1
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,675
D'oh!
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,210
(grunts)
3
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,516
Mom, can I get the...
No!
4
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,218
But it's only...
No!
5
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:29,861
(traditional Japanese music
plays)
6
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,202
(giggling)
7
00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,206
(whirring)
8
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,341
Aah!
9
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:45,476
ALL:
Ooh...
10
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,551
MAN:
Yo, your car is ready!
11
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,287
1986 Plymouth Junkerola.
12
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:30,755
Pink Plymouth! Yo!
13
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,523
Whoa! Baby is still
in the back seat.
14
00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:33,825
Mine!
15
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,129
(humming)
16
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,834
(gasps) Oh.
17
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,236
(laughs)
18
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:48,206
Comedy can be so surprising.
19
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,776
The Japanese Warrior Monks'
Guide to Tidying Up?
20
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,277
Ooh, a bestseller!
21
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,079
And no one goes to Heaven.
22
00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:57,281
Marge, you don't buy books
at a car wash.
23
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,050
Ooh, sushi!
24
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,622
Okay, I read this whole
book while your father
25
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,824
was hospitalized
for food poisoning,
26
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,826
and it changed my life.
27
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,796
I want this house to reach
what the monks call
28
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,332
the "state of en-tidy-ment."
29
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,400
En-tidy-ment? I thought
this family meeting
30
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:18,436
was about reducing
the carbon footprint
31
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,671
of my college fund.
Done and done.
32
00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:22,673
Wait, wait.
Why is it so easy?
33
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,009
Moving on.
Oh, man!
34
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:27,678
I thought your mother was
gonna tell us that Grampa died.
35
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,847
Well, the meeting
ain't over yet.
36
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,682
The monks' philosophy is simple.
37
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:35,686
Take every item you own and ask:
does it still bring me joy?
38
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,855
If yes, then you keep it.
39
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,624
If not, you thank it
for its service
40
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,192
and throw it away.
HOMER: Boring!
41
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,461
Does this beverage coaster
give me joy?
42
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,696
Not anymore.
(grunts)
43
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,699
Not my "Oh, crap, I'm 50"
coaster!
44
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:51,702
You're not 50, and I don't
like the word "crap."
45
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,804
And I worry you drink
too much beer.
46
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,606
But the rest
of it's good, right?
47
00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:57,175
That's all there is to it.
48
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,377
Marge, before you go cuckoo
with cleanliness
49
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,613
and throw everything out,
think of the kids.
50
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,282
The kids working
in overseas factories
51
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,284
to make this crap.
52
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,985
It's time
for it to go.
53
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,288
Coaster, thank you
for your service.
54
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,023
Nyeh!
No one ever
thanked me
55
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,624
when I was in
the service.
56
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:15,626
All I got was a
pack of cigarettes
57
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,528
and a college
education!
58
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,163
Speaking
of college education...
59
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:21,332
Meeting adjourned!
Oh, man.
60
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:22,366
BART:
Let's see.
61
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,501
Car door handles,
62
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,136
a telescope and a hose.
63
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,371
Did this junk bring me joy?
64
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,482
Why did I wear
Mother's blouse today?
65
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,987
(muffled clinking)
66
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:46,224
Ha-ha-ho!
Thank you, Galileo.
67
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,193
Good-bye, Businesswoman
Malibu Stacy,
68
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:51,062
Plus-Size Malibu Stacy,
69
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,164
and Nongender-Normative
Malibu Stacy.
70
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,534
Your attempts to enter the 21st
century brought joy to no one.
71
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,536
Are they worth anything?
72
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:00,938
Oh, I'm afraid not, no.
73
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,340
Take 'em.
74
00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,243
Aha!
75
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:09,080
All right, because up until now
I've been such a great guy.
76
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,215
You don't want to get rid
of this fake barf?
77
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:12,683
Still gives me joy.
78
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,119
This pencil sharpener
shaped like a nose?
79
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:18,055
That's what it is?
Now I like it even more!
80
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:20,758
Is there anything
you want to get rid of?
81
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,693
Hmm, let's see.
82
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,061
Joy, joy, joy,
83
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,363
joy, joy, joy, joy...
84
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,764
Milhouse, get
out of the way.
85
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,366
Joy, joy, joy, joy, joy,
86
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,268
and Lisa's only "B."
Super joy.
87
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,436
Huh! It's in phys ed!
88
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:35,139
I don't want to alarm you,
but grade point average:
89
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,276
3.999999999...
