1 00:00:09,067 --> 00:00:11,001 (exclaiming) 2 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,374 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:19,911 --> 00:00:20,944 (Barney belches) 4 00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:23,313 (tires screeching) 5 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:24,781 D'oh! 6 00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:26,283 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:28,151 (grunts) 8 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,927 (groaning) 9 00:00:36,929 --> 00:00:39,496 (laughs) 10 00:00:51,943 --> 00:00:53,477 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 11 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:54,945 ♪ Skinner 12 00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:59,316 ♪ He patrols the school halls 13 00:00:59,318 --> 00:01:01,451 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 14 00:01:01,453 --> 00:01:04,888 ♪ When you spit, he's got the balls ♪ 15 00:01:06,624 --> 00:01:09,693 ♪ As you mosey through the school ♪ 16 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:12,629 ♪ All the kids say you're so cool ♪ 17 00:01:12,631 --> 00:01:15,699 ♪ And you even made 18 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,869 ♪ Bart Simpson spill his milk 19 00:01:20,972 --> 00:01:23,040 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 20 00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:24,641 ♪ Skinner 21 00:01:24,643 --> 00:01:26,376 ♪ You're the master 22 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:32,249 ♪ Of your fate...! 23 00:01:34,652 --> 00:01:35,986 Skinner! 24 00:01:35,988 --> 00:01:38,188 ♪ Skinner 25 00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:40,657 ♪ You sure look good in chaps ♪ 26 00:01:40,659 --> 00:01:42,025 ♪ Skinner... 27 00:01:42,027 --> 00:01:44,494 Wake up. You're on! 28 00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:45,996 (grunts) 29 00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:47,998 Children, I have some exciting news. 30 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,399 (kids murmuring) 31 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,335 I'm here to tell you about a field trip so amazing, 32 00:01:52,337 --> 00:01:54,571 we've put "sign here" stickers on the permission slips. 33 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,908 As you recall, these stickers came from last year's field trip 34 00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,843 to the "sign here" sticker factory. 35 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:02,045 But thanks to my old navy buddy-- 36 00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:05,082 we both love to shop at Old Navy-- 37 00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:08,085 the students of this school will be taking a ride 38 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,920 on a nuclear-powered, attack-class submarine, 39 00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:12,956 the USS Tom Clancy! 40 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:22,933 (all gasp) 41 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:23,934 (chuckles) 42 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:24,935 So you're all excited, eh? 43 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,536 ALL: Yay! 44 00:02:26,538 --> 00:02:27,871 Well, that's too bad, 45 00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:29,539 because many of you will not be going. 46 00:02:29,541 --> 00:02:30,540 ALL: Huh?! 47 00:02:30,542 --> 00:02:32,075 There's limited room 48 00:02:32,077 --> 00:02:34,111 on the submarine, so only the best-behaved students-- 49 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:36,279 as determined by me-- 50 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,948 will go on the trip. 51 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:42,953 Whoo-hoo! Well, I get to go! 52 00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,287 To increase the tension, 53 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,889 everyone starts with a clean slate. 54 00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:48,391 But from this moment on... 55 00:02:48,393 --> 00:02:50,393 I am the law. 56 00:02:50,395 --> 00:02:52,062 I hold the red pen. 57 00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:54,731 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 58 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:57,934 Pranks, inside use of outside voice, off-color whistling, 59 00:02:57,936 --> 00:03:00,303 and you're stricken from the list. 60 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,240 And once crossed off, you stay crossed off. 61 00:03:03,242 --> 00:03:05,642 That's what pens do. 62 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,611 (gulps) 63 00:03:07,613 --> 00:03:09,045 (bees buzzing) 64 00:03:15,086 --> 00:03:18,288 Help! I'm trapped in space with a man I don't like! 65 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,756 BART: Aooga! 66 00:03:19,758 --> 00:03:21,925 Submerge! Periscope! 67 00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:23,426 Aooga! Aooga! 68 00:03:23,428 --> 00:03:24,928 Die, Nazi octopus, die! 69 00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:26,396 (makes explosion sound) 70 00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:30,934 Sweetie, about the submarine... 71 00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:33,436 what's your favorite food to eat when you're disappointed? 