1 00:00:03,127 --> 00:00:04,995 (whimpering) 2 00:00:15,173 --> 00:00:16,173 Heh. 3 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:26,616 NARRATOR: Neptune-- eighth planet from the sun. 4 00:00:26,618 --> 00:00:29,653 A mystery now, we hope to have close-up photos 5 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,121 from Voyager 2 6 00:00:31,123 --> 00:00:33,623 in 1989. 7 00:00:33,625 --> 00:00:35,258 We do have them! 8 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:36,827 They're my home screen! 9 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:39,262 Miss Hoover, once again, the lesson plan I prepared 10 00:00:39,264 --> 00:00:41,264 would have covered this topic much better. 11 00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:42,866 But I can see... 12 00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,267 (rumbling) 13 00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:45,969 (whimpers) 14 00:00:45,971 --> 00:00:47,137 Miss Hoover? 15 00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:49,172 It's Tuesday, Lisa. 16 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,474 Taco Tuesday. 17 00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:52,109 (rumbling continues) (shudders) 18 00:00:52,111 --> 00:00:53,043 Huh? 19 00:00:53,045 --> 00:00:54,044 Huh? 20 00:00:54,046 --> 00:00:55,045 (bell rings) 21 00:00:55,047 --> 00:00:58,281 ALL: Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday! 22 00:00:58,283 --> 00:01:01,018 Taco Tuesday! 23 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:05,055 (quietly chanting): Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday... 24 00:01:05,057 --> 00:01:06,156 (rumbling) 25 00:01:06,158 --> 00:01:08,225 Oh, no. I'm about to become 26 00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:10,727 another moppin' statistic. 27 00:01:13,064 --> 00:01:16,133 There's only room for one of us, Ethel. 28 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:20,737 (music from Titanic playing) 29 00:01:25,143 --> 00:01:27,978 (kids laughing) (grunting, yelling) 30 00:01:29,247 --> 00:01:31,081 (grunting) 31 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,251 (crunching) 32 00:01:34,253 --> 00:01:36,386 Bart, that's your sixth taco. 33 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:39,089 You know, Whitman says, "If anything is sacred, 34 00:01:39,091 --> 00:01:41,091 the human body is sacred." 35 00:01:41,093 --> 00:01:43,660 (mouth full): Fascinating. 36 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:45,595 Congratulations, boys. 37 00:01:45,597 --> 00:01:47,097 You made it through 38 00:01:47,099 --> 00:01:49,166 another Taco Tuesday. 39 00:01:49,168 --> 00:01:51,334 Back in the bucket till next week. 40 00:01:51,336 --> 00:01:53,837 Won't those vegetables go bad? 41 00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:57,107 Nope. They're genetically modified to stay fresh. 42 00:01:57,109 --> 00:01:59,409 Just don't ask how old the Jell-O is. 43 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,478 Ew. 44 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,115 Overreactor.org warns that over half 45 00:02:05,117 --> 00:02:07,884 of the vegetables sold in this country are 46 00:02:07,886 --> 00:02:10,454 genetically modified organisms 47 00:02:10,456 --> 00:02:12,089 whose effect on humans is... 48 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:14,124 unknown. 49 00:02:15,193 --> 00:02:18,295 Whoa! Mom, you made me overswipe! 50 00:02:18,297 --> 00:02:21,698 Your parents' credit card has been charged $20. 51 00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,767 (laughs) 52 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,702 (gasps) I have to get to the church. 53 00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:28,538 Helen Lovejoy is posting the spring volunteer sign-up sheet. 54 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:32,075 In five minutes, every good task will be taken. 55 00:02:32,077 --> 00:02:33,176 (tires screech) Dang it! 56 00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:36,880 Jasper Beardley! 57 00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:38,448 You'll never make it! 58 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,150 (low mumbling) 59 00:02:40,152 --> 00:02:42,752 (Marge murmuring, smacking lips) 60 00:02:42,754 --> 00:02:44,154 No! 61 00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:46,289 (low mumbling) 62 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,557 (frustrated grunt) 63 00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:49,893 ♪ 64 00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:51,461 (revving engine) 65 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,163 Ooh... (groans) 66 00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:55,232 (low mumbling) 67 00:02:57,902 --> 00:02:59,302 (groans) 68 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,138 (mumbling) 69 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,139 Oh! 70 00:03:04,275 --> 00:03:05,942 What the hell is this thing? 