1 00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:08,765 D'oh! 2 00:00:08,767 --> 00:00:09,566 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:11,134 (grunts) 4 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,903 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Super Bowl XLVIII 5 00:00:12,905 --> 00:00:18,475 between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos. 6 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,244 The field is a frozen tundra, (Bart laughing) 7 00:00:21,246 --> 00:00:22,946 imported at great expense from Alaska. 8 00:00:22,948 --> 00:00:24,414 Hmm? 9 00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:25,449 Hmm?! 10 00:00:25,451 --> 00:00:26,516 Huh...? 11 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:28,986 (shrieks) 12 00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,487 (gasps) 13 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,922 Oh! 14 00:00:31,924 --> 00:00:33,056 (gasps) 15 00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:35,993 (screams) 16 00:00:36,928 --> 00:00:38,195 (screams, jabbers) 17 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,103 (screams, jabbers) 18 00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,604 Whoo-hoo. 19 00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,139 (whimpers) 20 00:00:49,141 --> 00:00:50,974 (sobs) 21 00:00:50,976 --> 00:00:53,076 (Homer continues whimpering, sobbing) 22 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,013 (electricity buzzes, Homer screams and whimpers) 23 00:01:00,184 --> 00:01:01,651 (Homer screams, electricity crackles) 24 00:01:01,653 --> 00:01:03,954 ANNOUNCER: And the game comes down to this one play-- 25 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:05,655 (Homer screaming) a final field goal. 26 00:01:05,657 --> 00:01:07,524 The kick is up, it hits the crossbar and-- 27 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,525 (power humming off) 28 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,826 HOMER: D'oh! 29 00:01:09,828 --> 00:01:11,228 (Homer slurps beer, then whoops) 30 00:01:26,344 --> 00:01:30,647 (to tune of "Silver Bells"): ♪ Glowing rods, glowing rods 31 00:01:30,649 --> 00:01:33,316 ♪ It's making me 32 00:01:33,318 --> 00:01:36,053 ♪ Weak and dizzy... 33 00:01:36,055 --> 00:01:37,721 Uh, rumor has it they're about to give out 34 00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:39,022 the company Christmas gifts. 35 00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:40,991 Who told you that? 36 00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:41,992 I got an in. 37 00:01:41,994 --> 00:01:42,893 The VP of Personnel 38 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,995 is doing my girlfriend. 39 00:01:44,997 --> 00:01:47,564 Ooh, look at you, Mr. Connected. 40 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:50,033 I hope it's better than last year's lousy gift. 41 00:01:50,035 --> 00:01:51,501 CARL: Yeah, what a rip. 42 00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:53,036 Ugh. Remember this gift? 43 00:01:53,038 --> 00:01:54,871 The executive stress ball. 44 00:01:54,873 --> 00:01:57,207 BURNS' VOICE: One more squeeze and you're fired. 45 00:01:57,209 --> 00:01:59,342 (gasps) Now I feel more stressed than ever. 46 00:01:59,344 --> 00:02:00,844 Gah! (gags) 47 00:02:00,846 --> 00:02:02,679 BURNS' VOICE (muffled): Excellent. 48 00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:04,848 Excellent. Excellent. 49 00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:07,184 Uh, you don't look so excellent to me. 50 00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:08,285 (retches) 51 00:02:10,054 --> 00:02:11,855 Ho, ho, humbug. 52 00:02:11,857 --> 00:02:14,357 Santa Claus approaches to judge and punish. 53 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,031 Wow! A good gift for once. 54 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,732 Oogle Goggles. 55 00:02:22,734 --> 00:02:24,935 Augmented reality glasses. 56 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,404 You wear them like eyeglasses, but inside the lens, 57 00:02:27,406 --> 00:02:29,906 you see information about the people and places around you. 58 00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:33,877 Ooh, finally I'm not a slave to my stupid human eyeballs. 59 00:02:33,879 --> 00:02:35,779 (gasping in wonder) 60 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,247 HOMER: Ooh! 61 00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:38,882 Whoa. 62 00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,617 (high-pitched gibbering) 63 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,054 (smug chuckling) 64 00:02:44,056 --> 00:02:45,288 Glasses, call Lenny. 65 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,890 Ooh, I'm getting a call. 66 00:02:46,892 --> 00:02:47,891 Answer call. 67 00:02:47,893 --> 00:02:48,925 Hello? 68 00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:51,528 Lenny, it's me, Homer. 69 00:02:53,731 --> 00:02:56,266 Hm. I always thought it was "Simp-sen." 70 00:02:56,268 --> 00:02:58,902 Really? Don't you ever look up at the sky? 71 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:01,138 (theme song playing) 72 00:03:04,075 --> 00:03:05,642 Always wondered what that was. 73 00:03:06,611 --> 00:03:07,978 Sir, I'm concerned about 74 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,246 your sudden generosity. 