1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,938 (panting) 2 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:09,475 D'oh! 3 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:10,476 (tires screech) 4 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,343 (grunts) 5 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,881 (bull bellows) 6 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:20,252 (all panting) 7 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:23,722 (bellows) 8 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,457 (snorts) 9 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,800 Children, you're in for a treat. 10 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,035 Today's assembly is devoted 11 00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,037 To a special kind of history. 12 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,872 (kids booing) 13 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,040 Living history. 14 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,242 (kids booing louder) 15 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:44,843 End this madness! 16 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,679 We have two guests who have come from springfield! 17 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,882 We come from springfield! 18 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,317 Illinois! 1858. 19 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,587 Please welcome, here to debate the important issues of the day, 20 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,690 Stephen douglas and abraham lincoln! 21 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:01,760 I appear before you today for the purpose 22 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,996 Of discussing the leading political topics 23 00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:05,898 Which now agitate the public mind. 24 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,533 (kids booing) 25 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,902 Hit the dirt, squirt! 26 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,438 Well, it seems the, uh... The good landowners 27 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,507 Of springfield elementary are rejecting 28 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,277 Mr. Douglas's position on tariffs. 29 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,711 Get a room! 30 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,081 I shared beds with men all the time. 31 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,083 (chuckles): It was a common practice. 32 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:26,752 Ooh, common practice. 33 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,387 (kids laugh, milhouse gasps) 34 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,855 Please, good people! 35 00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,623 These are times of powerful passion. 36 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,126 (grunting) 37 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,128 Why are you concussing yourself? 38 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,030 Why are you concussing yourself? 39 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,431 Now, fellow countrymen, 40 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,234 A house divided against itself... 41 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,569 Ow! 42 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,105 Guess what, I also play frankenstein! 43 00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,106 (growls) 44 00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,475 (kids screaming) 45 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,944 Douglas is getting away! 46 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,058 Skinner! 47 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,060 I have seven other principals, 48 00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:10,729 And I've never yelled their names, not even once. 49 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,297 You know what these kids lack? 50 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,800 Well, certainly not a caring superintendent. 51 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,335 (chuckles): Well, I, uh... 52 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,603 (clears throat) 53 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:19,338 Respect. That's what these kids lack. 54 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,806 So we will hold a contest 55 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,841 To make them tell us who they respect-- 56 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,676 Who their heroes are. 57 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,478 A contest? But, sir, we don't have 58 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,846 Any money to pay for prizes. 59 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,581 We had to rent out our multipurpose room 60 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,250 To a japanese-american social club. 61 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,284 (pachinko machines ringing) 62 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,952 Tanpatsu! 63 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,455 The answer is simple, seymour: Get a corporate sponsor. 64 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,924 But don't worry, you won't have to compromise yourself. 65 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,627 So, from now on, our cafeteria will only serve 66 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:45,631 Delicious stuffwich's heroes, hoagies and torpedoes. 67 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:47,432 What about po' boys? 68 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:50,335 Sorry, nelson. Poor boys such as yourself will go hungry. 69 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,838 Now please welcome the star of stuffwich's ads-- 70 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,841 Who lost 400 pounds eating only stuffwich subs-- 71 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,142 Ezra! 72 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:58,710 Tell us your hero, 73 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,180 And you could win a stuffwich college scholarship. 74 00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,481 (kids exclaim) 75 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,216 Then you can be a hero like me. 76 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,551 What makes you a hero? 77 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,786 I don't eat as much as I did! 78 00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,623 Nelson: So the chained-up dude 79 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,959 Cuts off his own foot to save his family from jigsaw! 80 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,962 (voice breaking): My hero is my mom's boyfriend 81 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:20,332 Who took me to that movie when I was three. 82 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,001 I call him uncle rob because... 