71 00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:07,410 (signal light clicking) 72 00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:08,612 Bake sale-- taken. 73 00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:10,614 Candle snuffing-- taken. 74 00:03:10,616 --> 00:03:13,483 Baby shusher, miscellaneous choir support. 75 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,919 Everything's taken! All that's left is... 76 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:17,621 Teen abstinence counseling. 77 00:03:17,623 --> 00:03:19,322 You get to pass out abstinence pledges 78 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,125 and make sure the kids sign their John Han-bleeps. 79 00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:23,693 (Marge grumbles) 80 00:03:23,695 --> 00:03:26,930 But, Ned, saying nay is your thing. 81 00:03:26,932 --> 00:03:28,198 Not this month. (chuckles) 82 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,033 Edna signed us up for a tango class. 83 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:33,270 It was the only way I could avert... (sighs) wine-tasting. 84 00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:37,440 Look, I'm really not comfortable talking about S-E-X 85 00:03:37,442 --> 00:03:39,442 with K-I-D-S. 86 00:03:39,444 --> 00:03:41,211 Language. 87 00:03:41,213 --> 00:03:43,046 Oh, it's not that hard. Just tell them 88 00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:45,282 that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies 89 00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:46,349 that God is making happen. 90 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,652 We took the pledge! 91 00:03:48,654 --> 00:03:50,854 We won't have sex until we're married! 92 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,622 To each other! 93 00:03:52,624 --> 00:03:54,357 (both humming a tune) 94 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:57,460 Mm, their skipping lessons are really paying off. 95 00:03:57,462 --> 00:03:59,062 MARGE: Hello. Hello. 96 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,463 (nervous laugh) 97 00:04:00,465 --> 00:04:03,333 I'm-I'm Marge Simpson, and I'm here to talk 98 00:04:03,335 --> 00:04:07,003 about a... a-a wonderful, beautiful thing. 99 00:04:07,005 --> 00:04:08,872 Speaking of beautiful things, 100 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,207 tongue me, babe. 101 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,309 (both grunting) 102 00:04:14,245 --> 00:04:15,478 (gasps) 103 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,251 How many of you are here for the free cookies? 104 00:04:21,253 --> 00:04:23,053 Because we've discontinued that. 105 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,821 (angry chatter) I'm out of here. Forget you! 106 00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:26,823 One of our brightest and most meddlesome students 107 00:04:26,825 --> 00:04:28,425 called this meeting-- somehow-- 108 00:04:28,427 --> 00:04:31,061 to discuss an urgent menu matter. Lisa? 109 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:34,264 Our school cafeteria is serving GMOs-- 110 00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:36,066 genetically modified organisms. 111 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,267 (people gasping) 112 00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:39,236 Now, in order to thoroughly explore the issue, 113 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,572 I'd like to play the first video that came up in my Web browser 114 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,874 when I typed in "GMO" plus "danger" 115 00:04:44,876 --> 00:04:46,443 plus "question mark." 116 00:04:46,445 --> 00:04:48,245 Hear, hear! 117 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:51,014 ♪ 118 00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:53,516 MALE NARRATOR: If there's one thing scientists love, it's money. 119 00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,285 Money, money, money. 120 00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,020 And that's been true of scientists 121 00:04:57,022 --> 00:04:59,356 ever since caveman times. 122 00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,791 We need look no further back than the ancient Mayans, 123 00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:03,627 who crossbred plants and animals 124 00:05:03,629 --> 00:05:06,796 in an unholy experiment in what is now a resort 125 00:05:06,798 --> 00:05:09,599 that charges $30 a night to valet park. 126 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,235 Once you're there, they've gotcha. 