72 00:03:33,438 --> 00:03:34,938 I'm going shopping tomorrow. 73 00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:37,641 Ice cream sandwiches. Why? 74 00:03:37,643 --> 00:03:39,609 What your mother is trying to say 75 00:03:39,611 --> 00:03:42,112 is we don't think you can be good that long. 76 00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:43,980 Mom, is that true? 77 00:03:43,982 --> 00:03:47,350 Well, that's sort of what I was trying to say, but... 78 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,819 What your mother is trying to say is... 79 00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:52,155 No, you're wrong! You're all wrong! 80 00:03:52,157 --> 00:03:53,623 I didn't say anything. 81 00:03:53,625 --> 00:03:56,026 Were you thinking it? Yes. 82 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,794 Get real, ding-dong! 83 00:03:57,796 --> 00:03:59,462 You've already done so much bad stuff, 84 00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:01,798 Skinner's never gonna let you on that boat. 85 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,466 No, Skinner said I had a clean slate, 86 00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:05,635 so right now, I'm as good as any other kid. 87 00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:07,704 (Homer and Lisa laughing) 88 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:11,208 Good one, ding-dong. 89 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,842 Mom! 90 00:04:12,844 --> 00:04:15,045 Don't listen to them. They're the ding-dongs. 91 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:16,179 Wha...?! 92 00:04:16,181 --> 00:04:18,815 Bart, sweetie, this is an opportunity 93 00:04:18,817 --> 00:04:21,151 for you to turn things around yet again. 94 00:04:21,153 --> 00:04:23,220 And I believe in you. 95 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:24,888 Yet again. 96 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,523 Thanks, Mom. 97 00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:28,658 I'll start by taking my plate to the dishwasher. 98 00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:30,060 Wherever that is. 99 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,062 (cupboards open, shut, dish breaks) 100 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,396 Pfft. Marge, 101 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,332 I love Bart as much as you do, 102 00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,733 but actually not. 103 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,335 And that kid cannot go one week 104 00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:39,703 without getting in trouble. 105 00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:42,706 Now, if you'd be so kind as to start my car for me, 106 00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:44,007 I'm going to Moe's. 107 00:04:44,009 --> 00:04:45,442 (blowing air) 108 00:04:47,044 --> 00:04:48,878 Ooh. 109 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,046 (engine starts) 110 00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:51,848 Thank you. 111 00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,016 (tires squeal) 112 00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:55,252 Whoo-hoo! 113 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:57,687 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm! 114 00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:59,189 What are you doing? 115 00:04:59,191 --> 00:05:00,857 To avoid temptation, I'm getting rid 116 00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:03,193 of all the things that could get me in trouble at school. 117 00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:05,662 I buried all my whoopee cushions in the backyard. 118 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,333 (flatulence sounds) Hmm? 119 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,037 (groans) What the...? 120 00:05:14,039 --> 00:05:15,572 That's not where I buried them. 121 00:05:15,574 --> 00:05:16,973 Come on! 122 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,377 Don't take my custom limo! 123 00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:23,747 At least let me sniff my coke out of the floor mats! 124 00:05:23,749 --> 00:05:24,881 (grunts) 125 00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:26,049 (sniffing) 126 00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:27,384 (bicycle bell dings) 127 00:05:27,386 --> 00:05:28,885 Oh, hi, little girl. 128 00:05:28,887 --> 00:05:31,921 What brings you to see Uncle Krusty? (chuckles) 129 00:05:31,923 --> 00:05:33,723 Krusty, are you broke? 130 00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:34,958 Yeah. All it takes 131 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,760 is some bad luck at the ponies, 132 00:05:36,762 --> 00:05:38,461 worse luck in the Bitcoin market, 133 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,564 heavy investment in a high-end bookmark company. 134 00:05:41,566 --> 00:05:43,900 You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did. 135 00:05:43,902 --> 00:05:45,902 Go off the air while I'm still good? 136 00:05:45,904 --> 00:05:48,905 That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory 137 00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:51,775 and has been used to make art projects. 