1
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,270
(Patty and Selma cackling)
2
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,210
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,117
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,187
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,455
(tires screech)
6
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,058
D'oh!
7
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,126
(tires screech)
8
00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:29,227
Ugh!
9
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,401
I'm too fat!
10
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,971
Still too fat!
11
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,039
Ugh!
12
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,974
(groans)
13
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,043
♪ ♪
14
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,718
(tires screech)
15
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,987
Come on, sir. You'll be late
for your appointment.
16
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,657
Hush! No one must know I'm not
in perfect mental health.
17
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,559
The Kaiser would
be furious!
18
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,727
♪ ♪
19
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:06,998
(coin clanks)
20
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,939
Hip joints!
Who wants a hip joint?
21
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,942
Eyeballs! Can't see
without your eyeballs!
22
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:20,178
Euthanasia!
Sweet, sweet euthanasia!
23
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,947
Ooh. Can I buy it as a gift?
24
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,114
No!
25
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,522
Mm.
26
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,857
Hmm.
27
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,125
(groans)
28
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,927
Come on in, Monty.
29
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,931
I believe last week we were
discussing your anger issues.
30
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,700
Anger issues?
31
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,702
Anger issues?!
32
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,136
Anger issues?
33
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,305
Anger issues?!
34
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,208
Yeah, all right, I'm afraid
our 50 minutes are almost up.
35
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,277
Sorry. You were saying?
36
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,716
(sighs) Monty, I give up.
37
00:01:57,718 --> 00:02:00,118
After only 70 years of therapy?
38
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,152
You're never gonna change.
39
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,655
You-you will never have this.
40
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,725
A cheap piece of plastic
with photos of ugly people?
41
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:09,661
That is my family--
people who love me.
42
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:10,996
Yes, you're right.
43
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,064
I should consider
encasing people in plastic.
44
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,634
Then I could always see
the look of fear in their faces.
45
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,836
(chuckles)
Yeah, we're finished
here. Get out.
46
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,405
May I remind you I'm paying you
five dollars an hour?
47
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:23,308
Oi! Why did I lock in
at that rate?
48
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,476
(door buzzes)
49
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,146
(groans)
50
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,180
(thud)
51
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:30,682
What? (gasps)
52
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,285
Hmm. No pulse.
53
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,054
Oh, wait, that's me.
54
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,090
Dead. So sad.
55
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,159
He was a true friend.
56
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,295
Mm-hmm. Excellent.
57
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,531
(trumpet playing taps)
58
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:50,135
I can't believe
Dr. Nussbaum's dead.
59
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:53,271
Um, we've had
a lot of therapists.
60
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,706
Which one was he again?
61
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,642
He was the one who
helped us communicate.
62
00:02:57,644 --> 00:02:59,010
You never listen
to a word I say!
63
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,146
I have to listen
all day at work.
64
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,614
You're not listening now.
I'm listened out!
65
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,115
What? "Listened out."
66
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,817
Not listening,
not listening...
What does that even mean?
67
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,453
Let's hear what the children
have to say.
68
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,056
I'm gonna wet the bed
to get their attention.
HOMER: Not listening...
69
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,223
You're the one
sleeping in it.
70
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,559
I didn't say
I'd wet my bed.
71
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:15,827
Please, Marge!
Do we have to burden
72
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,829
Dr. Nussbaum
with our problems?
(all arguing)
73
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,030
Maggie talk!
74
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,031
The man has
problems of his own!
75
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,000
Maggie talk!
76
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:22,967
(arguing continues)
77
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:26,438
No one listen?
Maggie never talk again.
78
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,141
That's not what happened.
That's exactly what happened.
79
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,876
I believe I remember
what happened, Marge.
80
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,144
How could you remember?
81
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,979
You were looking at your
phone half the time.
82
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,015
When you have four bar
Wi-Fi, you use it!
83
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:40,418
Oh, look. It's the ugly
people from the cube.
84
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,220
(gasps)
RABBI: Uh, if
we can begin.
85
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,655
Oh, of course.
86
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,057
Oh, this man meant
a great deal to me.