127 00:05:12,237 --> 00:05:13,403 (all gasp) 128 00:05:13,405 --> 00:05:15,038 The Mayans didn't listen... 129 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,940 to themselves. 130 00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:19,309 Yet today, we toy with our fate 131 00:05:19,311 --> 00:05:21,378 by using retroviruses 132 00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,447 to create these so-called "super foods." 133 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,449 Are we doomed to repeat an event 134 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,818 (snaps fingers) that destroyed all human life? 135 00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:31,288 The answer is in your mouth! 136 00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,990 (narrator laughing maniacally) 137 00:05:35,426 --> 00:05:39,296 Um, that video seemed a little unscientific. 138 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:43,066 My name is Jenny McCarthy, and I endorse this tirade. 139 00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:45,268 Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought. 140 00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:48,305 Everybody wait here while I do some actual research. 141 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,440 Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone. 142 00:05:50,442 --> 00:05:52,842 Well, hurry, we have no minds of our own. 143 00:05:52,844 --> 00:05:54,978 ♪ 144 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,914 I say we do not categorically ban 145 00:05:57,916 --> 00:06:00,417 genetically modified organisms. 146 00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:01,318 ALL (gasping): What?! 147 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,353 Well, GMOs are resistant to pests, 148 00:06:03,355 --> 00:06:04,921 disease and drought. 149 00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:06,656 It's just possible that GMOs 150 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,359 can actually end world hunger. 151 00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:12,996 I say, let's get these GMOs inside our children pronto! 152 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,331 Way ahead of you! 153 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,433 (people whooping, shouting) 154 00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,604 I'm eating the food of the future. 155 00:06:21,606 --> 00:06:24,607 (robotically): Beep, boop. What is love? 156 00:06:24,609 --> 00:06:26,443 Boop, beep, boop. 157 00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:28,011 Lisa, I'd like to thank you 158 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,512 for mollifying these land apes. 159 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,115 We'd like you and your family to visit us 160 00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:33,817 at the Monsarno research campus. 161 00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:36,519 Ooh, campus! Do you have a statue of the founder 162 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,455 I can stick a funny hat on? 163 00:06:40,524 --> 00:06:42,125 Go, go, go! 164 00:06:42,127 --> 00:06:45,128 (giggling) 165 00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:46,196 WOMAN: Simpsons, we're trying 166 00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:49,399 to change the world one molecule at a time. 167 00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:51,401 Sounds like that would take a while. 168 00:06:51,403 --> 00:06:52,902 Ooh, you're right. 169 00:06:52,904 --> 00:06:55,572 Everyone, three molecules at a time. 170 00:06:55,574 --> 00:06:57,907 (others grumbling) Oh, you got to be kidding me! 171 00:06:57,909 --> 00:06:59,709 (exasperated sigh) I'll be home late, honey. 172 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,212 Yeah. Three molecules now. 173 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,580 Well, it's nice to see for once 174 00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:06,649 a corporation that does good work and cares about people. 175 00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:09,719 Yes, Lisa, we finally put to bed the silly notion 176 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,055 that our company is in any way evil. 177 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:15,024 Now, say hello to our chief scientist. 178 00:07:15,026 --> 00:07:17,026 (door creaks) (all scream) 179 00:07:17,028 --> 00:07:18,828 SIMPSONS: Sideshow Bob! 180 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:20,497 Dr. Sideshow Bob. 181 00:07:20,499 --> 00:07:22,198 Real doctor or PhD? 182 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,133 PhD. 183 00:07:27,571 --> 00:07:28,872 All right, I'll leave you and Bob 184 00:07:28,874 --> 00:07:30,740 in this locked room to get reacquainted. 