1
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:11,844
(gasps)
2
00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,450
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,021
(burps)
4
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,023
(tires screech)
5
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,025
D'oh!
6
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:29,128
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:41,974
♪ ♪
8
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,946
(Strauss' "Also Sprach
Zarathustra" playing)
9
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,128
(clacking)
10
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,120
(alarm wailing)
11
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,659
(alarm stops)
12
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,464
(gulping)
13
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,766
(whoops)
14
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,768
Simpson.
Uh-oh. The boss.
15
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,736
Do you know what you've done?
16
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:48,107
You won the Count the Buttons
in the Button Jar Challenge.
17
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:50,542
Thanks to him, you all get
the rest of the day off.
18
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,411
(chuckles)
Go home.
19
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:55,414
Live your lives.
Don't look back.
20
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,116
Smithers, the bodies.
21
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,118
(beeping)
22
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,921
("James Bond Theme" playing)
23
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,624
I had a great day, and I really
want to celebrate with the boys.
24
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,127
So don't wait up for me,
my sweet,
25
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:10,929
wonderful bartender, Moe.
26
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,831
All right, but who's the boys?
27
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,901
Marge's boobs. See ya.
28
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,103
(rapping):
♪ I'm so happy ♪
29
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:20,839
♪ Bursting with joy,
my day's been spectacular ♪
30
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:24,443
♪ Improving my vernacular,
eating Cracker Jack-ular ♪
31
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,079
♪ It's a perfect day so far... ♪
32
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:30,082
Patty and Selma's car?! D'oh!
33
00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:32,618
Homie, stop dropping rhymes
and get dressed.
34
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:36,455
We're going to the 38th
annual DMV Awards.
35
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,257
Aw, there are
too many award shows.
36
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,025
People don't deserve
so many awards.
37
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:43,095
People suck. They should
just be grateful to be alive.
38
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,131
Get your best coffin suit,
'cause you're goin'.
39
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,833
(groans)
You're at table one,
40
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,636
next to the bathroom,
furthest from the bar.
41
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,639
Patty and Selma are producing
the Surlys this year.
42
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,641
Hamilton's
gonna win everything.
43
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,143
Fred Hamilton.
Window six.
44
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,512
He can make every
person in the room
45
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:04,016
feel like their number is the
furthest from being called.
46
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,918
(laughing)
47
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:10,956
You know, Selma, James Bond
has a license to kill.
48
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,058
HOMER:
Stop forcing banter!
49
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,995
But a lot of people would
kill for these licenses.
50
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,364
HOMER:
Heckle! Heckle!
51
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,366
For Funniest Vanity Plate,
52
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,970
the nominees are
I Heart Heart Doctors,
53
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,172
from the writing team of...
54
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,974
A team?!
55
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,243
♪ ♪
56
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,413
Beep-beep, beep-beep.
Beep-beep, beep-beep.
57
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:37,416
Objects may be sexier
than they appear.
58
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,151
(growls)
59
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:40,185
That's it. I'm leaving.
60
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,087
Take me!
You'd slow me down!
61
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,923
Lisa Simpson here,
covering the Surly Awards
62
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,926
for Springfield Elementary
School Radio, WSES.
63
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,329
Ooh, here comes
an audience member now.
64
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,398
One guy in the In Memoriam reel
was alive when it started!
65
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,100
Don't forget your gift bag!
66
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,603
It's just a coupon for a
dollar off at the car wash,
67
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,404
but if you don't have one,
the lady at the car wash
68
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,107
will give you one
from out of a drawer!
69
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,909
(tires screech)
Homie, come back!
70
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,044
You're the next presenter!
71
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,046
The winner is me
'cause I'm leaving!
72
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,082
Stomach filled with rage.
73
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:13,085
Must quench with French fries.
74
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,421
Five Krusty Burgers. No tomato.
75
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,424
Sorry, sir. We no longer serve
Krusty Burgers.
76
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:23,195
But it's your name! It's as
if Macy's didn't sell Mace!
