1
00:00:03,761 --> 00:00:05,462
(exclaims anxiously)
2
00:00:08,933 --> 00:00:11,034
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:15,239 --> 00:00:17,307
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:20,978
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,980
(playing glissandos on harp)
6
00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:28,752
(playing random melody)
7
00:00:28,754 --> 00:00:29,753
(strums strings)
8
00:00:29,755 --> 00:00:31,054
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:32,590 --> 00:00:33,790
D'oh!
10
00:00:33,792 --> 00:00:35,459
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:35,461 --> 00:00:36,560
(grunts)
12
00:00:40,465 --> 00:00:42,132
(cowboy melody plays
on harmonica)
13
00:00:42,134 --> 00:00:43,133
(ethereal chord chimes)
14
00:00:43,135 --> 00:00:44,634
(strumming guitar)
15
00:00:44,636 --> 00:00:46,136
(whale singing)
16
00:00:46,138 --> 00:00:47,604
(eerie melody plays)
17
00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,106
(jaunty circus music playing)
18
00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,640
(hoarse barking)
19
00:00:50,642 --> 00:00:52,142
(electric guitar
plays surf riff)
20
00:00:52,144 --> 00:00:53,844
(footsteps thudding)
21
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:56,913
(various melodies and
sounds shifting rapidly)
22
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:02,185
(melodies and sounds
shifting faster)
23
00:01:07,492 --> 00:01:08,558
(remote shattering)
24
00:01:18,136 --> 00:01:19,669
NARRATOR:
High above Zenith City,
25
00:01:19,671 --> 00:01:22,205
Radioactive Man keeps
a lonely vigil!
26
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,673
RADIOACTIVE MAN:
All seems quiet.
27
00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:25,375
Maybe I'll fly to China
and get some takeout.
28
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:28,178
(gasps) A sky tweet from
Commissioner Sweeney!
29
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:31,681
This looks like a job for:
@radioactiveman_01.
30
00:01:31,683 --> 00:01:34,051
(whooshing)
31
00:01:34,519 --> 00:01:35,852
Leaping Leptons!
32
00:01:35,854 --> 00:01:37,387
It's the Fossil Fuel Four!
33
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,022
Old King Coal...
34
00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:40,824
Patroleus Rex...
35
00:01:40,826 --> 00:01:43,093
French Femme Fatale
Charcoal Briquette...
36
00:01:45,029 --> 00:01:47,030
...and the enemy of
drinking water everywhere,
37
00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:48,031
the Fracker.
38
00:01:48,033 --> 00:01:49,900
(grunting with effort)
39
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,336
Stop attacking
the nuclear plant--
40
00:01:53,338 --> 00:01:55,505
this country's
safest energy source!
41
00:01:55,507 --> 00:01:57,674
Studies show,
I'm America's best hope
42
00:01:57,676 --> 00:01:59,376
for energy independence.
43
00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:00,544
(laughs)
44
00:02:00,546 --> 00:02:03,180
Those studies were
industry financed.
45
00:02:03,182 --> 00:02:04,848
You lie!
46
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:05,916
Holy Hedrons!
47
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:06,983
I need backup!
48
00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:09,019
Calling Citizen Solar,
49
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,854
and his sidekick Wind Lad.
50
00:02:10,856 --> 00:02:12,355
(French accent): I believe
you will find them
51
00:02:12,357 --> 00:02:14,191
lacking in energy.
52
00:02:14,193 --> 00:02:16,193
It's too cloudy.
53
00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:19,529
People don't like
the noise I make.
54
00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:20,931
Ehhh...
55
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,701
Petroleus Rex,
56
00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:25,735
please remember when
you used to be
57
00:02:25,737 --> 00:02:27,871
Environmental Scientist
Rex Bernstein.
58
00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:31,274
I have become my destiny.
59
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:37,447
(grunts, groans)
60
00:02:40,051 --> 00:02:42,319
I'll crush you
like a gnat, King Coal.
61
00:02:44,055 --> 00:02:46,223
(shouting in pain)
62
00:02:46,225 --> 00:02:47,958
(grunting with effort)
63
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,459
(shouting)
64
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,802
Half life.