185 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:31,841 (bolt clacks) 186 00:07:31,843 --> 00:07:33,009 Simpsons, 187 00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,311 there's no need for alarm. 188 00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:40,583 That's not for you to suck! 189 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,252 Now... where was I? 190 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,254 Right. Uh, no need to worry. 191 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,256 I'm still technically shawshanking it 192 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,224 at Springfield Penitentiary. 193 00:07:48,226 --> 00:07:49,626 This is getting boring. 194 00:07:49,628 --> 00:07:52,028 Either murder us or tell us how you got here. 195 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:53,496 Very well. 196 00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:58,435 The inanity of the vanity license plate puns 197 00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,703 was slowly driving me mad. 198 00:08:00,705 --> 00:08:02,772 So when Monsarno Labs asked for experimental subjects, 199 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,175 I... gladly volunteered. 200 00:08:15,219 --> 00:08:16,486 My job was to make sure the experiments 201 00:08:16,488 --> 00:08:19,088 wouldn't be too painful for the test monkeys. 202 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:20,657 (zapping) (screaming) 203 00:08:22,993 --> 00:08:25,662 (flame whooshes) 204 00:08:25,664 --> 00:08:27,230 I don't know what we're doing here. 205 00:08:27,232 --> 00:08:29,065 Uh, we'll pick it up after lunch. 206 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,134 (quiet chattering) 207 00:08:32,603 --> 00:08:35,305 (zapping) (Sideshow Bob screaming) 208 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,810 I wrote up my results and went from subject... 209 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,512 to scientist. 210 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,815 BART (laughs): Look at me! 211 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,750 I'm Sideshow Bob! 212 00:08:47,752 --> 00:08:49,586 (shrieks) Sideshow Bob! 213 00:08:49,588 --> 00:08:51,421 Foolish boy! That's phosphoric acid! 214 00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:56,159 a hole in your stomach the size of a silver dollar. 215 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,494 Yakety, yakety, yak. 216 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,596 "The spotted hawk accuses me, 217 00:08:59,598 --> 00:09:01,498 he complains of my gab." 218 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:05,268 "I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable." 219 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,770 Walt Whitman. Leaves of Grass. 220 00:09:07,772 --> 00:09:10,306 Very good. Lisa, you always were 221 00:09:10,308 --> 00:09:13,776 the one rose petal floating atop the cesspool 222 00:09:13,778 --> 00:09:15,612 that is the Simpsons. 223 00:09:15,614 --> 00:09:17,347 HOMER: Well! BART: That's mean. 224 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,148 (clack, creaking) (giggles): Oh... 225 00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:22,552 If you're done, our chief scientist has to get back to work. 226 00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:25,522 Our corn on the cob has become self-aware. 227 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,557 Wait! Wait! Won't you visit me again? 228 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:30,527 Let me show you I really am trying to make a better world. 229 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:32,529 Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman. 230 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,531 And, Homer, I think you'd enjoy the company 231 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:37,166 of the campus' lazy, overfed squirrels. 232 00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:39,936 "Overfed"? I don't know this word. 233 00:09:41,705 --> 00:09:43,072 ♪ 234 00:09:45,409 --> 00:09:46,643 (crickets chirping) 235 00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:48,077 (Marge chomping, grunting) 236 00:09:49,079 --> 00:09:51,314 Visit me, Lisa. We can discuss poetry, 237 00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:55,084 fine art, and... and if we must, jazz. 238 00:09:55,086 --> 00:09:57,654 Mom, can I visit Sideshow Bob? 239 00:09:57,656 --> 00:09:59,589 Why would you want to do that? 240 00:09:59,591 --> 00:10:01,157 He's tried to kill us! 241 00:10:01,159 --> 00:10:03,359 You. He tried to kill you. 242 00:10:03,361 --> 00:10:05,528 And I refuse to concede a mind that thinks 243 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:07,664 so much like mine can be all bad. 244 00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:11,167 Don't you think the parts that aren't evil are a little, mm... 245 00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:12,535 pretentious? 