00:29,454 --> 00:00:32,055
(classical music playing)
5
00:00:36,761 --> 00:00:38,428
(jazz music playing)
6
00:00:44,369 --> 00:00:45,936
(low note blaring)
7
00:00:50,608 --> 00:00:52,609
(classical music playing)
8
00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,283
(chugging)
9
00:01:07,825 --> 00:01:10,360
(dramatic classical music
playing)
10
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,602
(bluesy sax riff plays)
11
00:01:20,204 --> 00:01:23,106
(all playing blues)
12
00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:31,214
(orchestra playing bluesy song)
13
00:01:34,752 --> 00:01:36,119
(whistle blows)
14
00:01:38,923 --> 00:01:41,925
(tromping footsteps)
15
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:44,594
(playing rock version of
The Simpsons theme song)
16
00:01:44,596 --> 00:01:46,730
(jazz music playing)
17
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,802
(all playing The Simpsons
theme song)
18
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,141
(playing jazz version of
The Simpsons theme song)
19
00:02:07,051 --> 00:02:08,985
(bell ringing, kids cheering)
20
00:02:10,721 --> 00:02:13,890
♪ One is the loneliest number
21
00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:16,893
♪ That you'll ever do
22
00:02:16,895 --> 00:02:20,530
♪ Two can be as bad as one
23
00:02:20,532 --> 00:02:24,534
♪ It's the loneliest number
since the number one ♪
24
00:02:24,536 --> 00:02:30,974
♪ No is the saddest experience
you'll ever know ♪
25
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:35,545
♪ Yes, it's the saddest
experience you'll ever know ♪
26
00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,214
(grunts)
27
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:43,553
♪ 'Cause one is the loneliest
number that you'll ever do ♪
28
00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:49,159
♪ One is the loneliest number,
worse than two ♪
29
00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:50,393
♪ And one...
30
00:02:50,395 --> 00:02:52,395
You know, I really think
I've made my point.
31
00:02:52,397 --> 00:02:53,663
(thunder crashes)
32
00:02:53,665 --> 00:02:56,833
Oh, the rain has washed away
the playground shed!
33
00:02:56,835 --> 00:02:59,236
I'm being chased by sports!
34
00:02:59,238 --> 00:03:02,405
It's called "precipitation,"
'cause it never fails
35
00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:03,907
to precipitate unruly behavior.
36
00:03:03,909 --> 00:03:05,742
(thunder crashes)
37
00:03:05,744 --> 00:03:08,411
And saddest of all,
those who do not have a friend
38
00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:09,813
to play with in the rain,
39
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,250
doomed to get
only single pneumonia.
40
00:03:18,356 --> 00:03:19,789
A spit wad?
41
00:03:19,791 --> 00:03:22,425
Well, at least
I'm getting some attention.
42
00:03:24,028 --> 00:03:25,695
And the best part is
I'm bombarding her
43
00:03:25,697 --> 00:03:26,696
with her own homework.
44
00:03:26,698 --> 00:03:28,098
(laughs)
45
00:03:36,707 --> 00:03:38,008
(sighs)
46
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,543
(screams)
47
00:03:40,545 --> 00:03:42,279
Begone!
48
00:03:42,281 --> 00:03:44,181
(hisses)
49
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,615
(chuckles)
50
00:03:45,617 --> 00:03:48,385
Well, you're never alone
surrounded by...
51
00:03:48,387 --> 00:03:50,887
The Autobiography
of Charles Manson?
52
00:03:50,889 --> 00:03:51,955
(screams)
53
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,759
Hmm.
54
00:03:57,528 --> 00:04:00,197
Huh?
55
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,898
Hi. New kid, second grade.
56
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,033
Don't you love the rain?
57
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,534
(gasps) New kid?
58
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,503
Uh, have you made
any friends?
59
00:04:06,505 --> 00:04:07,971
Just Charlotte,
Emily and Anne.
60
00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,840
(gasps) That's a reference
to the Bronte sisters!
61
00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:13,343
(gasps) You got my reference
to the Bronte sisters?!
62
00:04:13,345 --> 00:04:14,911
Nice to meet you,
Lisa Simpson.
63
00:04:14,913 --> 00:04:16,980
How do you know my name?