65
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,737
Quar... ter life.
66
00:03:00,739 --> 00:03:02,572
Eighth life.
67
00:03:02,574 --> 00:03:04,374
Gone.
68
00:03:05,109 --> 00:03:07,077
Frack-cellent!
69
00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:08,678
(laughs sinisterly)
70
00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:12,816
They killed off
Radioactive Man?
71
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,651
I did not
see that coming.
72
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,287
Die-carumba!
73
00:03:17,289 --> 00:03:19,456
They'll just reboot
Radioactive Man
74
00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:21,124
in an overpriced
new origin issue
75
00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:22,959
and get clueless
fanboys like you
76
00:03:22,961 --> 00:03:24,761
to line up at midnight
to buy them.
77
00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,297
Clueless fanboys
in costume.
78
00:03:27,299 --> 00:03:29,266
(text alert chimes)
79
00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:30,767
MILHOUSE:
Wow!
80
00:03:30,769 --> 00:03:31,935
Midnight.
81
00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:34,504
I won't know which day
to write in my diary.
82
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:35,772
Homer.
What?
83
00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:37,274
Will you take me
to buy a comic book
84
00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:38,308
Tuesday at midnight?
85
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:40,277
And miss the back half
of Jimmy Kimmel?
86
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:42,179
That's when
he experiments, boy.
87
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,447
You never watched
an episode of Jimmy Kimmel
88
00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:45,315
in your life.
89
00:03:45,317 --> 00:03:46,483
Yes, I have.
90
00:03:46,485 --> 00:03:48,218
After the Oscars,
when he forces you.
91
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,756
(Ralph Wiggum singing
random melody)
92
00:03:54,292 --> 00:03:55,959
(door bell dings,
all cheering, clapping)
93
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,460
Quiet. Quiet!
94
00:03:57,462 --> 00:04:00,330
And attention please,
valued customers.
95
00:04:00,332 --> 00:04:02,465
You will each be allowed
to enter the store,
96
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:04,301
and buy one copy.
97
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:06,469
Swallow your gum, now.
98
00:04:06,471 --> 00:04:07,470
(all gulp)
99
00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:09,139
MILTON: Oh. Oh.
Mr. Book Guy.
100
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:10,473
Can I go first?
101
00:04:10,475 --> 00:04:13,476
I was once cast to play
Fallout Boy in a movie.
102
00:04:13,478 --> 00:04:15,178
Tell it to Harlan Ellison.
103
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:17,480
I think, you
over-privileged kids
104
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:18,982
with your
electronic tablets
105
00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:20,350
and your
talking phones,
106
00:04:20,352 --> 00:04:21,985
wouldn't know
a good piece of fiction
107
00:04:21,987 --> 00:04:24,187
if your iPod
read it to your ass.
108
00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:26,856
I wish someone would have
come from the future,
109
00:04:26,858 --> 00:04:28,825
and warned me
not to talk to you.
110
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,160
That's my idea!
111
00:04:30,162 --> 00:04:31,695
You're stealing
my idea!
112
00:04:31,697 --> 00:04:32,929
Sorry.
113
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,074
C-B-G.
114
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,675
What's the happs,
my man?
115
00:04:45,677 --> 00:04:46,509
Well, well, well.
116
00:04:46,511 --> 00:04:47,744
If it isn't Milo,
117
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,680
the owner of my main
competitor, Coolsville.
118
00:04:50,682 --> 00:04:52,849
Or should I say,
"Foolsville."
119
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:55,752
That is some tasty
cashish, my friend.
120
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,686
Indeed.
121
00:04:56,688 --> 00:04:58,688
And how did you
spend your evening?
122
00:04:58,690 --> 00:04:59,756
Um... Let's see.
123
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,925
I wrote a Lost
fan fiction finale
124
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:04,527
that also answers all the
questions from Twin Peaks.
125
00:05:04,529 --> 00:05:07,364
Reranked all the Doctor Whos by
puffiness of the hair.