75 00:03:09,248 --> 00:03:10,981 The doctor said to bring you in right away 76 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:12,482 if you display kindness or warmth. 77 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,783 Oh, don't worry. 78 00:03:13,785 --> 00:03:16,153 This Santa still has claws. 79 00:03:18,089 --> 00:03:19,923 As of now, each of those nuclear nitwits 80 00:03:19,925 --> 00:03:21,291 is wearing a video camera. 81 00:03:21,293 --> 00:03:23,960 With a direct feed to me. 82 00:03:23,962 --> 00:03:25,428 (gasps) You're spying on them? 83 00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:27,764 Smithers, how much did this company lose 84 00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:29,833 to office supply theft last year? 85 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,935 $7,043. 86 00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:33,970 Yes, well, no more of that. 87 00:03:33,972 --> 00:03:36,640 Thanks to this $26 million surveillance system. 88 00:03:36,642 --> 00:03:37,774 Beware, rabbits. 89 00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:40,510 I spy with my transplanted eyes. 90 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,180 Oh, and I forgot to show you the best feature. 91 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:47,017 Each of these buttons represents an employee. 92 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:50,220 When I press it, he or she dies. 93 00:03:53,958 --> 00:03:55,959 (scoffs) What's wrong with this thing? 94 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,427 (grunts in frustration) 95 00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,317 Now, remember kids, 96 00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,852 the school says you must have a valentine card 97 00:04:22,854 --> 00:04:25,021 for everyone in your class. 98 00:04:25,023 --> 00:04:28,525 How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it? 99 00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:30,327 What did I say about pointing out 100 00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:32,862 the meaninglessness of things? 101 00:04:32,864 --> 00:04:34,397 Not to. 102 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,999 Well, no way I'm giving a valentine to Nelson. 103 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,201 He's a bully, and I do not love him. 104 00:04:38,203 --> 00:04:40,337 Jesus says to love your enemies. 105 00:04:40,339 --> 00:04:42,672 That's because Jesus knows one day, 106 00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:45,575 he gets to look his enemies in the eye and say 107 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:49,045 "It was me who sent you to Hell." 108 00:04:49,047 --> 00:04:50,714 Bart, your school requires you 109 00:04:50,716 --> 00:04:52,916 to give everyone a valentine card 110 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,852 in an envelope with a fun sticker. 111 00:04:55,854 --> 00:04:58,021 Your teacher put out an e-mail alert. 112 00:04:58,023 --> 00:05:00,924 With a video attachment. 113 00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:04,194 MAN: Welcome to Firstline. Tonight, 114 00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:07,197 "Valentine's Day: Always A Massacre." 115 00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:09,366 At this school, children may give valentines 116 00:05:09,368 --> 00:05:10,533 to whomever they choose. 117 00:05:10,535 --> 00:05:12,369 Danny is unpopular, 118 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:16,373 due to rumors he sleeps in the raw with his ma and his pa. 119 00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:20,043 Human young are born with the ability to count valentines, 120 00:05:20,045 --> 00:05:22,879 and Danny realizes he's been snubbed. 121 00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:26,116 Past generations of children were used to rejection. 122 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:29,552 But today's kids, raised in a climate of video games 123 00:05:29,554 --> 00:05:32,389 and instant messaging, are fragile weirdos. 124 00:05:32,391 --> 00:05:34,724 LYMAN: On February 15, 2:00am, 125 00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:37,727 after checking the mailbox one last time, 126 00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,130 Danny nearly died from an overdose 127 00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,798 of little candy hearts. 128 00:05:45,069 --> 00:05:48,238 Many of history's monsters never received a valentine. 129 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,807 Attila the Hun, Mao Tse-tung, 130 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,575 and me, Will Lyman. 131 00:05:52,577 --> 00:05:54,244 This is Firstline. 132 00:05:54,246 --> 00:05:56,746 Fine, Nelson gets a valentine. 133 00:05:56,748 --> 00:05:58,515 An old one from the box. 134 00:06:01,252 --> 00:06:03,086 Perfect. Bad movie, bad pun, 135 00:06:03,088 --> 00:06:05,188 even bad paper stock. 136 00:06:06,924 --> 00:06:08,124 (Homer laughing) 137 00:06:08,126 --> 00:06:09,626 (giggles) 138 00:06:09,628 --> 00:06:11,328 What's so funny? 