1 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,674 (school bell ringing) 2 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,377 (Barney belches) 3 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,445 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,614 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,615 (tires screeching) 6 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,117 (grunts) 7 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,720 (trumpets) 8 00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,295 (croaking) 9 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,802 George, I'm sorry to see you up here. 10 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,838 Well, yes, but I died for a worthy cause. 11 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,975 As we speak, my body is about to be dissected 12 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:45,677 by a budding young scientist. 13 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,846 Let's observe the dedication to learning 14 00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:51,417 of this ten-year-old scholar by the name of Bart Simpson. 15 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:54,486 ♪ Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, die ♪ 16 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,655 ♪ Stab, stab, die, die, death, kill. ♪ 17 00:00:56,657 --> 00:01:00,826 Well, his passion is undeniable. 18 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,828 Yes, very... very impressive. 19 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:06,498 By examining my specimen's pyloric sphincter valve, 20 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:10,369 I deduced that she had an affinity for fruit flies. 21 00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:13,505 By examining my specimen's natty dreads, 22 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:18,444 I was able to deduce that he was a jammin' Rasta-frogian. 23 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:20,679 My body, my little green body. 24 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,515 Okay, but surely his portrayal 25 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:27,553 of Rastafarianism will be culturally sensitive. 26 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,021 Pass the Dutchie. 27 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,690 We be smokin' slabba slabba with the Babylon. 28 00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,193 Ribbit, ribbit, mon. 29 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,695 (panting loudly) 30 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,063 Come now, George. 31 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,232 At least this Scottish groundskeeper 32 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,534 will give your remains a respectful burial. 33 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:46,405 WILLIE: Into the crapper you go, useless froggy garbage. 34 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,873 (toilet flushing) 35 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,642 Are you going to put a good spin on that, too? 36 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,044 Hmm? Are you?! 37 00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,212 Well, are you? 38 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,781 Well, uh... ribbit? 39 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,552 MARGE: I can't put these grades on the refrigerator. 40 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,988 I can't even put them on the garage refrigerator. 41 00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,823 It's not my fault. 42 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,592 I blame "so-key-ity." What?! 43 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,560 You know, so-key-ity. 44 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,829 That's what everyone blames for everything. 45 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,564 You mean "society"? 46 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,900 Yeah, that's the guy. Honey, 47 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,902 I know you're a bright boy, 48 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,904 but if you don't try harder in school, 49 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,973 you could end up... 50 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,848 ...not a success. 51 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,783 Oh, that. Don't worry, Mom. 52 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,086 As long as I can stand on a corner 53 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,754 and spin a sign reading "new condos," 54 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,823 I'll be just fine. 55 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,027 (groaning) 56 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:44,163 (Marge groaning) 57 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,933 (Marge groaning) 58 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,602 All that pacing isn't gonna fix the boy. 59 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:51,870 Just get him some pills. 60 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,273 Two pinks and a blue, and it's off to the races. 61 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,542 Everything we've tried with Bart has failed. 62 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,477 What if there's nothing we can do? 63 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,879 Mm, "nothing we can do" is a whole lot better 64 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,447 than "it'll take all we've got." 65 00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:06,385 I wonder if anyone talks about parenting online. 66 00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,656 Look at this one! 67 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,457 HOMER: They're skiing. 68 00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,959 Skiing means happy. 69 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,828 Hmm, an expert with a new book to promote. 70 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:20,532 Oh, I wonder if she'd be willing to speak to a group for a fee. 71 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,070 Getting your child established 72 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,639 on the path to success isn't easy. 73 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,509 I was driving my daughter from her falconry tournament 74 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,978 to lute class when she turned to me asked... 75 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,580 (speaks Mandarin) 76 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,482 ...which is Mandarin for, "How do you do it?" 77 00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,418 She and I are learning Mandarin. 78 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,320 The answer? (speaks Mandarin) 79 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,355 Positive reinforcement. 80 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,424 (inquisitive chatter) 81 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,926 In a recent study, this mouse was denied food 82 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,829 whenever he failed to find his way through a maze. 83 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,765 The mouse ended up dying... of low self-esteem. 