1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:05,337
(women vocalizing)
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,839
HOMER:
In my younger and more
vulnerable years,
3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,008
my father gave me some advice.
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,978
He said, "The laziest way
to tell a story
5
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,847
is through voice-over
narration."
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00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,950
With that in mind, I tell the
tale of the tragic collision
7
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,353
between the last tycoon
of the Jazz Age
8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,790
and the king
of a hip-hop empire.
9
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:25,991
It began with an old man
10
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,827
feeling like his best years
had passed him by.
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00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,462
(sighs)
12
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:31,797
You seem glum, sir.
13
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,265
How about a blood
transfusion?
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,000
We have some
new small batch,
15
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,268
single donor plasmas.
16
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,270
Mmm. Better make it
a double.
17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:42,741
My life used to be so lively,
so full of excitement.
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00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,645
WOMEN:
♪ Monty! ♪
19
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,281
Such shindigs I threw
at my summer estate.
20
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,616
In an age of shameful excess,
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00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,953
my parties were legendary
for their magnificent excess.
22
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:57,556
Fortunes were won and lost
at my tables.
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00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,958
Affairs were launched
on my dance floor
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00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,827
and consummated
on my floor-floor.
25
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,863
Sultans mingled
with Sultans of Swat.
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00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,565
MAN:
♪ Monty! ♪
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,999
(cheering)
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00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,469
And presiding over it all
was me,
29
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Monogram Monty Burns.
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(groans)
31
00:01:15,142 --> 00:01:16,208
Well...
32
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,911
what if we throw
a classic shindig
33
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,880
at your old summer place?
34
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,014
Why, yes.
35
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,716
A beachside bacchanal
36
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,518
just like the
Roaring Twenties.
37
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,887
That'll put the Cole
back in my Porter.
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00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,323
What fun.
39
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,091
Now, I have 45 close friends
40
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,227
who are all pretty amazing
party planners.
41
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,428
I'm not squandering money
42
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,897
on some chap to bring in
a photo booth.
43
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,066
I'll take care of
every detail myself.
44
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,167
Everything, sir?
45
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,102
Oh, fine. You can
fetch the ice.
46
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,004
Okay. How many bags?
47
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:48,907
Oh, no. None of those
pricey store-bought cubes.
48
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,109
Now, you head up
to Northern Canada
49
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,278
and get me a quarter
ton of lake ice.
50
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,514
Hand-sawn and
tong-carried.
51
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,516
Risk my life
in the arctic wilderness
52
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,050
just to bring you some ice.
53
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,219
It would be an honor.
54
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:03,622
Would you like it packed
in cedar sawdust or Spanish oak?
55
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,024
Oh, who cares?
Ice is ice.
56
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,126
It says Mega Stuf
on the package,
57
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,395
but these are Double Stuf
at best.
58
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,130
(licking)
What?
59
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,267
Send me a free tub of Stuf
and I'll shut down my Web site.
60
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:16,968
Mmm.
61
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,538
Simpson,
you seem fairly popular,
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00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,973
at least based on the cheers you
got at employee karaoke night.
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00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,110
It's not me, it's
"Mustang Sally."
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00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,878
Mr. Burns is throwing
a little party,
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00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,615
and most of his invitees
are either dead or fictional.
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00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,384
Uh, to, uh, well,
fill out the crowd,
67
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,619
uh, perhaps you could, uh,
distribute these invitations
68
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:37,055
to your more, uh,
presentable friends.
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00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,558
I know just who to invite.
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00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,226
You're not invited.
To what?
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00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,162
None of your business!
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00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,964
All right.
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00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,966
MARGE: "Your esteemed presence
is requested
74
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,435
"for an evening of
madcap magic and mischief
75
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,171
at Monty Burns'
Middle Hampton estate."
76
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,141
The card stock is so thick.
77
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,977
Bart, get in here
and feel this stock.
78
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,013
Oh, man, that's heavy.
79
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,448
The Springfield Hamptons?
80
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,116
That's on Lengthy Island,
81
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,819
where rich people hang out
on summer weekends.
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00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:11,990
I know all about it from
cartoons in literary magazines.
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00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,659
HOMER:
I'm not reading all that.
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00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:16,862
Well, now to select
the perfect guest list
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00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:20,632
of our city's sharpest wits
and glittering socialites.
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00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,701
(car alarms blaring,
Homer whistling)
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Boy oh boy, a '20s shindig
at Old Man Burnsie's.
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00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,879
Probably gonna be
bathtubs full of shrimp
89
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,714
and Jacuzzis
full of brisket.
90
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,984
Maybe I'll meet a rich bachelor
who will sweep me off my feet.
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00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,886
How do I smell?
(sniffs)
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00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:44,055
Like a wood fire put out
by dumping coffee on it.
93
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,891
Oh! Perfect.
94
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,992
Hey, everyone, hey!
95
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I'm off-duty, so please
96
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,029
don't feel weird doing drugs
in front of me.
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00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,864
Uh, or with me.
(chuckles)
98
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,900
I became a cop too young.
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00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,368
I never lived.
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00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,203
I didn't live.
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00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,038
HOMER: And so I entered
a world of wealth.
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00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,506
Where mansions
are called "cottages."
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And getting drunk on a boat
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00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,610
is called "sailing."
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(all gasping)
106
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,718
HOMER:
Get ready for fancy.
107
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,787
(indistinct chatter)
108
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,693
I don't see any magic.
109
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,562
And not a hint of mischief.
110
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,063
Off-brand Ritz cracker?
111
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,364
Salt pile?
112
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,033
Nothing in a blanket?
113
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,902
Dad, did Mr. Burns
cheap out?
114
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,270
That's impossible.
115
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He's the richest man in town.
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00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,541
If I had known
this was a cash bar,
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00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,678
I would've gotten
wasted beforehand!
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00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,346
At my sister's house!
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00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,883
(fanfare plays)
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00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,351
Welcome, honored guests.
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00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,720
Leave your inhibitions
at the door.
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00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,288
And write your name
on your drink cup,
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you will not receive a second.
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(muttering)
125
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:57,862
Now, dance the night away on
my vintage 1920s parquet floor.
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00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,464
The cleaning of which
is not cheap,
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00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,967
so be sure to don
your protective booties.
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00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,036
(Moe grunting)
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00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,706
SKINNER:
Look, Mr. Burns,
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00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,208
nobody loves a party with rules
more than I do.
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Even I'm baffled
by the toilet payment system.
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00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,946
Oh, it's simple, bring the chit
from the applicable restroom
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00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,615
to the purser...
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00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:19,384
You might've been fun
a hundred years ago, Burnsie,
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but now you're a cheap,
old lamewad.
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And trust me, I know cheap.
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That's right,
I bought a suit,
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Xeroxed it, returned it,
and wore the copy.
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(grunts)
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00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,595
(guests groaning)
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00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,231
Waste of my time.
Why is everyone leaving?
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00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,066
Of course, no ice.
143
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,968
Mm, that lazy Smithers
is probably
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00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,937
sipping hot buttered rum
in a ski chalet
145
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,839
overlooking Lake Louise.
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(grunting frantically)
147
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(growls)
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00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,580
Ah.
149
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,849
Uh-oh.
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00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,684
Aw.
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00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,686
(growls)
152
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,754
(brays)
(Smithers screams)
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00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,356
(crying)
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00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,961
Hey, Mr. Burns,
fun party.
155
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,630
No one felt any pressure
to talk or laugh
156
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,465
or stay past 7:30.
157
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,767
Super chill.
158
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,102
Oh, hush.
I'm a worn-out old miser
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00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,039
who's forgotten
the meaning of fun.
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00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,340
(gasps)
161
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,275
Great Gatsby!
162
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,977
What is that?
163
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,046
(music and indistinct chatter
in distance)
164
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,348
Someone else is having
a party across the bay.
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(chuckles)
Once I would've thought nothing
166
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,652
of rowing across the water
and crashing that party.