77
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,897
Our corporate parent
in Kumamoto, Japan,
78
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:30,535
has instituted the following fun
and nonnegotiable changes...
79
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:36,141
Hey, hey! Try our Buttermilk
Sriracha Sandwich,
80
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,777
Kobe Shiitake
Ciabatta Explosion,
81
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,980
and Hanoi Honey Barbecue
Banh Mi Pho-furter.
82
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,783
Get 'em quick,
before they're Sai-gone!
83
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,418
(laughs)
84
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,487
Oh, I just want a
one-pound burger
85
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,156
that a snake couldn't
fit its mouth around.
86
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,992
Sorry. We no longer sell
the Python Buster.
87
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,829
Would you like some Kombucha
Kimchi Mini Tacos instead?
88
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,498
Just give me a cup.
89
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,166
That's beet aioli.
90
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,201
No!
91
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,939
People! Beware!
The crap you love to eat
92
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,941
has been replaced by food!
93
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,009
(tires screech)
94
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,412
(tires screech)
95
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,983
♪ ♪
96
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:30,128
Heavenly Father, I know you're
a friend of the eating man.
97
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,131
You created Sunday
so we can have brunch.
98
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,601
Please, O Lard, shower me
with your divine grease
99
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,603
and deliver me some egg rolls.
100
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,606
Or pizza or hot dogs. Whatever
I can eat while driving.
101
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:44,976
For thine is the flower
and the gravy forever.
102
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,012
A menu
103
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,281
would be great.
104
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:51,350
♪ ♪
105
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,585
(gasps)
Thank you.
106
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,689
Help you?
107
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,093
Um, what's the healthiest
thing in this place?
108
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,628
(whoops)
109
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,131
Chewie, we're home.
110
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,999
Chewie is what
I call my mouth.
111
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,535
I really don't care
what you call your mouth.
112
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,377
♪ Morning has broken ♪
113
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:23,048
♪ Like the first morning ♪
114
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,417
Ah.
115
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,186
Just in time for breakfast.
116
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,021
Hi, guys.
117
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,824
So, Homie, I'm sure
you have a good explanation
118
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,260
for where you were.
The best.
119
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:37,896
I was eating hot dogs.
120
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,398
Hot dogs?
(scoffs)
121
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,900
That is so stupid
it must be the truth.
122
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,604
I bet you're picturing me
as a hot dog right now.
123
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,539
Absolutely not!
124
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,374
(chuckles)
125
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,009
And these weren't
just any hot dogs--
126
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,879
they were Deuce's
Caboose chili dogs!
127
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,347
We were worried sick!
128
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:56,615
What do you think we are,
129
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,416
man?
130
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,351
Take that.
131
00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:01,086
Ow! No fair!
132
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,054
She nut-butted me.
133
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,057
(chuckles)
Deuce's Caboose, eh?
134
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,427
We used to take you there
when you were a boy.
135
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,095
I don't remember
any of that.
136
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,231
Well, you were young then,
and you're stupid now.
137
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,435
Your mom and me dropped you off
there every Wednesday afternoon
138
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:19,271
while we tuned up our marriage.
139
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:22,808
Turn here.
Oh, you just love to
tell me what to do.
140
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:26,044
We come here every week,
and you get lost.
141
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,980
Please stop fighting.
Oh, you would just love it
142
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,816
if we did that,
wouldn't you?
143
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:43,995
He'll take a small soda and
sit there for 50 minutes.
144
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:50,502
Hey, kid,
have a chili dog,
145
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,070
on the house.
146
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:55,507
If we split up,
no one gets Homer!
147
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:01,179
("Flower Duet" playing)
148
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:17,596
That's when I started
eating my emotions.
149
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,432
Oh. You poor guy.
150
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:22,000
Fat-man begins.
151
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,836
Well, it taught me
a great coping skill.
152
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:28,139
Eating is to me what
drinking is to me.
153
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,343
(chuckles) I just wish I had
something aggravating in my life
154
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,844
to make me hungry now.
155
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,613
Hello!