84 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,168 (shocked and excited chatter) 85 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,604 I had a nightmare where that happened to Bart, 86 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,606 but I never told you about it. 87 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:03,041 I love it when you don't tell me things. 88 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,676 This mouse was given food 89 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,945 whether he got through the maze or not. 90 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:10,515 And this fall, he'll be in a lab at Harvard. 91 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,784 (excited gasps and chatter) 92 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:16,955 Low self-esteem can cripple your child's chances of success. 93 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,690 The cure: praise. 94 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,125 (excited chatter) 95 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,694 Praise they can hold in their hands. 96 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,964 Certificates, ribbons and, yes, even trophies. 97 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:26,965 (crowd gasps) 98 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,700 (gasps) Trophies. 99 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,869 So that's the easy answer. 100 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,638 If Ralphie's shelf says he's a winner, 101 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,539 then he'll be one! 102 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,776 And Moe yells a third thing to feel part of the group! 103 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,381 Yes! Trophies-- that's what Bart needs. 104 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,383 This is how we save him. 105 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,718 (scoffs) Give Bart a trophy? What for? 106 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,887 Most boogers wiped on a bedroom wall? 107 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,889 They're giving trophies for that now? 108 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,758 I weep for this country. 109 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,826 Bart's future is at stake. 110 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,895 Besides, I'm tired of Springfield missing out 111 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,766 on every parenting trend, like the time-out and the diaper. 112 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,568 I never got a trophy when I was a kid, 113 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,237 and I turned out just... 114 00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,306 (gulping) 115 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:14,179 (slowly): ...fine. 116 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,616 He's my son, and he's getting a trophy for nothing. 117 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,252 You hear me? For nothing! 118 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,622 Huh. Huh? 119 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,790 (screams) 120 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,091 Good morning. 121 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,427 How's my special little winner? 122 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,196 How'd you get that thing in my bed without waking me up? 123 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,765 Because you're a champion sleeper. 124 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,867 It's the craziest thing. 125 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,036 She will not give up on that kid. 126 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,872 Trophies can boost self-esteem. 127 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,108 If you actually win them, like I did. 128 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,443 But what's the point 129 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,645 of just handing out unearned statues? 130 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,280 And statuettes. 131 00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,649 Well, it's just a waste of gullible parents' money. 132 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,618 (echoing): Waste of gullible parents' money. 133 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,620 Gullible parents' money. 134 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,656 Money. Money. 135 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,558 (bell dings) Hmm. 136 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,660 Step right up! Every kid's a winner! 137 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,296 The more you spend, the more you love! 138 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,697 Mm-hmm. 139 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,335 I thought you agreed that trophies should be earned. 140 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:13,138 I'm earning nature's trophy: money. 141 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,139 (wind whistles softly) 142 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,407 Remember, folks. 143 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,909 Nothing but a genuine Trophyland trophy says 144 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,845 to your kids that... 145 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,980 HOMER: ♪ You're the best around ♪ 146 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,483 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 147 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,852 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 148 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,521 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 149 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,323 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 150 00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:33,658 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 151 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,527 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 152 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,995 ♪ Nothing's gonna ♪ 153 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,663 ♪ Ever keep you down ♪ 154 00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,266 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 155 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,835 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 156 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,004 ♪ You're the best. ♪ 157 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:49,441 (chuckles) These stupid, loving parents will buy trophies 158 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,510 for any accomplishment. 159 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,112 Not wetting the bed, using your inside voice, 160 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,848 even "go watch TV in the other room." 161 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,851 I still think these things are good for their self-esteem. 162 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,787 Not to mention the self-esteem 163 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,022 that comes from wad riffling. 164 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,023 (wind whistles softly) 165 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,359 Look, I even put the boy to work. 166 00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:10,362 Well, then he should get a trophy for that. 167 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,797 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 168 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,199 We have a saying in the participation trophy business. 