90
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,311
(screaming)
91
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:42,613
(humming happily)
92
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:51,155
Listen, Marge, you've had me
throw a lot of things away
93
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,990
that I really loved.
94
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:56,560
At long last, I'm Mr. Plow!
95
00:04:56,562 --> 00:05:00,298
I was thinking we might
want to save my 2014
Joke-A-Day calendar,
96
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,800
'cause the calendar's the same
in the year 2031,
97
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,002
and we're really gonna need
some laughs then
98
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,771
after World War China.
99
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,906
There is one thing of yours
100
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:11,642
that's not giving us
much joy anymore.
101
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,311
(quietly): You know
what's not giving me joy
102
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,445
is that Japanese book.
103
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,646
What'd you say?
Nothing.
104
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:19,016
What I'm talking
about is... Plopper.
105
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,818
(gasps)
Spider-Pig?
106
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:25,489
♪ Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig ♪
107
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,358
♪ Does whatever ♪
108
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,193
♪ A Spider-Pig does... ♪
109
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,295
We've had him
since you found him,
110
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:34,031
but I'm the only one
who takes care of him.
111
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:37,535
How hard can it be
to clean up after a pig?
112
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,471
(grunts)
113
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,206
Okay, okay, I hear you, Marge.
114
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,281
Look, I'm the only one
who feeds him, cleans him,
and maintains his wallow.
115
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,216
I am grateful beyond words.
116
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,719
I bet you didn't even know
it was called a wallow.
117
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:57,521
I certainly did!
Then tell me what
it's called.
118
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:58,823
What what was called?
119
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,124
The word I just said.
120
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,792
Marge, I don't know
what the word is.
121
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,894
Let's not wallow
in this all day.
122
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:05,563
(groans) Please,
just promise
123
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:08,165
you'll find him a
new place to live.
124
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,167
(Plopper grunting)
125
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,502
(chuckles):
Aw, ha-ha-ha.
126
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,704
That's a Christmas card!
127
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,539
(grunting, squealing)
128
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,541
The music of our lives.
129
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,810
If you don't find
a home for that pig,
130
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:22,380
I'm going to withhold...
No, whatever you're
going to withhold--
131
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,914
anything but that!
132
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:25,583
I'll find him a home!
133
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,388
Boy, I really don't want
to get rid of the pig.
134
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,989
Can you talk
to your mother?
135
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,991
We have a pig?
Oh, it's hopeless.
136
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,559
You know, I love
this animal,
137
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,629
so I'm gonna be very
selective with his new owner.
138
00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:43,434
Okay. World's best pig,
139
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,835
Non-smoker only.
140
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:47,905
By which I mean he can't end up
in your smoker.
141
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,374
(electronic ding)
142
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,276
Wow, I've already
got a taker.
143
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:55,780
Well, I'm sure he's a
nice, reputable guy.
144
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:59,383
(rock music playing)
145
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,619
Hello there.
146
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,521
Are you here for my pig?
147
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,357
I might be.
I have to make sure the bacon
148
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,559
is worth the takin'.
You better not eat him!
149
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,295
I have to talk to him
every night on the phone.
150
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,898
We have a code word.
Um, is it "oink"?
151
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,933
Damn it! I'm not
giving him to you!
152
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,570
You make guys with
a windowless van look bad!
153
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,205
Need a ride?
154
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:22,440
Sure.
155
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,844
Hey, how you doing?
156
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,548
(rock music playing)
HOMER:
So, what do you do?
157
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,917
Oh my God!
158
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,718
(Plopper squeals)
159
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,654
A decluttered life
is a happy life.
160
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,923
A decluttered life is
a happy life.
161
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,891
A decluttered life is a h...
(gasps)
162
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:43,160
Joyce Carol Oates!
163
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,962
(gasps)
Oh, no!
164
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,164
I threw out my autograph book!
165
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,233
Are you nuts?
You had Dean Cain!
166
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:51,969
I know I had Dean Cain!
167
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,238
Dad, maybe
she'll sign a menu.
168
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,843
Books and checks--
that's all I sign.
169
00:08:01,113 --> 00:08:02,780
What are you doin'?
170
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:05,983
You keep-a that unsliced
prosciutto outside
my restaurant!
171
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,486
Wait. How come he
can bring a dog in,
172
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,455
but my pig has to stay outside,
like a common snowman?
173
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:14,825
Because that-a dog
is a therapy animal.
174
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:18,295
He's-a licensed to help calm
those with anxiety.
175
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:21,465
Don't lick my face--
the makeup's lead-based.