83 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,670 He robbed us! 84 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:25,537 (sobbing) 85 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,339 (giggles) 86 00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:31,310 Madame curie, we just might have this one in the bag. 87 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:33,679 (ralph giggles) 88 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,414 (laughs) 89 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,216 My hero-- 90 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:39,651 Or should I say heroine-- 91 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,587 Dazzled the early 20th century 92 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,656 With her scientific discoveries... 93 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,191 (gasps) okay, calm down. 94 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,994 Maybe he's talking about margaret mead. 95 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,563 ...In the field of radioactivity! 96 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,197 (gasps) 97 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,365 I give you 98 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:57,769 Madame marie sklodowska-curie! 99 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,738 ("la marseillaise" playing) 100 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,872 (gasps) no! 101 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,375 No, no, no, no! 102 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,344 (sobbing) 103 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,951 Martin took my topic. 104 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,586 What do I do? 105 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,226 Oh, just make a speech about dad. 106 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,461 Everyone does that. 107 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,529 Everyone does that with good dads. 108 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,032 But with our dad, it's like climbing mount everest. 109 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,601 You either plant your flag at the top of the world 110 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,536 Or get frozen in agony forever. 111 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,705 Either way, hell of a show. 112 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,474 (music plays, kids cheering) 113 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,478 People, please! Martin has left the building. 114 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,413 He had an orthodontist appointment. 115 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,881 (groans) 116 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,583 Okay, dad's my hero. 117 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,585 Why is he my hero? 118 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:50,555 ¶ we can be heroes ¶ 119 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,791 ¶ just for one day ¶ 120 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,396 ¶ we can be heroes... ¶ 121 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,897 (grunts) 122 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,932 Marge, it happened again! 123 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,001 Skinner (over p.A.): Lisa? Lisa simpson? 124 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,772 You have ten seconds to get to the podium. 125 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,241 I'm allowed to eat these! 126 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:11,510 Our final contestant is lisa simpson, 127 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,745 Who was last seen leaving in tears. 128 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,946 Near tears. 129 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:15,981 But not in them? 130 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,115 No. 131 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,917 My hero isn't famous... 132 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,118 (scoffs) loser. 133 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:20,986 ...Isn't rich... 134 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,187 Pathetic. 135 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,955 ...And isn't in any history books. 136 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,457 He makes me sick. 137 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,792 He's my dad. 138 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,759 What?! 139 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,994 He worked two jobs 140 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,629 To get me a pony, 141 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,098 He started me playing the saxophone you all love... 142 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,300 (murmuring dubiously) 143 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,669 ...And anyone can put a band-aid on, 144 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,206 But my dad knows how to take it off so it doesn't hurt. 145 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,808 Well, ah. Oh. 146 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,777 The trick is: Wait several weeks. 147 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,113 And when my dad was a soccer referee, 148 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,148 He had the guts to red card me, 149 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:54,152 His only talking daughter, because he knew I was diving. 150 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,854 In the history of soccer, 151 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,825 He is the only parent to ever take sides against his own kid, 152 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,560 And he was right. 153 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,496 He made me a better person, because that's what heroes do. 154 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:07,466 That's what heroes do. 155 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,800 (microphone feedback squeals) 156 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,168 (crowd cheering) 157 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:13,205 I'm so glad I was forced to come. 158 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,641 People, people... We have a tie! 159 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,410 (clamoring) 160 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,412 Yes, which means that nobody wins. 161 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,648 The money goes back in the school general fund. 162 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:26,818 But we will put both speeches online. 163 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,320 Behind a paywall. 