246 00:10:12,537 --> 00:10:14,737 Absolutely. We're talking about Lisa, right? 247 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,773 Shut up! You shut up! 248 00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:19,742 This is the pinnacle of conversation around here! 249 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,177 Fine, I'll take you. 250 00:10:21,179 --> 00:10:22,579 They have this cool psych class 251 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,747 at the campus I sat in on. 252 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,750 (whispers): Uh, that was a sexual harassment seminar. 253 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,919 It doesn't matter-- I'm taking it pass-fail. 254 00:10:33,457 --> 00:10:36,059 Blowing off steam in the crafts room, Marge? 255 00:10:36,061 --> 00:10:39,195 No! I'm not giving up on reaching those kids, 256 00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:41,431 and I might just have a secret weapon. 257 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,199 Mm-hmm. Is it finger puppets? 258 00:10:43,201 --> 00:10:44,968 Maybe! 259 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:47,470 Well, we haven't had finger puppets in this church 260 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,806 since Reverend Brogan was arrested. 261 00:10:49,808 --> 00:10:53,042 But I suppose enough time has passed. 262 00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:55,078 And that's why Nancy No 263 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,381 is the most popular girl in Promiseville High. 264 00:10:58,383 --> 00:11:01,951 Mm. I prefer the modern thinking of Yolanda Yes. 265 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:05,388 And I think I'd have a shot with Mabel Maybe. 266 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,590 (laughter) 267 00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:11,160 I'm so tired of those kids sniggering. 268 00:11:11,162 --> 00:11:13,963 Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank. 269 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,466 Well, Nancy knows how to keep him away. 270 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,401 (material creaking) 271 00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:20,403 Darn it, they're stuck. 272 00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:23,973 (Marge groans) 273 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,609 (Marge sighs) 274 00:11:26,611 --> 00:11:31,481 Um, can I take one of those girl puppets home? 275 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,116 I won't do nothin' to it. 276 00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:34,584 Oh! 277 00:11:35,786 --> 00:11:37,487 ♪ You say modified tomato 278 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,322 ♪ I say modified tomahto 279 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:42,759 ♪ I say engineered potato, you say engineered potahto ♪ 280 00:11:42,761 --> 00:11:44,527 ♪ Potato! ♪ Potahto! 281 00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,763 ♪ Tomato! ♪ Tomahto! 282 00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:48,831 BOTH: ♪ Let's splice some DNA! 283 00:11:53,303 --> 00:11:54,504 (laughs) 284 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,938 (chuckles) 285 00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:58,941 That is my first non-evil laugh in years. 286 00:11:58,943 --> 00:12:00,276 Bob, 287 00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,145 there's one thing I got to know. 288 00:12:02,147 --> 00:12:04,347 Are you plotting revenge? 289 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:07,216 I don't plot revenge anymore. 290 00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:09,552 It's like love. If it happens, it happens. 291 00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,521 Now, how about those s'mores? 292 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,589 (creak, whoosh) 293 00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:17,827 Dad! You already ate all the chocolate bars. 294 00:12:17,829 --> 00:12:20,897 That's why I got to get the marshmallows down fast. 295 00:12:20,899 --> 00:12:22,131 (crickets chirping) 296 00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:23,700 I like how they cut them down 297 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,668 from 140 characters 298 00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:28,171 to a more manageable 20 characters. 299 00:12:28,173 --> 00:12:30,740 Oh, another seminar tomorrow. 