176
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:25,469
But for calming down,
I prefer my mama's methods.
177
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,104
Shut up!
178
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:30,007
She don't even-a work here.
179
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,510
So if I get that
anxiety diagnosis,
180
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,545
Plopper could
follow me anywhere.
181
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,280
He could live in my office!
182
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,682
Hey, what are
the symptoms of anxiety?
183
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,452
Oh, no, don't try that, Dad.
You might get into trouble.
184
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,888
Just the thought of it
is making me sweat.
185
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,823
And my heart is palpitating.
186
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,691
Lisa, honey,
Daddy will help you,
187
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,694
right after you tell me
the symptoms of anxiety.
188
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,464
(gasping):
You're... looking at them!
189
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,233
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
190
00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:58,068
It's okay.
It's... I know.
191
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,837
I'm better now.
It's gonna be okay.
192
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:02,039
It's okay. I'm better now.
All right, calm down.
193
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,707
Ooh. Heart's racing
like a rabbit.
194
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,576
I have to sit down.
195
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,144
Oh, isn't that-a sweet?
196
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:11,015
All the little children
have-a the adult anxiety now.
197
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,350
Uh, yeah, I'm really
anxious, Doc.
198
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:16,353
I'm not sleeping at night,
I'm not sleeping at work...
199
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:18,489
Okay, okay, I get it.
200
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,225
Here's your prescription
for medicinal marijuana.
201
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,593
I don't want weed!
202
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,229
I'd like a letter
for a therapy animal
203
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,431
of the pig persuasion.
204
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,567
Oh, you fakers disgust me!
205
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,835
Get out! You're
harshing my clinic.
206
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:34,004
How many opioids
would you like?
207
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,839
I don't want any!
208
00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:39,043
Oh, come on, you've got to
be dependent on something.
209
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:42,413
I just want a prescription
for a therapy pig.
210
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,382
Fine. Plus five opioids.
211
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,618
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco.
212
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,920
And one for the doctor.
213
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,490
Ah, ha.
214
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,626
Gee, I didn't realize
215
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,061
you had gone this far.
216
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,697
A great musician only
needs her instrument.
217
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:02,600
And underwear-- 'cause
this dress is mighty short.
218
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,602
Time for a riff of joy.
219
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,937
(playing mournful melody)
220
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:13,310
Uh? Holding this, I feel
only hours of tedious practice.
221
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,212
Where is the joy?
222
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,715
(playing mournful melody)
223
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,456
That was beautiful, honey!
224
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,757
No, it wasn't.
225
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,826
I finally feel about my sax...
226
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,928
the way you all do.
227
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,797
(long, deep gasp)
228
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,166
(long, squealing gasp)
229
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,504
Okay, Plopper, I'm going
to the little pigs' room.
230
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:42,006
Can you cover for me?
231
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:45,643
Good, good. Not that
many mistakes at all.
232
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,344
(alarm blaring)
233
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:48,979
(alarm stops)
234
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:55,319
Okay, is that Homer or a pig
that looks just like him?
235
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,021
(snorting, squealing)
236
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,623
Sounds like Homer,
but smells like truffles.
237
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:02,426
Toss in a bag
of chips.
238
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:05,195
(snorting, squealing)
239
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:06,997
Yep, that's Homer.
240
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,533
Who's Homer?
The pig behind
the desk.
241
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:11,802
To a less secure man,
being mistaken for a pig
242
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,270
would be a wakeup call.
243
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:16,273
This is great. All I had
to do was say I'm crazy
244
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,810
on my permanent record, and
I get to bring a pig to work.
245
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:21,612
Yeah, they are
pretty lax here.
That's right.
246
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,280
I got turned down by
McDonald's, but, here,
247
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,482
they paid me the whole
year I was in jail.
248
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,651
You said you were
getting rid of him.
249
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,454
Marge, I'll take him to work
and to Moe's.
250
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,623
He'll be like me--
you'll barely see him.
251
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,259
(sighs)
Fine.
252
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,629
(clinking)
253
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,365
This is so hard
for me to say,
254
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,568
but my saxophone no
longer gives me joy.
255
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,570
I am giving
it away.
256
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:49,573
Aw, that is
really, really sad.
257
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:52,376
Wow, you understand
how I feel.
258
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,645
Yes, because I feel
about my pig
259
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,681
the way you used to feel
about your honk-a-ma-flute.
260
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,683
Okay, back
to what really matters.
261
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,319
So, I get the ball
and I pivot to first...
262
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:04,588
(grunts) Ooh! Oh...
