1 00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,005 (Lisa grumbles) 2 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,211 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,450 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,054 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,422 (tires screeching) 6 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,358 D'oh! 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,359 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,894 (grunts) 9 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,130 No! Not there! 10 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,498 Anywhere but there! 11 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,233 Oh, a museum? 12 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,301 (Marge grunts) 13 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,105 ♪ ♪ 14 00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,011 (plays discordant notes) 15 00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,079 (gasps) 16 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,848 (moans) 17 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,916 (groans) 18 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,757 (belches) 19 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,500 Hmm. 20 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,613 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪ 21 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,216 (crows cawing) 22 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,785 (dramatic music playing) 23 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,540 Ooh! I'd like a slice. 24 00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,285 (both laughing) 25 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,921 Hey, hey! What time is it, kids? 26 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,624 KIDS: Product tie-in time! 27 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,892 That's right! 28 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,795 I'm introducing a new line of candy so delicious 29 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,831 that the Krusty Corporation board of directors 30 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,067 will stop threatening to oust me. 31 00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,802 (drum roll) 32 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,138 Presenting Krustaceans! 33 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,640 They look like shrimp, they taste like candy, 34 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,108 and they're organic! 35 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,077 Uh... "Clown eats snack"? 36 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,146 Uh-oh, this could get ugly. 37 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,983 What do you know. They're actually good! 38 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:32,684 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 39 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:36,321 Hey, hey, kids, Krusty won't be needing the spit bucket! 40 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,489 (laughs) 41 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,126 Mmm! They are good. 42 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,128 How did you get them so fast? 43 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,696 I'm a Krusty Prime member. 44 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,266 $75 a month, but it's worth it. 45 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,005 What? Tibor's getting a corner office? 46 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,475 Oh, yeah, yeah, Tibor got promoted to senior VP. 47 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,976 (groans) 48 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,778 CARL: Cooling tower views, 49 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,047 two chairs for two visitors. 50 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,183 LENNY: A picture of a nondescript lighthouse. 51 00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,952 CARL: Oh, my God, what is he getting out of that mini fridge? 52 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,854 It's filled with mini-colas! 53 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,023 LENNY: Wow, he looks like a giant drinking that thing. 54 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,659 I was in line for that job, and I lost it to someone 55 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,295 who barely speaks English. It's humidifying. 56 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,064 HOMER'S VOICE: Well, then why the hell don't you do something about it? 57 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,499 Huh? Who said that?! 58 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,035 Me! (grunts) 59 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,069 Who are you? 60 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:25,671 I'm your ambition. 61 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,673 How come I never met you before? 62 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,243 I've been locked up for 30 years by Apathy and Alcoholism! 63 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,811 (both groaning) 64 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,581 Now, Homer, Tibor is no better than you. 65 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,382 He just dresses nicer. 66 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,085 I guess I could dress a little better. Probably. 67 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:43,422 That's the most ambitious thing you've ever said. 68 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:47,359 Guys, is there something wrong with the way I dress? 69 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:51,063 No. If you're a typewriter salesman in 1953. 70 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:54,600 Also, for a guy, you show way too much cleavage. 71 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,904 Hey, these two have gotten me out of so many traffic tickets. 72 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,106 Look, man, if people think your clothes are outdated, 73 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,507 they'll think you're outdated. 74 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:03,909 Lenny wears suspenders. 75 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,578 Correction: I rock suspenders. 76 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,014 Ah, Tibor. 77 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,515 There's my go-getter. 78 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,019 Thank you, Witch of the Mountains. 79 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:18,090 (band plays upbeat music, audience cheers) 80 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,291 Tonight we have with us 81 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,093 a distinguished senior journalist 82 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,762 for another installment of our pointless Internet sensation: 83 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,797 Talking Heads Sing Talking Heads. 84 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,266 Kent Brockman, everybody! 