164 00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:31,390 Now, please fold up your chairs and stack them. 165 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:35,060 ¶ cause I'm a grade school hero ¶ 166 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,695 ¶ lisa never lies ¶ 167 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,498 ¶ I'm a grade school hero ¶ 168 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,434 ¶ and heroes never die ¶ 169 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,369 ¶ just one guitar! ¶ 170 00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,204 ¶ slung way down low! ¶ 171 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,440 ¶ yeah, one guitar! ¶ 172 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,742 ¶ where did my lawnmower go? ¶ 173 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,613 Well, look who's back. 174 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,248 Hmm. Hey, dad. 175 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,184 Lisa, your speech was one of the nicest things 176 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,852 Anyone's ever done for me. 177 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,054 When did you come up with the idea? 178 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,624 You must've worked on it for days. 179 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,793 Oh, dad, you don't want the details. 180 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,061 No one wants to see the sausage being made. 181 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,730 There's sausage being made?! Where?! 182 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,865 Homie, there's someone here to see you. 183 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,400 Coming! 184 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,302 I haven't forgotten about the sausage. 185 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,305 Mr. Simpson, I am the executive vice president 186 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,407 Of the world football federation. 187 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,542 Ooh! 188 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,543 What you americans call "soccer." 189 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,944 D'oh! 190 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,146 I'm sure you are familiar with the world cup, 191 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,782 The quadrennial drama unmatched on the planet! 192 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,819 Oh, yeah. That's the thing the guys at the dry cleaners 193 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,887 Get so excited about every four years. 194 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,623 I'm afraid there has been an epidemic of referees 195 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,559 Being bribed to throw games. 196 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,994 From the premier leagues to the playgrounds, 197 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,496 All has been tainted. 198 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:47,132 We need a symbol of integrity like yourself. 199 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,734 Of course I am, but how do you know? 200 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,470 Oh, your daughter's speech went viral. 201 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,737 (shrieks) 202 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,940 No, no, I mean it spread like wildfire. 203 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:55,941 Much better. 204 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,509 Mr. Simpson, please help us. 205 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,244 The rot is everywhere. 206 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,813 In fact, I see that I myself 207 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,349 Am about to be arrested for corruption. 208 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,485 You will have to take it from here, peter. 209 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:09,521 Yes, I will take good care of your wife. 210 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,122 Wait, what-what does that mean? 211 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,658 Mr. Simpson, I am the new executive 212 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:16,194 Vice president of the wff. 213 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:20,098 We need outsiders like you to come to the world cup, 214 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,134 As our guest, and ref our games properly. 215 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:26,371 Well, no one has ever questioned my professionalism. 216 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,340 Except at my profession. 217 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,674 (groans) 218 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,209 What do you think, sweetie? 219 00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,979 Dad, they're offering us an all-expenses-paid trip 220 00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,381 To the greatest sporting event on earth! 221 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:39,117 The 2008 super bowl? 222 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,452 Oh, I wish. 223 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:43,989 Eli manning's pass to david tyree. 224 00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:47,359 But about the world cup, I need your answer now. 225 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,860 Oh, sure, why not? 226 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,735 "congratulations on your purchase 227 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,703 Of a footmaster-brand soccer ball." 228 00:08:58,705 --> 00:08:59,704 Thanks, book! 229 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,339 Look, you got us a free trip. 230 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,808 Just slack off and cash your check like you always do. 231 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,845 I believe the sweet little girl in 21-d 232 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,980 Would disagree with you. 233 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,915 What the...?! 234 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,182 I switched with her, dad. 235 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,485 My tv didn't work! 236 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,488 Now I can watch my premium hbo! 237 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,822 (groans) 238 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:20,425 (humming) 239 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:24,329 Well, look at you, using approved electronic devices. 240 00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,665 To try to avoid any misunderstandings in brazil 241 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:30,635 Like we had the last time, I'm learning the language. 242 00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,203 Computer: Olá. 243 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,271 Olá! 244 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,540 Eu amo o brasil. 245 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,009 Eu amo o brasil! 246 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,378 O que é um país encantador. 247 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,113 Pilot: Will you please turn that off? 248 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,049 It's annoying the hell out of the flight crew. 249 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,917 I was just trying to learn the... 250 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,019 Everyone thinks they can learn our language on the plane. 251 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,588 Do you know how disrespectful that is? 252 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,122 (groans) 253 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,391 All right, just for that attitude, turbulence. 