64
00:04:16,982 --> 00:04:18,815
I deciphered the anagrams
on your notebook.
65
00:04:18,817 --> 00:04:20,150
Oh.
66
00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:21,952
Be Lisa?
67
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,656
(gasps) Isabel!
68
00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:27,991
(both giggle)
69
00:04:29,994 --> 00:04:31,461
HOMER:
Ooh, spaghetti.
70
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,166
(phone ringing)
71
00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,701
Y'ello!
72
00:04:37,703 --> 00:04:40,570
Lisa, you got a call
from someone named Isabel.
73
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,871
(gasps)
74
00:04:41,873 --> 00:04:44,074
May I ask
what this is regarding?
75
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:47,210
Ooh! A budding new friendship?
Oh!
76
00:04:47,212 --> 00:04:49,412
Boy, how come you can't
get a new friend?
77
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,914
What's wrong with the one I got?
78
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,717
I finally got that M&M
out of my inner ear.
79
00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:57,120
I remembered correctly;
it was a green one!
80
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,456
Don't eat it.
It's been in his ear.
81
00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,591
Don't eat it. It's been
in his ear.
82
00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:08,298
Don't eat it. It's been in the
boy's ear and the dog's mouth.
83
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,233
Don't eat it.
84
00:05:10,235 --> 00:05:13,203
Oh, for God's sake!
85
00:05:13,205 --> 00:05:15,739
And don't you hate being
the middle child?
86
00:05:15,741 --> 00:05:18,742
Yeah. In the car, I always
have to sit on the hump.
87
00:05:18,744 --> 00:05:20,043
It makes reading impossible.
88
00:05:20,045 --> 00:05:22,779
MARGE: Lisa, your
food's getting cold!
89
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,282
It's raw veggies.
They're supposed to be cold!
90
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,418
Well, someone who loves you
put melted butter on them!
91
00:05:28,420 --> 00:05:29,919
Thank you,
Mr. Bergstrom.
92
00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:31,888
I'll tell Lisa
you dropped by.
93
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:32,789
I better go.
94
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,658
Okay, but one more thing:
95
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:36,293
I noticed we're both
doing presentations
96
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,895
on Franklin Roosevelt at school.
Why don't we do them together?
97
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:42,799
(quietly): Oh, my God.
Someone wants to be my partner.
98
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,834
Can't screw this up.
99
00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:47,570
Downloading, downloading,
downloading,
100
00:05:47,572 --> 00:05:48,738
downloading, downloading...
101
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:51,274
(computer chimes,
electronic fanfare plays)
102
00:05:51,276 --> 00:05:52,475
Whoo-hoo!
103
00:05:53,911 --> 00:05:55,245
(clears throat)
104
00:05:55,247 --> 00:05:57,614
Franklin Roosevelt
bravely instituted
105
00:05:57,616 --> 00:06:00,350
a series of reforms
called the New Deal.
106
00:06:00,352 --> 00:06:01,818
Which ran totally counter
107
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,187
to America's tradition
of limited government.
108
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,523
P.S. It was also
unconstitutional.
109
00:06:06,525 --> 00:06:08,024
Oh?
110
00:06:08,026 --> 00:06:11,194
Um, FDR's steadfast leadership
111
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:13,763
also helped America
win World War Two.
112
00:06:13,765 --> 00:06:16,633
Until the weak-kneed Democrats
sold us out at Yalta.
113
00:06:16,635 --> 00:06:19,269
If you haven't guessed, Lisa,
I'm a Republican.
114
00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:20,670
A Lincoln Republican?
115
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:21,438
Not really.
116
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,639
A Reagan Republican?
117
00:06:22,641 --> 00:06:23,640
Keep going.
118
00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:24,641
First President Bush?
119
00:06:24,643 --> 00:06:25,909
Getting there.
Oh, dear God.
120
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,049
(chuckles)
I must say, Lisa,
121
00:06:33,051 --> 00:06:35,618
it was amusing to see you
thoroughly de-high-horsed.
122
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:37,620
That isn't a word.
123
00:06:37,622 --> 00:06:40,056
Ooh, back on the saddle
she climbs.
124
00:06:40,058 --> 00:06:41,858
I just can't believe
someone like you
125
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,059
would be a Republican.