300 00:12:30,742 --> 00:12:33,676 I just wish I could connect with those teenagers, 301 00:12:33,678 --> 00:12:36,145 since it seems like we'll never have any. 302 00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:37,914 (chuckling): Oh, Marge, 303 00:12:37,916 --> 00:12:40,049 teens can't control their urges. 304 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:43,352 It's why there's never been a teenage president. 305 00:12:43,354 --> 00:12:45,822 Are you saying I'm wasting my time? 306 00:12:45,824 --> 00:12:48,758 No. I'm saying you're wasting everyone's time. 307 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,060 But it's a church thing, so that's a given. 308 00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,595 Oh. Well, then maybe 309 00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,931 I need to give those kids a better example. 310 00:12:54,933 --> 00:12:56,165 Good night! 311 00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:59,168 Shut your eyes. They're too bright. 312 00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:00,903 Sorry. 313 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,071 (birds singing) 314 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,341 Kids, today, we have a very special guest-- 315 00:13:05,343 --> 00:13:07,877 my husband. 316 00:13:07,879 --> 00:13:09,078 I brought Homer here 317 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,947 to show that we can, 318 00:13:10,949 --> 00:13:14,517 and have, abstained for two whole days. 319 00:13:14,519 --> 00:13:16,919 Two days? That's all? 320 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,956 That means, three days ago, the two of you 321 00:13:19,958 --> 00:13:22,091 made the blob with two backs! 322 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,626 Listen, you punks, 323 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,295 if you can't handle the image of our naked bodies 324 00:13:26,297 --> 00:13:28,765 in the tender act of a-oo-ga, 325 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:32,769 you should never have come to the basement of this holy place. 326 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,771 Ugh! He's touching her! 327 00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,039 They're practically doin' it here! 328 00:13:37,041 --> 00:13:37,774 Ugh! 329 00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,542 (sexy purring) 330 00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:42,779 (both moaning) 331 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,147 I'll sign the pledge! 332 00:13:44,149 --> 00:13:46,949 Just get your fat heaving buttocks out of my head! 333 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,050 Never! 334 00:13:49,052 --> 00:13:50,887 (tires squeak) 335 00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:54,557 All right, Bob, you've created 5,000 patents, 336 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,759 so... one hour of freedom. 337 00:13:56,761 --> 00:13:59,128 But remember, your every move will be watched 338 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,597 by these unarmed docents. 339 00:14:01,599 --> 00:14:04,467 That block's gonna need its own ticket. 340 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,269 I have a family membership. 341 00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:09,071 Well, if that's your kid, kiss it. 342 00:14:09,073 --> 00:14:10,439 (groans) 343 00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:11,774 Mmm. 344 00:14:11,776 --> 00:14:13,976 (makes loud kissing sound) 345 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,645 (wheels squeaking) What next? 346 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:16,846 Proto-Cubists? 347 00:14:16,848 --> 00:14:18,915 (with French accent): The Pointillists? 348 00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:21,684 Or the alleged art of Itchy and Scratchy? 349 00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:24,253 Ooh, ooh, I like the Impressionists. 350 00:14:24,255 --> 00:14:26,856 The boy bands of the art world. 351 00:14:26,858 --> 00:14:31,260 But for you, Lisa, I shall face the Renoir with sangfroid. 352 00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:32,862 Warmer. Calder. 353 00:14:32,864 --> 00:14:34,831 Warmer. Warmer. Calder. 354 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,032 Calder. Calder! 355 00:14:36,034 --> 00:14:39,068 That's using your $300,000 M.F.A. 356 00:14:46,944 --> 00:14:47,977 To the Calder mobile! 357 00:14:47,979 --> 00:14:49,512 Ugh! 358 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:52,381 Bob, you saved me! 359 00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:54,116 But how did you get the strength? 360 00:14:54,118 --> 00:14:56,652 Calder's work in this period was marked by heavy use 361 00:14:56,654 --> 00:14:59,055 of sheet metal painted to look deceptively airy. 362 00:14:59,057 --> 00:14:59,889 Well put. 363 00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:01,457 Thank you. (laughs) 364 00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:02,725 Answer the question. 