254 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,427 (plane rattling) 255 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,932 (fanfare plays) 256 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,703 Announcer 1: Live from sao paulo, we bring you the world cup round robin 257 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,371 Group f opening-round match! 258 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,373 Today's game is between our host country, 259 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,774 Football powerhouse brazil... 260 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:13,612 Crowd: ¶ olé, olé-olé-olé. ¶ 261 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,915 ...And luxemburg, whose entire nation has turned up. 262 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,217 (wind whistling) 263 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,418 Got to hurry. 264 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,288 I've got 998 square miles to rob! 265 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,956 Ha-ha! 266 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,126 The mighty brazilian squad features the greatest master 267 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,896 Of the fake injury soccer has ever known: El divo! 268 00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:32,897 (screams) 269 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:36,234 (crowd gasps, cheers) 270 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:40,572 Now let's play human foosball! 271 00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:41,640 (whistle blows) 272 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,912 Announcer 2: And with brazil maintaining an insurmountable one-goal lead, 273 00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:51,116 With 28 minutes to play, let's take a look at the refs. 274 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,085 It says here, "homer simpson was recruited for his honesty 275 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,787 And utter disinterest." 276 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,856 Announcer 2: How did he get those shorts on over that arse? 277 00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,158 Announcer 1: Rumor has it, they employed a team of pullers. 278 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,993 (whistle blows, crowd cheers) 279 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,328 Brazil wins it! 280 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,930 And a fairly-called match it was. 281 00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,465 In choosing homer simpson, 282 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:12,704 The world cup has met its goal...! 283 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,675 Andres cantor, 284 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,877 You know that is incorrect usage. 285 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:22,947 I have no control...! 286 00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:27,919 This job has taken its toll...! 287 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,729 Eu gostaria de um... 288 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:38,963 Hang on, hang on. 289 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,665 ...Placa de... 290 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,367 Hang on, hang on. 291 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,471 Here you go, honey. 292 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,640 How'd you eat the meat without the vegetables? 293 00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:50,675 Well, the stomach wants what it wants. 294 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,676 (burps) 295 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,411 Oh, I need some air. 296 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,314 Ah, brazil. 297 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,316 I couldn't stay afraid of you forever. 298 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,485 The only thing that keeps me from living here 299 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:03,021 Is that fish that swims up your pee stream. 300 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,723 That is a deal breaker. 301 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,157 Homer simpson! 302 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,026 I would like to congratulate you 303 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,527 On your fine officiating today. 304 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:10,995 Thanks. 305 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,098 I still can't believe the yellow and red cards 306 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,999 Don't stand for mustard and ketchup. 307 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,435 Your disbelief will fade with time. 308 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,437 But now, I would like to know 309 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,340 If you are as incorruptível as they say. 310 00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:25,710 (heavenly music plays) 311 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:28,146 Oh, that is where I left my cell phone. 312 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,181 Well? 313 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,350 You don't know the new me 314 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,753 Of the last few days at all! 315 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,055 We will get to him. 316 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,590 We have our ways. 317 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:42,127 Well, what other ways besides guns and money? 318 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,862 We have two ways. 319 00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,196 Two very good ways. 320 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,332 ¶ samba! ¶ 321 00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:49,634 Red card! 322 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,036 Let me give that back to you. 323 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,879 Get out of here! 324 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:03,882 (crowd cheering) 325 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,049 ¶ ¶ 326 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,403 Announcer 1: And as homer officiates, 327 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,306 Looks like we've got a little action on the bribe cam. 328 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,288 (crowd cheering) 329 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,557 ¶ ¶ 330 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,933 Man, krusty should get some of these letters. 331 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,334 (groans) 332 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,669 While you were out, 333 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,270 The gamblers sent up gold-frosted donuts, 334 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,640 A chocolate bowling ball and a fresh pork sandwich. 335 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,275 Oh. How fresh? 336 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,211 (pig squeals) oh! 337 00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:07,378 Where's your mother? 