126
00:06:43,061 --> 00:06:45,628
I mean, isn't your
last name Gutiérrez?
127
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:47,564
Just what exactly
are you saying?
128
00:06:47,566 --> 00:06:49,966
I'm just saying that
people of your heritage--
129
00:06:49,968 --> 00:06:52,535
which could be any one
of many heritages,
130
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,270
I'm not pigeonholing...
131
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,740
Is it a Catholic thing?
132
00:06:56,742 --> 00:06:58,842
I'm a non-observant Jew
from Argentina.
133
00:06:58,844 --> 00:06:59,843
Ay, caramba!
134
00:06:59,845 --> 00:07:01,511
Do you even know
what that means?
135
00:07:01,513 --> 00:07:03,813
Uh, there-there's
a caramba in my eye?
136
00:07:03,815 --> 00:07:06,015
It's the Spanish version
of "hot damn."
137
00:07:06,017 --> 00:07:07,517
Ay, caramba!
138
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:10,987
Hmm? Lisa, is
everything okay?
139
00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,756
Yes. Why?
140
00:07:12,758 --> 00:07:14,157
Because you're doing
your homework
141
00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:15,525
and you don't
look happy.
142
00:07:15,527 --> 00:07:18,561
(groans) My new best friend
isn't what I thought.
143
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,730
She's a... Republican!
144
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,365
(laughs)
145
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:23,600
What is so funny?
146
00:07:23,602 --> 00:07:24,901
They're destroying
the world!
147
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,202
They are, huh?
148
00:07:26,204 --> 00:07:27,771
I thought I'd
show you this
149
00:07:27,773 --> 00:07:29,205
when you were
older, but...
150
00:07:29,207 --> 00:07:31,708
(gasps)
You voted for Reagan?!
151
00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:34,677
MARGE: It was a crazy
time, the '80s.
152
00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:37,547
You don't hear me listening
to the Thompson Twins anymore.
153
00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:39,749
Although...
154
00:07:43,287 --> 00:07:45,121
(tape warbles)
155
00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:47,957
♪ Hold me now...
(humming along)
156
00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:50,427
So, you were going
through a phase?
157
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,561
Mm-hmm.
158
00:07:51,563 --> 00:07:54,197
All right, '80s party!
Where's the beef?
159
00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:55,565
Tear down that wall!
160
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:59,302
Because I think the beef
is behind that wall!
161
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,771
Hmm.
162
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:02,972
Hmm.
163
00:08:02,974 --> 00:08:05,308
♪ You say I'm a dreamer...
164
00:08:06,544 --> 00:08:08,111
Now get up here, boy!
165
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,413
We're gonna do
"The Super Bowl Shuffle."
166
00:08:10,415 --> 00:08:12,315
No! You never let me be
Mike Singletary!
167
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:13,883
Fine. You're Mike Singletary.
168
00:08:13,885 --> 00:08:15,919
Enjoy your mediocre
coaching career.
169
00:08:15,921 --> 00:08:18,288
♪ My name is Homer,
I'm a real fullback ♪
170
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,490
♪ Gonna run that ball,
don't want no flack ♪
171
00:08:20,492 --> 00:08:23,159
♪ If you try to run,
you'll get a heart attack ♪
172
00:08:23,161 --> 00:08:25,995
Why you little...!
173
00:08:25,997 --> 00:08:28,064
♪ Hey, big man,
don't want no trouble ♪
174
00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:31,167
♪ I'm just here to do
"The Super Bowl... ♪
175
00:08:31,169 --> 00:08:32,936
♪ Shuffle..."
176
00:08:32,938 --> 00:08:35,572
Excuse me.
(grunting)
177
00:08:35,574 --> 00:08:37,941
People's views change.
178
00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,410
Bobby Kennedy worked
for Joe McCarthy.
179
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:42,178
Larry David was on Fridays.
180
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,580
What are you trying to say?
181
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:46,282
Isabel's only eight.
As she grows up,
182
00:08:46,284 --> 00:08:49,018
surprising things will
happen to her body...
183
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:50,186
of beliefs.
184
00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,522
But she could always use
a friend like you.
185
00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:53,590
Hmm.
186
00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:56,693
Hmm.
187
00:08:56,695 --> 00:08:59,128
Isabel?
Lisa?