87
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,892
And helping out
with the cost of this service
88
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,094
was the least I could do.
89
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,395
(crowd murmurs)
Very sweet.
90
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,864
Smithers?
91
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,365
(crowd booing loudly)
92
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,167
For shame! (grunts)
93
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:02,440
(tires screech)
94
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,943
(sighs) Stoned at a funeral.
95
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,412
Ooh, wow!
Where's the funeral?
96
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,683
(chuckles):
Oh! Just what I wanted.
97
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,485
Just get me home quickly.
98
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:18,089
("Pomp and Circumstance"
playing)
99
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,960
And this year's Nobel Prize
for Physics goes to...
100
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,162
Professor John Frink.
101
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,099
(crowd cheering)
102
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,535
(horn honks)
103
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,137
FRINK:
Ah, thank you, Queen Sonya,
104
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,305
and all the people at HBO--
105
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,875
the, uh, Higgs Boson
Observatory.
106
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:37,876
You'll see there.
107
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:38,877
(tires screech, car crashes)
108
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,111
Oi! Oiven!
109
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,147
I-I didn't mean
to hit him, sir.
110
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,149
Well, how could a man
in his right mind
111
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,151
miss a car heading
right towards him?
112
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,152
(truck horn blares)
113
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,419
MAN:
Idiot!
114
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:51,322
I think it's this headpiece
he's wearing, sir.
115
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:54,259
If I may ask, what makes
this device so enchanting
116
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,960
that you ignore
the real world?
117
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,630
Is there a milkmaid
skipping rope?
118
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,169
Oi! Gloivick!
119
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,805
The Oculus Frink--
or Froculus--
120
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,508
provides you with a complete
virtual reality experience.
121
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,778
(groans) Letting you live
in a world of your dreams.
122
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,979
Goi!
123
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,648
(mutters)
124
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,986
To adjust the focus, turn
the dial on the side. Oi.
125
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,026
Now for the after-party!
126
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,595
(lively orchestral music
playing)
127
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,302
I must have it!
128
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,437
Oh, uh, can you
drop me off first?
129
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,779
♪ ♪
130
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,989
Hmm, not bad. Next?
131
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,991
This is still a new
technology, sir.
132
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,861
At the moment, it's really
just lots of pornography,
133
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,163
a roller coaster,
pornography, pornography,
134
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,065
Burger King ad,
pornography,
135
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,067
and... and this one.
136
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,069
♪ ♪
137
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,103
(dragon squawks)
138
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,075
(roaring)
139
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,243
(squawks)
140
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,545
Dragon porn.
141
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,146
(both moaning)
142
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:23,481
Oh, yeah.
143
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,383
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Oh, flame on, baby.
144
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,417
Flame on!
145
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:27,719
Hot! Hot!
146
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,053
Don't tell
my wife, okay?
147
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,355
SMITHERS:
Oh, sorry, sir.
148
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,090
This one is also pornography.
149
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,892
Oh, so boring.
150
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:34,893
(fabric rips)
151
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,494
Trim those nails, Smithers.
152
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:38,529
Uh, sir,
if I might suggest,
153
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,665
the last thing
your therapist said was,
154
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,900
"You need a family."
155
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,601
(chuckles):
I don't need anyone.
156
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:47,872
We could program
a virtual family for you, sir.
157
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,908
A virtual family. Yes.
158
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,342
Meanwhile, let me
see the one again
159
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,544
where I shoot the
beloved lion in Africa.
160
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,113
That was reality, sir.
161
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,715
Mm. I've lived
quite the life.
162
00:06:57,717 --> 00:06:58,950
Quite the life.
163
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,618
Ooh!
164
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,186
(crow caws)
165
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,789
Uh, we only need three
children, thanks.
166
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,191
Oh, what kind of coal mine
you runnin'?
167
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:12,630
You, wife, look at me lovingly,
as if I'm your husband.
168
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,967
Eh, can you ask for a
look of indifference?
169
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,568
I think she can do that.
170
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,938
Luann, pretend
it's my birthday.
171
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,039
Next.
172
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,107
You promised me a job, Dad!