139 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:13,963 I'm watching videos of idiots wearing these glasses 140 00:06:13,965 --> 00:06:17,100 and not paying attention to the world around them. 141 00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:18,435 Look at these jerks. 142 00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:20,236 (man screams) 143 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,675 Ow! 144 00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:27,677 (man screams) 145 00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:36,619 I don't understand what's so great about these 146 00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:39,789 state of the art, solar-powered, computo-glasses. 147 00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:40,957 I'll let you try them on, 148 00:06:40,959 --> 00:06:42,625 right after I decide if these videos 149 00:06:42,627 --> 00:06:43,993 are Funny Or Die. 150 00:06:43,995 --> 00:06:47,464 Funny, funny, die, die, 151 00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:49,332 funny, funny but the guy died. 152 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,034 Oh. 153 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:54,137 Now, a simple Sunday drive will reveal the hidden wonders 154 00:06:54,139 --> 00:06:56,039 of our hometown. 155 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,343 Hmm... 156 00:07:00,345 --> 00:07:02,412 (grunting with effort) 157 00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:08,418 Whoo-hoo! 158 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,988 D'oh! 159 00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:14,324 Springfield City Hall was built for the Spencer Tracy movie 160 00:07:14,326 --> 00:07:17,227 Meet Me At City Hall. 161 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:20,697 It was just a flat wall with nothing behind it for 30 years. 162 00:07:20,699 --> 00:07:23,400 Dad, Bart's on my side of the seat. 163 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,902 Dad, Lisa's my little sister. 164 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,737 (both grunting) 165 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,006 The rearview mirror was invented in 1911, 166 00:07:30,008 --> 00:07:31,207 for just this reason. 167 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,675 Interesting. 168 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:34,344 When was the term "shut up" invented? 169 00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:37,247 As early as 1859, shut up was used to shut up... 170 00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,916 Homie, I think the kids are just hungry. 171 00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:43,520 Glasses, direct me to the nicest restaurant I can afford. 172 00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,188 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Accessing soup kitchens. 173 00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:48,057 What, you... Oh, that's it, I'm taking you off. 174 00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:50,193 Aah! Reality. 175 00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:51,127 JEREMY: Oh! Sorry, sir! 176 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:55,598 Okay, let's see what we got here. 177 00:08:00,571 --> 00:08:03,873 Ugh, oh! Ooh. 178 00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:05,608 Eh. 179 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,714 Oh. (Homer giggles) 180 00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:13,216 Mm-hmm. 181 00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:14,884 Squeeze here. 182 00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,586 Rotate there. 183 00:08:16,588 --> 00:08:17,887 Pause for sweet talk. 184 00:08:17,889 --> 00:08:20,290 Oh, glasses, you're so wonderful. 185 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:23,893 Huh? A-Are you using your glasses for snuggling? 186 00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:26,763 But the avatar looks just like you. 187 00:08:26,765 --> 00:08:28,631 I'm afraid wives don't make passes 188 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,134 at husbands in those glasses. 189 00:08:32,603 --> 00:08:34,904 Glasses, find me a great gift for my wife. 190 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,439 (whispers): Under five dollars. 191 00:08:36,441 --> 00:08:37,941 MARGE: I heard that! 192 00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,176 Glasses, take me two minutes back in time. 193 00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:48,751 Oh... (grumbles) 194 00:08:48,753 --> 00:08:50,920 Marge. Mm. 195 00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:52,989 About the glasses. Mm! 196 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,492 I'm really sorry, and... Mm, mm, mm. 197 00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,594 Here's your breakfast. 198 00:08:57,596 --> 00:09:00,096 Only five pancakes? 199 00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:01,464 You're trying to kill me. 200 00:09:01,466 --> 00:09:03,466 Well, I'm not happy with you. 201 00:09:03,468 --> 00:09:05,435 Look, honey, I know these glasses 202 00:09:05,437 --> 00:09:07,437 are a radical new technology 203 00:09:07,439 --> 00:09:09,439 and should be worn in moderation. 