188
00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:00,830
Listen, I'm really
sorry about...
189
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,131
No, it's okay.
190
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:04,434
My mom says you're just
going through a liberal phase.
191
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:07,937
What?! My mom says you're going
through a conservative phase.
192
00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:09,038
There's no such thing.
193
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,507
Conservatives only get
more conservative.
194
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,708
Because every year,
195
00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:13,710
they get a little further
through Atlas Shrugged.
196
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:16,045
Listen, we're both
eight years old.
197
00:09:16,047 --> 00:09:18,114
Can't we just play
Monopoly or something?
198
00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:20,283
My father owns
a monopoly!
199
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:25,088
(whirring)
200
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:31,861
That young filly is exactly
the kind of candidate
201
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,997
we need to start
recruiting!
202
00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:37,200
She's a young,
dynamic Latina.
203
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:40,570
Yee-haw!
I said that just right!
204
00:09:40,572 --> 00:09:44,541
Without the Hispanic vote, even
Texas is poised to turn blue.
205
00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:45,642
Blue!
206
00:09:45,644 --> 00:09:48,578
Yeah, we must reach her
and groom her
207
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:50,813
before she fattens up
like Chris Christie.
208
00:09:50,815 --> 00:09:53,883
He thinks GOP
stands for "Gravy on Pancakes."
209
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:55,385
(laughter)
210
00:09:55,387 --> 00:10:00,290
But despite my mirthful remarks,
obesity is no laughing matter.
211
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:10,066
(chuckles) Just can't resist
those words, "sign-up sheet."
212
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:13,236
Oh, looks like I'll be
running against Isabel.
213
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,504
And Ralph?
214
00:10:14,506 --> 00:10:16,506
Just call me
Ralph Nader.
215
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,508
I don't know why.
Isabel!
216
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,710
I want this campaign
to be about the issues:
217
00:10:20,712 --> 00:10:22,178
same-sex field trip buddies,
218
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:24,747
providing class pets
with a path to citizenship...
219
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,616
And no digging up
past relationships.
220
00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:29,586
Sure, Lisa and I dated.
Sure, she broke my heart.
221
00:10:29,588 --> 00:10:31,754
I'm sure your researchers
know all about it.
222
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,723
This is the first
I've heard of it.
223
00:10:33,725 --> 00:10:35,358
Really?
But I got this!
224
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,126
Ew.
225
00:10:37,128 --> 00:10:39,729
How long has it been since
you washed your stomach?
226
00:10:39,731 --> 00:10:41,364
You can't ask that anymore!
227
00:10:41,366 --> 00:10:42,899
(chuckles nervously)
228
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:44,067
Quit shoving!
229
00:10:44,069 --> 00:10:46,035
I'd like a word
with you, young lady.
230
00:10:46,037 --> 00:10:47,136
How did you get in there?
231
00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:48,504
Slid in through
the grates.
232
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,808
Here's the scoop.
233
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:53,042
You're our future,
234
00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:54,744
so we can't afford
to have you lose.
235
00:10:54,746 --> 00:10:56,212
And I love the Spanish--
236
00:10:56,214 --> 00:10:59,082
from the Inquisition
to the delightful Franco years.
237
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,883
What are you talking about?
238
00:11:00,885 --> 00:11:03,219
Move over!
I know how to talk to kids.
239
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:05,622
We want to give you
a little present.
240
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:09,158
A tainted victory
that will haunt you forever.
241
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,894
I'd rather
do this myself.
242
00:11:11,896 --> 00:11:13,763
But who'd own you then?
243
00:11:13,765 --> 00:11:16,799
You couldn't buy me with
a wheelbarrow full of ice cream.
244
00:11:20,104 --> 00:11:21,738
Whoa, nicely done.
245
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:24,340
You've charmed another one
right into the arms
246
00:11:24,342 --> 00:11:26,142
of the Libertarian Party.
247
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:29,078
Maybe we can help her without
her knowing we're helping her.
248
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,415
No one says I can't buy
a second grade election.
249
00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,851
Why, I had enough money to fix
People Magazine's
250
00:11:34,853 --> 00:11:36,819
Sexiest Man Alive.
251
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,521
Most of the money
went to convincing them
252
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:39,989
that I was alive.
253
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,360
Who ordered
the Yumboni?