173
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,276
I was gonna buy a fat Barbie.
174
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,978
It's Curvy Barbie.
175
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:30,081
And that would mean
you have to buy all new clothes.
176
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,449
(crow caws)
177
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,718
Uh, this thing says
all families in the plant
178
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,119
are required to try out.
179
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,454
So far, so good.
180
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,257
Two-and-a-half children,
wife with current hairstyle.
181
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,558
You're all hired.
182
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,627
Except you, fatso.
We don't need a father.
183
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,395
I'll be the rooster
in this henhouse.
184
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,064
That is so disappointing.
185
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,800
I've always wanted
to work for Mr. Burns.
186
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,072
Okay, family scene.
187
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,807
And... action.
188
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,275
(steam hissing)
189
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,343
(sucking noises)
190
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:11,522
This isn't a word I use
lightly, but... excellent.
191
00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:12,991
Oh, Smithers, one favor:
192
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,393
make the children
look like they're mine.
193
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,098
No, no, no!
It's too beautiful.
194
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,966
Like a Supreme Court
full of Scalias.
195
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:24,202
Switch to something else.
196
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,808
BURNS:
That's good.
197
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,310
What's the matter, Homer?
198
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,711
Last night,
Marge and the kids
199
00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:35,880
didn't get home
till 11:00 at night.
200
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:38,049
When I came back from
Moe's at 11:05,
201
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,051
they were still taking
off their coats!
202
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:44,055
I hear old man Burns is just
living in a fantasy world now.
203
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,623
En garde! (laughs)
204
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,025
Mm, must be nice.
205
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,294
Hey, there he is.
Wonder what he's watching now.
206
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,696
Home movies.
207
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:57,535
♪ Happy birthday, dear Burnsie ♪
208
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:02,040
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
209
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,308
♪ And maybe more. ♪
210
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,844
(chuckles)
Thank you, thank you.
211
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,679
Now, your mother's
going to take me upstairs
212
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,149
to give me... her present.
213
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,520
(Marge moaning suggestively)
214
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,689
BURNS: Oh, Smithers,
could you remove the ankle bar?
215
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:21,559
More. More. More.
216
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,127
(moans)
Oh...
217
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,264
(chuckles):
Oh, that was wonderful.
218
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,699
I'm picking up
your ten-year options.
219
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,068
Ten years?!
220
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,003
Oh, now, now, no discussion.
221
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,504
We're a family now.
222
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,775
Ugh! What is that?
A river otter?
223
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,913
(dog howls)
224
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,682
(groans)
We're not coming home, Homie.
225
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:47,452
What? What do I do
without you here?
226
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:50,888
You can do what you did
with me there: go to Moe's.
227
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,523
Aw, it's not the same
228
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,560
if I'm not trying to avoid
some unpleasant chore.
229
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:57,095
Oh. You could
clean out the attic.
230
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,496
Going to Moe's!
(line clicks, dial tone)
231
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,265
Eh, no one
to go home to, huh?
232
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,367
Yeah, take it from me,
that's rough.
233
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,368
Yeah.
234
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,870
Heading back to an empty house.
235
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,805
No one there
to tell you what to do,
236
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,574
no kids fighting all the time.
237
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,808
Wait a minute.
238
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,111
I can eat dinner
in any room of the house!
239
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,646
And not the scary ones like
the basement and Bart's bedroom.
240
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:18,049
And I can drink at home!
241
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,451
Whoa, whoa!
You're twisting my words there.
242
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,954
That would be cheaper!
And I wouldn't have to drive!
243
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,555
And you are kind of mean.
244
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,624
No one calls me mean.
245
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:30,094
Moe, you're
proving my point.
246
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:32,563
Here we are talking, and
you pull a shotgun on me.
247
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,133
But there's never
any bullets in this. Watch.
248
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,169
Ha! Good gag, huh?