126
00:05:07,366 --> 00:05:09,599
Oh, and I also got
married to my actual,
127
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:10,700
non-imaginary,
128
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:11,901
comic-tolerating
129
00:05:11,903 --> 00:05:13,403
girlfriend,
Strawberry.
130
00:05:13,405 --> 00:05:15,372
Now when Milo
talks to himself,
131
00:05:15,374 --> 00:05:16,773
it won't seem crazy.
132
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:19,376
So, Milo talks
to himself.
133
00:05:19,378 --> 00:05:21,945
We will treasure
that information.
134
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,115
Yes... we will.
135
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:26,716
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
136
00:05:26,718 --> 00:05:28,718
I'm gonna share this
primo origin ish
137
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,053
with my bride.
138
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:31,721
Even the mintiest comic
is just acidifying pulp,
139
00:05:31,723 --> 00:05:34,224
if you have no one to
read it with, right?
140
00:05:34,226 --> 00:05:36,126
Nerds don't get girls.
141
00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,560
These days
they do, man.
142
00:05:37,562 --> 00:05:39,763
Comic-Con is now
eight percent women.
143
00:05:39,765 --> 00:05:40,964
STRAWBERRY:
Burn!
144
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,266
Wrong... Wrong!
145
00:05:43,268 --> 00:05:45,268
Wro-- Where is he?
146
00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:46,770
Come on, buddy,
I gotta get home
147
00:05:46,772 --> 00:05:48,738
and climb into bed
with my loving wife.
148
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:49,739
Oh, right.
149
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:51,574
You have
a loving wife.
150
00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:53,777
Oh. Marge and I
get along perfect.
151
00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:57,147
We're like George Burns
and John Denver.
152
00:05:59,116 --> 00:06:00,817
Oh, man!
153
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,820
Carrying these kids
is hard on my back.
154
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:04,821
Oh...!
155
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,623
Oh, yeah!
156
00:06:06,625 --> 00:06:07,624
And now to Moe's.
157
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:08,958
Look at him. Look.
158
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,493
He's got
family... friends.
159
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,828
What do I have?
160
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,964
Oof. Jimmy Olsen
vs. Matter Eater Lad.
161
00:06:14,966 --> 00:06:17,667
Hm. This is better than
I remembered, actually.
162
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:18,668
No...!
163
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:19,669
No it isn't!
164
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:20,603
It-It's horrible!
165
00:06:20,605 --> 00:06:21,971
(moans)
166
00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:24,174
The only thing that could make
this moment more cliched,
167
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,509
is if I started to sing
about my feelings.
168
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,445
And... here I go.
169
00:06:28,447 --> 00:06:31,281
(slow, melancholy intro)
170
00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:34,451
♪ I've always been happy
171
00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:37,354
♪ To call myself single
172
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,022
♪ No Mary Jane
173
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,323
♪ Or Lois Lane
174
00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:43,360
♪ With whom I'd co-mingle
175
00:06:44,495 --> 00:06:47,330
♪ You could say that I was
176
00:06:47,332 --> 00:06:50,734
♪ An unstackable Pringle
177
00:06:53,304 --> 00:06:56,639
♪ I've got originals signed
178
00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:59,809
♪ By Siegel and Shuster
179
00:06:59,811 --> 00:07:02,512
♪ But they don't satisfy
180
00:07:02,514 --> 00:07:05,882
♪ In the way
that they used-ter ♪
181
00:07:07,351 --> 00:07:10,687
♪ It really don't matter
if you've got a Cap Anson ♪
182
00:07:10,689 --> 00:07:13,690
♪ If you spend your nights
in your underwear prancin' ♪
183
00:07:13,692 --> 00:07:15,058
♪ With your cardboard stand
184
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,227
♪ Of Scarlett Johansson!
185
00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:20,897
(yelling, grunting)
186
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,335
♪ Guess I've always
been lonely ♪
187
00:07:25,337 --> 00:07:28,171
♪ But I've never revealed it
188
00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:31,508
♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar
189
00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:33,676
♪ And then... (sobs)
190
00:07:33,678 --> 00:07:38,681
♪ Vacuum sealed... it.
191
00:07:38,683 --> 00:07:40,784
(quiet sigh)
192
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,753
Stan Lee!