365 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:05,494 Well... there is something I should have told you. 366 00:15:05,496 --> 00:15:07,063 You see, it occurred to me 367 00:15:07,065 --> 00:15:10,066 that if I can genetically modify fruits and vegetables, 368 00:15:10,068 --> 00:15:12,635 why can't I modify... me?! 369 00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:15,304 You've been changing your DNA?! 370 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:19,141 Well, at first, just a peptide here and there. 371 00:15:19,143 --> 00:15:22,712 Carrot for my presbyopia, Brahma bull for strength, 372 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:25,648 and a touch of corn for highlights on my hair. 373 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,950 So... how strong are you? 374 00:15:31,088 --> 00:15:32,788 (wind whipping) 375 00:15:33,757 --> 00:15:35,524 Figurines. 376 00:15:35,526 --> 00:15:37,960 Get your porcelain figurines. 377 00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,330 Now, how about those Impressionists? 378 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,371 I... but we sang Gershwin together! 379 00:15:48,373 --> 00:15:50,940 Well, rhapsody in boo-hoo. 380 00:15:50,942 --> 00:15:53,709 Do you know why we came to the museum today? 381 00:15:53,711 --> 00:15:57,280 Well, I thought it was because it was Tote Bag Day. 382 00:15:57,282 --> 00:16:02,084 Well, that was part of it, but the biggest part was that! 383 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,954 Washington's backbone, Einstein's eyebrows. 384 00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:06,689 Florence Nightingale's tenacity, 385 00:16:06,691 --> 00:16:08,791 though I'll have to clip around her moral fiber. 386 00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,960 (gasps) You're going to take DNA 387 00:16:10,962 --> 00:16:13,963 from these historical figures and add it to your own! 388 00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:16,465 I shall be the wisest and strongest maniac 389 00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:20,136 ever to bring the blessings of dictatorship to the world! 390 00:16:21,471 --> 00:16:23,472 BART: Jig's up, Bob! 391 00:16:23,474 --> 00:16:25,942 Return the spear to the Homo erectus. 392 00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:28,110 (laughing): Homo erectus? 393 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,713 Where has that word been all my life? 394 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,982 Now, Bart, I promised I wouldn't hurt you. 395 00:16:32,984 --> 00:16:34,283 You did that for me? 396 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,285 More for Mom, but yes. 397 00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,421 But beware, I have DNA in me 398 00:16:38,423 --> 00:16:40,156 from Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, 399 00:16:40,158 --> 00:16:41,624 better known as... 400 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:45,294 zombie ant fungus! 401 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:49,799 And we're scared of that because...? 402 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,134 What I am saying is, I could be tipped 403 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,136 into a murderous rage by the slightest provocation. 404 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,505 Could you take a picture of me with my family? 405 00:16:56,507 --> 00:16:58,140 Mm-hmm. 406 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:01,310 Oh, would you take another for safety? 407 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,446 Oh, I think my eyes were shut in that one. 408 00:17:03,448 --> 00:17:05,114 (groaning) 409 00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:07,316 Now, can you take one with my husband's camera? 410 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,018 They're all ugly because you're in them! 411 00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,886 Oh. (children cry) 412 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:15,458 Taste Praxiteles of Athens! 413 00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:16,859 (yelling) 414 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,260 (moos) 415 00:17:18,262 --> 00:17:20,329 (panting) 416 00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,034 (phone rings) 417 00:17:25,036 --> 00:17:27,670 Uh, Chief, we got a report of a disturbance at the Met. 418 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,038 We got bigger problems, Lou. 419 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,874 Horny teens who should be out having bad sex, 420 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:35,678 but instead somebody made them take an abstinence pledge, 421 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,113 by the looks of it. 422 00:17:38,982 --> 00:17:40,483 I don't get it. There are taboos 423 00:17:40,485 --> 00:17:42,051 about premarital sex in the Middle East, 424 00:17:42,053 --> 00:17:44,887 and you don't see those people getting all violent. 