167
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,954
All doors would open
for Monogram Monty.
168
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,023
That was
a long time ago.
169
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,560
Aw, I'll row you over.
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00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,062
How hard could it be?
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00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,963
(Homer gasping for air)
172
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,231
Oh, so hard.
173
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,533
Would it help
if I whipped you?
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00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,901
Maybe.
175
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,235
Yeah, a little.
176
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,304
Yeah, yeah.
177
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,505
(grunting)
178
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,574
Yeah.
(grunting)
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00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,912
♪ ♪
180
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,049
Whoa, it's a white party.
181
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,085
Just the kind
I used to throw.
182
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,020
Although we interpreted
the theme a bit differently
183
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,555
in those days.
184
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,923
♪ Aah! ♪
185
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,559
♪ Got a whole lot of money,
got a whole lot of money... ♪
186
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,195
Mm, whoever is throwing
this magnificent to-do
187
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,664
knows how to
enjoy their wealth.
188
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,998
♪ Got a whole lot of money ♪
189
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,868
Ooh, excessive.
190
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,003
Tell me, where can I find
our host?
191
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,371
I haven't met him.
192
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,540
No one has ever met him.
193
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:23,908
He doesn't exist.
194
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,410
Oh, he's upstairs
in his office.
195
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:28,079
♪ ♪
196
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,750
Ooh.
197
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:35,019
Are you the host
of this incredible soiree?
198
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,122
I must tell you,
it's the most incandescent,
199
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,423
most dazzling...
200
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,091
My name is Jay G.
201
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,227
And nobody crashes my party.
202
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,963
Not even you nobodies.
203
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,297
(guns cock,
Homer and Burns gasp)
204
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,932
Let's go, Mr. Burns.
205
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,400
What did you say?
206
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,436
Mr. Burns and I
were just leaving.
207
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,406
Are you Montgomery Burns,
the despised billionaire?
208
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,642
Well, that's what
my cuff links say.
209
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:01,079
There's something I've wanted
to tell you for a long time,
210
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,081
you ruthless monster.
211
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,482
(whimpers)
212
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,651
I love you.
(gasps)
213
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,461
I can't believe I'm meeting
the Monty Burns.
214
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:18,296
How do you know me?
215
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:21,466
You're the dude who wrote
The Rungs of Ruthlessness.
216
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:24,269
(chuckles) Yes, back then
they'd give a book contract
217
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,806
to any CEO with a power tie
and a bonsai tree.
218
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,440
When I was a boy,
I found a copy
219
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,276
left on the seat of a bus
I stole.
220
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,846
And after I read it, I knew I'd
jacked my last courtesy shuttle.
221
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,415
Your book became my bible.
222
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,651
"Every empire
needs an emblem."
223
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,820
See? There you told me
to find a symbol
224
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,288
to represent my brand.
225
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:47,792
And there he is, the living logo
of Golden Goose Records,
226
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,828
Goosius.
(honks)
227
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:53,198
You make me believe I can fly.
228
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,099
Goosius is on everything
229
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,835
from my cognac-flavored vodka
230
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,704
to the brake pads
I coproduced with Lil Wayne.
231
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,976
Aw, he eats
the same way I do,
232
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,678
without swallowing.
233
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,948
You've flown south for
the winter with my heart.
234
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,049
(honks)
Ow!
235
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:14,052
I hope this bite
never heals.
236
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,854
When I wrote an advice book,
I never dreamed
237
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,388
it would help anyone.
238
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,592
Everything I am
I owe to you.
239
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,161
And a little bit
to Baz Luhrmann.
240
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,997
♪ When I was born,
our cupboards were barren ♪
241
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,666
♪ Now I'm inside
of a blue McLaren ♪
242
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:29,667
♪ Blue McLaren? ♪
243
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:30,869
♪ They all be starin' 'cause ♪
244
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:31,836
♪ He's a hip-hop Vanderbilt ♪
245
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,204
♪ I'm so established ♪
246
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,973
♪ My life is fabulous ♪
♪ Sugar trust. ♪
247
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,041
♪ ♪
248
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:42,347
This. This is what I thought
I'd never have again.
249
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,482
Well, then good news, Monty.
250
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,951
This is your party.
251
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,091
HOMER: And so was forged the
most unlikely of friendships.
252
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,260
A man who discovered Rick Ross
253
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,263
and a man who dated Betsy Ross.
254
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,399
The next day, my family
explored Middle Hampton.
255
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,201
A wonderland of boutiques
256
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,836
paid for by rich husbands
257
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,005
wanting to keep
their wives busy.
258
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,740
Mainly second wives.
259
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:12,176
WOMEN:
♪ Hampton, ah, Hampton. ♪
260
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,846
What kind of crazy flavors
are these?
261
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,347
Quince jelly and pepper?
262
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,682
Market greens?
263
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:18,917
Bone broth brittle?
264
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,752
I don't know
what this place hates more,
265
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,086
kids or ice cream.
266
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,522
Really, man, a 3 Series?
267
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,790
I mean, what is he?
268
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,125
A sophomore at Exeter?
269
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,394
Yeah, one cup of salted caramel.
270
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,297
Woo-woo-woo,
scoop with the stripe, stupid.
271
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,598
(chuckling):
I mean...
272
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,266
That kid just cut in line.
273
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,068
Are you gonna
let him do that?
274
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,903
That's Blake Black.
275
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,471
His dad runs
BlackLake Investments.
276
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,773
So?
277
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,741
Richest dad rules?
278
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:44,976
Everyone knows that.
279
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,711
Well, I don't.
280
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:47,779
Don't misunderstand me,
281
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,581
Mats Wilander may
have been a decent player,
282
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,952
but until his inglés gets
just a little bit better,
283
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,486
he can coach
somebody else.
284
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,587
Pardon me a second.
285
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,589
What is it,
head points, what?
286
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,391
Just because your
father has money
287
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,226
doesn't mean
you can cut.
288
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,829
Hmm, it kind of
looks like it does.
289
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:05,997
All right,
I'll tell you what:
290
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,432
because I am
a nice guy,
291
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,168
I am going to pay
for everyone's cones.
292
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,770
Is that okay?
Does that make it okay?
293
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,005
Yeah!
Yes!
294
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,073
No!
295
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,774
I would never accept ice cream
296
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,944
from someone whose manners
are in the bottom one percent!
297
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,279
(gasping)
298
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,714
Boom.
299
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,149
So, hey, hi.
300
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,651
Are you going to the Allens'
301
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,019
hot-dog-and-horseshoes
thing later?
302
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,020
No.
303
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,122
The Forstmans'
firefly thing?
304
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,123
No.
305
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,992
The Olins'
jellyfish fry thing?
306
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,594
I'm not going to
any things at all!
307
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:39,998
But I want to,
um, hang out.
308
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,532
What? Why?
309
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,601
I've never met anyone
like you before.
310
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,970
Anyone with, you know,
I don't know, um,
311
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,205
morals.
312
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,639
Oh.
(giggles)
313
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,842
Well, I guess it is
a little judgy of me
314
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,778
to be completely
disgusted by you.
315
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:56,047
Great, I'll set something up.
Erin, are you on?
316
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,017
Okay, I need to bail on
the Kravises' freeze tag thing.
317
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,852
No, I know,
I have to.
318
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,720
Send the big basket.
319
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,055
What's wrong, honey?
320
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,790
Lisa's got
a rich boyfriend,
321
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,126
Dad's hanging out
with a hip-hop super producer,
322
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,694
and I'm stuck window-shopping
323
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:12,497
with you two fun-sucking
stink buckets.
324
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,731
It's not fair!
325
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,533
Life's not fair, kid.
326
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:16,734
Do I know you?
327
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,003
If life was fair,
you would know me.
328
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,672
But know this:
Jay G ain't all that.
329
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:22,540
What do you mean?
330
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,208
Buy a candle
and I'll tell you.
331
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,710
What's your
cheapest one?
332
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,245
$55.