Oh, my God! (stammers)
263
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:07,391
I'm so sorry, Dad!
Accidents happen.
264
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:11,195
Wow, Homie. Spilled gravy
265
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:14,398
is one of your top three
strangulation triggers.
266
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,100
I could never strangle
a boy...
267
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:18,402
in front of the pig.
268
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:21,672
Huh. I think he really has
become a support animal for you.
269
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:25,375
He's totally changed
the way I look at animals.
270
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,244
Pass the pork chops.
271
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:35,285
(chuckles)
Everybody's looking at us.
272
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:38,822
It's like bringing
Elizabeth Taylor to the Oscars.
273
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:41,692
(sighs)
274
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,694
Can I pet your pig?
275
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:46,363
Of course!
You can all pet him!
276
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,601
Kiss both ends.
Homie, those kids' hands
277
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,603
are covered
in barbeque sauce.
278
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:56,206
I know someone who's gonna
get a sink bath tonight.
279
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,842
(children laughing)
280
00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:05,783
(barking)
281
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,850
(growls)
282
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,356
(barking)
283
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,458
No! Get away from him!
284
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,126
I'll spray you!
Dad, no!
285
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,761
That's a snake
from the petting zoo!
286
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:19,763
(hissing)
(gasps)
287
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,665
(screaming)
(gasps)
288
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,134
(barking)
289
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,737
(growling)
290
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,308
(panting)
Oh, my God!
291
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,310
Oh, my God!
(panting)
292
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,445
I can't breathe.
Chest pounding.
293
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:38,749
What's happening to me?!
You're having
an anxiety attack.
294
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,983
There really is such a thing?!
295
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,524
Oh, the dogs contused
his baby back ribs.
296
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:50,460
Of course, there
is the luau option.
297
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:52,863
I will not subject
him to something
298
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,832
that has three
vowels in a row.
299
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,334
Uh, sir, I'm kind of worried
about a lawsuit.
300
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,037
Our Lloyd's of London policy
excludes the hounds.
301
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,539
Ooh! Damn that Lloyd.
He's borne a grudge
302
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,008
ever since I took his girl
to see Lunardi's balloon.
303
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,343
What are you talking about?
304
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,445
I'm not sure myself.
305
00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:10,614
But don't worry, I'll have
your swine taken care of
306
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,817
right here in the finest
sanatorium money can buy.
307
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,786
HOMER:
What the...
308
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,988
Maybe he should go
to an animal hospital.
309
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,057
Oh, we'll take good care
of Spider-Pig.
310
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,059
(gasps)
You know his secret identity?
311
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,061
Mm-hmm. And your son
is El Barto.
312
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,563
These things are very easy
to figure out.
313
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:28,832
We'll take good care of him!
314
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,367
I'm worried, Marge.
315
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,035
His tail is all curly.
316
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,871
It's always
been curly.
317
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,173
No, you're thinking of Bart
when he was a baby.
318
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,575
But this is no time to argue.
319
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:42,479
He'll be fine. This place seems
even nicer than the Mayo Clinic.
320
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:45,048
Mayo Clinic, eh?
321
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:49,052
Should we slice him diagonally
or just cut off the crust?
322
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,488
Who cares?
It's hopeless.
You fools.
323
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,057
I'll save him like I've saved
a million lunches!
324
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,859
(pop)
325
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:58,462
(screaming)
326
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:04,568
(exhales)
It gets harder every time.
327
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,270
Mmm.
328
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,072
You were imagining a clinic
full of mayonnaise doctors,
329
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,175
weren't you?
Some were just interns.
330
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:14,177
Whoa!
331
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:15,712
What happened
to your stuff?
332
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,282
Gave it all away.
Nothing brings me joy.
333
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,517
Lis, for what it's worth,
there was a time
334
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:23,086
I thought my life
was horrible, too.
Really?
335
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,522
Basically,
it was when you were born.
336
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,891
(scoffs) Thanks.
I'm all cheered up.
337
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,559
But I got over it.
338
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,862
And your older, smarter brother
is going to help you.
339
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,397
Let's put our
heads together.
340
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:34,898
(clicking like gears)
341
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:38,001
Wow. This actually is
making me smarter.
342
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,038
And next week,
we will have the MRT,
343
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,040
Mandatory Required Test.
344
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:48,045
Students must bring two pencils
and a quiet lunch.
345
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,447
BART: This is WJZZ,
Springfield Elementary's
346
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,549
pirate jazz station.
347
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:55,619
Good Lord, how is
he overpowering my P.A. system?