254
00:11:44,362 --> 00:11:45,528
Right here!
255
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,463
Now, Smithers,
I want you to eat this for me.
256
00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:48,698
Describe every taste.
257
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,700
And don't forget
the brain freeze.
258
00:11:50,702 --> 00:11:52,802
Sir, I am lactose-intolerant.
259
00:11:52,804 --> 00:11:54,003
And I'm back-talk-allergic!
260
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,204
So start eating!
261
00:11:55,206 --> 00:11:56,272
(groans)
262
00:11:57,641 --> 00:11:59,475
Have a great day, kids.
263
00:11:59,477 --> 00:12:01,377
And, Bart, I'll pick you up
after school
264
00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:03,146
to take you to karate lessons.
265
00:12:03,148 --> 00:12:05,114
Mom, after six weeks,
I figured out
266
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,617
that Sensei Weinstein
is really my psychiatrist.
267
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:11,521
Either way, for 45 minutes,
you're not my problem, sweetie.
268
00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:13,723
(horn honking)
269
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:14,957
(gasps)
270
00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:17,160
Don't worry, Lisa,
despite the paid ad,
271
00:12:17,162 --> 00:12:19,462
I am strictly middle
of the road.
272
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:20,863
Idiot!
(horns honking)
273
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:21,898
Pick a lane!
274
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,066
(tires screech)
275
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,934
Wha...?!
276
00:12:29,239 --> 00:12:31,307
What are you doing?!
277
00:12:31,309 --> 00:12:32,875
I'm as bewildered
as you are.
278
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,877
I don't know why, but the
Springfield Republican Party
279
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,079
is grooming me.
280
00:12:36,081 --> 00:12:38,581
Grooming? Yuck!
281
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,650
Unfortunately,
I can't stop it.
282
00:12:40,652 --> 00:12:43,352
The Supreme Court says
spending money is free speech.
283
00:12:43,354 --> 00:12:45,188
Well, then you could use
your free speech
284
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:48,224
to denounce this intrusion
of big money into our election.
285
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,492
Mm, I'll think about it
286
00:12:49,494 --> 00:12:51,794
while I'm on my listening tour
of the cafeteria.
287
00:12:58,702 --> 00:13:00,737
(slurring):
Pour me another.
288
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,338
What are you doing?
289
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,806
It's imaginary.
290
00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:06,075
Fine.
291
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:07,276
I got to go.
292
00:13:07,278 --> 00:13:10,313
I'll see you later.
293
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,484
(humming a tune)
294
00:13:20,891 --> 00:13:23,292
(grunting)
295
00:13:24,962 --> 00:13:26,596
Ay, caramba!
296
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,965
Bart, I need you to help me
win the election.
297
00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:30,967
I can help, but it's
gonna get rough.
298
00:13:30,969 --> 00:13:32,034
I'm fine with rough.
299
00:13:32,036 --> 00:13:33,569
You don't know what rough is.
300
00:13:33,571 --> 00:13:34,737
That ain't rough.
301
00:13:34,739 --> 00:13:36,472
More like a gentle breeze.
302
00:13:36,474 --> 00:13:37,807
Maggie hits harder.
303
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:41,210
Did the good night pixie
just kiss my cheek?
304
00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:42,211
Ow!
305
00:13:42,213 --> 00:13:43,713
Okay, you got my attention.
306
00:13:43,715 --> 00:13:45,114
You want to win this election?
307
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,550
Then from now on,
you do exactly what I say.
308
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:48,651
You got it.
309
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,319
First, go make me
five pans of brownies.
310
00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:52,989
You're just taking advantage
of the situation.
311
00:13:52,991 --> 00:13:55,057
Hmm, maybe Isabel
likes baking.
312
00:13:55,059 --> 00:13:56,926
Cakey or gooey?
313
00:13:56,928 --> 00:13:59,195
I'll make both.
314
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,832
First, we reel them in.
315
00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:05,234
Then, we scare
the hell out of them.
316
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:07,303
By discussing the
school's budget crisis?
317
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,739
No, with balls to the head.
318
00:14:09,741 --> 00:14:12,308
(blows whistle)
Bombardment!
319
00:14:15,612 --> 00:14:19,482
I associate Isabel
with a pain in my tummy.