338 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,780 Went to practice her portuguese. 339 00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:09,781 Mm... 340 00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:11,883 "selecionar conta..." 341 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,319 Ooh, ooh, "select account." 342 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,322 Uh, perhaps you could select the english option? 343 00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,624 I did not pay $7.99 for an app 344 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,526 So I could use the english option. 345 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,129 You americans, you really throw your $7.99s around. 346 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,898 You know, you're pretty rude. 347 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,467 (chuckles) stupid lady. 348 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,469 Give the donuts to the hotel staff. 349 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,873 Release the pig and the bowling ball into the wild. 350 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,208 Dad, is it hard for you to turn these bribes down? 351 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,676 Yes. 352 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,845 But knowing that lisa chose me as her hero, 353 00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,214 Without ever considering any other hero, 354 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,883 Keeps me strong. 355 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,718 Why so quiet? 356 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,753 I'm just examining what kind of person I am 357 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,322 And whether I should destroy your happiness forever. 358 00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,490 Eh, why not? 359 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,558 I'm listening. 360 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,326 And it better be devastating. 361 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,594 You weren't lisa's hero. 362 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,663 She just swapped you in at the last minute 363 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,165 Because someone else did her real hero. 364 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,400 Oh, my god. 365 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,836 That's... That's shattering. 366 00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:08,273 And now I'm a man in pain in the naughtiest city 367 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,042 Since san francisco turned all nerdy. 368 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,043 (groans) 369 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,444 Where are you going? 370 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:16,915 To drink until there's no pain left in my soul. 371 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:20,518 But first I'm gonna eat off someone else's room service tray 372 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,421 That was left in the hall. 373 00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:27,392 Now that's a broken man. 374 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,593 Hmm. 375 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,530 What the hell are you doing? 376 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,065 It's okay. I'm an american. 377 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,767 Oh. Oh. Okay. 378 00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,910 So, the rumors are true. 379 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,545 We knew you'd find out 380 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,648 Your daughter's original speech topic was marie curie. 381 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,552 And now we need you to fix the greatest game of all: 382 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,521 The world cup final. 383 00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,890 Fine. 384 00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,159 Marge is always complaining I never fix things. 385 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,961 Give me another. All right. 386 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,595 But we've run out of sugarcane. 387 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,798 I carry my own. 388 00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:11,836 All right, homer. 389 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,905 To begin your descent into hell, 390 00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,607 Let us enjoy this pirated copy 391 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,142 Of man of steel. 392 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:22,113 But beware: Superman was never less fun. 393 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,681 (laughs evilly) 394 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,950 Announcer 2: Here it is, the world cup final! 395 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,485 Dry cleaner guys: Yay! 396 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,287 Announcer 2: Will it be a german blitzkrieg 397 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,122 Or a brazilian waxing? 398 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,323 Nazis! 399 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,491 Nazi harborers! 400 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,927 Guys, guys, you're both right. 401 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:39,197 All right, just so there are no misunderstandings, 402 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,632 You make sure brazil wins, 403 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:45,603 And we give you one million dollars. 404 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,872 If I bet it, I could double it. 405 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,107 But on who? 406 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,776 You know that brazil is going to win. 407 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,845 Oh, thanks for telling me! 408 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,513 I was gonna tape it. 409 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,483 Remember, I'll be watching. 410 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,185 Wave a brazilian flag so you stand out in the crowd. 411 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,454 Don't do it, dad. Don't cheat. 412 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,190 You're a funny one to tell me about deception. 413 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,559 I'm sorry you weren't my first choice. 414 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,628 In fact... (sighs) 415 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,464 I had my doubts about using you at all. 416 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,366 Well, if we're gonna be brutally honest, 417 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,568 That drawing you made of me when you were three 418 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,737 Was far from a perfect likeness. 419 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,639 You put it on the fridge! 