85 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,767 (Talking Heads music playing) 86 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,102 And you may ask yourself... 87 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,470 How do I work this? 88 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,071 And you may ask yourself... 89 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,073 Where is that large automobile? 90 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,875 And you may tell yourself... 91 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,944 Okay, that's it. 92 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,849 (band plays upbeat music, audience cheers) 93 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,919 Speaking of once-in-a-lifetime experiences, Kent, 94 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,088 I understand you have a fascinating story 95 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,556 about your time in Basra. 96 00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,760 Well, Jimmy, I was embedded with the 98th Airborne. 97 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,995 My lullaby was the thwap-thwap-thwap 98 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,463 of the blades of a Chinook. 99 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,265 I was in the 98th Airborne. 100 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,000 I don't remember him. 101 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,635 I don't even remember what I said 102 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,337 at the start of this sentence! 103 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,972 Out there, everyone was equal. 104 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,007 I was "Brock," the pilot was "Bama." 105 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,309 Was he from Alabama? 106 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,077 He was from America, Jimmy. 107 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,112 To me, it was just another day at the office. 108 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,848 Only this day, the office was a burning piece of metal 109 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,151 where an RPG just took out the pilot. 110 00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,920 So I grabbed the joystick and guided that wounded bird 111 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,823 down onto a container ship-- which was sinking. 112 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,326 I bailed it with my helmet and guided her home. 113 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,161 (audience cheering) 114 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,664 That didn't happen, man! 115 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,434 Oh, you Iraq War vets are always complaining. 116 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,035 (mocking): "That didn't happen." 117 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:40,372 "The temperature was 125." 118 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,974 "The U.S.O. show was Rob Schneider." 119 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:47,212 "American objectives have been, and remain, incomprehensible." 120 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,748 Wah-wah-wah. 121 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,018 MARGE: Dinnertime! 122 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,454 (humming) 123 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,988 No junk food! 124 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,990 We're at the dinner tables. 125 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,059 KENT BROCKMAN: This is Kent Brockman with a... 126 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,828 humble apology. 127 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:05,831 (dramatic kettle drum plays) 128 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,332 You know, we in the news business 129 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,901 like to report the story; we don't like to be the story. 130 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:12,204 That's what I said to Nelson Mandela atop the Berlin Wall, 131 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,840 but... No, I didn't. That's the problem! 132 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,141 Now you're not eating. 133 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,744 I can't eat when I'm watching the spectacle 134 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,145 of an imploding celebrity. 135 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,913 We have lip-quiver, people. 136 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,416 I'm sorry to report to you that over the years, 137 00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,151 every interesting thing I've done is, 138 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,419 in fact, a complete lie. 139 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,087 I did not land a Chinook helicopter. 140 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,391 I did not see bin Laden die, or even see the movie about it. 141 00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:34,826 Now that I've apologized, my station has assured me 142 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,328 that it has full confidence... 143 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,331 These were the last words of disgraced anchor Kent Brockman 144 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,400 before he was escorted out by security 145 00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:43,335 and replaced by me, Arnie Pye. 146 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:45,070 This reporter promises 147 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,906 to restore our news department's credibility. 148 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,610 In our top story, corporate taxes are too high. 149 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:54,079 Geez, I'm really gonna miss Anderson Cooper. 150 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,047 That wasn't Anderson Cooper. 151 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,516 Oh, thank God. 152 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,918 I'm not licked yet-- not as long as I've got 153 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,421 a cell phone and a place to sit. 154 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,090 Company car. 155 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,525 (tires screech) 156 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,263 Marge, I think I may have to get new clothes. 157 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,798 (whispers): At last! 158 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,100 It's time for me to project the image 159 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,769 of a powerful, self-reliant man. 160 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,038 Will you take me shopping after school? 161 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,574 Sure. And after that, maybe you could... 162 00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:24,943 oh, I don't know, lose a little weight? 163 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,913 Marge, no, don't get greedy, don't get greedy. 