320
00:14:20,851 --> 00:14:22,752
Bombardment?
321
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:24,253
(groans)
322
00:14:24,255 --> 00:14:25,521
Miss Simpson,
323
00:14:25,523 --> 00:14:27,490
your platform calls
for the creation
324
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,158
of a student-run garden.
325
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,427
Organic gardening is
an essential part
326
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:34,330
of 21st century education,
teaching both hands-on...
327
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,998
And what programs
would you cut to pay
328
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,667
for this precious garden
of yours?
329
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,968
The new Wiffle bats?
330
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:40,169
Pizza Friday?
331
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,772
(gasps)
Not Pizza Friday!
332
00:14:42,774 --> 00:14:44,674
Sorry, Lisa, you lose again.
333
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,675
(air horn blares)
334
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,377
You got to get
on your game, sister.
335
00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:49,478
You think I'm tough?
336
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,981
Wait till Gutiérrez
sinks her teeth into you.
337
00:14:51,983 --> 00:14:53,783
Remember, you got
an ace in the hole:
338
00:14:53,785 --> 00:14:56,452
chocolate milk
in the water fountains.
339
00:14:56,454 --> 00:14:57,820
That's impossible.
340
00:14:57,822 --> 00:14:59,222
We've already had
the best plumbers
341
00:14:59,224 --> 00:15:00,890
in the city look into it.
342
00:15:00,892 --> 00:15:03,492
Hey, we'll worry about that
after you're elected.
343
00:15:03,494 --> 00:15:04,827
(groaning)
344
00:15:04,829 --> 00:15:06,162
(whistling)
345
00:15:06,164 --> 00:15:07,496
What are you
so happy about?
346
00:15:07,498 --> 00:15:08,865
It's in the bag, Lis.
347
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,867
Once everybody sees this.
348
00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:12,969
Training wheels.
349
00:15:12,971 --> 00:15:14,871
She still uses
training wheels.
350
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:16,038
(snickers)
351
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,373
And watch this.
352
00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:22,178
(crying)
353
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,713
Excellent.
354
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:25,214
What am I doing?
355
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,916
Untent! Untent!
356
00:15:26,918 --> 00:15:30,853
Oh, Bart, I want to win,
but not like this.
357
00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:32,555
I'm sorry, you're fired.
358
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,094
Leave the bottle.
359
00:15:38,096 --> 00:15:41,497
I bet by the end of the night,
you're gonna look pretty good.
360
00:15:41,499 --> 00:15:45,334
Welcome to our first
in a series of 37 debates--
361
00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:48,671
good Lord-- before the
elementary school elections.
362
00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:50,206
You're a booger head!
363
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:52,942
And I say we move
beyond name-calling
364
00:15:52,944 --> 00:15:55,411
to solve our real problems.
365
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,746
(all booing)
366
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,080
Booger head!
367
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,548
Vote for whoever you want to.
368
00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:01,017
To me, these are both losers.
369
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:04,954
Now, the second grade debate
between Isabel Gutiérrez
370
00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:07,390
and Lisa Simp-a-son.
371
00:16:07,392 --> 00:16:08,524
Sounds weird.
372
00:16:08,526 --> 00:16:10,192
Mm.
373
00:16:10,194 --> 00:16:11,527
ISABEL:
Ivy Agee,
374
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:13,696
Frank Marino, Glen Gloyd.
375
00:16:13,698 --> 00:16:16,399
These are men who fought
at Omaha Beach.
376
00:16:16,401 --> 00:16:17,867
And they are the reason
377
00:16:17,869 --> 00:16:20,036
I'm running
for second grade rep.
378
00:16:20,038 --> 00:16:22,204
Dios los bendiga a todos.
379
00:16:22,206 --> 00:16:23,439
(students cheering)
380
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,542
I'll bet my bologna sandwich
that girl's gonna win.
381
00:16:26,544 --> 00:16:28,611
Oh, a little rich
for my blood, sir.
382
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,313
Yes, you can fog
a mirror, Seymour,
383
00:16:30,315 --> 00:16:31,747
but I wouldn't
call you alive.
384
00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:34,717
Now, the other candidate,
Lisa Simpson.
385
00:16:34,719 --> 00:16:37,119
Okay, I'm a liberal.