348
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,821
We are preempting these lame-o
school announcements
349
00:15:57,823 --> 00:16:00,223
with an original composition
from Lisa Simpson.
350
00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:02,492
Warning, this may cancel math.
351
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,127
(cheering)
352
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:08,799
(jazz playing)
353
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,741
It sounds like
how paste tastes.
354
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:19,776
♪ ♪
355
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:21,912
You did it, Bart!
356
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,580
You brought back my joy.
357
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,116
(grunts)
(grunts)
Hey!
358
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:28,685
I wouldn't have done it if I
knew there was a hug at the end.
359
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,121
(grunting)
Hold that thought.
360
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,924
School is canceled
for the rest of the day.
361
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,360
I do have a lot of errands
to run.
362
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,098
There. Good as new.
363
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,799
I also took the liberty
of putting
364
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:46,036
a pop-up thermometer
in him, just in case.
365
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:49,473
Excellent. Now, Doctor,
the matter of your bill...
366
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,875
It's on me.
I always enjoy the chance
367
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,877
to get my hands
inside a pig.
368
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:56,146
Good day.
369
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,015
(dreamy waltz playing)
370
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,985
Oh, my God.
371
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:03,787
This reminds me
of a golden moment
372
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,989
with my beloved,
ruthless papa.
373
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,692
♪ ♪
374
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:17,367
Yale wins!
And only three killed!
375
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,870
From this day hence,
this beautiful creature
376
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,039
will be my faithful companion.
377
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,808
I-I thought I was your
faithful companion.
378
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,477
A man can have
two faithful companions.
379
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:30,013
But one
is always his favorite.
380
00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:32,649
("Gertrude's Dream Waltz"
by Beethoven playing)
381
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:41,324
(doorbell ringing)
382
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,727
You've stolen my
therapy animal.
383
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,730
Now I have to control
my own emotions.
384
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,166
Well, he's still too ill
to travel.
385
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:52,135
(classical music playing)
386
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,947
Now what's wrong?
387
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,750
My joy's returned,
but my sax is gone.
388
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,419
(sniffles) I just
want my passion back.
389
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,055
Come with me.
Is it related?
390
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,356
Yes.
391
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:15,225
(dog howls)
392
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:17,194
The Japanese may have tidiness,
393
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:20,230
but, in America, we
have storage lockers,
394
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,632
our only growth industry.
395
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,000
Look.
396
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,437
Oh, my God!
You kept all our stuff!
397
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,773
Well, I couldn't
throw anything out.
398
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:33,210
I wanted to be tidy,
but I could only shift.
399
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,745
(chuckles)
Hello, old friend!
400
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:37,814
(playing jazzy tune)
401
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,552
Hey! Could you keep it down?
402
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,955
Some of us are trying
to throw a wedding in here!
403
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,591
Go ahead, Reverend.
Start at "Dearly beloved."
404
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,893
♪ ♪
405
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,198
(lock clicking)
406
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:01,338
(light tapping)
407
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:06,676
(quietly): Plopper, meet
me at the side door,
408
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:10,313
the one on the east wing
by the greenhouse.
409
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:14,117
Take the elevator to Floor 2-R.
410
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,653
Not 2. 2-R.
411
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,255
That'll put you
in the map room.
412
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,290
Take the second
set of stairs.
413
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:23,360
Repeat, second
set of stairs...
414
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,796
Well, finally.
415
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,165
(barking)
416
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,166
Ah!
417
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,368
Heel!
418
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:36,173
I, uh, know what it's like
to have true love thwarted.
419
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,209
(groans) Just take
your pig and go
420
00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,011
before the old man
realizes what's what.
421
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,346
What's what?
Go!
422
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:49,152
♪ And I... ♪
423
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:53,390
♪ Will always love you ♪
424
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:57,394
♪ I will always ♪
425
00:19:57,396 --> 00:20:00,163
♪ Love you ♪
426
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:05,035
♪ I will always ♪
427
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,037
♪ Love you ♪
428
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,341
♪ I will always ♪
429
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:16,846
♪ Love you... ♪
430
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,982
Marge, he brings me joy.
431
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:21,585
And to keep him,
I'll give up beer.
432
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:22,986
Deal.
Uh-oh.
433
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,094
(E.R. theme playing)
434
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:48,044
Fruit?! What a nightmare!
435
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:56,052
("Gertrude's Dream Waltz"
by Beethoven playing)
436
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:58,121
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
437
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,261
(dreamy waltz playing)
438
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:35,392
(pig squeals quietly)