138 00:05:51,777 --> 00:05:54,778 I mean, you could sell foreign rights to your show. 139 00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:55,979 Even SpongeBob did it. 140 00:05:57,782 --> 00:06:00,650 Buon compleanno, Squiduardo! 141 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,285 No, no, no, Roberto! 142 00:06:02,287 --> 00:06:06,156 E 'una mina della seconda guerra mondiale, 143 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,725 che farà saltare in aria e... Ah! 144 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,461 Calamari?! 145 00:06:11,463 --> 00:06:12,962 No...! 146 00:06:12,964 --> 00:06:15,031 (sobbing) No! 147 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,801 Uh... it's cute stuff, 148 00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:19,602 but I'm still broke, girlie. 149 00:06:19,604 --> 00:06:20,937 Not my Monet! 150 00:06:20,939 --> 00:06:22,639 I only looked at it once! 151 00:06:22,641 --> 00:06:24,107 What I'm saying is, 152 00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:27,010 you could produce foreign versions of your TV show 153 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,812 with actors from other countries. 154 00:06:28,814 --> 00:06:30,680 Okay, I'll do it! 155 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,183 Not my Shetland dolphin! 156 00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:35,452 Although I won't miss the constant yapping. 157 00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:37,120 Papa! 158 00:06:37,122 --> 00:06:39,756 Not anymore, he ain't. 159 00:06:55,306 --> 00:06:57,474 (booming thud) 160 00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:59,876 Gum on the floor. Off the list. 161 00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:06,049 Unauthorized meat-a-pult. Off the list! 162 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,051 Lips touching the fountain. 163 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,986 Off the list. 164 00:07:09,988 --> 00:07:12,322 It's not my fault there's no water pressure. 165 00:07:12,324 --> 00:07:15,658 Excuses are like handkerchiefs; everybody's got one. 166 00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,060 I don't have a handkerchief. 167 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,328 Off the list! 168 00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:19,996 Firm but fair, sir. 169 00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,899 Don't want any troublemakers on our submarine. 170 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,068 Not bad, Simpson. Did you wash your knees? 171 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,569 Front and back, sir. 172 00:07:27,872 --> 00:07:30,540 You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. 173 00:07:30,542 --> 00:07:33,910 Even when you look good, we know you're going bad. 174 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,245 Principal Skinner? 175 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,747 I object to this arbitrary use of power 176 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,883 and request I be taken off the list. 177 00:07:39,885 --> 00:07:40,884 Off the list! 178 00:07:40,886 --> 00:07:42,152 Thank you. 179 00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:48,358 Oh, man! Five days without pranking? 180 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,727 I'm getting strange red marks. 181 00:07:50,729 --> 00:07:52,061 But I'm gonna make it! 182 00:07:52,063 --> 00:07:54,097 (engine backfiring) 183 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,065 Uh-oh. (alarms buzzing) 184 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:58,067 Something's wrong with my long yellow car. 185 00:07:58,069 --> 00:07:59,068 (starter chugs) 186 00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:00,970 Any of you kids got a Triple A card? 187 00:08:01,906 --> 00:08:04,040 What? No. I'll be late. 188 00:08:04,042 --> 00:08:06,209 Skinner will cross my name off the list. 189 00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:07,510 (grunts) 190 00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:24,928 All fixed up! 191 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,463 (horn honks) 192 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,999 (tires screech, horn drones) 193 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,610 (school bell rings) (laughs, hums triumphantly) 194 00:08:40,612 --> 00:08:42,645 Off the list. 195 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,447 For what? 196 00:08:44,449 --> 00:08:47,083 Muddy footprints on the school floor. (gasps) 197 00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:48,918 I've broken a ten-year-old's spirit. 198 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,453 Time to celebrate 199 00:08:50,455 --> 00:08:52,755 with a fruit- on-the-bottom yogurt. 200 00:08:52,757 --> 00:08:55,425 Plain, plain, plain, plain... 201 00:08:55,427 --> 00:08:57,360 Mmm! Fruit! 202 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,671 No, Mother, I did not use any of your talc. 203 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,007 I don't know why the bottle feels lighter. 204 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,109 Maybe you're just getting stronger! 205 00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:16,012 Some days I could just kill you. 206 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,680 (phone rings) 207 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,015 She heard me. 208 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,951 BART (nasally voice): Hold for the president. 