193
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,588
Or, is it
my imagination?
194
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,357
I'm your
imagination.
195
00:07:47,359 --> 00:07:49,426
The real Stan Lee's
over there.
196
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,627
Excelsior!
197
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,196
But listen,
198
00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:55,031
as comic book
guys go,
199
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,766
you're trim,
friendly, and,
200
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:57,901
quite a catch.
201
00:07:57,903 --> 00:07:59,035
(laughs)
202
00:07:59,037 --> 00:08:02,672
But now... your
opportunity is knocking.
203
00:08:04,208 --> 00:08:05,108
Huh...?!
204
00:08:06,377 --> 00:08:08,545
Don't let it slip by.
205
00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:09,546
Can you help me?
206
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:10,947
I can only watch.
207
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,949
I cannot interfere.
208
00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:16,352
New Radioactive
number one, please.
209
00:08:17,221 --> 00:08:19,456
Come on, nudnik.
Ask her out.
210
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,457
You're interfering.
211
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,891
Hey, I'm 90
years old.
212
00:08:21,893 --> 00:08:24,127
I can do
what I want.
213
00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:32,435
Um... Er...
Stammer. Eh...
214
00:08:32,437 --> 00:08:33,470
C-Can I
sign you up
215
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,472
for our frequent
buyer's club?
216
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,739
The Just Us League?
217
00:08:36,741 --> 00:08:38,475
You would be
member number 003.
218
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,443
I-- I am
the first two.
219
00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:41,444
Sure.
220
00:08:41,446 --> 00:08:44,080
I am Kumiko Nakamura
from Osaka.
221
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:46,449
I am visiting America's
saddest cities,
222
00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:49,319
as research for my
autobiographical manga.
223
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,755
Volume Six, Springfield.
224
00:08:52,757 --> 00:08:54,457
Land of Angry Tears.
225
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,759
That's you.
226
00:08:56,761 --> 00:08:58,428
The man with
sparkling eyes,
227
00:08:58,430 --> 00:08:59,762
and zigzag beard.
228
00:08:59,764 --> 00:09:01,431
You have
seen me before?
229
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:03,132
Yes.
Through window.
230
00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:04,501
But you
don't see me.
231
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,436
You're either looking
down in disgust,
232
00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:07,837
or up in disdain.
233
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,839
I think you
have great soul.
234
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,140
Would you permit me
to go in the back,
235
00:09:11,142 --> 00:09:12,208
and do a
brief inventory?
236
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:14,844
(muffled):
She tolerates me!
237
00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:17,647
Ah... Is it too soon
238
00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:19,315
to give you flowers
in a Hulk hand?
239
00:09:19,317 --> 00:09:22,085
It is the
perfect time.
240
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,319
(doorbell rings)
241
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:25,321
(humming happily)
242
00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:26,356
Hmm?
243
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,357
(yelling):
Bart!
244
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,025
Your comic
vendor's here.
245
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,361
Uh, actually, it is you
that I am here to see.
246
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,530
I, um,
I need your help.
247
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,031
I am getting
ready for a date.
248
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,165
(stammers)
249
00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:37,333
The closest thing
I have to a father
250
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:39,369
is the Obi-Wan
doll in my store.
251
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,671
And he comes from a race
of celibate knights.
252
00:09:41,673 --> 00:09:42,672
So...
253
00:09:42,674 --> 00:09:43,673
I will help you.
254
00:09:43,675 --> 00:09:45,208
As long as
our bellies
255
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,509
never
touch again
256
00:09:46,511 --> 00:09:48,344
like they are
right now.
257
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:49,345
BOTH:
Ew!
258
00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:50,480
Oh...!
259
00:09:50,482 --> 00:09:51,714
Why pick me?
260
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,350
Because you are the only
fat man in real life
261
00:09:54,352 --> 00:09:55,718
who ever got
a hot woman.
262
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,320
Hey.
Ooh... (laughs)
263
00:09:57,322 --> 00:09:58,988
Well, come in.
264
00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:00,857
I'll explain
how it all works.