425 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:47,223 (panting) 426 00:17:47,225 --> 00:17:48,491 (panting) 427 00:17:48,493 --> 00:17:50,192 You can't escape me! 428 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:55,865 I've got grasshopper thighs and the sonar of a killer whale! 429 00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,100 (making whale sounds) 430 00:18:02,906 --> 00:18:04,306 (loud panting) 431 00:18:04,308 --> 00:18:06,909 (gasping) 432 00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:15,885 Uh, Bob, you can't kill us without a little singing, right? 433 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,053 A little singing? 434 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,687 If there's one thing he did not have 435 00:18:18,689 --> 00:18:21,023 to genetically enhance, it's his voice. 436 00:18:21,025 --> 00:18:25,661 ♪ Non piu andrai, farfallone amoroso... ♪ 437 00:18:25,663 --> 00:18:27,263 (tires screeching) 438 00:18:27,265 --> 00:18:30,933 How dare you torture my children with Mozart! 439 00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:32,935 Ah, you know Mozart? 440 00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:35,271 I call all music Mozart! 441 00:18:35,273 --> 00:18:38,207 We're here to stop you with the help of 442 00:18:38,209 --> 00:18:39,942 the teenage abstinence class! 443 00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:41,410 If you defeat this madman, 444 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,112 I'll release you from your pledge 445 00:18:43,114 --> 00:18:46,115 and teach you other fun ways not to get pregnant. 446 00:18:46,117 --> 00:18:48,350 I think I might be pregnant already. 447 00:18:48,352 --> 00:18:50,052 Well, that's one of 'em. 448 00:18:50,054 --> 00:18:53,189 (all grunting and yelling) 449 00:18:55,459 --> 00:18:57,093 (groaning) 450 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,562 Python jaw... unhinge! 451 00:18:59,564 --> 00:19:01,197 Aah! 452 00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:03,365 I don't want to die in some old dude's mouth! 453 00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:06,068 (sobbing) 454 00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:07,903 Bob, would you look at yourself?! 455 00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:09,238 (mumbles) 456 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,707 To quote Whitman, "This is what you shall do: 457 00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:13,742 "love the earth and sun and animals, 458 00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:17,113 despise riches, stand up for the stupid and crazy..." 459 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,448 (mumbles) 460 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,883 Who am I kidding? 461 00:19:20,885 --> 00:19:23,085 My only exit... is a final one. 462 00:19:23,087 --> 00:19:24,286 What?! No! 463 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,921 Farewell, Simpsons. 464 00:19:25,923 --> 00:19:28,224 And, Lisa, when you're older, 465 00:19:28,226 --> 00:19:31,260 write an autobiographical novel trashing the rest of them. 466 00:19:31,262 --> 00:19:32,661 How veiled? 467 00:19:32,663 --> 00:19:35,331 Thinly! 468 00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:39,568 (wind whipping, grunting) 469 00:19:39,570 --> 00:19:41,637 (chicken clucking sound) 470 00:19:44,674 --> 00:19:45,941 Now, don't worry. 471 00:19:45,943 --> 00:19:49,812 Your friend will always be part of our drinking water. 472 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,881 (water gurgling) 473 00:19:57,420 --> 00:20:00,823 Oh, right, I gave myself gills. 474 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,892 (water gurgling) 475 00:20:05,028 --> 00:20:06,562 (groaning) 476 00:20:11,201 --> 00:20:13,269 (tango music playing) 477 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:18,040 I told you, the only dancing I like is square. 478 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:21,443 Hey, I let you pay for those boys' skipping lessons. 479 00:20:21,445 --> 00:20:23,012 Okay. 480 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:25,281 ♪ 481 00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:36,625 Ooh! Ned! Ha! 482 00:20:39,229 --> 00:20:41,630 Sure do miss that laugh. 483 00:20:41,632 --> 00:20:44,700 Ha, ha! I miss her, too. 484 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,609 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 485 00:21:32,115 --> 00:21:34,183 Shh!