164 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:32,284 Sweetheart, I'm always happy to temporarily lose weight. 165 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:33,885 Oh... 166 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,389 So, this app is called Smothr. 167 00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:40,625 Lets my mom keep a healthy eye on me 24/7. 168 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,728 Milhouse, you're overexcited. 169 00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,330 You're going to get a bloody nose. 170 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,332 I will not! 171 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,733 See? 172 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,002 Hmm. I call these num-nums 173 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,104 because they make my fingers numb. 174 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,340 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 175 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,609 Why are the only ingredients here 176 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,645 "water, fun and hydrogenated chuckles"? 177 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,848 Hey, Krusty makes quality products. 178 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,983 Incoming! 179 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,552 Mm, let me try one of those candies. 180 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,092 I shared a meal with Lisa. 181 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,928 It's halfway to a kiss. 182 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,129 Now I kissed Lisa. 183 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,931 No one kissed Lisa! 184 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,600 Hmm? Hmm? 185 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,102 Hmm, I don't think candy should give me a tingling 186 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,604 in my left arm. 187 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,305 I'm gonna prove to you that Krusty 188 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,641 is a good clown with nonlethal candy. 189 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,310 Hey, Otto-man, can you take us to the food processing district? 190 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,445 No way, Bartman. 191 00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:34,880 Hey, Otto, I just remembered, 192 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,282 we have a field trip to the food processing district. 193 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,017 Oh, man, we're late! 194 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,685 (tires screech) 195 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,125 FRANK SINATRA: ♪ This town ♪ 196 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,060 ♪ Is a lonely town ♪ 197 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,565 ♪ Not the only town... ♪ 198 00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:57,068 You're a very lucky lady. 199 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,904 (laughs) 200 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,238 (humming) 201 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,007 Hmm? (groans) 202 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,009 Hmm. 203 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,077 (grunting) 204 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,751 Really? You're thwarted by a shirt? 205 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:13,752 Never! 206 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,086 This is so exciting-- 207 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,355 with my Homie in a haberdashers. 208 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,891 My husband needs a complete makeover. 209 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,994 Well, thank you, lady with the beehive hair. 210 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,399 Ooh, intimate but heterosexual. 211 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,671 CLERK: Here you are, pal. 212 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:35,240 (moaning): Oh! Oh! 213 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,708 Homie? 214 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,110 Oh, baby, you had the same idea I did. 215 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,345 Mmm! 216 00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,881 This wasn't my idea, but... (gasps) 217 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,416 Oh... 218 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:49,588 (chuckles) They all think they're the first ones. 219 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:54,125 Wow. Ready for the corner office. 220 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,928 I feel like Mrs. Mad Men. 221 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,130 Now let's get you rung up, lard-ass. 222 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,232 What did you call me? Uh, Lord S. 223 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,500 Oh. 224 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,471 Well, we've got a nice- looking couple here. 225 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,273 Walk away, Marge, just walk away. 226 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,642 I'm holding my sharpest key. 227 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,644 Wait, Homie. It's Kent Brockman. 228 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,646 The man who betrayed our trust. 229 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,781 I'm producing my own news content now. 230 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,650 Could you spare a few sound bites 231 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,552 (chuckles): for this rudderless anchor? 232 00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,954 Forget it. We only like newspeople we can trust. 233 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,656 So no newspeople! 234 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,591 Oh, well, I have bigger problems. 235 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,094 Can't afford toothpaste, so tonight my teeth will have... 236 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,929 film at 11:00. 237 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,931 OTTO: Adios! 238 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,133 Don't worry, Krusty's favorite number 239 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,235 is how many jokes he's written. 240 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,974 ♪ ♪ 241 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,943 Wow! Hydroponic gardening. 242 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,078 Organic fertilizer. 243 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,814 Maybe I was wrong about Krusty. 244 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,955 (groans) This candy is reeking with chemicals! 245 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,324 Just once I'd like to be wrong. 246 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,160 Well, from what I read in your diary, you're rarely right. 