386
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,322
And sometimes
that's a dirty word.
387
00:16:39,324 --> 00:16:40,323
(laughter)
388
00:16:40,325 --> 00:16:41,624
Liberal.
389
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,660
But what liberal really means
is someone who believes
390
00:16:44,662 --> 00:16:46,462
that those who have
more than enough
391
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,998
should share a little
with those who don't.
392
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,067
And those principles
393
00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:53,002
have consistently been in place
394
00:16:53,004 --> 00:16:55,738
during this country's
most prosperous times.
395
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:58,607
So if that's a liberal,
then I am a liberal.
396
00:16:58,609 --> 00:16:59,742
And hang me.
397
00:16:59,744 --> 00:17:00,943
(screams)
398
00:17:00,945 --> 00:17:02,745
Sorry, we're just setting up
399
00:17:02,747 --> 00:17:04,714
for An Occurrence
at Owl Creek Bridge.
400
00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:12,088
(groaning)
401
00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:14,357
Ooh.
402
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,292
The Democratic Party pantheon.
403
00:17:16,294 --> 00:17:18,194
Such lofty ideals.
404
00:17:18,196 --> 00:17:19,261
(gasps)
405
00:17:19,263 --> 00:17:20,696
And here come the spirits.
406
00:17:20,698 --> 00:17:23,132
Michael Dukakis, Walter Mondale,
407
00:17:23,134 --> 00:17:24,433
John Kerry?
408
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:26,102
These are all losers!
409
00:17:26,104 --> 00:17:29,205
I'm afraid you're heading
for a loss, Lisa.
410
00:17:29,207 --> 00:17:31,774
And when we lose, we lose big.
411
00:17:31,776 --> 00:17:33,042
What about Obama?
412
00:17:33,044 --> 00:17:34,143
Harry Truman?
413
00:17:34,145 --> 00:17:35,211
Bill Clinton?
414
00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,046
Lisa, you're a lot like me.
415
00:17:37,048 --> 00:17:39,048
Play the saxophone,
come from a small town,
416
00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:40,716
raised by a mother
with no help.
417
00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:42,551
So, do you know how I can win?
418
00:17:42,553 --> 00:17:44,387
I don't even know
why I'm a ghost.
419
00:17:44,389 --> 00:17:45,855
All these guys are alive.
420
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,690
John Kerry here is
Secretary of State.
421
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,291
Doing a bang-up job.
422
00:17:49,293 --> 00:17:51,027
Well, we still
have a long way
423
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,995
to go on Asian
currency issues.
424
00:17:52,997 --> 00:17:54,530
Absolutely.
425
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,232
And, Lisa, I'm only
appearing in this dream
426
00:17:56,234 --> 00:17:58,868
so I can visit with you about
the Clinton Global Initiative.
427
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,704
See, our mission is
to turn ideas into action.
428
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,839
And to find innovative
solutions that will hel...
(snoring)
429
00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:04,840
Hey, hey, hey!
430
00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:06,375
You can't fall asleep
in a dream!
431
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:08,044
(snoring)
432
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,045
(groans)
433
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,413
I know what I've got to do.
434
00:18:11,815 --> 00:18:13,516
Hello, Isabel? Listen...
435
00:18:13,518 --> 00:18:14,817
(snores)
436
00:18:14,819 --> 00:18:16,385
(groaning)
437
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:18,854
CGI also convenes
CGI America,
438
00:18:18,856 --> 00:18:22,491
a meeting devoted to economic
recovery and job creation.
439
00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:23,993
You used to be fun!
440
00:18:23,995 --> 00:18:25,661
Kevin Costner used
to be a movie star.
441
00:18:25,663 --> 00:18:26,729
Get over it.
442
00:18:27,431 --> 00:18:29,265
And now for their final debate,
443
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,867
please welcome,
uh, Li... um...
444
00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:34,870
Li-sa? Li-sa, uh, Simpsone.
445
00:18:34,872 --> 00:18:36,605
Yes.
446
00:18:36,607 --> 00:18:40,443
And, uh, Isabel
Adolpho-Guzman-Lopez Gutiérrez.
447
00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:41,744
Uh, ladies.
448
00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:47,883
(grunts)
449
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,553
I just want to say,
I don't care about politics,
450
00:18:50,555 --> 00:18:53,389
electioneering
or negative campaigning.