169 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,901 "Don't get high-- self-esteem-- 170 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,537 on your own supply-- of self-esteem." 171 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,806 I don't care. I'm giving him this. 172 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,808 What? Why did it break? 173 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,409 The parts are of the highest quality. 174 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,279 They come from the China of China: India. 175 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,417 Boy, did you glue this trophy together with bubblegum? 176 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,986 Eh, sticky is sticky. I'm taking my break. 177 00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,829 HOMER: See? Giving him trophies did nothing. 178 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,564 You've showered him with praise, 179 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,432 and he's just as lazy as ever. 180 00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,668 Shh! What if he heard you say that? 181 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,103 Hey, if Bart is as bad at eavesdropping 182 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,772 as he is at everything else, 183 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,907 we've got nothing to worry about. 184 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:58,009 I say we keep talking loudly. 185 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,078 But what about his confidence? 186 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,681 Face it. Our son is a screw-up. 187 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,784 He was born a screw-up, and no matter how hard he tries-- 188 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,252 which he never will-- 189 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,788 Bart will always be a screw-up. 190 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,022 (groans) 191 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,758 And have you ever heard that sound he makes when he's sad? 192 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,093 Pathetic. 193 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:21,867 (sighs) 194 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,771 Queen's bishop Lomotil takes king's Ativan. 195 00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,874 Oh, looks like I'll be having a panic attack 196 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,375 on the toilet tonight. 197 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,944 (scoffs) Look at that whimpering little crybaby. 198 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,813 (mocking): Wah! Wah! 199 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,282 Abe, that's your grandson. 200 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,817 Come visit me! 201 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,385 I'm so lonely! 202 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,788 (crying): Wah! Wah! 203 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,790 What's got you down, kiddo? 204 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:48,293 My dad says I'm terrible at everything. 205 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:51,296 Oh, he's just repeating what he heard as a boy from me. 206 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,833 Oh, I was an awful father, just like my old man. 207 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,501 Your dad didn't believe in you, either? 208 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,836 It wasn't his fault. 209 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,505 He was just focused on his career 210 00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,974 as a professional child-beater. 211 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,910 Men would come from five towns over 212 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,811 to study my father's technique. 213 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,748 But no matter how many strangles he patented, 214 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,017 his father never approved. 215 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,351 (choking loudly) 216 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,354 Even if only a little bit of that really happened, 217 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,657 I'll never escape being a loser. 218 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,158 That's loser talk! 219 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,061 You're a great kid, and I'm gonna prove it to you. 220 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,164 Boy, this here's a real trophy. 221 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,767 Our family's most prized possession: 222 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,169 a Baumont Chrono-master Elite. 223 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,771 It's been a Simpson heirloom 224 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,774 ever since it was stolen off a dead body at Gettysburg. 225 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,709 In 1982. 226 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,377 Whoa! 227 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,880 Wait. Is this just another gold shiny thing 228 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,115 to trick me into feeling special when I'm not? 229 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,517 You are special! 230 00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:47,185 You're like my prostate-- 231 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,689 a spiky little troublemaker who plays by his own rules. 232 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,557 You don't take hooey from Louis. 233 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,593 Never have, never will. 234 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,129 (shudders) 235 00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,698 I feel something. 236 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,866 It's like a sunburn on the inside. 237 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,234 It's called "pride." 238 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,703 Every tick will remind you 239 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,905 you've got a grandpa who believes in you. 240 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,707 The same way I believe 241 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,710 the retirement home has been taken over by robots. 242 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,712 (Eastern European accent): I am not a robot. 243 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,313 I just have light-up sneakers. 244 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,781 ♪ ♪ 245 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,788 (Ralph humming) 246 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,762 Why is my trophy the smallest? 247 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,931 You all lost-- to me! 248 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,899 (confused murmurs) 249 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,503 Lisa, are you suggesting we engage in excellence bias? 250 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,673 (crying): She's loser-shaming me. 251 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,741 (growls) 252 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,577 (students gasp) 253 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:49,247 Why do you always have to make trouble, ya wee harpy? 