265
00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:02,525
Okay. It helps if
she's got a mother
266
00:10:02,527 --> 00:10:04,160
she's trying
to get back at.
267
00:10:04,162 --> 00:10:05,662
MARGE:
Aw...
268
00:10:05,664 --> 00:10:08,064
No woman will be able
to resist you,
269
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,198
dressed like this.
270
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,333
Now, remember,
271
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:12,001
don't be the way
you normally are
272
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:14,871
and sustain that
for the rest of your life.
273
00:10:14,873 --> 00:10:17,006
Kumiko, uh, meet my
dear friends
274
00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:18,341
uh, Homer and
Marge Simpson.
275
00:10:18,343 --> 00:10:20,343
I-In my country,
it is a tradition
276
00:10:20,345 --> 00:10:21,511
to bring a
much older couple
277
00:10:21,513 --> 00:10:22,512
on a first date.
278
00:10:22,514 --> 00:10:23,846
It is not
in any way, weird,
279
00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:25,214
or-or sad.
280
00:10:25,216 --> 00:10:26,349
Does anyone tell you
281
00:10:26,351 --> 00:10:27,517
that you look
like the man
282
00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:29,352
on a box of Mr. Sparkle?
283
00:10:29,354 --> 00:10:31,554
Aka ni taishte burei da!
284
00:10:31,556 --> 00:10:34,524
Yogore o yaburu!
285
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,526
In Japan,
drinking your detergent
286
00:10:36,528 --> 00:10:38,528
is a popular
method of suicide.
287
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:40,263
(gasps)
Honki da yo?!
288
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:45,568
Kumiko, for you,
289
00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:48,204
we chose the coolest
restaurant in town.
290
00:10:48,206 --> 00:10:50,373
But the walls
are covered with garbage.
291
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:51,608
MARGE:
Oh...
292
00:10:52,876 --> 00:10:55,144
Not garbage,
Americana.
293
00:10:57,715 --> 00:10:59,215
Here's some
more Americana,
294
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:00,950
that bubbled up
in the swamp.
295
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,386
Here you go:
Your All-American
296
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:05,722
Fifty State Potato
Skin Sampler.
297
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:08,458
Okay: Wisconsin, cheddar.
298
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,892
Maryland, blue crab.
299
00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:11,227
They're neither
in alphabetical,
300
00:11:11,229 --> 00:11:12,729
nor geographical order.
301
00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:14,631
What-What
madness is this?
302
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:15,898
Please, sir.
303
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,501
Ask your questions
after all 50 "tates."
304
00:11:22,239 --> 00:11:24,907
I cannot hide
the snide inside.
305
00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:26,743
Oh. I don't mind.
306
00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:28,277
If you think
it's stupid,
307
00:11:28,279 --> 00:11:29,278
say it's stupid.
308
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,480
Really?
309
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:33,116
In Japan, no one ever
says what they think.
310
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:35,251
We know our game
shows are degrading
311
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,286
and our baseball
fences are too close.
312
00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:38,588
But no one
says anything.
313
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:39,589
(gasps)
314
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:40,957
Attention, restaurateurs!
315
00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:42,158
(diners murmuring)
316
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,626
You should've spent
less on the kitsch,
317
00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:45,294
and more on
the kitch-en.
318
00:11:45,296 --> 00:11:48,264
With this bowl of
Chuck's Cherokee Salsa,
319
00:11:48,266 --> 00:11:52,435
I baptize you
mediocre, at best.
320
00:11:52,437 --> 00:11:54,604
(laughs)
American nerd snark
321
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,472
is the finest
in the world.
322
00:11:56,474 --> 00:11:57,507
Let's go walking
323
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,275
and mocking
in the rain.
324
00:11:59,277 --> 00:12:00,510
I'm in love!
325
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,744
And, yet, still
a little bitter.
326
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,247
It's surprising.
327
00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:08,751
(Japanese pop song
"Ponponpon" playing)
328
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,861
JIM-JAM BONKS: Father,
why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?
329
00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:25,034
♪
330
00:12:34,845 --> 00:12:36,045
(applause)
331
00:12:39,817 --> 00:12:42,485
Marge, Homer, you have
nurtured our love
332
00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,854
like Steven Speilberg
nurtured the careers
333
00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:46,355
of Zemeckis and Gale.
