1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,940 (bird chirping) 2 00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:09,975 (groaning) 3 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:10,943 Hm... Hmm?! 4 00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:13,045 "lisa wants 5 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:16,215 "a dot-dot-dot 6 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,349 Guinea pig?" 7 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,550 Mm. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,252 (humming happily) 9 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,623 (curious grunt) 10 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,958 (yells) 11 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,126 (homer smacking and chewing) 12 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,794 (gulps, swallows) 13 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,062 (curious grunt) 14 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,499 Hey, homer, did you know that guinea pigs are self-groomers? 15 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,534 And when the get excited, they jump straight up. 16 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,137 It's called "popcorning." lisa got to you. 17 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,005 I don't know how, but she got to you. 18 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:41,573 (phone buzzing) 19 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,909 (chiming) 20 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,344 Emojis. 21 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,780 Now she's gone too far. 22 00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,083 Lisa, your father and I are very concerned 23 00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,018 About all this hinting. 24 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:53,986 (groans) 25 00:00:53,988 --> 00:00:55,988 I've never had a pet of my very own. 26 00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,222 My clock is ticking. 27 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,924 I don't want to be one of those girls 28 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,592 Who waits till she's 16 to decide if she's ready, 29 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,528 And then it's too late. 30 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,562 (both grunt) 31 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,030 Well, we've talked about it. 32 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:06,865 And if you really want a guinea pig, 33 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,667 You'll have to sign this contract. 34 00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:12,337 "I, lisa simpson, hereby promise 35 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,740 To take full responsibility for this dog, cat, other." 36 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,008 Circle "other." 37 00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:18,043 "this includes feeding, bathing, 38 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,678 "cleaning of droppings and barfings, 39 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,515 And when the time comes, burying or flushing." 40 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,217 Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate. 41 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,186 We can skip all this litter box stuff. 42 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,921 "if pet becomes internet superstar, 43 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,255 All rights revert to father." 44 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,557 Sign here, here, 45 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,125 Initial here, one more over here. 46 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,426 And done. 47 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,461 Oh, my god! 48 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,062 I'm getting a guinea pig! 49 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,063 Thank you, thank you, thank you, 50 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,131 Thank you, thank you! 51 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,133 The kid-parent contract. 52 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,801 Unenforceable, yet you feel 53 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,971 Like you didn't completely cave. 54 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:59,084 You're doing the right thing adopting a rescue pig. 55 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,986 You know, most of these guys are rejects 56 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:04,089 From the big guinea-pig mills in the midwest. 57 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,258 Oh, I can't tell you how many mill pigs 58 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,595 We get here who have bumblefoot or the slobbers. 59 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,097 You don't have children, do you? 60 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,632 This one whistled at me! 61 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,734 Ooh, that could be the one. 62 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,971 Oh, but that orange guy looks like a pumpkin. 63 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:21,340 (gasps) but this fellow is so fuzzy! 64 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,077 Well, they all have their charms. 65 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,945 This one's nibbling a sunflower seed. 66 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,280 Look at that hair. 67 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,182 Aw, I just want to comb it forever! 68 00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:32,818 Have you seen a pinker nose? 69 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,786 (gasps) I have now! 70 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,523 Lisa, you've just got to choose one. 71 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:38,690 Lisa? 72 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,126 She's gone, honey. She's gone. 73 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,995 That one's fur looks like a tuxedo! 74 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,931 A band-aid on its tail, aw! 75 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:49,468 (gasps) albino! 76 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,003 I'm definitely getting this one. 77 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,638 Oh, but I forgot about this one. 78 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,973 Oh, my god, I never even saw this one! 79 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,876 (gasps) oh! Oh! Oh! Oh... 80 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,379 Maybe I should get that sick one. 81 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,114 If I don't, no one else will. (gasps) 82 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,716 Bart, list your top five, best to worst. 83 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,051 No, no, no, no! Worst to best. 84 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:09,388 I just wish the gray one had the brown one's personality. 85 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,722 Okay, dad, give me your phone. 86 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:11,990 I need to look at the pictures again. 87 00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,625 Aw, aw, aw! 88 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:16,094 Aw, aw! 89 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,064 Okay, this is the guinea pig 90 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,300 That will make me happy. 91 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,968 She thinks she's decided. 