333
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,748
No way. I could start a fire
in the woods for nothing.
334
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,751
HOMER: So Bart met someone
who I think comes back later.
335
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,420
I forget why.
336
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,523
Hmm. Who would have thought
two billionaire Republicans
337
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,092
from such different backgrounds
could end up as chums?
338
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,328
Is not green a more powerful
color than black or white?
339
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,331
The Lord picks a select few
to accumulate more money
340
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,733
than anyone else.
341
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,035
You and I bear that
sacred avarice.
342
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:54,105
Each of my enterprises
has its own G6.
343
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,740
What's that one?
344
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,942
That's for my...
(chuckles)
345
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,844
personal horticulturalist.
346
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,579
(chuckling):
You know what I'm sayin'?
347
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,014
I don't.
348
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,892
You seem to
get so much joy
349
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,961
out of your money.
I envy you.
350
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,297
You've given me so much, Monty.
351
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:23,101
Let me give you something back:
the freedom to live large.
352
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,938
A charge plate?
353
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:30,041
I've never had one of those
newfangled swipe-a-ma-jigs.
354
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,211
It's an Obsidian Card,
the most exclusive.
355
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,047
No spending limit,
no store has ever heard of it.
356
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,982
But they have to accept it.
357
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,518
Take it
if you want to roll like G.
358
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:43,921
Don't forget
to sign it.
359
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,123
Oh, right.
360
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,992
No, no, not a felt-tip.
Oh! It'll smudge.
361
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,794
Okay, quick, blow on
it to dry the ink.
362
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:53,030
(both blowing)
363
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,237
Blake, I have to say,
this whale watch
364
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,106
was a very
thoughtful idea.
365
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:05,743
(gasps)
Oh, it's a whole family.
366
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,411
But they're so far away.
367
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:10,281
Far? Babe, when you
whale watch with me,
368
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,849
you sit pod-side.
369
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,352
Fellas!
What can we do here?
370
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:19,123
This way, the whales know
we are VIPs.
371
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:20,858
Um, where's the baby?
372
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,959
There's supposed
to be a baby.
373
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,694
I paid for a calf.
374
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,863
Does that mean anything?
375
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:29,200
Whale-copters?
VIP pod-view?
376
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,868
This is awful!
377
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,604
Well, if we went
on some lame econo-watch,
378
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,673
we might not see
blowhole one.
379
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,008
I mean,
what are you saying?
380
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,209
Are you hearing
yourself?
381
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,811
Blake, I really believed
you could change.
382
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:43,648
And you did, you became
even more horrible.
383
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,784
(singing)
384
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,719
(grunts)
385
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,055
These aren't VIP emotions.
386
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,123
This is worse than the time
387
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,692
I had to eat
grocery store sushi.
388
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,528
The shiso leaf was plastic!
389
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,030
(crying):
It was plastic!
390
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,699
JAY:
You got to buy it,
M.B., it's fate.
391
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,504
Oh, I don't know.
392
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,307
$100,000 feels like
a lot of money.
393
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,975
You've got to
splash the cash,
394
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,077
fling the bling,
spill them bills.
395
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,813
It don't matter, just
splatter the batter.
396
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:18,049
Splash the cash.
397
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,450
(grunting)
398
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:24,589
Monogram Monty is back!
399
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,357
♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪
400
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,858
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
401
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,260
♪ What you want? ♪
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
402
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,761
♪ I got ♪
♪ A who-whole lot of money ♪
403
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,762
(honks)
♪ How much? ♪
404
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,064
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
405
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,098
♪ Whole lot ♪
406
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,399
♪ What's up? ♪
♪ Over here ♪
407
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:36,400
♪ What's up? ♪
♪ Over there ♪
408
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:39,237
(bell clangs)
409
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,238
(hoofbeats)
410
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,340
♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪
411
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,874
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
412
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,509
♪ What you want? ♪
♪ A whole lot of money ♪
413
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,712
♪ I got it ♪
414
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,247
(honking)
♪ When the night come on ♪
415
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,450
♪ I already know
what time it is ♪
416
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,684
♪ She gon' drop. ♪
417
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,355
Now, what are you generous folks
willing to pay
418
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,757
for a basketball lesson
with Charles Barkley?
419
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:00,758
$10,000.
420
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,059
$20,000.
$30,000.
421
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:03,427
Do I hear $50,000?
422
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:06,063
$1 million.
(whoops)
423
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:08,766
M.B., if you could only
feel what I feel right now...
424
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,769
$1 million, going once,
going twice...
425
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:12,970
$10 million!
426
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,971
(crowd gasps)
427
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:14,872
Sold!
428
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,807
I just spent more
money than I know
429
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,409
on something I
don't even want.
430
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,778
And it's the greatest
feeling I've ever had!
431
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,981
(grunts weakly)
432
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,383
Still better than Shaq.
433
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,256
HOMER: Mr. Burns was living
the high life,
434
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:35,660
splurging on every luxury,
even the ultimate indulgence--
435
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,829
useless hangers-on like me.
436
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,600
Noice.
437
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,903
To think, all the years
I wasted without a posse.
438
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,605
Good-bye, loneliness.
439
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:48,939
We get all this stuff
440
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,008
just for letting Mr. Burns
beat us in mini golf.
441
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,476
(chuckling):
What a deal!
442
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,145
My whole job is to not
make eye contact with him.
443
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,084
I thought I'd get tired
of window-shopping
444
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:03,254
in this fancy little town,
but it ain't happening.
445
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,524
A chessboard
where the pieces are lipsticks!
446
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,525
(gasps)
447
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,592
(groans)
448
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,763
(gasps)
A horse show!
449
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,467
(gasps)
A protest!
450
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,035
Huh?
451
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,538
Blake, is that you?
452
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,039
What happened to
your privilege?
453
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,274
I checked it.
454
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,275
(gasps)
455
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,843
Lisa, when you rejected me,
456
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,546
I knew I had to do
whatever it took
457
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,880
to become
worthy of you.
458
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,150
This now runs
on solar power and falafel.
459
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:35,286
Now, that's sustainable!
460
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,555
I've dedicated
my entire allowance
461
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,890
to Trustafarians
for Horse Justice.
462
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,159
Here's an upside down bucket
for you to drum on.
463
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,161
Well, what girl
could say no
464
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:46,897
to a socially
conscious drum circle?
465
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,165
Yo, lamp dress,
466
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,335
I've got all access paddock
passes to the horse show.
467
00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:53,904
Check out these
sweet mane combs.
468
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,240
I can get you up
close to the horses
469
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,843
for primo
grooming time.
470
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,478
ALL:
Combing is murder!
471
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,580
Combing is murder!
472
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,749
Primo grooming time.
473
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,151
HOMER: The test of a
first-rate intelligence
474
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,353
is the ability
to hold two opposing ideas
475
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:11,155
in the mind at the same time
476
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:14,024
and still retain the ability
to function.
477
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:17,128
Horsey, horsey,
horsey, horsey, horsey!
478
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,401
For her, I gave up
what meant most to me:
479
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,236
being a douche.
480
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,945
Mr. Burns, your bill came
from the Obsidian Card.
481
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,914
Are you sure you're not
spending too much money?
482
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,549
Hush, you sound
like Smithers.
483
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,951
Where is that loafer
with my ice?
484
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:44,822
(Smithers grunting,
ringtone playing)
485
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,295
(ringing stops)
486
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:54,098
(groaning)
487
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,402
(horn honks)
Fill her up!
488
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,603
And make it snappy.
489
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,071
My best pal and I
are going shopping
490
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,407
for those yachts that have
little submarines in them.
491
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,609
Sir, your card
was declined.
492
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,911
(laughs)
Goulash!
493
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,078
Absolute goulash!
494
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,413
It's linked
to my bank account.
495
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,748
I'd have to be penniless
496
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,082
before that card
didn't work.
497
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,885
Well, then that means
you're broke.
498
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,053
Broke?
499
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,388
(chuckles anxiously)
Me?