209 00:09:21,953 --> 00:09:23,987 OBAMA (on spliced recording): This is... Barack Obama! 210 00:09:23,989 --> 00:09:25,288 Is this a prank? 211 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:26,656 OBAMA: No. (gasps) 212 00:09:26,658 --> 00:09:28,525 That's offensive. (gasps) 213 00:09:28,527 --> 00:09:29,959 I want to... talk about... submarines... 214 00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:30,860 and trips. 215 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,462 Simpson... has to go. 216 00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:34,631 Simpson... has to go... 217 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,833 on the... submarine. On the... submarine. 218 00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:37,834 Of course. 219 00:09:37,836 --> 00:09:38,968 (tweeting) 220 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,204 This is... Barack Obama! 221 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,873 ♪ So in love with you... 222 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,041 I like Ohio State... 223 00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,843 You can put lipstick on a pig... 224 00:09:46,845 --> 00:09:49,112 ♪ So in love with you... 225 00:09:50,814 --> 00:09:52,315 Welcome. 226 00:09:52,317 --> 00:09:54,484 Welcome, foreign-market Krustys. 227 00:09:54,486 --> 00:09:57,053 If you examine your "Krusty Kit," 228 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,855 you're gonna find unremovable green hair dye, 229 00:09:58,857 --> 00:10:00,823 a used red nose 230 00:10:00,825 --> 00:10:03,660 and a guidebook on how to capture a monkey. 231 00:10:03,662 --> 00:10:06,996 But now, the man they call Mr. Monday Afternoon... 232 00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,231 Krusty! 233 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,033 Hey-hey! 234 00:10:10,035 --> 00:10:11,000 Hai-hai! Hu-hu! Heil-heil! 235 00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:12,335 Rodgrod med Flode! 236 00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:15,071 Now, there are many words for what I'm looking for-- 237 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:19,676 rubles, renminbi, baht-- but they all mean money, 238 00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:22,712 which rhymes with funny, which you can be if you want. 239 00:10:22,714 --> 00:10:23,846 I don't care. 240 00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:25,848 Just do the Krusty show in your country 241 00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:27,584 and send me ten percent. 242 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,686 Then send me another 60%. 243 00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:32,288 Then five percent more, and you're good. 244 00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,028 Nice job, Simpson. 245 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,530 You even got my Suze Orman tape 246 00:10:40,532 --> 00:10:41,898 unstuck from the cassette player. 247 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:45,034 She's the reason I was able to purchase a new watch band. 248 00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:47,770 Always bragging about his watch band. 249 00:10:48,772 --> 00:10:50,406 If only I could tell time. 250 00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:52,875 Okay, I washed your car like you asked, 251 00:10:52,877 --> 00:10:54,877 I did your paper route, and I'm sorry. 252 00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:56,045 I really am. 253 00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:58,047 This could be the turning point of my life. 254 00:10:58,049 --> 00:10:59,916 Where you, as a school guy, made a difference. 255 00:10:59,918 --> 00:11:01,250 What do you think? 256 00:11:01,252 --> 00:11:03,119 Can I go on that sub? 257 00:11:04,922 --> 00:11:06,255 Sorry, Simpson. 258 00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:08,458 Take her down. 259 00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,126 KIDS: Yay! 260 00:11:15,566 --> 00:11:17,066 RALPH: Yay! 261 00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:18,401 NELSON: Yippee! 262 00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:19,802 MILHOUSE: Poor Bart. 263 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:27,977 Rasta hey-hey, on the left-hand side. 264 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:28,978 (laughs) 265 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,580 As my mother used to say, 266 00:11:30,582 --> 00:11:31,914 "Wanti wanti can't get it, 267 00:11:31,916 --> 00:11:33,750 getti getti no want it." 268 00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:36,753 Now here's Itchem and Scratchem, mon. 269 00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:38,488 (laughs) 270 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,590 (cheering) 271 00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:41,824 ♪ They smoke 272 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,292 ♪ They toke 273 00:11:43,294 --> 00:11:45,762 ♪ They smoke and toke and smoke ♪ 274 00:11:45,764 --> 00:11:46,763 ♪ Ha! 275 00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:48,331 ♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke 276 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,933 ♪ Toke, toke, toke 277 00:11:50,935 --> 00:11:56,572 ♪ The Itchem and Scratchem Blow. ♪ 278 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:02,078 ♪ 279 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:08,017 Eye and eye say good-bye. 280 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,853 The blessings of Jah upon you all. 281 00:12:11,488 --> 00:12:12,855 Nice. 282 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,490 You're a hit all over the world. 