204 00:09:09,441 --> 00:09:10,807 Isn't that right, glasses? 205 00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:12,809 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Yes, just like I told you. 206 00:09:12,811 --> 00:09:15,311 Anyway, I'm giving them up. 207 00:09:15,313 --> 00:09:18,348 To whoever dares take them. 208 00:09:22,653 --> 00:09:24,854 (Lisa and Bart gasp) 209 00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:26,856 Yoink. 210 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,625 Aw, come on, Mom. 211 00:09:28,627 --> 00:09:30,960 For once, I'm grabbing the goody. 212 00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:32,862 So the rumors are true. 213 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,365 Moms can want things. 214 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,035 Hmm. 215 00:09:44,308 --> 00:09:45,375 Hmm... 216 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,976 Nicely done, Lewis. 217 00:09:46,978 --> 00:09:51,481 A Transformer that transforms into a heart? 218 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:52,715 I love it! 219 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:59,322 Mm. This Hershey's Kiss is melted. 220 00:09:59,324 --> 00:10:01,491 Not good. 221 00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:03,993 My mom left it on the dashboard! 222 00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:05,562 My mom...! 223 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:07,897 I'll have yours now, Simpson. 224 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,534 In Ga'hoole, 225 00:10:11,536 --> 00:10:13,469 we would break his frickin' knees. 226 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,039 No. 227 00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:18,107 No Valentine for you, Nelson. 228 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,578 Excuse me? 229 00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,246 I'll give a Valentine to a loser, 230 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,881 I'll give a Valentine to a dork, 231 00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:26,849 I'll even give a Valentine to a girl, 232 00:10:26,851 --> 00:10:30,253 but I won't give a Valentine to a bully! 233 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,855 Here's what's gonna happen. 234 00:10:32,857 --> 00:10:37,026 You have one week to make me the best Valentine any kid ever got. 235 00:10:37,028 --> 00:10:38,528 And what if I don't? 236 00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:41,197 Simpson, there's gonna be a heart in my hand, 237 00:10:41,199 --> 00:10:43,800 either paper or yours. 238 00:10:45,903 --> 00:10:47,904 Hey, everybody. That's strange. 239 00:10:47,906 --> 00:10:51,574 I-I'm hearing a voice, but I'm not seeing a user icon. 240 00:10:51,576 --> 00:10:54,043 Carl, it's me. I'm here. 241 00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,378 Really here! 242 00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,547 Hey, Homer. A lot of information about you. 243 00:10:57,549 --> 00:11:00,950 Let me just page through it. Oh! Stop! Hey! What? 244 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:04,053 Oh, no one can live in a non-augmented reality. 245 00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:06,356 I need another pair of glasses. 246 00:11:07,591 --> 00:11:09,892 Charlie, your move in Muppet Chess. 247 00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:11,894 Gonzo to Fozzie Seven. 248 00:11:11,896 --> 00:11:14,964 Aw! That's Kermit-mate. Wocka wocka! 249 00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:16,899 Oh, why is it 250 00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:18,901 the recipe card you need is always 251 00:11:18,903 --> 00:11:21,170 the one Homer writes his cocktail ideas on? 252 00:11:22,806 --> 00:11:25,241 Maybe these bleep-bloop glasses can help. 253 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:28,811 Okay, Marge Simpson entering the Matrix, 254 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,581 for a brownie recipe. 255 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,083 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Here are my top-rated recipes. 256 00:11:34,085 --> 00:11:37,920 Ooh. So many choices, Maggie. 257 00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:40,356 (beeping) 258 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,829 HOMER: Um, Mr. Burns, sir? 259 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,831 Can I get another pair of glasses? 260 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,434 Maybe two pair? One for the beach house? 261 00:11:51,436 --> 00:11:53,436 Can I also get a beach house? 262 00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:55,338 Two beach houses. 263 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,272 Huh? 264 00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:57,273 Monitors?! 265 00:11:57,275 --> 00:11:58,608 What the...? 266 00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:03,312 Burns gave us those glasses so he could spy on us! 267 00:12:03,314 --> 00:12:06,315 This is a violation of our human rights. 