92 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,236 Don't say a thing. 93 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,004 Don't blow this. 94 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,241 Okay, now, you sure you only want just one? 95 00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,977 They tend to do better in pairs. 96 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:35,047 (gasps) I could get two? 97 00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,014 (engine revs, tires screech) 98 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:39,818 Homer: Farting tweakers rule! 99 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,020 I've tried to give pokey a perfect replica 100 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,755 Of his natural habitat. 101 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:44,990 Peruvian feather grass, 102 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:46,325 An incan sleeping mat, 103 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,060 And a portrait of marisol espinoza, 104 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,028 The vice president of peru. 105 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,698 Are you sure you didn't create a perfect habitat for you? 106 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,433 I wish I could live in there. 107 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,001 Well, there's plenty of room. 108 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,836 Because pokey's gone. 109 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,005 (gasps) where'd he go? 110 00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:06,612 (squeaking) 111 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,280 This looks like a job for... 112 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,349 Fireplace tongs. 113 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,285 (tongs clang, pokey squeaks) 114 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,519 No! 115 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:19,124 (pokey squeaking) 116 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,093 Oh, my god! 117 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,928 He's in the walls! 118 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,130 I hear chewing. 119 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,633 No, that's a much bigger animal. 120 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,867 (grunts) 121 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,135 Kettle corn. 122 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,938 The heroin of the farmers' market. 123 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,873 I've lost my guinea pig! 124 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:35,941 (squeaking, tapping nearby) 125 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,950 Pokey! 126 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,953 Our boat painting! 127 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,955 I'm sorry, mom. 128 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:50,956 (groans) 129 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,557 That's okay, sweetheart. 130 00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,593 Your pig thingy didn't mean it. 131 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,062 It's just, it felt comforting to know 132 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,563 That while we watched tv, 133 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,899 There was art going on behind us. 134 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:04,803 Oh, well, I guess we have to go 135 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,972 To an art gallery and buy a new painting. 136 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,241 Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery 137 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:12,010 And spend a bunch of money, or... 138 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,979 Mm... Hmm, hmm, 139 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,648 Hmm, hmm? Yeah, milhouse played the violin for years 140 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,250 Until it turned out the vibrations 141 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,085 Were screwing up his bones. 142 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,821 Yeah, these seem great. (sniffs) 143 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,625 Oh, too bad someone used cello rosin. 144 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,327 (groaning in frustration) 145 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:30,329 (gasping in awe) 146 00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,934 Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful! 147 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,037 I've never seen a painting with a lighthouse before. 148 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,539 (laughs) oh, that. 149 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,808 That was on the wall of kirk's bachelor pad, 150 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,609 Back when we were 151 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:46,111 (whispers): Separated. 152 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,612 Yeah, it's a great piece. 153 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,980 I didn't have a mirror, 154 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,015 So I shaved in the reflection 155 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,817 Of the chrome frame. 156 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,952 This could be our new living room painting. 157 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,520 I don't know. 158 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,521 How about this poster 159 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,056 Of a really rocking jukebox? 160 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,058 You know it's rocking 'cause music notes 161 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,560 Are coming out of it. 162 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,228 Painting's only 20 bucks. 163 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,797 Oh, please, homie? 164 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,066 I'll throw in the tiny violins. 165 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:12,137 (homer humming classical melody) 166 00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:17,576 Oh, it looks great! 167 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,877 Well... 168 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:22,147 To me, it looks like... Garbage salad. 169 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,182 But that's the great thing about art. 170 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:27,986 Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks. 171 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,188 I've got to get rid of this ugly chrome frame 172 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,157 From kirk's bachelor bad. 173 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,160 I hate to think of the things this mirror has reflected. 174 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,696 Hm! 175 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,064 Hey, look. 176 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,867 There's a signature that the frame covered up. 177 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:45,070 "johan oldenveldt." 178 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,072 Here he is! 179 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,574 "johan oldenveldt, painter. 180 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,909 "lived in amsterdam, paris. 181 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:54,045 Prolific early 20th century naturalist." 