334
00:12:46,357 --> 00:12:47,356
(sympathetically):
Oh...
335
00:12:47,358 --> 00:12:48,858
So, we want
you to know,
336
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,660
I have decided
to move in
337
00:12:50,662 --> 00:12:52,662
to the basement
under his store.
338
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,330
At last, we'll be
in the same bed.
339
00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:55,832
Just like
Batman and Robin.
340
00:12:55,834 --> 00:12:57,400
HOMER:
Ohh....
MARGE:
Hmm...
341
00:12:59,670 --> 00:13:01,537
Homer, I want you
to take Kumiko
342
00:13:01,539 --> 00:13:03,906
and Comic Book Guy
a housewarming present,
343
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,208
and maybe
check in on them?
344
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,009
We talked
about this, Marge.
345
00:13:07,011 --> 00:13:09,145
The hammock
is a chore-free zone.
346
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:13,082
Apparently, including
tying the knots
on the hammock.
347
00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:18,121
And getting the termites
out of the trees.
348
00:13:18,922 --> 00:13:20,223
(squeaking)
349
00:13:20,225 --> 00:13:21,591
Not a word.
350
00:13:24,394 --> 00:13:26,062
(Japanese accent):
Excuse me, sir.
351
00:13:26,064 --> 00:13:28,064
I am looking
for my daughter.
352
00:13:28,066 --> 00:13:29,899
I thought this
was her residence,
353
00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:32,401
but all I see
is a store full of, uh,
354
00:13:32,403 --> 00:13:34,237
non-pornographic manga.
355
00:13:34,239 --> 00:13:36,572
(gasps)
You're Kumiko's father?
356
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,574
Welcome, sensei.
357
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:40,243
I am not a
Kung fu instructor.
358
00:13:40,245 --> 00:13:41,544
I am a humble
salary man
359
00:13:41,546 --> 00:13:42,745
who could
kick your ass.
360
00:13:42,747 --> 00:13:43,746
Say, has
anyone told you
361
00:13:43,748 --> 00:13:44,881
you look like--
362
00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:46,883
I know. Mr. Sparkle.
363
00:13:46,885 --> 00:13:48,384
I was going to say,
364
00:13:48,386 --> 00:13:50,052
like you're going
to have a stroke.
365
00:13:50,054 --> 00:13:51,053
(laughs)
366
00:13:51,055 --> 00:13:52,088
I get that a lot too.
367
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:54,724
Now, please,
where is my daughter?
368
00:13:54,726 --> 00:13:57,260
Okay. She moved in
with her boyfriend.
369
00:13:57,262 --> 00:13:58,895
Well, he's not a boy.
370
00:13:58,897 --> 00:13:59,896
He's immature.
371
00:13:59,898 --> 00:14:00,963
But, fat and old.
372
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,900
So, an obese nerd
has stolen my daughter
373
00:14:03,902 --> 00:14:05,301
to live in his basement?
374
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,769
I didn't tell you
about the basement.
375
00:14:06,771 --> 00:14:08,271
It was an
obvious guess!
376
00:14:08,273 --> 00:14:09,572
(bell dings)
377
00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:10,640
(crying)
378
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:13,242
Daughter!
379
00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:14,777
You are coming
back to Japan!
380
00:14:14,779 --> 00:14:16,779
There are 87
old people
381
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:18,581
who need you to
take care of them.
382
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:19,749
No. Please...
Please.
383
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:21,083
I was becoming
cuddly.
384
00:14:21,085 --> 00:14:23,286
I deleted rants
from my blog.
385
00:14:23,288 --> 00:14:24,921
You can
retrieve rants
386
00:14:24,923 --> 00:14:26,088
if you did not
empty your trash.
387
00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:27,156
Goodbye!
388
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,833
Now I know
I've got a heart...
389
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,301
because
it's breaking.
390
00:14:38,303 --> 00:14:39,969
Wizard of Oz
reference!
391
00:14:39,971 --> 00:14:41,604
Did I do that?