451
00:18:53,391 --> 00:18:55,925
If my friend Lisa wins,
so be it.
452
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,226
(speaks Spanish)
453
00:18:57,228 --> 00:18:58,861
(cheering)
454
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:01,230
And I also want
to say that if...
455
00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:02,364
Time's up.
But I...
456
00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:03,699
Stop showboating.
457
00:19:03,701 --> 00:19:05,468
(grunts)
458
00:19:06,736 --> 00:19:10,206
Back in the banner shed you go.
459
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,540
SKINNER:
Good morning.
460
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:13,709
We have completed
the tally of the votes
461
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:14,910
for class representative.
462
00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:16,912
One brief announcement:
the tainted Greek salad
463
00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:18,214
has given several students
464
00:19:18,216 --> 00:19:20,583
nightmares involving
Michael Dukakis.
465
00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:22,251
It may recur tonight,
so if possible,
466
00:19:22,253 --> 00:19:24,253
have your parents
strap you to the bed.
467
00:19:24,255 --> 00:19:25,888
And now the results.
468
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:27,723
First grade rep--
results delayed indefinitely
469
00:19:27,725 --> 00:19:29,391
due to jelly on the ballots.
470
00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:30,392
Second grade rep--
471
00:19:30,394 --> 00:19:32,628
Isabel Gutiérrez.
(grunts)
472
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,330
Third grade rep, no votes cast.
Congratulations, Isabel.
473
00:19:34,332 --> 00:19:36,398
Fourth grade rep-- last name
Weiner, first name Ima...
474
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,234
I truly hope you enjoy the
Friday morning council meetings.
475
00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:39,568
Simpson!
476
00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:42,605
(crying): And the-the free
snicker doodle cookies.
477
00:19:42,607 --> 00:19:43,939
Smithers, we won!
478
00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:46,575
Drop the balloons!
479
00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:47,943
Ow! Ow! Ooh!
480
00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:49,245
Ay-ee! Ow!
481
00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:50,346
(siren blaring)
482
00:19:50,348 --> 00:19:52,348
Can I at least
remove the balloons?
483
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:54,083
Do it and you'll
kill him.
(groans)
484
00:19:54,085 --> 00:19:56,018
Hey, Lis.
485
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,019
Hey.
486
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:58,254
I'm sorry I fired you.
487
00:19:58,256 --> 00:19:59,622
Eh, no hard feelings.
488
00:19:59,624 --> 00:20:01,524
A lot of good things have
been happening to me.
489
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:02,525
Mm-hmm.
490
00:20:02,527 --> 00:20:03,792
Thanks, Bart.
491
00:20:03,794 --> 00:20:05,161
I think you might
feel better
492
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:07,163
if you looked at
these exit polls.
493
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,598
They find me
a pointy-haired know-it-all.
494
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,535
Yes, but they agreed
with everything you said.
495
00:20:12,537 --> 00:20:13,869
What are you getting at?
496
00:20:13,871 --> 00:20:16,705
53% said they'd vote
for a liberal.
497
00:20:16,707 --> 00:20:18,174
Just not you.
498
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,442
Huh. You hear that, world?
499
00:20:20,444 --> 00:20:23,512
They love my ideas,
just not me!
500
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,881
And that is half the battle!
501
00:20:25,883 --> 00:20:27,383
Ha!
502
00:20:27,385 --> 00:20:29,552
Hello, I'm elder
Anderson Cooper.
503
00:20:29,554 --> 00:20:30,986
Welcome to our first debate
504
00:20:30,988 --> 00:20:32,688
between Republican
Isabel Gutiérrez
505
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,957
and Lisa Simpson, representing
506
00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:37,526
the Democratic Robot
Zombie Coalition.
507
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,895
First question:
Ms. Simpson, what would you do
508
00:20:39,897 --> 00:20:42,331
to get America
out of Afghanistan?
509
00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:45,668
I'd just throw in the towel
and make it a state.
510
00:20:45,670 --> 00:20:48,003
That's our girl.
511
00:20:48,005 --> 00:20:50,072
(toots twice)
512
00:20:57,380 --> 00:21:01,083
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
513
00:21:34,217 --> 00:21:36,285
Shh!