182 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,181 Ooh, I think this was painted by someone famous. 183 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,049 Maybe it's valuable. 184 00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,185 We should have it appraised. 185 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,120 Pfft! You guys are crazy. 186 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,588 I never even heard of that guy. 187 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,856 It's not like it was painted 188 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,058 By leonardo da vinci code. 189 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,728 Now, here's what makes art valuable-- 190 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,197 One: Nudity, two: Holograms, 191 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,000 Three: Something terrible happening to jesus. 192 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,805 Ah yes, seascape, 193 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,573 Marvelous natural light, 194 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,443 Classic use of gouache. 195 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:25,811 You're right. 196 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,079 This is an early-career oldenveldt. 197 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,714 Quite valuable. 198 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,049 Oh, my god! 199 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,717 I expect it to go somewhere 200 00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,420 Between 80 to $100,000. 201 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,822 (gasps) nobody touch it! 202 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,989 Bart, stop looking at it! 203 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,291 But I want to see it! 204 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,092 No, you'll wear it out! 205 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,162 Baby, you saw something in this painting, and you were right. 206 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,965 Wow, the van houtens owned this for years, 207 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,768 And never knew how much it was worth. 208 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,136 Think how happy they'll be 209 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:54,005 When we sell it and split the money with them. 210 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,807 Split it? Whoa! 211 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,342 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 212 00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,278 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 213 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,781 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 214 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,149 Whoa! 215 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,484 (cell phone ringing) 216 00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,119 Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 217 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,322 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 218 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,190 Oh! 219 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,197 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 220 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,966 Split it with them? 221 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,134 Kirk and luann didn't know what the painting 222 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,803 Was worth when they sold it. 223 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,038 Yes, they sold it to us. 224 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,708 So, now it's our painting. 225 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,276 We can hang it on our wall, 226 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,311 Cut eyeholes in it to spy on people. 227 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,014 Or sell it for lots of money 228 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,816 Which we keep. 229 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,150 For ourselves? 230 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,152 This dude gets it. 231 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,721 (groans) 232 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,290 But the van houtens are our friends. 233 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,791 Are they, marge? 234 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,026 If you think about it, 235 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,160 Aren't they really just the parents 236 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,863 Of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid? 237 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,065 All our friends are like that. 238 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,668 Well, how would you feel if we sold them something 239 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,970 That turned out to be valuable? 240 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,172 I would feel a) happy for their good fortune, 241 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,008 B) proud to know rich people, 242 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,076 And c) grateful for an opportunity 243 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,145 To learn from a mistake. 244 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,813 Marge: How about this? 245 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,916 What if we give the van houtens 246 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,918 25% of the money? 247 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,985 Then they'll just be mad 248 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:17,255 About the 65% that we're keeping. 249 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:20,158 Marge, you like kindness, right? 250 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,059 Sure. 251 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,894 So, even if we gave 252 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,096 Kirk and luann some of the money, 253 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:29,167 The knowledge of what they could have had will eat away at them, 254 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,237 Like piranhas devouring a wounded yeti. 255 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,440 It's kinder never to tell them. 256 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,175 Okay, I see your point. 257 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,411 We should sell the painting, keep all the money, 258 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,380 And never, ever tell the van houtens. 259 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,848 Mm-hmm! 260 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,784 (deep inhale) 261 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,786 (gasping) 262 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,220 (deep inhale) 263 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,256 (marge and homer gasping) 264 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,124 What'll it take to buy your silence? 265 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:53,959 Hmm. 266 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:55,360 Okay, milhouse, 267 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,963 The guys in back are shining up your new bike. 268 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,931 And all I have to do is not say anything 269 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,267 About some painting to my mom and dad? 270 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:06,137 Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you? 271 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,106 I guess. 