268 00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:07,283 (cracks knuckles) Okay, 269 00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:09,686 so let's see what we can see. 270 00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,788 Solitaire, top hats on eBay, 271 00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,823 Angry Birds fan fiction, 272 00:12:13,825 --> 00:12:16,125 guy doing really easy crossword puzzle, 273 00:12:16,127 --> 00:12:17,827 Lenny doing Carl's clown makeup... 274 00:12:17,829 --> 00:12:19,962 someone's actually working? 275 00:12:19,964 --> 00:12:21,864 Maggie?! 276 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,833 Who's Mommy's little girl? 277 00:12:23,835 --> 00:12:26,469 Genealogy.org says you are! 278 00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:27,870 You are! 279 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,338 (Maggie giggles) 280 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:31,340 (chuckles): Aw... 281 00:12:31,342 --> 00:12:34,143 Wait a minute. Since Marge is wearing my glasses, 282 00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:36,479 I can see everything she sees! 283 00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:38,481 Uh-uh, I shouldn't watch this. 284 00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,183 MARGE: Such a good baby. 285 00:12:40,185 --> 00:12:42,185 You deserve some ice cream. 286 00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:45,655 Wait a minute-- Marge said we were out of ice cream. 287 00:12:45,657 --> 00:12:47,990 (Marge humming happily) 288 00:12:47,992 --> 00:12:48,991 Ooh! 289 00:12:48,993 --> 00:12:51,327 (Marge chuckles) 290 00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:53,196 (gasps) Oh! 291 00:12:53,198 --> 00:12:55,898 What else is Marge hiding from me? 292 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,068 (doorbell rings) MARGE: Maggie, he's here! 293 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,738 Oh, is she having an affair? 294 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,007 Thanks for asking me to lunch. 295 00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:08,077 Oh, why isn't she having an affair?! 296 00:13:09,513 --> 00:13:13,516 What about a Valentine that says: "Bully, for you"? 297 00:13:13,518 --> 00:13:16,018 Hmm, interesting. 298 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:17,520 "Interesting" means "no." 299 00:13:17,522 --> 00:13:19,388 "Interesting" means "no." 300 00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:20,890 (snaps fingers) 301 00:13:20,892 --> 00:13:22,692 Milhouse, you're a genius! 302 00:13:22,694 --> 00:13:24,861 I am? What did I say? 303 00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:27,063 (groans): Oh, nothing. 304 00:13:27,065 --> 00:13:29,031 On TV when a guy says something lame, 305 00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:32,034 another guy says he's a genius, and then he has an idea. 306 00:13:32,036 --> 00:13:33,870 I thought it might work for me. 307 00:13:33,872 --> 00:13:36,072 Well, you called me a genius. 308 00:13:36,074 --> 00:13:37,607 That means a lot. 309 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,909 Oh, I hate this stupid holiday! 310 00:13:39,911 --> 00:13:42,745 The only thing you can do is screw it up. 311 00:13:42,747 --> 00:13:44,247 (gasps) That's it! 312 00:13:44,249 --> 00:13:46,716 Bart, you're a genius! 313 00:13:46,718 --> 00:13:50,119 Well, if you keep throwing the word around, it means nothing. 314 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,724 Who are you? Mr. Burns! 315 00:13:54,726 --> 00:13:56,559 Oh. I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. 316 00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,795 I won't bother you again. 317 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:07,136 HOMER: Marge, that's a "Compact Only" space. 318 00:14:08,071 --> 00:14:09,639 (Marge grunts) 319 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:12,909 (chuckles): Well... who knew you were such a rebel? 320 00:14:12,911 --> 00:14:16,445 Now let's learn more about my wife's secret life. 321 00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:20,082 Secrets which can only be good. 322 00:14:20,084 --> 00:14:21,918 Hi, Marge. 323 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,920 Dr. Carlock is ready for you. 324 00:14:23,922 --> 00:14:25,822 Thank you. 325 00:14:26,957 --> 00:14:28,958 So, Marge, how have you been? 326 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,927 (sighs): Okay, I guess. 327 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:33,262 Marge is in therapy?! 328 00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:35,131 MARGE: Oh, I hate when I come here 329 00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:37,767 and the first word out of my mouth is "Homer." 330 00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:39,769 But here we go, again. 331 00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:43,506 (sighs) Homer was converting our dollars to "yu-ros." 332 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,042 Not the money, the sandwich. 333 00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:53,015 And has there been any improvement in Homer's drinking? 