500
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,657
Broke? Me?
501
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,826
Yes, I'm afraid I have
to destroy your card.
502
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,061
Good luck.
It's tempered titanium
503
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,130
and coated
with powdered diamond.
504
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,604
♪ I ain't got no money ♪
505
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,673
♪ I ain't got
no money. ♪
506
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,010
MOE:
Don't take it.
507
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,247
This car leased in someone
else's name is who I am!
508
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:46,617
My entire fortune,
spent and gone.
509
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,086
I splashed
all my cash.
510
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,988
Don't be so hard
on yourself.
511
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,823
It was your first
credit card.
512
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,926
And I handled it as well
as a freshman at Michigan State!
513
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:59,697
Mr. Burns, I think Jay wanted
you to bankrupt yourself.
514
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,831
Why would you say
such a thing?
515
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,667
It's number one
on the charts.
516
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:05,369
♪ ♪
517
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,937
♪ Used to be the man, Burns ♪
518
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,639
♪ Now you just a bad joke ♪
519
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,007
♪ Used to be about to die ♪
520
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,709
♪ Now you only dead broke ♪
521
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,210
♪ I gave you the card, Burns ♪
522
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,945
♪ And you spent your mind out ♪
523
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,514
♪ It was all a trap, yo ♪
524
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,048
♪ As you 'bout to find out ♪
525
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,851
Jay G is CEO of Obsidian!
526
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,821
Biotch!
(honks)
527
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,523
♪ Now your bank account
is withering ♪
528
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,124
♪ Your bottom lip is quivering ♪
529
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,859
♪ You're Hufflepuff,
I'm Slytherin ♪
530
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,394
♪ There's no one
doin' your Smitherin' ♪
531
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:31,896
♪ This is where
your money went ♪
532
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,631
♪ Evict you
from the one percent ♪
533
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,633
♪ Now watch me
as my fingers tent ♪
534
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,002
♪ 'Cause I own you,
it is excellent ♪
535
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,404
♪ Excellent ♪
536
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,841
♪ You're broke now ♪
537
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,576
♪ Your cash was
your passion ♪
538
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:49,914
♪ Now Jay
owns your ass, son. ♪
539
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,148
(honks)
540
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,852
If these rhymes
are to be believed,
541
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:57,888
Jay lured me into debt
and now he owns everything.
542
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,857
Even my beloved nuclear plant.
543
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,159
Our magical friendship
was a sham!
544
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,328
HOMER: The loneliest moment
in someone's life
545
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,864
is when they're watching
their whole world fall apart.
546
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:10,701
And all they can do
is stare blankly.
547
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,704
Oh, no, wait, he's crying now.
That's worse.
548
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,407
Now he's really sobbing heavy.
549
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:19,910
Oh, now he's gone to his knees
and he ripped his shirt open.
550
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:22,112
All of his buttons fell off
of his shirt.
551
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,181
Oh, now he's kicking his porch.
552
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:26,584
Oh, he hurt his foot
and he's hopping around.
553
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,285
Oh, he tripped over a dog.
554
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,854
(sobs)
555
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,556
That's way worse.
556
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:35,960
Montgomery Burns
had hit rock-bottom.
557
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,967
HOMER:
F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote,
558
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,902
"There are no second acts
in American lives."
559
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:47,071
But he never said anything
about second parts
560
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:49,206
in American TV shows.
561
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,041
I should've seen it all coming.
562
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,877
My eyes were clouded
by the cataracts of excess.
563
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,946
And by an excess of cataracts.
564
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:57,948
Wait. What happened to my posse?
565
00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:01,819
Don't you worry. A posse's
loyalty is forever.
566
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:04,488
Hey, Burnsie, I didn't get
any brand-new sneakers today.
567
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:07,124
I can't be wearing
two-day-old sneakers.
568
00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:08,759
Hey, if there's
no more money, we'll take
569
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:10,394
our personalized bowling balls,
570
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:12,963
fold-up bicycles, and go.
571
00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:16,400
(bicycles squeaking)
572
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:17,534
(sighs)
573
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:22,072
I'm here for my hounds.
574
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:23,974
(growling)
575
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:26,343
Huh! Preposterous.
I raised those hounds from pups.
576
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,312
I'm the only master
they've ever known.
577
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:30,814
One word from me
and they'll rip you apart.
578
00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:31,949
Commence ripping!
579
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:33,083
(snarling)
580
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,487
(sniffing)
581
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:39,490
(chuckles)
Dogs can smell power.
582
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:42,192
Sign this release legally
releasing the hounds.
583
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:45,362
If you don't, Mr. Jay G
will release the hounds.
584
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:51,301
Jay, I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.
585
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,937
We were going to open up a
money-losing winery together.
586
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:57,007
We can still hang out. Even
though our owners are fighting.
587
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:58,042
(honks)
588
00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,878
Not being bitten...
(cries)
589
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,913
hurts the most.
590
00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,451
(sighs) Everyone's gone.
Even Smithers never bothered
591
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:10,254
to return from Canada
with my lake ice.
592
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,958
(alarm ringtone plays)
593
00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:19,029
(grunting)
594
00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:21,098
(cracking)
595
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:29,973
Good Simpson. Faithful Simpson.
596
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,675
You would never go back
to the nuclear plant
597
00:23:31,677 --> 00:23:33,310
that was so cruelly
taken from me.
598
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:37,247
What does your heart say?
599
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:38,749
HOMER:
I looked deep into my heart,
600
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:39,917
and it said...
601
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,219
Uh... let me ask my wife.
602
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,354
I don't care if
Mr. Burns doesn't own
603
00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:48,025
the nuclear plant anymore.
You still have to work there.
604
00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:50,394
You have a wife, a family,
605
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:52,229
and a store to support.
606
00:23:52,231 --> 00:23:53,831
You're right, you're right.
607
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:55,365
Wait. A store?
608
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:56,700
I have a store.
609
00:23:56,702 --> 00:23:58,068
How did that happen?
610
00:23:58,070 --> 00:23:59,870
Well, you spend enough
time in the Hamptons
611
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,939
and you have any flair at all,
612
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,074
you just wind up with a store.
613
00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:06,877
WOMEN:
♪ What could possibly go wrong
with retail? ♪
614
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:09,847
Where should we put the
19th century doctor's kits?
615
00:24:09,849 --> 00:24:13,717
Ooh, ooh! In the window next
to the state-shaped erasers.
616
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:16,720
But I feel bad leaving
Mr. Burns. I'm all he's got.
617
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,056
Can't we live off the money
from your store?
618
00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:21,058
Oh, God, no!
619
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:23,560
Right now I'm still
building inventory.
620
00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:25,362
Luckily, the pincushion
store across the street
621
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:26,930
went out of business.
622
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:30,100
I just swooped right in
and bought up everything.
623
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:31,869
Okay.
624
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:33,137
HOMER: With my dear wife
losing her marbles,
625
00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:35,305
I had to turn my back
on poor, broken Burns
626
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:40,310
and go to work at, well, the
sexiest nuclear plant on Earth.
627
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,913
♪ Radioactive ♪
628
00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:44,548
♪ R-R-R-Radioactive ♪
629
00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:46,150
Homer Simpson?
630
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,152
Boss wants to see you.
631
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,087
♪ Booty like a power plant ♪
WOMAN: Hey, baby.
632
00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:51,989
♪ You're blowin' up my pants,
I like the way you dance ♪
633
00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:53,490
JAY:
Mixtape coming soon, ladies.
634
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,727
♪ J-J-J-Jay's got the power! ♪
635
00:24:56,729 --> 00:24:58,796
(music continues in distance)
636
00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:04,001
"Rung six. To ensure
an employee's loyalty,
637
00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,237
you must crush their attachments
to the past."
638
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:08,505
(honks)
(knocking on door)
639
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:11,008
You wanted to see me, Mr. G?
640
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,443
Relax, Homer, we're good.