272 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,108 (laughing): "I guess"! 273 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,443 You're funny! 274 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,545 No wonder lisa's in love with you. 275 00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:14,613 She is?! 276 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,281 She is?! 277 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,249 So, if I keep my mouth shut, 278 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,385 You get me new wheelie sneakers, 279 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,387 And bart agrees to promote and encourage use 280 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,123 Of my new cool nickname, "c.J." 281 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,158 (homer grunts) 282 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,493 You got it, ceej. 283 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,128 (doorbell rings) 284 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,131 You found out that painting was worth big bucks, 285 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,166 And you weren't gonna tell us?! 286 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,969 I don't know what you're talking about. 287 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,304 Hide the treasure! 288 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,905 I'm sorry, mr. S. 289 00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:41,940 I cracked! 290 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,274 We had a deal. 291 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,844 And now we've got nothing! 292 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,179 (blows) 293 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,417 We considered you our friends. 294 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,918 We trusted you! 295 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,154 I let homer use our master bathroom! 296 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,089 Then you stab us in the back! 297 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,494 If you knew you sold a valuable painting for nothing, 298 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,529 How could you live with yourselves? 299 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,499 We were just trying to be... Kind. 300 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,301 Kind?! You call it kind to give us nothing? 301 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,003 We were gonna treat you 302 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,438 To dinner at an upscale chain restaurant 303 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,107 And never explain why, but now forget it! 304 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,475 Oh, so that's how it is! 305 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,511 That's exactly how it is. 306 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,012 Oh, is it?! 307 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,947 Oh, it is! 308 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,950 (clears throat) luann, I hope we're still on Thursday 309 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:28,853 For collecting used cell phones for the troops. 310 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,488 I don't think you need any help. 311 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:33,058 You're so good at... Collecting. 312 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,293 Oh! 313 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:39,130 Oh, that was cold, luann! 314 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,032 So cold! 315 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,068 Brr! 316 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,303 Sarcastic brr! 317 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,972 See what happens when we get greedy? 318 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,475 Honey, there's something I want to show you. 319 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,077 An atm receipt? 320 00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,244 I don't know whose this is. 321 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,180 I found it next to the cash machine, 322 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,382 And I've always kept it. Look at the balance. 323 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,417 Five figures! 324 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:03,054 With that painting, we could have what these people have: 325 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,156 A money cushion. 326 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,492 No more living paycheck to paycheck, 327 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,395 One lost retainer away from the gutter. 328 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,498 I could write a check with today's date on it. 329 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,633 That's the cushion. 330 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,238 Tonight, a special report. 331 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,006 Fat cat art experts take advantage 332 00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,209 Of john and jane yard sale. 333 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,377 So, would you characterize your friend of many years 334 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,214 Cheating you out of your painting as no big deal, 335 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,548 Or a devastating betrayal? 336 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,417 Oh, definitely betrayal, kent. 337 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,085 Interesting. 338 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,454 So if you see the simpsons walking down your street, 339 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,424 Lock your doors and hide... Your friendship. 340 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,126 Great! Now we're raccoons, 341 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,428 The masked bandits of the animal world! 342 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:47,132 Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show. 343 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,466 (both gasp, tires squeal) 344 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,168 (gasps) 345 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,105 The whole town's turned against us! 346 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,474 (engine revs, tires squeal) 347 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,280 Ooh, a support rock! 348 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,083 This one's against us. This one's for us. 349 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:08,219 For, for, against, for, against... 350 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:11,055 We don't even get this many christmas cards. 351 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,991 (all clamoring) 352 00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,059 (all gasp) 353 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:18,663 There they are, the masterpiece thievers! 354 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,064 Ah, shut your bone hole! 355 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,066 That painting belongs to the simpsons! 356 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:25,003 Sharing is what makes a community strong! 357 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,437 All sales are final! 358 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:27,605 Keep it! (clamoring) 359 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,107 Finders keepers, moron! 360 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,743 You really think we're still doing the right thing? 