334 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,852 Well, he's down to two beers in the shower. 335 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,820 They're pale ales! Please! 336 00:14:57,822 --> 00:14:59,655 Well, maybe if you just concentrate 337 00:14:59,657 --> 00:15:01,490 on one problem, like his temper. 338 00:15:01,492 --> 00:15:04,627 MARGE: Oh, everything in the newspaper makes him mad. 339 00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:07,330 Not Marmaduke! Never Marmaduke! 340 00:15:07,332 --> 00:15:09,966 Marmaduke was horrible today! 341 00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:13,836 Also, Marge is in therapy, and she didn't even tell me. 342 00:15:13,838 --> 00:15:16,305 Whoa. She has crossed a line. 343 00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:18,307 How did you find out? 344 00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:20,009 Spied on her with a hidden camera. 345 00:15:20,011 --> 00:15:21,978 She thinks I'm selfish. 346 00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:24,480 She thinks I don't spend enough time with the kids. 347 00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:25,982 Well, that's crazy. Come on. 348 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,551 You work your butt off in a radioactive hellhole, 349 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,220 and what do you get? Not one lousy superpower. 350 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,489 I guess the only choice is to come clean with her 351 00:15:33,491 --> 00:15:35,491 and tell her what I know, and hI know. 352 00:15:35,493 --> 00:15:36,525 Whoa, whoa! 353 00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:37,894 Bad idea. No, no. 354 00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:41,063 Chicks do not like finding out they're being spied on. 355 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:47,737 I speak from loooooong.... 356 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,005 experience. 357 00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:51,173 No, you got to make it seem like 358 00:15:51,175 --> 00:15:53,009 you found out by accident there. 359 00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:54,377 Um... ooh! 360 00:15:54,379 --> 00:15:56,178 Next week you schedule an appointment 361 00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:59,382 with the therapist after hers, and then you bump into Midge 362 00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,017 in the waiting room there. 363 00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:02,852 Moe, that's great! 364 00:16:02,854 --> 00:16:04,854 (chuckles): How do you get your ideas? 365 00:16:04,856 --> 00:16:06,956 Pretty much all my friends are divorced guys. 366 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,027 Hello, Homie! 367 00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:12,028 Dinner's almost ready. 368 00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:14,864 Pork chops with my secret seasoning. 369 00:16:14,866 --> 00:16:19,035 Yeah, you do like your secrets, don't you, Marge? 370 00:16:19,037 --> 00:16:21,070 Don't lose your cool, Homer. 371 00:16:21,072 --> 00:16:24,573 The building block of a marriage is long silence. 372 00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:26,242 Hey, where'd she go? 373 00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:28,244 Good, good, you held your tongue there. 374 00:16:28,246 --> 00:16:30,046 Because-- hey, where'd you go? 375 00:16:30,048 --> 00:16:33,249 Doesn't anybody want me to give 'em advice? 376 00:16:33,251 --> 00:16:36,085 Okay there, Fido, when you see that squirrel outside, 377 00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:38,888 at first you play it cool, you understand? 378 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:40,122 (barks twice) 379 00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:44,060 "I fear you"? 380 00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:46,595 This is what Valentine's Day means to you?! 381 00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:48,431 This is what it means to everyone. 382 00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:51,067 How can you be forced to say "I love you"? 383 00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:53,736 People only give Valentines because they're scared 384 00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:55,972 of what would happen if they didn't. 385 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:59,275 "Nelson, you frighten me so, 386 00:16:59,277 --> 00:17:01,944 "The psycho-est bully I know, 387 00:17:01,946 --> 00:17:05,314 "You're a sociopath in need of a bath, 388 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:08,651 I'm sure you'll wind up on death row." 389 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,253 (sniffing) 390 00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:14,490 Mmm! You can really smell the fear on this. 391 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,958 I rubbed it on Milhouse. 392 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,661 Simpson, you just touched my heart's butt. 393 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,663 Why are you hugging yourself? 394 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,932 Why are you hugging yourself?! 