247 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,628 (groans) 248 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,630 We've got to get these samples analyzed. 249 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,966 Bart, do you think we'll get out of here safely? 250 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,001 I think the guard's no problem. 251 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,036 (snores) 252 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,804 (robotic voice): Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. 253 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:13,805 (snores) 254 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,807 Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. 255 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,709 (snores) Z, Z, Z-Z-Z. 256 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,943 Here comes our ride. 257 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:19,878 (bicycle bell dings) 258 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,446 I called UberKid. 259 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,014 (Eastern European accent): Please get in. 260 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,817 You want bottled water? Mints? Take. 261 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,952 Your accent is so interesting. 262 00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,387 Where are you from? 263 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,890 Uh, small town in Latvia. You don't know it. 264 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,525 Well, I'd like to hear. 265 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:35,560 Why do you have to make friends with everyone? 266 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,805 (sighs) So much great work for naught. 267 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,407 Kent, as your agent, I promise we will find you something, 268 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,142 or so help me, we will drop you. 269 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,544 That's a promise. 270 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,480 Well, could you, uh, get me on Fox News? 271 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,649 Would you be willing to call yourself a liberal 272 00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,017 and lose every discussion? 273 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,719 Every single one? 274 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,487 Okay, you've already asked too many questions. 275 00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,089 The offer's dead. 276 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:04,956 (sighs) 277 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,525 ♪ Empower your horse ♪ 278 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,227 ♪ Right through the sun ♪ 279 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,330 ♪ Blast a rainbow light from your empowerment gun. ♪ 280 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,432 So, you're gonna get this to Katy Perry? 281 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,900 I never said that. 282 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,269 Hey, guys. Notice anything different? 283 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,205 Whoa, whoa, impressive! 284 00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,539 Italian? 285 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,841 Oh-ho. Better. 286 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,843 Connecticut! (chuckles) 287 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,879 Yeah, I think I'm gonna go into old man Burns and say, 288 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,849 "Here is a leader of men-- and women." 289 00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,450 'Cause that's what you have to say now. 290 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,085 High five, man! 291 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,222 Why do we call it "high five" when we only have four fingers? 292 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,957 You know, I've always wondered that. 293 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,091 FRINK: Oh, what have we here? 294 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,960 Uh, Lisa, these vials 295 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,095 are filled with formaldehyde. 296 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,231 Formaldehyde! Do you understand? 297 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,866 Do not imbibe! 298 00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,901 Check. No imbibing. 299 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,872 Bart! Imbibing is eating, and formaldehyde is poison. 300 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,708 Oh, you take all the fun out of eating poison. 301 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:58,943 You're just an apologist for Krusty. 302 00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,079 I am not a paid apologist for Krusty! 303 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,814 I didn't say "paid." 304 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:05,316 Got to go. I'll see you in the future. 305 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,951 (mechanical humming) 306 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,387 Uh, that's just my bathing suit dryer. 307 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,222 I, uh... yes. 308 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,291 (groaning) 309 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,229 Sorry, kid, not interested in your story. 310 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,831 Krusty's our biggest star, 311 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,800 and formaldehyde's our biggest sponsor. 312 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,235 I'm gonna have to go off the grid. 313 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,919 All right, Kent Brockman. Welcome to BizzFad. 314 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,520 We are so crunched. 315 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,989 (chuckles): Well, the crunching is mutual. 316 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,525 "The crunching is mutual"? What the hell does that mean? 317 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,594 Well, I know that the media has changed, 318 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,831 but this old newshound can still find his way home. 319 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,999 Okay... 320 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,936 I thought I might do a piece on all the crazy ice cream flavors 321 00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:58,970 they have these days. 322 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,104 Bacon? Really? 323 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:01,439 (chuckles) 324 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,975 Kent, I like it. I do. 325 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,044 But we just went bankrupt. 326 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,046 Uh, people, people, you're all fired. 