361 00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:35,747 Just close your eyes and think of the cushion. 362 00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:43,087 First lot: "untitled landscape" by johan oldenveldt, 363 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,590 From the collection of homer j. And marge b. Simpson. 364 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,426 Let's open the bidding at $80,000. 365 00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,331 The paddles, marge! Look at the paddles! 366 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,337 Woman: Stop the auction! 367 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,940 That painting belongs to me! 368 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,274 (crowd gasps, murmurs) dawn? 369 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,444 Good to see you again, beef kirky. 370 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,946 Who is this woman? 371 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:13,017 Uhhhhhh... 372 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,319 While you two were separated, 373 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,821 Kirk and I used to be friends... 374 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,790 With banana-fits. 375 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:19,791 (homer groans) 376 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:21,526 You told me you didn't see anyone 377 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,161 During our separation. 378 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:28,366 Uhhhhhh... 379 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:32,036 Madam, are you saying this painting belongs to you? 380 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,738 Kirk stole it from me! 381 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,473 But I didn't know it was valuable 382 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,508 Till I saw the story on tv. 383 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,310 What?! I bought that painting! 384 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,712 She's lying! 385 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,715 (gavel raps) the auction is on hold 386 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,383 Until we can determine the true ownership. 387 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,186 Our cushion! 388 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:51,055 Don't bother coming home, kirk! 389 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,056 Aw! 390 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,258 See what your greed has done? 391 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,259 Ow! 392 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,694 Anybody want to give me a ride home? 393 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:57,929 Going once? 394 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,197 Going twice? 395 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,566 (gavel banging) sold! To the lonely auctioneer! 396 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:03,902 Ah! 397 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,303 (cheering, laughter) 398 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,710 Thanks for taking me in, man. 399 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,914 I guess I can't help but feel fully responsible. 400 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:19,617 Oh, luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses 401 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,420 Into your thick eyeglasses ever again. 402 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,256 What you need, my friend, is a canadian duff. 403 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,091 Beauty, eh? 404 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:31,095 So... Why does that chick think she owns the painting? 405 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,064 Oh, dawn and I went on a vacation 406 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:36,034 To a resort island called isla verde. 407 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,802 I bought the painting in a café, 408 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,706 But that night she ran off with a parasailing instructor. 409 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,308 Not your fault, man. 410 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,611 Those parasailing guys take whatever they want. 411 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:47,912 It was never her painting. 412 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,814 That woman will say anything 413 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,250 To keep herself in electric cigarettes. 414 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:55,053 And I'd go back to that café artiste to prove it, 415 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:58,323 But nothing's gonna get me luann back. 416 00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:02,660 (snoring) 417 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,663 Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to isla verde, 418 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:09,233 Find café artiste, and they'll back up kirk's story. 419 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,603 That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours. 420 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,441 Oh, homer simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, 421 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,576 Destroyed kirk and luann's marriage, 422 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,946 And everyone's very worried about milhouse. 423 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,982 He's been playing dancing revolution for hours, 424 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,817 But the tv is off. 425 00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,189 But our cushion! 426 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,925 That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! 427 00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:38,162 Please! Just let it go! 428 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,531 (grunting) 429 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,533 You're not gonna let it go, are you? 430 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,435 I wish I knew how. 431 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,539 This is so exciting! 432 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,708 My first time establishing provenance! 433 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,176 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, 434 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:56,314 If your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting. 435 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,816 That's a terrible thing for a father to do. 436 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,585 That's why she'll believe it. 437 00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,789 Hmm, this quaint artist community 438 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,324 Has gotten a little touristy. 439 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,226 ¶ ¶ 440 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,233 Excuse me. We're trying to find café artiste. 441 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,168 Ah, yes. Top of the hill. 442 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,037 Three discos up, four gelatos on the left. 443 00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,705 You can't miss it. 444 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,041 It's right between the disco and the gelato place. 