395 00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,968 If Nelson doesn't do something bully-ish in two seconds, 396 00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:27,803 I'm gonna wedgie him. 397 00:17:27,805 --> 00:17:29,972 Nelson doesn't wear underwear. 398 00:17:29,974 --> 00:17:32,742 Wow. Always one step ahead. 399 00:17:34,945 --> 00:17:37,313 Uh, I'm here to check in for the 3:00. 400 00:17:37,315 --> 00:17:40,116 Please fill out these forms, Mr. Fakinami. 401 00:17:40,118 --> 00:17:43,285 No, it's "Fake Name." I'll just call you Elias. 402 00:17:43,287 --> 00:17:45,688 That's "Alias." 403 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,023 Duh. Hm! 404 00:17:55,298 --> 00:17:57,133 HOMER: Finally. 405 00:17:57,135 --> 00:18:00,169 Time for the big bump-into. 406 00:18:00,171 --> 00:18:01,971 Same time next week, Marge? 407 00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:03,672 Oh, absolutely. 408 00:18:03,674 --> 00:18:06,042 These sessions keep me on an even keel. 409 00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:09,845 Dr. Carlock is like my Wednesday reset button. 410 00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:11,480 HOMER: Wednesday? 411 00:18:11,482 --> 00:18:14,083 (pleasant classical music playing) 412 00:18:23,527 --> 00:18:26,328 ♪ 413 00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:31,000 Okay, she's always in a good mood after therapy. 414 00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:34,103 (sad, minor-key music playing) 415 00:18:42,679 --> 00:18:44,947 ♪ 416 00:18:48,885 --> 00:18:49,885 (Marge hums happily) 417 00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:51,187 Oh, my God. 418 00:18:51,189 --> 00:18:53,022 Marge needs this. 419 00:18:53,024 --> 00:18:57,193 It lights her way through the dark path of marriage to me. 420 00:18:57,195 --> 00:18:58,928 Come on in, Mr. Fakinami. 421 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,696 No need. Everything's fine. 422 00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:03,866 I'm sorry, but there are no cancellations within 24 hours. 423 00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:06,535 (chuckles): Well, as long as I'm paying for the time... 424 00:19:06,537 --> 00:19:08,604 Ow! Where'd you learn to cut hair? 425 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:09,872 (nervous chuckle) 426 00:19:09,874 --> 00:19:11,373 You know, you have some anger issues. 427 00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,109 More snip, less lip. 428 00:19:14,411 --> 00:19:16,245 Oh, I forgot to tell you, Homie, 429 00:19:16,247 --> 00:19:19,949 I bumped into Helen Lovejoy today, and guess what? 430 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,283 I don't need to know, Marge. 431 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,719 You deserve to have your secrets. 432 00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:25,721 It's not a secret. It's a funny story. 433 00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,923 Okay, Marge, but first, well... 434 00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:30,259 I have something I need to tell you. 435 00:19:30,261 --> 00:19:32,561 Something I did you might be mad about, 436 00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:33,929 and rightly so. 437 00:19:33,931 --> 00:19:36,632 Oh, I bet my story's more interesting. 438 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,067 Whoo-hoo! I tried! 439 00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:39,235 Okay. Okay, 440 00:19:39,237 --> 00:19:41,237 so, Helen Lovejoy told me that 441 00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:44,273 she made her famous snickerdoodle Bundt cake for the church sale, 442 00:19:44,275 --> 00:19:46,909 and she put in salt instead of sugar! 443 00:19:46,911 --> 00:19:49,111 (laughs) Yeah? And...? 444 00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:51,413 That's it. That was the story. 445 00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:53,816 Where's that cake now? It got sold. 446 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,484 Who bought it? Dr. Hibbert. 447 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:58,988 Excuse me. I have to make a call. Don't take too long. 448 00:20:00,924 --> 00:20:03,526 Okay, Hibbert's in surgery, but they're having him paged. 449 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,262 (both moaning passionately) 450 00:20:06,264 --> 00:20:07,596 Wait, something's wrong. 451 00:20:07,598 --> 00:20:09,832 (grunts) That's better. 452 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,667 Oh, dear God. 453 00:20:16,306 --> 00:20:19,275 Hi, Ralph. Um, I just wanted to tell you, 454 00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:22,311 there was a tooth in the Valentine you gave me. 455 00:20:22,313 --> 00:20:24,813 Plant it and you'll grow a new Ralph. 456 00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:27,983 I don't need a new Ralph. I like the old one. 457 00:20:27,985 --> 00:20:29,785 Happy Valentine's Day. 458 00:20:29,787 --> 00:20:32,855 Well, better get ready for St. Patrick's! 459 00:20:38,328 --> 00:20:40,696 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 460 00:21:21,004 --> 00:21:23,072 Shh!