249
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:41,005
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
250
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,974
♪ Bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
251
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,108
♪ I feel free ♪
252
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,810
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
253
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,145
♪ I feel free ♪
254
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,179
(muffled explosion)
255
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,614
♪ I feel free ♪
256
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,249
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
257
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,350
♪ I feel free ♪
258
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,918
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
259
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,086
♪ I feel free ♪
260
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,754
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
261
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:57,922
♪ I feel free ♪
262
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,323
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
263
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,525
♪ I feel free ♪
264
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,160
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
265
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,294
♪ I feel free ♪
266
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,096
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
267
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,264
♪ I feel free ♪
268
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:14,772
♪ Feel when I dance with you ♪
269
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:18,676
♪ We move like the sea ♪
270
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:25,349
♪ You, you're all
I want to know ♪
271
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:29,253
♪ I feel free ♪
272
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:35,026
♪ I feel free. ♪
273
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,029
Mmm, does that turn you on?
274
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,831
Oh, yes. That's hot.
275
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,166
(handles creak)
276
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,035
(laughs)
The perfect temperature.
277
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,138
(owl hooting)
278
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:51,242
Ah, Snoopy knew what
he was doing, all right.
279
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,077
WOMAN: How you doing?
Aah!
280
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,679
Don't worry, I've
seen you naked
281
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,147
plenty of times.
282
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,648
I live in the house
behind yours.
283
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,651
I don't think my wife
would like this.
284
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:03,521
Hey, I got a boyfriend,
and you're not my type.
285
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,189
FLANDERS:
Could you both keep it down?
286
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,524
I'm trying
to count pennies.
287
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,726
(scoffs) Stupid Flanders.
288
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,662
FLANDERS:
Oh! You made me lose count.
289
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,731
(both laughing)
290
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,700
Homer, it looks like
you're out of beer, pal.
291
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:16,767
(grunts)
292
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:20,071
Wow, can a man just be friends
293
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,239
with a woman?
294
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,373
Here are some pretzels.
295
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,574
Yes, he can!
296
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,615
(fence squeaks)
297
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,817
Aw, don't worry.
I'll fix that.
298
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,120
Have one.
I'm celebrating.
299
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,521
My boyfriend proposed.
300
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,257
Wow! You'll get to enjoy
301
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,726
the most magical part
of married life:
302
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,027
the beginning.
303
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,030
Mmm...
(slurping)
304
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,099
So, uh, where's
the lucky guy?
305
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,767
(sighs)
Gone for the weekend.
306
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,935
He's an airline pilot.
307
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,703
Maybe he and I can
go out for beers
308
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,405
before a flight.
Mm.
309
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,906
Where's your wife?
310
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,075
Uh, she's staying at
this billionaire's house,
311
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,044
working as
a virtual reality actress.
312
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,178
You know, the usual.
313
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:03,381
Oh, Homer?
314
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,116
Something's going on
with Homer.
315
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,151
My spousal sense is tingling.
316
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,887
Mom, you blew the take!
317
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,989
Okay, that's it.
I'll direct.
318
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,791
And I'll show you
how a pro does it.
319
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,793
You, daughter character,
say you love me.
320
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,794
(flatly):
I love you.
321
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,928
Like you mean it.
322
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,563
(flatly):
I really love you.
323
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,898
Once more, with feeling.
324
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,434
(flatly):
I... really...
325
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,170
love... you.
326
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:27,171
Blech.
327
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,273
This girl has
no chops whatsoever.
328
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:31,275
(a la Katherine Hepburn):
The existence of my chops
329
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,844
is not for the likes
of you to ascertain,
330
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,979
my good sir.
331
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,981
(shudders)
Would you like some eggs
332
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,516
with that ham?
333
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,320
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
334
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,488
Looks like the old
make-out king's
335
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,590
got a new queen, huh?
336
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,492
Guys, we're just friends.
337
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,261
It's purely catatonic.
338
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,495
"Platonic."
339
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,431
That means
she's into me,
340
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,032
but I'm
keeping it cool.
341
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,035
I like you, but that's
not what it means.
342
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,637
Sure, right.
343
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,006
(Italian accent):
Here you go, the antipasto,
344
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,441
to share.
345
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,010
BOTH:
Ooh...!
346
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,945
Would you fellas like
to join us?
347
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,047
(nervous stammers)
348
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:12,016
(sophisticated accent):
When did salad get so awful?