When you entered my gates,
641
00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:16,613
I knew you'd turn your back
on Old Man Burns.
642
00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:18,015
And I respect that.
643
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:20,017
Yeah. I ditched him, all right.
644
00:25:20,019 --> 00:25:21,785
In his hour of need.
645
00:25:21,787 --> 00:25:23,020
But I feel good about it.
646
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:24,321
Really good.
647
00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:25,589
(honking)
648
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:26,990
Ow! Ow!
649
00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,793
Oh... I missed that.
650
00:25:29,795 --> 00:25:31,795
Because I know
you're so loyal to me,
651
00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:34,298
I have a very special job
for you.
652
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:36,433
Removing the last trace
of Monty Burns
653
00:25:36,435 --> 00:25:38,502
from the power plant he loves.
654
00:25:39,939 --> 00:25:40,904
(whimpers)
655
00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:52,516
(grunts)
656
00:25:52,518 --> 00:25:53,617
Don't look at me.
657
00:25:53,619 --> 00:25:55,352
Stop looking at me!
658
00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:56,887
(grunts)
659
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,256
You did good.
660
00:26:00,526 --> 00:26:02,926
Here's your reward.
661
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,962
(gasps)
662
00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:06,830
Cobbler.
663
00:26:06,832 --> 00:26:10,400
I've got a granny in Atlanta who
custom bakes them just for me.
664
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,736
Peach, berry, cherry,
665
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:14,004
rhubarb, pineapple.
666
00:26:14,006 --> 00:26:16,840
You can't cobbler pineapple.
667
00:26:16,842 --> 00:26:18,408
Yet here it is.
668
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,677
(crying)
669
00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:22,212
Homie, what's wrong?
670
00:26:22,214 --> 00:26:27,184
(crying): I've never seen
such beautiful cobbler.
671
00:26:27,186 --> 00:26:30,020
But there was a hole
in me that even a thousand pans
672
00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:31,655
of hot fruit couldn't fill.
673
00:26:31,657 --> 00:26:34,858
I had betrayed Mr. Burns
and felt sick about it.
674
00:26:34,860 --> 00:26:37,094
Searching for an open grave
in which to barf,
675
00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:39,196
I heard a horrible sound,
676
00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:41,398
which I was strangely drawn
towards.
677
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,035
BURNS (coughing):
♪ After the ball is over ♪
678
00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:48,071
♪ After the break of dawn ♪
679
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:51,074
♪ After the dancers' leaving ♪
680
00:26:51,076 --> 00:26:54,711
♪ After the stars are gone. ♪
681
00:26:54,713 --> 00:26:57,581
Mr. Burns, what are you doing
in this death hole?
682
00:26:57,583 --> 00:26:59,716
All I have left
is my family mausoleum.
683
00:26:59,718 --> 00:27:01,685
Would you like
a sip of grief soup?
684
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:03,954
I stewed it from flowers
left on graves.
685
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:06,089
I confess, I went back
to work at the plant.
686
00:27:06,091 --> 00:27:08,191
Jay G seduced me with cobbler.
687
00:27:08,193 --> 00:27:11,361
But after the eighth pan,
it tasted like ashes.
688
00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:13,263
Ice cream got me
through three more pans,
689
00:27:13,265 --> 00:27:14,965
but after that, ashes.
690
00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:17,801
Well, now you have to decide,
once and for all,
691
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:20,470
where your allegiance lies.
692
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,973
I'm not going back to that job.
693
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:25,776
I'm gonna stay here with you
and we're going to get even
694
00:27:25,778 --> 00:27:27,144
with Jay G.
695
00:27:27,146 --> 00:27:28,912
And as God is my witness,
696
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:32,115
I will not tell my wife
what I'm up to.
697
00:27:32,117 --> 00:27:33,984
Oh, that's good.
698
00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:40,390
BURNS:
Come on, Simpson.
699
00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:42,993
Give me more ideas
to get back at Jay G.
700
00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,895
Fill his office
with balloons?
Too soft.
701
00:27:44,897 --> 00:27:45,829
Fill his office
with scorpions?
702
00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:47,097
Eh, I'm having a fight
703
00:27:47,099 --> 00:27:48,332
with my scorpion guy.
704
00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:50,267
Oh, oh, oh. Banana
in his tailpipe.
705
00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:51,768
I can't afford a banana!
706
00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:53,003
(twig snaps)
707
00:27:53,005 --> 00:27:55,405
What's that? A spy! Grab him.
708
00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:56,807
Come here, spy.
709
00:27:56,809 --> 00:27:58,175
What are you doing here, boy?
710
00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,277
You're not dead. Are you?
711
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:02,980
I followed you. I got suspicious
when you came home last night
712
00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:04,581
covered in grave dirt.
713
00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:06,583
Be gone, urchin.
We have work to do.
714
00:28:06,585 --> 00:28:07,985
Wait, wait! He can help.
715
00:28:07,987 --> 00:28:10,988
No one's better
at nasty schemes than this kid.
716
00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:13,023
I mean, he's messed up.
717
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:16,593
Look at him. You got to figure
his family life's a disaster.
718
00:28:16,595 --> 00:28:18,495
Why should I help Burns
now that he's broke?
719
00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:20,464
I've got more money
than he does.
720
00:28:20,466 --> 00:28:22,532
Would the cape and gloves
721
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:24,835
of the infamous
Gaslight Strangler
722
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:27,604
change your mind?
723
00:28:27,606 --> 00:28:30,007
If you want to take down
a rapper, you got to destroy
724
00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:33,477
the thing that's most important
to him: his rep.
725
00:28:33,479 --> 00:28:37,014
(whispering):
Rep means reputation.
726
00:28:37,016 --> 00:28:39,483
To do that, we got to go
to the ultimate expert
727
00:28:39,485 --> 00:28:41,451
on urban culture.
728
00:28:41,453 --> 00:28:43,053
A white nerd.
729
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:45,455
So, in South Central
Springfield in the '90s,
730
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:47,391
there were four major
hip-hop sub-scenes.
731
00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,027
The Good Time Mafia,
Licorice Avenue,
732
00:28:50,029 --> 00:28:52,829
The Dirty, Dirty North,
and The FLTA.
733
00:28:52,831 --> 00:28:54,564
The Fine Ladies Thug Army.
734
00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,433
Fascinating.
735
00:28:57,903 --> 00:28:59,202
Yes, yes.
But do you have anything
736
00:28:59,204 --> 00:29:02,139
we can use
against my sworn enemy, Jay G?
737
00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:05,042
Before he was Jay G,
he was Jeremy Gilroy,
738
00:29:05,044 --> 00:29:07,477
a founding member
of The Five Boyfriends,
739
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:09,079
a soulful R&B quintet.
740
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,881
Hey, I know this guy.
741
00:29:10,883 --> 00:29:13,683
He tried to sell me
a $55 candle!
742
00:29:13,685 --> 00:29:16,353
That's Jazzy James,
the Lyrical Miracle.
743
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,422
He wrote all of
Jay's early hits.
744
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:19,856
But they had a falling out,
745
00:29:19,858 --> 00:29:22,259
and he was never
heard from again.
746
00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:24,428
Then only one man
can write the rap
747
00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:27,497
that will ruin the rep of Jay G.
748
00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:29,066
Jazzy James.
749
00:29:29,068 --> 00:29:31,268
HOMER: I told you this guy
would come back.
750
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:32,669
Told you.
751
00:29:32,671 --> 00:29:35,372
Yeah, I used to be
Jazzy James.
752
00:29:35,374 --> 00:29:37,174
The Lyrical Miracle?
753
00:29:37,176 --> 00:29:39,076
My skills were empirical.
754
00:29:39,078 --> 00:29:43,013
I wrote all the rhymes for
Jay G's first hip-hop record.
755
00:29:43,015 --> 00:29:46,683
I didn't get a dime, because
I signed over all the rights.
756
00:29:46,685 --> 00:29:47,884
Why'd you do that?