445 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,475 Mmm. Hmm. 446 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,811 Mm-mm! (door bell jingles) 447 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,479 Mm... 448 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,814 Welcome to café artiste! 449 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,150 Would you like a glass of strupo? 450 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,185 It's a liqueur made of fermented capers, 451 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,087 The official drink of the island. 452 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,156 Mmm! Sounds delicious. 453 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,757 It's not. 454 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:43,361 Hey, a friend of mine, uh, bought a painting here. 455 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,530 Oh, yes, I remember that painting. 456 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,665 And that is the man I sold it to. 457 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,435 And that man sold it to me! 458 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,103 That proves the painting is mine! 459 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,405 And nothing can stop me from selling it 460 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,941 And keeping all the money! 461 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,609 I love art! 462 00:17:58,611 --> 00:17:59,911 Man: Art? 463 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,013 What do you know about art? 464 00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:04,215 You don't even know who painted that picture. 465 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:07,085 Yes, I do. It's a johan oldenveldt. 466 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,353 Wrong! It's a me! 467 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:11,055 A what? I painted it! 468 00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,757 Me, klaus ziegler! 469 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,192 Who? 470 00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,895 Mm! Oh! 471 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,465 This is where I painted your so-called oldenveldt. 472 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,432 Prove it. 473 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,236 Aw, crap! 474 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,804 You're a forger? 475 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,740 "forger" is such a cruel word. 476 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,476 I'm an art forger. 477 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,112 Your painting was an early, clumsy effort 478 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,515 Which I gave to the café owner to pay off my strupo tab. 479 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,952 Whew! 480 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,321 Then why did the auction house say it was real? 481 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,756 I have fooled galleries around the world 482 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,792 With my loving imitations. 483 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,495 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 484 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:53,798 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 485 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,733 What you do is horrible... 486 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,969 Ripping off geniuses who spent years 487 00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,904 Perfecting their styles. 488 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:02,140 Perhaps you are the one who is horrible. 489 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:02,807 What?! 490 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,442 You only cared about that 491 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,576 Painting when you thought 492 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,612 It was created by someone famous. 493 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:13,351 Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud. 494 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,853 Beauty is beauty. 495 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,990 My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world. 496 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:22,026 The only real question to ask about art, 497 00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,161 Whether it's in the louvre 498 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:26,164 Or on a freshman's wall at cal state fullerton 499 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,000 Is, "did it move you?" 500 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,868 But, you still, I mean... 501 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,971 Oh, I suppose you're right. 502 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,706 What if I never liked the painting 503 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:36,974 And only wanted it for money? 504 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,643 Then you, I respect. 505 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,977 (groans) 506 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,946 Oh, great. The painting is worthless, 507 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,548 (glass shattering) this was all for nothing, 508 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,150 And when marge finds out, she's gonna kill me. 509 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:49,887 Well, on that front, perhaps I can be of assistance. 510 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,956 If there's one thing art is good for, 511 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,993 It's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart. 512 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,862 While you're at it... 513 00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:00,031 Could you make me a couple more? 514 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,099 I'll pay you in strupo. 515 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,744 (sighs) 516 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,046 Perfect. 517 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,315 Oh, now that's art. 518 00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,383 (grunts) rocking. 519 00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:40,838 Ziegler: The gray troll, 520 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,841 Brine of madness, angel's urine, 521 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,545 All names for the mysterious elixir known as strupo. 522 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:50,381 Though this fermented caper solution was originally used 523 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,783 To dissolve seagull corpses, 524 00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:55,219 Local alcoholics soon found strupo 525 00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,688 To be a palatable drink of last resort. 526 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,090 The noxious liqueur causes 527 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,626 Powerful olfactory hallucinations, 528 00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:05,029 Gender confusion, and wandering mouth. 529 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:08,299 So if you visit isla verde, 530 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:13,471 Be sure to say "ahoy" to the crushing addiction of strupo. 531 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,973 Strupo: Lose everything. 532 00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,042 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 533 00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:00,584 Shh!