349
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,018
(sophisticated accent):
Kale ruined everything.
350
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,187
(mock sophisticated laughter)
351
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,988
(normal voice):
You're just like a guy.
352
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,124
You're funny,
you like to eat crap.
353
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,859
If I may get personal,
354
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,161
what's your
bowling average?
212.
355
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:26,864
Oh, my God, you're
my best friend!
356
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,165
And that's all.
357
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,333
Just friends.
358
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,735
Eh, we shall see.
359
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,536
There is one test
for a-romance
360
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,538
that never fails.
361
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,574
Enjoy it.
362
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:44,348
That is not a-love!
363
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,550
This is the best--
we're friends,
364
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,352
no one has any reason
to get upset,
365
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,054
and no one gets hurt.
366
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,522
To no one getting hurt.
367
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,757
SMITHERS:
Smash-cut to Marge!
368
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,593
"Look, Monty, our daughter,
the president,
369
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,161
is delivering her speech."
370
00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:00,564
Excuse me,
do I ever get a joke?
371
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,732
Keep rolling.
372
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,668
"Mr. Vice President,
Madam Speaker,
373
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,437
"Chinese Overlords,
374
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,774
years ago, our forefathers,
and foremothers..."
375
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,175
BURNS:
Stick to the script!
376
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,777
Oh, you try to
give direction
377
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,944
to a bunch
of land apes
378
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:16,447
who aren't worth
the ping-pong balls
379
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,849
stuck to their
untalented asses!
380
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,618
Idiots!
Mountebanks!
381
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,520
Featherwits!
Poltroons!
382
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:23,754
(furniture crashes)
383
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,691
Saint Francis himself
would vomit with rage!
384
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:29,293
Okay, you heard him,
people.
385
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,228
That was great,
just a little more energy.
386
00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,197
Sir, I know you're
getting frustrated,
387
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,733
so we recorded some
future scenarios.
388
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:39,036
Yes, let's see what life
will be like when I'm old.
389
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,105
I'm going to build homes
for the homeless
390
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,040
with my boyfriend Sean,
391
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,643
then it's off to Vassar
in the fall.
392
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,078
Irish boyfriend?
Helping the homeless?
393
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,748
Well, every family has
one black sheep.
394
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,082
Let's move on.
395
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,318
How did this happen?
(pacifier pops twice)
396
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,687
Don't you take
that tone with me.
397
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,723
A Harvard man?
398
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:01,258
I was warned
there'd be nausea.
399
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,128
I don't need them.
My life is perfect.
400
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:09,500
My life is perfect.
401
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,970
49, 50.
My life is perfect!
402
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,806
Have you seen my
Canadian penny?
403
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,341
Oh, darn it,
darn it, darn it!
404
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,245
Everyone out!
You're all fired!
405
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,447
Having a family is the most
meaningless experience
406
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,015
I could imagine.
407
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,116
Try acting.
408
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,351
Mm...
409
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,419
Come on, kids.
410
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,920
I'm taking
my bathrobe.
411
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,255
There's a dye pack
stitched in.
412
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:32,423
(loud pop)
413
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,358
Joke's on you.
I like this better.
414
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,160
Oh, go ahead,
take your robe.
415
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,028
But you'll never work
in single-viewer
416
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:41,065
virtual reality
family melodrama again.
417
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,601
Did you see
the guitar lessons sign
418
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,969
on the telephone pole?
419
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,136
I took a tab.
420
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,172
No, I'm not
gonna take the lessons,
421
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,341
I just needed
to blow my nose.
422
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,710
Ooh, my family's here.
Gotta go.
423
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,512
Hey, guys!
It's good to see you.
424
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,514
Hmm. Good to see you.
425
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,982
Who were you talking to?
426
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,016
My friend Julia.
427
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,318
Julia? Like a girl?
428
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,720
She's not a girl.
429
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,655
She's three years younger
than your mother.
430
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:05,789
(irritated murmur)
431
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,358
Now, Marge,
it's cool.
432
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,959
All we do is share
433
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,961
our deepest thoughts
and feelings.