757
00:29:47,886 --> 00:29:48,885
(groans)
758
00:29:48,887 --> 00:29:49,886
All right, all right.
759
00:29:49,888 --> 00:29:51,188
I'll sign!
760
00:29:53,525 --> 00:29:55,926
He took my money,
stole my girl,
761
00:29:55,928 --> 00:29:59,930
made me get a tattoo of
the baseball from Major League.
762
00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:01,698
It broke me. I fell hard,
763
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,066
into scented candles.
764
00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:04,868
(inhales deeply)
765
00:30:04,870 --> 00:30:06,870
(exhales)
Quince.
766
00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:08,905
Listen, Jazzy.
We're gonna tear down Jay G
767
00:30:08,907 --> 00:30:10,874
with the ultimate revenge rap.
768
00:30:10,876 --> 00:30:12,075
And you're gonna write it.
769
00:30:12,077 --> 00:30:13,910
Oh...
(grunts)
770
00:30:13,912 --> 00:30:14,911
(glass shatters)
771
00:30:14,913 --> 00:30:16,146
I'm in.
772
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:17,647
Excellent.
773
00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:19,382
What is... rap?
774
00:30:19,384 --> 00:30:20,383
Hmm?
775
00:30:20,385 --> 00:30:21,785
Hmm.
776
00:30:21,787 --> 00:30:23,587
Quick, boy! Hide this thing.
777
00:30:23,589 --> 00:30:25,021
(Bart grunting)
778
00:30:26,892 --> 00:30:30,760
Homie, it's so sweet of you
to come visit me at my store.
779
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:33,763
But aren't you gonna get in
trouble for missing work?
780
00:30:33,765 --> 00:30:36,433
You let me worry
about the nuclear plant.
781
00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:38,068
The important thing
for you to do
782
00:30:38,070 --> 00:30:40,637
is believe I still work there.
783
00:30:40,639 --> 00:30:43,907
I can't wait to show you
the changes I've made.
784
00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:46,443
We're getting
a lot of foot traffic.
785
00:30:46,445 --> 00:30:48,945
Three people used
the bathroom yesterday.
786
00:30:48,947 --> 00:30:50,947
How much should I charge
for these handbags
787
00:30:50,949 --> 00:30:53,650
made from the speaker covers
of old jukeboxes?
788
00:30:53,652 --> 00:30:55,652
Five dollars.
No, no, no, no, no.
789
00:30:55,654 --> 00:30:58,121
A hundred dollars!
(gasps)
790
00:30:58,123 --> 00:31:00,690
It's happening.
It's happening.
791
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:03,360
I love my store!
792
00:31:03,362 --> 00:31:06,663
We're putting up new wallpaper.
793
00:31:06,665 --> 00:31:08,999
(grunting)
794
00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:11,168
Is Mom gonna be okay?
795
00:31:11,170 --> 00:31:14,204
I don't know, son,
I don't know.
796
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:15,972
MAN:
Oh, it's not her, fellas.
797
00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:18,441
It's the curse of the
adorable little store.
798
00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:20,844
Didn't always used to
be like this. No, no.
799
00:31:20,846 --> 00:31:23,313
Once, this land was
full of actual stores,
800
00:31:23,315 --> 00:31:25,182
as far as the eye could see.
801
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:28,218
Then the rich people came.
They didn't need to make money,
802
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,987
they just needed a place for
their friends to wander into,
803
00:31:30,989 --> 00:31:33,023
after spin class.
804
00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:34,624
Yeah, that's progress for you.
805
00:31:34,626 --> 00:31:36,393
I suppose.
806
00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:39,396
HOMER: And so,
with Jazzy James on board,
807
00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:42,632
Mr. Burns set out to produce
the ultimate revenge rap.
808
00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:43,833
(hip-hop beat begins playing)
809
00:31:43,835 --> 00:31:45,135
♪ Uh, listen up, suckers ♪
810
00:31:45,137 --> 00:31:46,903
♪ I'm-a say how I feel ♪
811
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:49,906
♪ My dealings with Jay G
have been less than... ideal. ♪
812
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,641
I...
(sighs)
813
00:31:51,643 --> 00:31:53,643
It's... It's no use.
I've lost it.
814
00:31:53,645 --> 00:31:57,013
I need you to rap
like your world is ending.
815
00:31:57,015 --> 00:31:58,915
Like you just found out
that capital gains
816
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,418
are going to be taxed at the
same rate as ordinary income.
817
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,520
I need you to put
your entire soul into it.
818
00:32:03,522 --> 00:32:05,655
Now rhyme, Jazzy, rhyme!
819
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:08,425
I got nothin'.
Just take me back to my candles.
820
00:32:08,427 --> 00:32:09,826
I need my quince!
821
00:32:09,828 --> 00:32:11,695
Wait, I have another idea.
822
00:32:11,697 --> 00:32:12,829
I'm feelin' it!
823
00:32:12,831 --> 00:32:14,331
(laughs)
I'm feelin' it!
824
00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:15,832
Now, almost drop me.
825
00:32:15,834 --> 00:32:17,701
(whoops)
Why does this work?
826
00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:19,402
♪ ♪
827
00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:20,904
♪ Jay, you're a rhyme thief ♪
828
00:32:20,906 --> 00:32:22,539
♪ A hip-hop perjurer ♪
829
00:32:22,541 --> 00:32:24,241
♪ If my words
were beef patties ♪
830
00:32:24,243 --> 00:32:25,742
♪ You'd be the Hamburglar ♪
831
00:32:25,744 --> 00:32:27,444
♪ My beats are the freshest ♪
832
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:28,912
♪ My beats
are the freshest ♪
833
00:32:28,914 --> 00:32:30,714
♪ You reached out
and stole 'em ♪
834
00:32:30,716 --> 00:32:32,249
♪ Like Gollum did precious ♪
835
00:32:32,251 --> 00:32:34,284
♪ Time for the truth
to be paid off ♪
836
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:36,052
♪ You're a lyrical Madoff ♪
837
00:32:36,054 --> 00:32:37,787
♪ So if you want
to go to war, brah ♪
838
00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:39,389
♪ Hit me up
and I'll write the rap for ya. ♪
839
00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:40,390
Yeah!
840
00:32:40,392 --> 00:32:41,391
Whoa, it rhymed!
841
00:32:41,393 --> 00:32:42,926
(laughs)
842
00:32:42,928 --> 00:32:44,261
Now that's what I call
843
00:32:44,263 --> 00:32:46,029
a corking revenge rap.
844
00:32:46,031 --> 00:32:48,531
If anyone's hungry,
we've set up a deli platter
845
00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:49,532
in the lobby.
846
00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:50,600
I'm hungry!
847
00:32:50,602 --> 00:32:52,135
For gettin' what's mine.
848
00:32:55,107 --> 00:32:58,408
Oh. Ain't no deli platter
ordered for a recording session
849
00:32:58,410 --> 00:33:01,077
that Praline doesn't
hear about. Mm-mm.
850
00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:02,912
Praline?
She's Jay G's ex-wife.
851
00:33:02,914 --> 00:33:04,414
I thought
you were in prison.
852
00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:06,216
That's what the guards said,
853
00:33:06,218 --> 00:33:07,884
but I wasn't having that.
854
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:09,986
Oh, we duckin' now?
855
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,421
So that's how it is?
856
00:33:11,423 --> 00:33:12,722
(chuckles)
I see.
857
00:33:12,724 --> 00:33:13,723
Oh, no,
he didn't.
858
00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:14,824
No, he
did not.
859
00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:16,293
Shut up, Miata.
Oh.
860
00:33:16,295 --> 00:33:17,927
Put that rare roast beef
in a baggie.
861
00:33:17,929 --> 00:33:19,162
Mm-hmm, that one.
862
00:33:19,164 --> 00:33:22,832
So, Praline, are you with us
or against us?
863
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:25,268
Jay G took everything from me.
864
00:33:25,270 --> 00:33:29,472
You best believe I'm going
to take everything from him.