(gasps)
156
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:38,817
Uh, Homie, Patty and Selma
lost their jobs at the DMV,
157
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,520
because they spent too much
on the award show.
158
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,889
We went over the $43 budget.
159
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,957
By $100,000.
160
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,995
To save money, I said they
could live here for a while.
161
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:52,898
And don't forget,
we have a baby and an iguana.
162
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,900
And they both have
different sleep schedules.
163
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,402
What they do have in
common is diarrhea.
164
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,105
And we forgot
to bring diapers.
165
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:05,010
Hey. You remember me
as a kid, right?
166
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,045
No, sir.
167
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,079
But you called me your
"Little H-Dog," remember?
168
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,082
Look, man, I'm getting up there.
169
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,418
I can barely remember
the starting lineup
170
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,521
of the 1961 Chicago Blackhawks.
171
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,224
Uh, Bobby Hull; Al Arbour;
172
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,226
Ed Litzenberger, captain;
173
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,095
Stan Mikita; and... that's all.
174
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,164
Also, Dollard St. Laurent.
175
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,766
But not you.
176
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,502
I'm sorry, sir.
177
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:37,876
MARTIN:
Okay, people,
178
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,244
what have you got?
We're being killed
179
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,079
in the ratings
by the morning announcements.
180
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,447
SKINNER:
Attention,
181
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:45,083
the bus that took 30 kids
on a "field trip"
182
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,018
was not from this school.
183
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,955
If anyone's mom can go pick up
30 students in Chinatown,
184
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,390
it would be
much appreciated.
185
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,693
Why didn't we break that story?!
186
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:58,697
Damn it, we're even being
beaten by Jimbo's podcast.
187
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,966
Today on Left, Right & Center,
we'll discuss whether
188
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,702
to punch someone in the left,
right, or center.
189
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,437
Our special guest today
190
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,873
is upside-down nerd,
Milhouse Van Houten.
191
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,942
Thanks
for having me back.
192
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,244
Aren't we just supposed
to do the stories we want
193
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,447
and not worry about ratings?
194
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,148
That's kindergarten talk.
195
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,452
This is professional
fourth-grade radio.
196
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,120
(knocking)
197
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,455
Meeting's over.
198
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,590
I've got to put
the balls back in.
199
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,193
I'm the smartest ball
in the bag.
200
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,997
You could be replaced,
and it wouldn't be hard.
201
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,598
A cinder block
with a stretched-out belt
202
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,533
would do the trick.
203
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,637
(engine revving,
tires squealing)
204
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:41,172
♪ ♪
205
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,819
No one's eating at my place.
206
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,688
No one!
207
00:10:56,690 --> 00:11:00,358
I'm a self-hating chew.
208
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,261
♪ Hot dog! ♪
209
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,930
♪ Life is tasting
pretty good ♪
210
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:08,266
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
211
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,136
♪ Hot dog ♪
212
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:14,105
♪ 'Cause you love me
like you should ♪
213
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,974
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
214
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,710
♪ So put some mustard
on my roll ♪
215
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,012
♪ 'Cause you're barking
up my soul ♪
216
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,014
♪ Hot dog ♪
217
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,116
♪ I like to see you walk ♪
♪ Beef log ♪
218
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,518
♪ I like to hear you talk ♪
219
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,720
♪ Food blog ♪
♪ I really relish you ♪
220
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,989
What rhymes with relish?
♪ Who could embellish you? ♪
221
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,558
(Homer whoops)
BOTH: ♪ Hot dog ♪
222
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,061
♪ Hot dog ♪
♪ Hot dog ♪
223
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,962
♪ Hot dog ♪
224
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:39,731
♪ Don't know what's
inside of you ♪
225
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,299
♪ Hot dog! ♪
226
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,803
(laughter)
227
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:49,708
Ah. I still don't
remember you, man.
228
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,476
LISA:
Here at Springfield Elementary,
229
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,812
detention has many names.
230
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:57,048
Purgatraz, The Skinner Sheraton,
Spitball Alley,
231
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,584
The Bully Pen,
311 Worth,
232
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,553
Little Devil's Island
233
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,254
and Dead Man Chalking.