420 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,374 It was pity-fridged! 421 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,143 All right, you're hurt. 422 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,844 I understand. 423 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:30,381 But when I made you my hero, you lived up to it and more. 424 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,318 You became the hero I thought you could be, dad. 425 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,720 Oh. 426 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,355 Oh, come here. 427 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,690 Everything's right with the world. 428 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:43,194 Except that you're about to double-cross some gangsters. 429 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,595 That's all right, brain. 430 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,164 If I die, 431 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,666 I'll be doing the thing I love the most: 432 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,069 Trying not to get killed. 433 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,437 Announcer 2: This match is tighter 434 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,238 Than two dogs on a summer morn. 435 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,740 There's no score at all. 436 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:59,077 Even the slightest pebble could start a landslide. 437 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,779 Announcer 1: And el divo goes down! 438 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,214 In the box! 439 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:06,084 Will homer award a penalty kick to brazil? 440 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,687 Do it. Do it! 441 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,688 Call the penalty! 442 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,722 No penalty! 443 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,591 He dove, dad! 444 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,792 (grunts) 445 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:15,860 No penalty! 446 00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,429 (crowd booing) 447 00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:22,433 I repeat, no penalty! 448 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,438 No penalty. 449 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,974 Announcer 1: The game, plus two hours of funeral time, 450 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,642 Is about to conclude. 451 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,978 And with germany the victor, two-nil, 452 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,447 In an unprecedented display of rectitude 453 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,217 And stubbornness by one homer simpson. 454 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,953 I've never seen the brazilians so depressed. 455 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,621 (sadly): ¶ olé... ¶ 456 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,125 ¶ olé, olé, olé... ¶ 457 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,994 You broke a deal with us. 458 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,597 And we have lost a fortune! 459 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:53,931 (gasps) 460 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,766 Well, at least I'll die the american way. 461 00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:58,569 In a foreign country wearing short pants. 462 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,071 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 463 00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,339 I want to say something! 464 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,840 You have one minute. 465 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:03,841 Wait! 466 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,776 Let it get to the 12. 467 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,311 N... Now. 468 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,412 Um... 469 00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,748 (speaking portuguese) 470 00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:19,157 How's she doing that? 471 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,492 I don't know, but she's my new hero. 472 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,762 Yeah, I was a little surprised I wasn't considered before. 473 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,038 Ah, your fluency is impressive. 474 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,375 You can help my son learn hebrew for his bar mitzvah. 475 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,443 But I'm still killing your husband. 476 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,145 First, mazel tov. 477 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:42,680 Second, don't! 478 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,315 Please, please! 479 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,349 I'm a mother. 480 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,451 Surely you have a mother, too. 481 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,453 I do have a mother. 482 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:50,721 Oh, she's right there. 483 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,490 I'm sorry, my son. 484 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,692 We owe a debt to the simpsons 485 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,494 That can never be repaid. 486 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,163 All that she did was switch seats on a plane. 487 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,432 On a 15-hour flight! 488 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,668 You are free to go. 489 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,670 (dirge playing) 490 00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,172 No penalty. 491 00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,941 Fine. 492 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,380 (birds squawking) 493 00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:22,019 Wow, the amazon is just like I pictured it 494 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,388 After seeing all those pictures online. 495 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,992 I've never seen anything so beautiful. 496 00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:30,761 (chainsaw buzzing) 497 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,263 The best thing is 498 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,332 I can get locally- sourced monkey meat. 499 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,033 (hooting) 500 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,168 (shrieks) 501 00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,236 Okay, teeny. 502 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,038 Take care of part two. 503 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,173 (gun cocks) 504 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:44,342 (hooting, grunting) 505 00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:54,619 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 506 00:21:31,923 --> 00:21:34,125 Shh!