865
00:33:29,474 --> 00:33:30,774
Get the ham!
866
00:33:30,776 --> 00:33:32,175
We're really glad
to have you.
867
00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:33,176
Thanks for
your help.
868
00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:34,477
Who you thankin'?
869
00:33:34,479 --> 00:33:36,479
I'm not doing this for you,
boo boo kitty.
870
00:33:36,481 --> 00:33:37,981
HOMER: With an angry ex-wife
on our team,
871
00:33:37,983 --> 00:33:39,616
we were unstoppable.
872
00:33:39,618 --> 00:33:41,484
Praline brought in
an all-star lineup
873
00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:43,420
of Jay G's enemies
to lend their hatred
874
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:45,955
to the world's
greatest diss rap.
875
00:33:45,957 --> 00:33:49,993
RZA, Snoop and Common.
876
00:33:50,996 --> 00:33:54,497
♪ Yo, I want to
back-smack Jay G, son ♪
877
00:33:54,499 --> 00:33:56,833
♪ He took that name Tang Clan
from me ♪
878
00:33:56,835 --> 00:33:59,502
♪ And since there couldn't
be two ♪
879
00:33:59,504 --> 00:34:01,938
♪ I had to change my Tang Clan
to Wu ♪
880
00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:04,841
♪ I seen Jay G pimp,
lie and rob ♪
881
00:34:04,843 --> 00:34:07,444
♪ Took my handyman off a job ♪
882
00:34:07,446 --> 00:34:08,778
♪ And when I complained ♪
883
00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:10,613
♪ All he did was laugh ♪
884
00:34:10,615 --> 00:34:13,650
♪ Now I got half a gazebo,
and not even the good half ♪
885
00:34:13,652 --> 00:34:15,852
♪ I would never wish hate
on my brother ♪
886
00:34:15,854 --> 00:34:18,455
♪ 'Cause we're all from the same
celestial mother ♪
887
00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:21,024
Wait, I just remembered
Jay crashed my Jet Ski.
888
00:34:21,026 --> 00:34:23,893
I hope he get food poisoning
from nachos. Peace!
889
00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:25,495
Yo, Common,
that was tight.
890
00:34:25,497 --> 00:34:27,097
Respect, 'House.
891
00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:31,568
Oh, when this track drops,
some feelings gonna get hurt.
892
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,069
Obliverated.
893
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:36,473
Indeed. I just wish Smithers
and his ice were here
894
00:34:36,475 --> 00:34:37,974
to witness my revenge.
895
00:34:37,976 --> 00:34:40,043
MEN (French Canadian accents):
Fight, fight, fight.
896
00:34:40,045 --> 00:34:42,112
(men shouting)
897
00:34:45,384 --> 00:34:46,383
(growls)
898
00:34:46,385 --> 00:34:47,384
(grunts)
899
00:34:47,386 --> 00:34:48,451
(all gasping)
900
00:34:50,689 --> 00:34:52,555
(hip-hop playing)
901
00:34:52,557 --> 00:34:53,823
BURNS:
Prepare for
902
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:55,558
the turning of the worms.
903
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:56,860
No offense, worms.
904
00:34:56,862 --> 00:35:01,231
I now drop "Choke on Diss,"
aka "Rhyme Crime,"
905
00:35:01,233 --> 00:35:05,101
by Hate Squad, featuring
the Rhyme Crime All-Stars.
906
00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:08,905
Why isn't it dropping?
907
00:35:08,907 --> 00:35:10,673
Release the sounds!
908
00:35:10,675 --> 00:35:11,708
(honks)
909
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:12,609
(all gasping)
Damn!
910
00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:16,379
Sorry to crash your party
as a hologram, M.B.,
911
00:35:16,381 --> 00:35:18,848
but I'm having
a little celebration of my own.
912
00:35:18,850 --> 00:35:20,450
I just bought
the master recording
913
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:22,919
of your so-called
diss rap.
914
00:35:22,921 --> 00:35:23,887
Ha, no way.
915
00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:25,555
Jazzy James
and Hate Squad,
916
00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:27,424
featuring the Rhyme Crime
All-Stars hate you!
917
00:35:27,426 --> 00:35:28,925
They'd never sell out.
918
00:35:28,927 --> 00:35:30,093
They would...
919
00:35:30,095 --> 00:35:32,262
for money!
920
00:35:32,264 --> 00:35:33,530
Sorry, Monty.
921
00:35:33,532 --> 00:35:35,365
Jay G is the best producer
in the world
922
00:35:35,367 --> 00:35:38,768
and you're a tone-deaf pauper
who lives in a grave.
923
00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:39,769
Ouch.
924
00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:42,138
I thought I hated him,
but now I don't.
925
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,940
So now I'm here.
926
00:35:43,942 --> 00:35:46,075
If you can't handle
a strong female hologram,
927
00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:47,310
that's on you.
928
00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:49,913
Jay G and D-O-double-G.
929
00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:51,047
We flipped the script.
930
00:35:51,049 --> 00:35:53,082
This ultimate
betrayal
931
00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:54,951
is part of your
spiritual journey.
932
00:35:54,953 --> 00:35:56,986
Lesson one:
protect your neck.
933
00:35:56,988 --> 00:35:59,923
Say good-bye
to your revenge rap forever.
934
00:35:59,925 --> 00:36:01,558
'Cause it's
about to drop.
935
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,493
(gulps, honks)
936
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:05,228
Mmm.
(kisses)
937
00:36:05,230 --> 00:36:07,163
Party at the power plant, y'all.
938
00:36:09,935 --> 00:36:12,135
I swear on the squid beak
of Lord Cthulhu
939
00:36:12,137 --> 00:36:13,937
and all his briny shoggoths,
940
00:36:13,939 --> 00:36:16,439
I will get revenge on you,
Jay G.
941
00:36:16,441 --> 00:36:18,508
HOMER:
And so Mr. Burns beat on,
942
00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:20,610
fists against the hologram,
943
00:36:20,612 --> 00:36:24,013
punching back ceaselessly
into his own face.
944
00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:31,521
Which new name
do you like better?
945
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:32,956
Next Doorables...
946
00:36:32,958 --> 00:36:35,525
(gasps)
or the Lavender Zeppelin?
947
00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,360
I just don't
know anymore.
948
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:38,428
(door opens, bell rings)
949
00:36:38,430 --> 00:36:39,929
(gasps)
A customer!
950
00:36:39,931 --> 00:36:41,631
Oh, it's you.
951
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:42,932
Baby, I'm sorry.
952
00:36:42,934 --> 00:36:44,834
I stayed loyal to Mr. Burns,
953
00:36:44,836 --> 00:36:46,936
coproduced a failed revenge rap,
954
00:36:46,938 --> 00:36:48,371
and now we've got nothing.
955
00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:49,706
(gasps)
956
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,308
I know it's crazy,
but he needed me.
957
00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,143
Oh, it's okay, Homie.
958
00:36:54,145 --> 00:36:55,778
You're not mad?
959
00:36:55,780 --> 00:36:58,648
Your heart told you to
stick with Mr. Burns,
960
00:36:58,650 --> 00:37:00,650
and the thing I
love about you most
961
00:37:00,652 --> 00:37:03,887
is you've got a heart
as big as The Ritz.
962
00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:07,390
Wow, Mom, you just made an
F. Scott Fitzgerald reference.
963
00:37:07,392 --> 00:37:10,860
Lisa, please,
I did graduate high school.
964
00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:13,096
(sighs)
965
00:37:19,004 --> 00:37:23,873
I've just hatched a plan
for the most delicious revenge.
966
00:37:23,875 --> 00:37:25,642
Simpson,
we must away.
967
00:37:25,644 --> 00:37:27,010
Did you want to buy that?
968
00:37:27,012 --> 00:37:28,678
Just looking.
969
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,680
We can't afford the store
anymore!
970
00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:32,048
Oh, thank God.
971
00:37:32,050 --> 00:37:33,917
Ha! I'm free!