327 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,348 But, seriously, it's been a great four days. 328 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,783 Thank you. 329 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,854 Uh, gentlemen, I suggest we ramp up production. 330 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:20,959 I have a few suggestions right here in my pocket. 331 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,228 Do it, Homer! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 332 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,230 (gasps) Are you Lust? 333 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,031 No. Lupus. 334 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,032 (shrieks) 335 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,201 Huh? Huh? Huh? 336 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,503 (chuckles) Hey, fatso, 337 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,073 I'd close that tent flap before the mosquitoes get in. 338 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,074 (chuckles) 339 00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,175 What the...? 340 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,010 I thought you would like it. 341 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,713 Actually, I think you should take this tarp 342 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,082 back to the baseball stadium you got it from. 343 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,884 In case there's a rain delay. 344 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,586 (chuckles) I did not see that coming, sir. 345 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,021 Off you go, Simpson. 346 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,823 Never seek to better yourself again. 347 00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,259 I'm just going to shove my foot on your back for emphasis. 348 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,394 Yes, sir. I understand. 349 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,264 But could you try not to get my new jacket dirty? 350 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,899 Sorry, but no. 351 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,167 Well done, sir. 352 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,936 Now your turn, Smithers. 353 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,071 I never thought you'd ask. 354 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:12,176 So, why do you want to give the story to Brockman? 355 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,779 Because the best thing you can do is offer a lifeline 356 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,581 to a person with no hope. 357 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,916 Here I am! 358 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:18,950 Sorry, not you. 359 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,685 Thank God! 360 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,687 Well, how do you know where Brockman will be? 361 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,888 To find a fallen man, 362 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,524 you must visit the scene of his highest peak. 363 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,193 When he reported on the flood of '09. 364 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:34,065 My career and these flood waters crested at the same time. 365 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,034 This is Kent Brockman blowing a sad song 366 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,535 on his beer bottle. 367 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,138 (playing sad tune) 368 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,776 Mr. Brockman, we've uncovered a huge story! 369 00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:48,646 And we need a real newsman to break it wide open. 370 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,051 (sighs) 371 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,452 A real newsman, eh? 372 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,087 Then you've come to the wrong corner. 373 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,121 What do you mean? 374 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,389 Oh, I'm through. 375 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,124 Now, please, let me just go out 376 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,927 with my remaining dignity intact. 377 00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:05,930 This is Kent Brockman thinking dark and suicidal thoughts. 378 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,165 It's quiet here in the gutter. 379 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,166 Very quiet. 380 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,500 Well, it was. 381 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,942 Okay, who would like to start today? 382 00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:21,579 Anyone? Anyone? 383 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,648 Oh, come on. 384 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,519 In three, two... 385 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,021 I'm here live at the support group... 386 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,189 Our top feeling today... 387 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,324 This just in: I'm sad. 388 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,326 (slurring): You know, I'll be tooling around, 389 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:40,031 and I'll just constantly lapse into my elocution exercises. 390 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,767 "A Lockheed L-1011 landed safely 391 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,336 in Bogalusa, Louisiana, after an alert." 392 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,437 Oh, I've been there. 393 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,006 Too true. Courage. 394 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,808 Kent, you're looking unusually thoughtful 395 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,310 and silent for an anchor. 396 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,878 You know, I thought I'd come to terms 397 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,848 with life off the news cycle, and then, bang, 398 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,883 I was offered a scoop on a platter. 399 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,952 (slurring): Well, did you leap on that lead 400 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,820 like a lion on a lemur? 401 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:06,657 I passed! As in, "I am a thing of the..." 402 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,893 Dan Rather, do you have something to contribute 403 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:11,629 besides this delicious homemade Bundt cake? 404 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,730 Mmm. 405 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,532 Kent, why are you doing this? 406 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,467 Why did you get into this business? 407 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,070 Money, women, free coffee. The usual. 