234
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:07,859
And I am here with the legendary
Nurple Purpler Nelson Muntz.
235
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,829
Yo.
Nelson, let me
get right to it.
236
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,330
Haw-haw!
237
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,833
Where did that
come from?
238
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,869
Um... wow. First of all,
great question.
239
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:21,072
I guess I just saw a jerk
doing something lame,
240
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,541
and I wanted to make the dope
feel like a dingus.
241
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:28,079
Well, Mr. Muntz, I just happen
to have one of those "dingi"
242
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,014
right here.
243
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,051
Milhouse, how does it feel
to get a full Nelson?
244
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,120
The first haw
isn't that bad.
245
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,922
But the second one
is devastating.
246
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,792
Wow! Wow!
247
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,962
Sorry, Lisa. Funding has run
out for our radio station.
248
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,131
I'm, uh, gonna have
to take back your hat.
249
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,566
What?!
Jeff and Becky broke up!
250
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:52,303
Just before the story
of the year!
251
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,976
What's wrong, sweetie?
252
00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,911
They took away
my radio station,
253
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:04,315
which was the only source
of news in a 50-foot area.
254
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,918
You could come with me
to the hot dog stand
255
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,287
and do the word search
on the kids' menu.
256
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,089
Do they have diagonals?
257
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:15,794
Diagonals! That's where
"race car" was hiding.
258
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:20,565
Oh, no, the hot dog stand
is closed!
259
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,701
The place I forgot
for 30 years is gone!
260
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,140
There's always a weak link.
There's always a weak link!
261
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,441
(groaning)
262
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,510
We should help that man.
He's choking.
263
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,647
I remember when you used
to help me when I was choking.
264
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,916
Why don't you ask the girl
at the hiking store?
265
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,185
I gave her my number
because I was ordering boots.
266
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,194
Don't let it be forgot
that on this shining spot
267
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:52,130
was a place I really ate a lot.
268
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:56,534
I don't see how you can blame
a man of 97 for retiring.
269
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,470
I thought we were
the same age.
So did I.
270
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,574
Well, I hope you didn't
sell it to some clown.
271
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,613
(Krusty's theme song playing)
272
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,956
Here's a check.
273
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,991
Welcome to the
Krusty Burger family.
274
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,894
And since we're family,
we don't talk!
275
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,363
Next problem.
276
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,032
Oh! What else are
you gonna change?
277
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,369
We're gonna keep everything that
makes Deuce's Caboose great.
278
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,338
Like the hot dogs
and the caboose?
279
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:36,574
No. God, no. We're already
talking to C-list actors
280
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,576
about playing the owner
in commercials.
281
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,012
We're trying to find
a cheap Garrett Morris.
282
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:43,648
(creaking, engine starting)
283
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,150
Hot dogs, come with me
if you want to live!
284
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:49,420
(engine revving)
285
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,322
Somebody, stop them!
286
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,892
(Krusty's theme song
plays in reverse)
287
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,833
That better be
a monkey's tail I'm feeling.
288
00:15:01,835 --> 00:15:03,835
Uh, chimps have no tails.
289
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:06,070
Chimps have
no tails?!
290
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,705
Dad, what are we doing?!
291
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,008
I'm saving a precious
childhood memory!
292
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,010
You realize this will be
my childhood memory,
293
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,078
and maybe not so precious?
294
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,080
That's a problem
for grownup Lisa.
295
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,415
All right, then.
296
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,984
♪ ♪
297
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,959
I certainly hope that isn't
your father's hot dog caboose.
298
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,528
I have no end game!
299
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,097
Oh, Lord! He's on
the news so much,
300
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,867
he has his own
theme music now.
301
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:37,302
♪ Go, Homer, go! ♪
302
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,904
♪ Never know
what he's gonna do! ♪
303
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,372
Kent Brockman with you.
304
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,141
You're watching Channel 6
Super Team Coverage
305
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:46,711
of Chili Dog Day Afternoon
Weiner on a Roll.