392
00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:42,805
Urkle reference!
393
00:14:42,807 --> 00:14:44,507
(panting)
Help me.
394
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,675
Fire reference!
395
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,276
(panting): I can't stop.
396
00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:48,277
I can't stop.
397
00:14:48,279 --> 00:14:50,279
Homer Simpson,
this was your doing.
398
00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:51,781
And I want you
to fix it.
399
00:14:51,783 --> 00:14:53,616
I have a bad
feeling about this!
400
00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:55,785
Every action movie
ever made reference!
401
00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:56,853
Now!
402
00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:00,122
Yeah, Homer.
403
00:15:00,124 --> 00:15:01,657
We have much
in common.
404
00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:03,526
We both love
our daughters,
405
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,328
and discipline
our sons.
406
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:07,864
No...
discipline would imply,
407
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,665
I'm trying to
make him better.
408
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,033
So... are you married?
409
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,501
(sighs)
410
00:15:12,503 --> 00:15:14,136
My dear Michiko
has passed away.
411
00:15:14,138 --> 00:15:16,339
But she's always with me.
412
00:15:16,341 --> 00:15:18,374
You promise
double suicide.
413
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,076
You hear what
you want to hear.
414
00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:22,545
Always with me.
415
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:23,546
Another drink!
416
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,614
Something stronger!
417
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,416
(creaks)
418
00:15:31,855 --> 00:15:34,523
BARTENDER (dramatically):
Snake rice wine.
419
00:15:34,525 --> 00:15:36,192
Now, that's disgusting.
420
00:15:36,194 --> 00:15:37,627
Wine made of rice?
421
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:42,498
Try some.
422
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,599
Hai.
423
00:15:47,004 --> 00:15:48,004
(hissing)
424
00:15:48,006 --> 00:15:49,005
(Homer slurring drunkenly)
425
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:51,674
(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)
426
00:15:51,676 --> 00:15:53,175
(slurring):
Why didn't I stop
427
00:15:53,177 --> 00:15:54,877
with the snake wine?
428
00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:57,513
Why did I drink
the fish wine?
429
00:15:57,515 --> 00:15:59,181
That was
the aquarium.
430
00:15:59,183 --> 00:16:01,317
(quiet, gentle melody plays)
431
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,957
(engine humming)
432
00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:10,626
(tires screeching)
433
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:23,439
You didn't see nothin'. Scram.
434
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,775
♪
435
00:16:52,736 --> 00:16:54,804
(clanking)
436
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:03,012
Uh! I am ruined
by whimsy.
437
00:17:05,749 --> 00:17:06,949
MILHOUSE'S VOICE:
The good thing is,
438
00:17:06,951 --> 00:17:09,685
soon I'll be a
beautiful swan.
439
00:17:11,288 --> 00:17:13,823
(cackling)
440
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:14,890
Aw...
441
00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,625
(whimpers)
442
00:17:16,627 --> 00:17:17,927
What's going
on here?
443
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:19,261
BART & LISA:
We'll explain it.
444
00:17:19,263 --> 00:17:21,430
The rice wine
has penetrated
445
00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:23,499
to the essence
of your souls.
446
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,834
Yeah, listen to my tail.
447
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,135
You're the tail!
448
00:17:26,137 --> 00:17:27,436
No... You're
the tail.
449
00:17:27,438 --> 00:17:28,838
(yelling): Dad!
Bart's feet are on
450
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,339
my half
of the shell!
451
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:31,941
(screaming):
Why, you slimey little--
452
00:17:31,943 --> 00:17:32,942
Ow!
453
00:17:32,944 --> 00:17:34,010
(both grunting)
454
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,011
(grunting)
Ooh.
455
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,178
Hey, that
actually feels good.
456
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,313
(grunting)
Oh, yeah. More.
457
00:17:37,315 --> 00:17:38,314
A little bit more.
458
00:17:38,316 --> 00:17:39,315
(shouting)
Right there. Oh, yeah.
459
00:17:39,317 --> 00:17:40,983
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
460
00:17:40,985 --> 00:17:42,485
Enough nonsense!
461
00:17:42,487 --> 00:17:44,053
I came here
for my daughter!