972
00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,118
(grunts)
973
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,721
Well, before long,
another aimless soul
974
00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:41,024
will open another
adorable store here.
975
00:37:41,026 --> 00:37:44,427
And when they do,
Old Sam the Sign Hanger
976
00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:47,597
will be ready,
with his level and his ladder.
977
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:49,866
Oh, why,
here comes one now.
978
00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:52,001
Oh, honey, isn't it darling?
979
00:37:52,003 --> 00:37:53,002
Huh?
(laughs)
980
00:37:53,004 --> 00:37:55,038
We finally found
the Bookmark Barn.
981
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,607
(cackling)
Oh, this is Wicker Works.
982
00:37:57,609 --> 00:37:59,876
We're gonna sell
so many Yorkie sweaters.
983
00:37:59,878 --> 00:38:02,779
We can use the contractor
that did Karen's store.
984
00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:05,181
HOMER:
Mr. Burns' plan was
so horrifying,
985
00:38:05,183 --> 00:38:08,117
I could barely shut up
and go along with it.
986
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,119
But I was the only friend
he had left in the world
987
00:38:10,121 --> 00:38:12,121
and he was whipping me so hard.
988
00:38:12,123 --> 00:38:14,557
Ow, ow!
989
00:38:14,559 --> 00:38:16,926
Oh, Goosius.
990
00:38:16,928 --> 00:38:19,596
Daddy's got your oatmeal.
991
00:38:19,598 --> 00:38:23,032
Golden raisins,
just the way you like 'em, baby.
992
00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:30,974
Goosey!
993
00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,909
(tires screech)
994
00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:35,278
Where's my goose?
995
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,547
Why, he's right here.
996
00:38:37,549 --> 00:38:40,483
Fancy a bite of roast Goosius?
997
00:38:43,955 --> 00:38:45,321
You didn't!
998
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,423
(laughing):
Oh, I did.
999
00:38:47,425 --> 00:38:50,093
Mmm. A trifle fatty,
but other than that,
1000
00:38:50,095 --> 00:38:51,661
excellent.
1001
00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,564
Damn, I didn't think
you had it in you, M.B.
1002
00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,899
(sobbing):
Oh, man.
1003
00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:58,568
I don't want to
live in a world
1004
00:38:58,570 --> 00:39:02,005
without the mascot
of my multinational empire.
1005
00:39:02,007 --> 00:39:03,439
(sobs)
1006
00:39:03,441 --> 00:39:05,842
(Goosius honking,
Homer grunting)
1007
00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:07,176
Stop it!
1008
00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:09,178
I saved your life,
you stupid duck!
1009
00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:12,582
Simpson, I told you
to cook his goose.
1010
00:39:12,584 --> 00:39:13,816
I couldn't do it.
1011
00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:15,118
We just had our
portrait done.
1012
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:16,986
(honks)
1013
00:39:16,988 --> 00:39:18,855
Then, what did I eat?
1014
00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:20,923
Roast goose from
the gas station.
1015
00:39:20,925 --> 00:39:22,992
Fine, then I'll
kill it myself.
(gasps)
1016
00:39:22,994 --> 00:39:25,028
(honking)
1017
00:39:25,030 --> 00:39:27,630
HOMER:
The two rivals found themselves
doomed by the lusts
1018
00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:29,699
that drive all men--
money, power,
1019
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:32,635
and the pursuit of a goose.
1020
00:39:32,637 --> 00:39:34,771
(groans)
1021
00:39:34,773 --> 00:39:36,673
(honking)
1022
00:39:37,475 --> 00:39:40,610
Damn it, Monty,
I don't want to die.
1023
00:39:40,612 --> 00:39:42,211
Well, if we have
to end this way,
1024
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:44,147
at least it's
of natural causes.
1025
00:39:44,149 --> 00:39:46,616
A business deal
gone wrong.
1026
00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:48,851
(creaking)
1027
00:39:48,853 --> 00:39:49,852
(shouts)
1028
00:39:49,854 --> 00:39:50,987
Tell me, Jay.
1029
00:39:50,989 --> 00:39:52,221
Why'd you betray me?
1030
00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:53,856
We were kindred souls.
1031
00:39:53,858 --> 00:39:55,224
Brothers in avarice.
1032
00:39:55,226 --> 00:39:58,227
Why? Because
you told me to!
1033
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:00,263
In your own last chapter.
1034
00:40:03,368 --> 00:40:05,868
"You will never be
truly ruthless
1035
00:40:05,870 --> 00:40:08,004
until you destroy the one
who made you."
1036
00:40:08,006 --> 00:40:10,073
I had to tear
you down, M.B.!
1037
00:40:10,075 --> 00:40:12,775
It was the final rung.
1038
00:40:13,678 --> 00:40:14,977
(creaking)
1039
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,581
I just wanted
to be ruthless,
1040
00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,049
like you.
1041
00:40:24,889 --> 00:40:28,057
That I inspired you to such pure
and evil greed,
1042
00:40:28,059 --> 00:40:29,926
that is my greatest triumph.
1043
00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:32,028
I am truly immortal.
1044
00:40:32,030 --> 00:40:33,730
We're about to die, fool.
1045
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:38,935
(yelling)
1046
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:46,375
Smithers, I ordered ice,
not slush.
1047
00:40:46,377 --> 00:40:48,010
Sorry I'm late, sir.
1048
00:40:48,012 --> 00:40:49,178
A few of these
French Canadian bikers
1049
00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:50,580
got delayed
at the border.
1050
00:40:50,582 --> 00:40:53,015
Apparently,
I'm their leader now.
1051
00:40:53,017 --> 00:40:56,052
Smithers, Smithers, Smithers!
1052
00:40:56,054 --> 00:40:58,354
(chuckles)
1053
00:40:58,356 --> 00:41:00,022
Ow. That stings.
1054
00:41:00,024 --> 00:41:01,758
Oh, that one's nice.
1055
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,359
How dare you.
1056
00:41:03,361 --> 00:41:04,761
Fascinating.
1057
00:41:04,763 --> 00:41:05,928
BOTH:
Excellent.
1058
00:41:05,930 --> 00:41:07,797
HOMER:
Mr. Burns realized
1059
00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:09,432
that his ruthless will to power
1060
00:41:09,434 --> 00:41:13,202
would beat on forever
in another man's heart.
1061
00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:18,708
Ah, I guess this summer's
really over.
1062
00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:22,745
(crying):
I'm gonna miss Goosius.
1063
00:41:22,747 --> 00:41:24,747
Aah!
1064
00:41:24,749 --> 00:41:26,282
Thanks, boy.
1065
00:41:26,284 --> 00:41:28,785
Do you think Mr. Burns
learned anything from all this?
1066
00:41:28,787 --> 00:41:30,787
Could it have changed him
for the better?
1067
00:41:30,789 --> 00:41:32,088
You know what?
1068
00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:34,223
I have a feeling it did.
1069
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,226
BURNS (over P.A.):
Attention.
1070
00:41:37,228 --> 00:41:38,961
For the sheer joy of it,
1071
00:41:38,963 --> 00:41:42,465
every day will now include a
moment of musical appreciation.
1072
00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:44,834
Yeah!
♪ Music makes the whole world ♪
1073
00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:46,836
♪ Whole world ♪
1074
00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:49,939
Mm, let's not
do this tomorrow.
1075
00:41:49,941 --> 00:41:52,742
♪ Oh ♪
1076
00:41:52,744 --> 00:41:55,311
♪ Go round, hey ♪
1077
00:41:55,313 --> 00:41:57,914
♪ Ah-ah-ha. ♪
1078
00:41:57,916 --> 00:42:06,422
(hip-hop version
of Simpsons theme playing)
1079
00:42:06,424 --> 00:42:08,491
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
1080
00:42:37,989 --> 00:42:39,222
Shh!
1081
00:42:39,224 --> 00:42:42,625
(female group sings
Gracie Films theme)