283 00:12:14,492 --> 00:12:17,460 There's Chinese Krusty with Sideshow Mao. 284 00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,295 Even Irish Krusty. 285 00:12:19,297 --> 00:12:20,963 Me ma, she had 12 children, 286 00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:22,465 but only three lived. 287 00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:24,000 Then they closed the mill. 288 00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:25,334 (chuckles sadly) 289 00:12:25,336 --> 00:12:26,869 Hey-hey. 290 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,205 (Irish flute plays melancholy tune) 291 00:12:31,842 --> 00:12:34,343 And it's all thanks to you, kid. 292 00:12:34,345 --> 00:12:35,812 To show my appreciation, 293 00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,013 I'm gonna bring you with me 294 00:12:37,015 --> 00:12:39,015 next time I entertain the troops. 295 00:12:39,017 --> 00:12:41,718 Warning: they're not American troops. 296 00:12:47,324 --> 00:12:48,925 (slurps) 297 00:12:50,194 --> 00:12:51,494 Hello, boy. 298 00:12:51,496 --> 00:12:52,829 At times like this, 299 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:54,330 there's not much you can say, 300 00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:56,065 especially if you don't know what happened. 301 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,400 (sobs) 302 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,502 Skinner didn't let me go. 303 00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:01,170 Really? 304 00:13:01,172 --> 00:13:03,873 Hey, I bet that submarine isn't so fun anyway. 305 00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:04,907 (sniffs) 306 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,242 You think so? 307 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,910 Fire that torpedo, Milhouse. 308 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,846 Aye, aye. 309 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:11,247 Where'd it go? 310 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,849 It was just imaginary. 311 00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:13,883 I know a kid should never 312 00:13:13,885 --> 00:13:15,351 turn to his father for help, 313 00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:16,853 but I got screwed. 314 00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:18,755 Is there anything you can do? 315 00:13:22,059 --> 00:13:23,092 As I always say, 316 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,861 don't get mad; get dinner. 317 00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:26,562 Then get even. 318 00:13:26,564 --> 00:13:28,564 With Skinner. 319 00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,867 You'll really help me get revenge? 320 00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:31,901 Yes. 321 00:13:31,903 --> 00:13:33,870 What's Skinner's weakness? 322 00:13:33,872 --> 00:13:34,904 Everything. 323 00:13:34,906 --> 00:13:36,239 Good. 324 00:13:36,241 --> 00:13:37,974 We can use that. 325 00:13:39,877 --> 00:13:41,377 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 326 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,879 ♪ Skinner 327 00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:47,216 ♪ You are feeling pretty smug 328 00:13:47,218 --> 00:13:50,219 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 329 00:13:50,221 --> 00:13:53,890 ♪ Sipping cocoa from a mug 330 00:13:53,892 --> 00:13:57,894 ♪ When you've reached the mountaintop ♪ 331 00:13:57,896 --> 00:14:00,963 ♪ Your next step is a drop. 332 00:14:06,403 --> 00:14:09,972 No, no, no, no, no! 333 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,141 ♪ Skinner! ♪ 334 00:14:16,947 --> 00:14:18,948 (knocking) I'll be right there. 335 00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:20,983 Just saying good-bye to Mother. 336 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,586 (imitates Mother): Seymour, I'm going out for a walk. 337 00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:25,822 Uh-huh, see you in several months at the soonest. 338 00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,890 (knocking continues) 339 00:14:32,996 --> 00:14:34,997 We have a problem, Seymour. 340 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,098 I did everything for you 341 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:38,434 and you stabbed me in the back. 342 00:14:38,436 --> 00:14:41,604 Wait a minute, I knew you were a neat freak, Skinner, 343 00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:44,006 but you beat your rug till it bleeds? 344 00:14:44,942 --> 00:14:47,276 (gasps) 345 00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:49,111 All right, I'll come clean. 346 00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:52,648 I woke up and, surprisingly, Mother wasn't there beside me. 347 00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,084 She was dead. 348 00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,855 Still, I can't be sure I killed her. 349 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,324 Well, I'm sure our town's police force 350 00:15:01,326 --> 00:15:03,893 will handle this competently. 