462
00:17:45,655 --> 00:17:48,624
♪ I-I am a golden bird
463
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:51,694
♪ And I love the comic nerd
464
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,163
♪ Of this, I won't be cured
465
00:17:54,165 --> 00:17:58,034
♪ Papa-san, Papa-san.
466
00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:03,005
The monster is me.
467
00:18:03,007 --> 00:18:05,307
Who... 'da thunk it?
468
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:06,475
(weeping)
469
00:18:06,477 --> 00:18:08,511
(thunder rumbling)
470
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:10,846
(sighs)
471
00:18:10,848 --> 00:18:12,681
Homer, drinking
that snake wine,
472
00:18:12,683 --> 00:18:15,184
and going to White
Castle afterwards,
473
00:18:15,186 --> 00:18:17,253
really opened my eyes.
474
00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:20,389
Mr. Nakamura,
475
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,391
I have used my
hitherto unmentioned
476
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,026
chemical
engineering degree
477
00:18:24,028 --> 00:18:25,394
to get a real job
478
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:27,530
at the Springfield
Phosphate Works.
479
00:18:27,532 --> 00:18:29,532
They're giant
polluters.
480
00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:31,901
But... the CEO
is a woman.
481
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,235
It's very vexing.
482
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,404
Now, have I
proven myself
483
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,872
worthy of
your daughter?
484
00:18:36,874 --> 00:18:38,007
(firmly):
No.
485
00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:39,675
Please, take
your time.
486
00:18:39,677 --> 00:18:40,876
You were worthy!
487
00:18:40,878 --> 00:18:42,678
The way you were.
488
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,080
I-- I was?
489
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,181
But I rented
the store.
490
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,882
I eBayed my stool.
491
00:18:46,884 --> 00:18:48,017
Cancel the sale.
492
00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:49,351
But then my
seller rating
493
00:18:49,353 --> 00:18:50,519
will go down...
494
00:18:50,521 --> 00:18:51,520
Stop being nerd!
495
00:18:51,522 --> 00:18:52,588
Yes, Papa-san.
496
00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:58,761
Geekly beloved,
497
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,096
we are
gathered here
498
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,564
in the
eyes of me,
499
00:19:01,566 --> 00:19:02,765
King of the Cameos,
500
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:03,766
Stan Lee.
501
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,267
To celebrate
the wedding of,
502
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,602
Comic Book Guy,
503
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,604
and Kumiko Nakamura.
504
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:11,240
Does anyone wish
to offer any thoughts,
505
00:19:11,242 --> 00:19:13,375
on this
blessed occasion?
506
00:19:13,377 --> 00:19:14,376
Yes. (clears throat)
507
00:19:14,378 --> 00:19:15,945
I-I-I would like
to say something.
508
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,913
Um, since I met Kumiko,
509
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:19,381
strangely,
comic books
510
00:19:19,383 --> 00:19:21,383
no longer seem
so important.
511
00:19:21,385 --> 00:19:23,419
I will also be selling
greeting cards.
512
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:24,420
And, every day,
513
00:19:24,422 --> 00:19:25,721
I will give
one to Kumiko
514
00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,289
in commemoration
of today,
515
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,791
with the
salutation,
516
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:31,660
"Best... Day... Ever."
517
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,264
Ghost Wife,
518
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:36,632
are you happy?
519
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:37,900
Kind of!
520
00:19:37,902 --> 00:19:40,035
(traditional
Japanese music playing)
521
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,820
MILHOUSE: How long am I
gonna stay this way?
522
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,823
As long as we
keep drinkin' this.
523
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:01,824
(clink)
524
00:20:02,626 --> 00:20:04,260
DOLPH: Give us
your eggs.
525
00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:05,461
I'm a boy.
526
00:20:05,463 --> 00:20:06,729
KEARNEY:
We said eggs.
527
00:20:11,268 --> 00:20:13,002
(all laughing)
528
00:20:14,104 --> 00:20:16,172
Yes!
529
00:20:19,109 --> 00:20:20,509
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
530
00:21:01,017 --> 00:21:03,085
Shh!