434
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,029
Mm-hmm.
435
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,232
Kids, could you
leave the room, please?
436
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:18,068
Faster!
437
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,136
Geronimo!
438
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,037
(retreating footsteps)
439
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,006
Marge, it's nothing.
440
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,974
She's just
my new best friend.
441
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,644
(groans angrily)
442
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,878
What the-- Why--
443
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,480
Why are you mad
at those eggs?!
444
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,415
They didn't do anything!
445
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,917
Homer Simpson!
446
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,152
(whimpering)
447
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,521
After all I've put up with
for all these years,
448
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,924
if I'm not
your best friend,
449
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,926
what is this marriage about?!
450
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,694
Okay, okay, you're
my best friend.
451
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,063
She's just somebody I call
when I'm mad at you.
452
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,065
(screams)
(grumbling)
453
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,533
I mean, I'm never
mad at you.
454
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,101
Well, sometimes
I'm mad at you.
455
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:53,103
A little bit!
But I shouldn't call her.
456
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,940
I should just
drink it off at Moe's.
(growling)
457
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,676
You'll never hear
the name Julia again.
458
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,178
Hi, I'm Julia.
Neh!
459
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,913
I just wanted
to introduce myself
460
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,115
and tell you you've got
a great husband.
461
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,051
I've got a nice
bicycle, too,
462
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,786
but I keep a lock on it.
463
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:12,590
I have no interest
in... riding your bike.
464
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,225
But I want you to know
that your bike loves you
465
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,761
as truly as a bike can.
466
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:21,131
And, Marge, I love you
as much as that bike.
467
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,733
You are the bike.
468
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,168
(gasps) Wha...?!
469
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,938
(door creaks)
470
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,974
I'm-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
471
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,543
Apparently, you didn't
do anything wrong.
472
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,045
But I'm not wrong for
getting mad at you either.
473
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,215
Marge, Julia taught me lots
of stuff that could help us.
474
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,584
For example, I realize
that when you see me
475
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,086
doing something stupid
and you don't
476
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:44,722
say anything about it,
you do know,
477
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,323
and you're just
being nice.
478
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,491
That's true.
479
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,127
And when something's
bothering you,
480
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:54,398
sometimes I should just say,
"I understand,"
481
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,133
instead of trying
to fix it.
482
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,501
Because all you
really need is
483
00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:00,938
someone to know
what you're feeling.
484
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,574
That is really,
really lovely.
485
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,643
(both moaning)
486
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,446
I have to confess, I did
see him naked on the roof.
487
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:12,650
I did, too,
and I was at 10,000 feet.
488
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,986
Now for the final fantasy.
489
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,088
(crying)
490
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,158
(gasps)
Oh, my love, my love,
491
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,195
losing you so young,
so beautiful.
492
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:27,031
Still no jokes.
493
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:33,137
(flatly):
I love you, and how.
494
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:36,440
(sobs) You're too
good for heaven, man.
495
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,909
(chuckles)
Excellent.
496
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,714
(creatures squawking)
497
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,182
(eerie shriek)
498
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,052
Welcome, Monty.
499
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,788
I'd like to take
a selfie with you.
500
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,358
All right, but just one.
501
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,060
Hmm, it's not
plugged in.
502
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,467
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
503
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:05,235
♪ Bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
504
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,670
(screams)
505
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,138
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
506
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,206
♪ I feel free ♪
507
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,175
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
508
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,543
♪ I feel free ♪
509
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,910
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
510
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,045
♪ I feel free ♪
511
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,213
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
512
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,848
♪ I feel free ♪
513
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,316
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
514
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,417
♪ I feel free ♪
515
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:21,985
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
516
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,153
♪ I feel free ♪
517
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,988
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
518
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,090
♪ I feel free ♪
519
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,658
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
520
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:28,759
♪ I feel free ♪
521
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,527
♪ Bomp, bomp, bomp,
bomp-bomp-bomp ♪
522
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,062
♪ I feel free. ♪
523
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,065
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
524
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,068
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
525
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,071
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
526
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,141
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
527
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,971
Shh!