408 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:23,074 Sir, if you please, these days, a bona fide uncorrupted story 409 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,243 is rarer than a snake with sneakers. 410 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,012 It's harder to find than a yellow-fronted bowerbird. 411 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,514 Jump on it, hoss, 412 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,050 and ride till Gramma churns the buttermilk. 413 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,385 That's when the barn dance starts. 414 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,386 What is that feeling? 415 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,388 Is it integrity? 416 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,457 ♪ ♪ 417 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,096 Good to see ya, buddy. I'm in! 418 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,265 Anybody got eyeliner and pancake makeup? 419 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,499 Take mine, brother. 420 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,835 Works great on Mediterranean skin. 421 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:54,405 It's from my personal line, Rather Handsome. 422 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:58,042 Well, Marge, I was humiliated by Mr. Burns, it's true. 423 00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:01,612 But, to me, this is nothing more than a temporary setback. 424 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,782 Good for you, Homie. I'm proud of you. 425 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,018 Hey, Homer Simpson is not deterred 426 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,753 by a footprint on his suit. 427 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,088 It'll come out, right? 428 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,557 I don't know. (shrieks) 429 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,259 Homer, I have a 12-step plan for your success. 430 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:18,830 Step number one: get in a 12-step plan. 431 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,106 (grunts) This is an opportunity! 432 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,774 (screams) 433 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,909 I think I'm going to Moe's. 434 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:32,944 (tires screech) 435 00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,779 Krusty, we have evidence that your product 436 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,914 is laced with toxic additives. 437 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,950 Yeah. So why you bothering me? 438 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,419 LISA: Because your tasty little treat did this. 439 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,920 (whirring) 440 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,923 I made the doctor cry. 441 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,726 They told me the paralysis would be temporary! 442 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:49,961 Five years, tops. 443 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,796 Seriously, come on, 444 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,098 that kid wasn't going anywhere anyway. 445 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,802 It looks like this clown could not formalde-hide the truth. 446 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,004 (chuckles) This is Kent Brockman, saying... 447 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,606 No! I'm gonna sing Beatles songs 448 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,407 so you can't afford to show this video! 449 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,977 A-one, two, three, four! Too late! 450 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,646 Well, you're back on top, Kent. 451 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,648 And now for a once monthly feature we do 452 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,849 called Serious Question. 453 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:12,850 (horn honks) 454 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,585 Tell us, how did you get this story? 455 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:15,987 Well, it's funny, actually. 456 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,989 I was trapped in a burning building... 457 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,791 (gasps) Is he really gonna take all the credit for this? 458 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:21,993 Don't ask me. 459 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,661 The last newsman I could trust 460 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,198 was that bigamist, Charles Kuralt. 461 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,600 It was a burning building called my career. 462 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,102 Thank God I had help. 463 00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,971 Lisa Simpson, you deserve to be on this couch with me. 464 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,973 But because I don't lie anymore, 465 00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:38,476 I have to say I didn't fight too hard when they said no. 466 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,278 Hmm. Is that enough? 467 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,879 Are you kidding? 468 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,382 You got Hollywood's highest honor: 469 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,051 shared credit, no money. 470 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,158 I've been informed that this is my last newscast 471 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,893 as anchor of the Channel 6 News. 472 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,696 Before I go, I'd like to get a few things off my chest. 473 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,532 I've made out with Kent's daughter. 474 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,967 The grown-up one! 475 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,168 Are you almost through? 476 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,970 In a hurry to fail again, Kent?! 477 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,406 No, it's just I've been off the air for six weeks, 478 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,640 and it was torture. 479 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,042 Sometimes I'd watch Bill O'Reilly 480 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:13,411 and pretend it was an older, stupider version of me. 481 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,146 Go ahead. Take your chair. 482 00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,481 Do what you do best. 483 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,820 Tonight's lotto numbers: six, 17, 42, 484 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,889 45 and 83! 485 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,824 I'm back! 486 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,568 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 487 00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:14,105 Shh!