306
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,379
Indeed.
307
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,883
Basically, I'm just watching it
like the rest of you.
308
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:55,086
I guess you'd like some kind
of commentary or perspective.
309
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,288
I don't have any,
but I'd like you to remember
310
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,991
you're watching Channel 6--
the one that doesn't cut away
311
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,326
when somebody dies.
312
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,161
(siren wailing)
313
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:07,098
Chief Wiggum, maybe I can
defuse the situation.
314
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,800
De-fuse. Huh.
315
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,802
Well, there's a first time
for everything.
316
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,170
Can you hand me
your mic?
317
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,972
Every police regulation
says "no,"
318
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,573
but do you know what says "yes"?
319
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,941
What?
Your eyes.
320
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,676
Aw.
321
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,448
This is Lisa Simpson,
a name you can trust,
322
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:27,318
and I'm with Homer Simpson,
a man who just stole a caboose.
323
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,687
My father is
on quick-sided quest
324
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,323
to save a greasy spoon
from being licked.
325
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,326
I have to save
that caboose full of hot dogs,
326
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,029
which is what
my father called me.
327
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:46,871
This aggression shall not stand,
so let us ride!
328
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:50,141
Say, Colonel,
which army were you in?
329
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,110
Never you mind
which army I was in
330
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,145
and which courthouse
we surrendered at.
331
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,847
I said let's ride!
332
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,785
I guess that's it--
333
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:03,221
the one freeway chase
that ends in failure.
334
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,189
No, it has not!
335
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,692
We shall overeat!
336
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,397
(dramatic music playing)
337
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:19,103
(upbeat instrumental
music plays)
338
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,441
(dramatic music playing)
339
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,890
ALL:
Yay!
340
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,258
D'oh!
341
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,063
I'm sorry, Dad.
It's over.
342
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,398
No, it's not!
343
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,400
(soft squeak)
344
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,072
Krusty, run regular!
345
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,841
I forgot how!
346
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,282
(creaking)
347
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,251
So that's what it's for.
348
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:11,122
No! I can't let
my Little H-Dog die!
349
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,124
(gasps)
You do remember me!
350
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:16,461
I never forgot you!
How could I?
351
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,095
(creaking)
352
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,529
You were such a sweet,
353
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:21,866
sad little boy,
and I failed you.
354
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,102
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did!
355
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:27,038
You needed a father,
and all I could give you
356
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,108
was steamed tubes filled
with chicken asses.
357
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,877
But I love those chicken asses!
358
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,079
I love... you.
359
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:38,082
(both crying)
360
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,319
Your chili dogs didn't get me
through my childhood. You did!
361
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:45,289
Suddenly this hot dog-covered
locomotive seems like a joke!
362
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,091
Take my hand, son.
363
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,727
It's strong
from turning a can opener.
364
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,429
Your chili was store-bought?!
365
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,331
I didn't say I paid for it.
366
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,175
(explosion)
367
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,145
Mmm!
Oh, yeah!
Ooh!
368
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,913
Oh!
Ooh, yeah, baby!
369
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,348
You're a hero, Dad!
370
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,917
They're calling you
Public Elephant Number One!
371
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,418
Well, I guess
that's better than
372
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,987
"Local Man Cut Out
of Dressing Room."
373
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:19,190
It sure is, Dad.
It sure is.
374
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,927
Chief, why are you
letting him leave?
375
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,496
He just committed a
series of serious crimes.
376
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,599
Forget it, Lou.
It's Chili Town.
377
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,202
("Chinatown" theme music plays)
378
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,074
(distant siren wails)
379
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,949
Why does the moon
need sunglasses?
380
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:49,220
Ah, same reason cops wear 'em--
to be cool.
381
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,961
Gentlemen, I'm-a so tired
of all the bad-a blood
382
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,563
between our companies.
383
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,065
Can't we have a peace...
of pizza?
384
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,967
What are you doing?
385
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:03,901
You fools!
386
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,037
I'm a real person in here!
387
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,305
(taps playing)
388
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,018
Shh!