351 00:15:07,497 --> 00:15:09,498 Now, I could investigate further, 352 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,301 but you don't want to sit in a jail all weekend. 353 00:15:12,303 --> 00:15:15,304 Chief, that was awfully arbitrary. 354 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:16,839 Not compared to this. 355 00:15:16,841 --> 00:15:19,742 (groans) 356 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,645 Let me handle this. 357 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:24,313 Just go upstairs and shut the door. 358 00:15:24,315 --> 00:15:27,884 There are some things only a boy should see. 359 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,986 (door closes) 360 00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:33,222 (both laugh) 361 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,891 (cackles) 362 00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:42,198 Now do you want to dispose of this jelly-soaked pillow? 363 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,800 Just call me The Cleaner. 364 00:15:46,036 --> 00:15:47,403 (slurps) 365 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,510 Um, where's the body? 366 00:15:54,512 --> 00:15:55,945 She's in a better place. 367 00:15:57,014 --> 00:15:58,948 (chain saw rumbling) 368 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,184 The deed is done. 369 00:16:02,186 --> 00:16:03,886 Oh, I wish you'd asked me before you... 370 00:16:03,888 --> 00:16:05,855 Look, you kill them, I get rid of them. 371 00:16:05,857 --> 00:16:07,189 That's always been our deal. 372 00:16:07,191 --> 00:16:08,557 But I do have one question: 373 00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,926 Do you want the head? 374 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,861 No, no, God, no. 375 00:16:11,863 --> 00:16:13,896 Well, if you change your mind, it'll be in my freezer. 376 00:16:13,898 --> 00:16:15,231 But only for a week. 377 00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:16,899 Got a lot of ice cream coming in. 378 00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:20,036 Ugh, if this were a movie, Mother wouldn't let me watch it. 379 00:16:20,038 --> 00:16:22,738 Now, I'm afraid it's time to start your new life. 380 00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:25,041 You'll be hunted, on the run, 381 00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:27,043 searching for the man who killed your mother, 382 00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:29,111 which is you. So avoid mirrors. 383 00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,647 (Krusty humming) 384 00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:35,384 Krusty, I have some very bad news. 385 00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:37,753 The foreign Krustys are all hotter than you. 386 00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:40,589 Irish Krusty's got a show on Broadway. 387 00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,291 Oi, where's your monkey? 388 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,759 There never was a monkey. 389 00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,961 I was just tellin' stories 390 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,796 to forget me consumption. 391 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:47,930 (coughs) 392 00:16:47,932 --> 00:16:49,899 (applause) 393 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:50,967 Well, you see there, 394 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,635 they need to hit the word "monkey" harder 395 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,236 if they want to get a laugh. 396 00:16:54,238 --> 00:16:56,272 Don't you get what I'm trying to tell you? 397 00:16:56,274 --> 00:16:59,308 You are now the least popular Krusty in the world. 398 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,410 What about Romanian Krusty? 399 00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:03,579 What, you mean President-for-Life Krusty? 400 00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,981 (low groan) 401 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,949 I still get a piece, right? 402 00:17:06,951 --> 00:17:09,085 Putz. You're the least successful 403 00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,619 version of you there is. 404 00:17:10,621 --> 00:17:11,754 A piece. 405 00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:14,323 Now, let's see where this goes. 406 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:16,959 Irish Krusty, this is your baby. 407 00:17:16,961 --> 00:17:20,429 The only thing working round here is your libido. 408 00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,665 Now I know why Ma walked into the sea 409 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,668 with her pockets full of rocks, on Christmas. 410 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,971 Why doesn't this material work for me? 411 00:17:28,973 --> 00:17:32,274 Seymour, the cops are on their way. 412 00:17:32,276 --> 00:17:34,176 (siren wails) 413 00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:39,615 Here's a bus ticket to Juarez and your fake I.D. 414 00:17:39,617 --> 00:17:40,850 SKINNER: Oh, come on, 415 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,351 I don't look anything like this 416 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,452 "Dick Fiddler." 417 00:17:43,454 --> 00:17:45,354 No, you don't... yet. 418 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,824 I don't want to sound ungrateful, 419 00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,626 but could I eat one of the potatoes? 420 00:17:50,628 --> 00:17:54,463 Sorry, but Dick Fiddler is allergic to potatoes. 421 00:17:54,465 --> 00:17:55,798 I understand. 422 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,267 (both giggling) 423 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,340 Dad? 424 00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:06,008 Thanks for sticking up for me. 425 00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:07,843 (laughs) 426 00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:10,046 Someday I may have to fake my own death. 427 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,981 And maybe you can help me with that. 428 00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:13,049 Sure, Dad. 429 00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,316 Someday soon. 430 00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:16,552 As in, what are you doing this Friday? 431 00:18:17,854 --> 00:18:19,989 Aah! Dick Fiddler! 432 00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:22,224 Gentlemen, I can't run away from what I've done. 433 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,160 I accept that I killed my mother. 434 00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:26,695 My whole life, she's belittled me. 435 00:18:26,697 --> 00:18:29,231 Maybe deep down, I'm glad. 436 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,067 This has gone far enough. 437 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,536 I'm starting to think this "school project" 438 00:18:33,538 --> 00:18:35,237 is more than meets the eye. 439 00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:37,173 Mother? You're alive? 440 00:18:37,175 --> 00:18:40,042 Seymour, when this fat guy and his kid 441 00:18:40,044 --> 00:18:42,044 asked me to fake my death to punish you, 442 00:18:42,046 --> 00:18:45,047 I said, "Sure, that's something to do." 443 00:18:45,049 --> 00:18:47,716 You know, when you glare like that, 444 00:18:47,718 --> 00:18:49,685 you look really beautiful. 445 00:18:49,687 --> 00:18:51,420 (grumbles): Mm-hmm. 446 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,055 But when I just heard you say 447 00:18:53,057 --> 00:18:56,025 you were glad to see me dead... 448 00:18:56,027 --> 00:18:58,928 I thought, "Now I'm gonna be meaner to you than ever." 449 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,529 How is that possible? 450 00:19:00,531 --> 00:19:03,532 I've stopped taking those pills that keep me nice. 451 00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:05,000 (gasps) 452 00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:10,206 ♪ Fiddler! ♪ 453 00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:13,442 ♪ Fiddler, you look stupid 454 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:16,112 ♪ In that beard 455 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:19,582 ♪ Fiddler! ♪ 456 00:19:19,584 --> 00:19:23,352 ♪ This dream is getting weird. 457 00:19:35,398 --> 00:19:36,966 KRUSTY: So I heard many of you 458 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:40,769 are dissatisfied with my 75% cut of your take. 459 00:19:40,771 --> 00:19:43,939 Well, we did consider letting you keep more. 460 00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:45,074 (cheering) 461 00:19:45,076 --> 00:19:46,408 But instead, 462 00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:48,777 we're giving you something even better. 463 00:19:48,779 --> 00:19:52,248 I will do a guest shot on each of your shows. 464 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:54,116 Huh? Eh? 465 00:19:54,118 --> 00:19:55,918 (jeering, shouting) 466 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,419 Twist him like a balloon. 467 00:19:57,421 --> 00:19:59,088 Cut off his hey-heys. 468 00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:00,923 Let's slice him up and cook him 469 00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:02,791 in our traditional dishes. 470 00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,293 Krusty, can't you think of something? 471 00:20:04,295 --> 00:20:06,162 I'm very bad in a crisis. 472 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,830 I also can't ad-lib, 473 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,432 memorize anything, improv or tell a joke. 474 00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:12,168 Uh, you know, why did you even become a clown? 475 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,270 Well, I was supposed to be one of the sad ones. 476 00:20:18,942 --> 00:20:20,743 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 477 00:20:21,945 --> 00:20:23,646 ♪ They smoke, they toke 478 00:20:23,648 --> 00:20:25,948 ♪ They smoke and toke and smoke ♪ 479 00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:26,849 ♪ Ha! 480 00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,151 ♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke 481 00:20:29,153 --> 00:20:31,153 ♪ Toke, toke, toke 482 00:20:31,155 --> 00:20:36,992 ♪ The Itchem and Scratchem Blow ♪ 483 00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:38,194 ♪ Ha! 484 00:21:00,984 --> 00:21:03,118 Shh!