254 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,016 How am I supposed to stay silent 255 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,619 when parents are just blindly chasing the latest trend? 256 00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,087 Ugh, parents. 257 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,756 Those lazy lunch-packers. 258 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,291 They just want to be told what to do. 259 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:03,862 And there's no shortage of experts who want to tell 'em. 260 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,964 WILLIE (echoing): No shortage of experts. 261 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,033 Experts. Experts. Experts. 262 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,200 (bell dings) 263 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,936 LISA; Another parenting expert, eh? 264 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,608 Clearly, this is a community in the grip 265 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:17,942 of an addiction to trophies. 266 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,110 Now, parents, 267 00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:22,447 I warn you, too much praise creates millennials-- 268 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:25,617 a generation of soft, entitled narcissists, 269 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:29,054 who drop out of college to become deejays. 270 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:32,624 That only pays well at the very highest levels. 271 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:35,126 Instead of showering your kids with gifts, 272 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,296 you should prod them to greatness with GRIT. 273 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,065 Get up. Retry. 274 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,833 I don't care if you're... 275 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,501 Tired. 276 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,570 He's got a word made of other words. 277 00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,739 (chuckles) He must know what he's talking about. 278 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,474 Oh, it is an end to praise. 279 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,742 Praise Vishnu. 280 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,744 (crowd exclaims, murmurs) 281 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,846 Remember, GRIT also stands for: 282 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:58,316 Get Rid of Idiotic Trophies. 283 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,319 Another word word! He did it again! 284 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:05,156 Why does the word "of" sometimes count in the acronym 285 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,991 and sometimes not? 286 00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:11,162 Shut up, Mel! Your kids live in Nebraska with your mom. 287 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,666 CROWD (chanting): No more trophies! No more trophies! 288 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,167 Uh-oh. 289 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,502 You are scum, sir! 290 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,838 (crowd booing) Burn in hell! 291 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,740 Kill him with GRIT! 292 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,511 Hi, Homer. How's the trophy business? 293 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,347 Nobody wants them anymore, thanks to GRIT. 294 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,851 Stupid parenting method I can't exploit for money. 295 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,619 Actually kinda makes sense. 296 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,187 Hate it so much. 297 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,722 (Homer gasps) 298 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,190 I know that. 299 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,859 That's my dad's old pocket watch. 300 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,527 How did you get it? 301 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,796 Oh, Grampa said I earned it. 302 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,698 I guess someone in this family's proud of me. 303 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,867 Oh, you didn't want it, did you? 304 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,635 (scoffs) Yeah, right. 305 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,537 That watch means nothing to me. 306 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,473 Really? Then how do you explain that case you made? 307 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,743 I built it to always remind me of what not to want. 308 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,879 What about your self-published novel? 309 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,914 Well, the character of John Homer 310 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,083 is only partly based on me. 311 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,886 Well, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were obsessed 312 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:10,054 with getting Grampa's watch. 313 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:13,825 Ooh, thanks for the analysis, Dr. Freud. 314 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,594 Next you'll be telling me that this whole trophy business, 315 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,730 and in fact, all my get-rich-quick schemes 316 00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:22,233 over the years, are born of a desperate need for approval 317 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,936 from a father who couldn't show love. 318 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,338 Likely because of his traumatic relationship 319 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,775 with his own father, and his before him, and so on. 320 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:34,245 But, unfortunately, Dr. Freud, 321 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:38,750 that couldn't be further from the truth, Doctor. 322 00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,018 If you say so. 323 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,587 Now I'm gonna take this out and see what life is like 324 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,824 with real love and encouragement ticking in my pocket. 325 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:48,526 Stupid watch. 326 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:49,794 Doesn't even have a fob. 327 00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:51,796 Bart, where's the fob? 328 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,966 Bart, you look like a fool! 329 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:58,036 (groaning slowly) 330 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,774 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 331 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,443 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 332 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,779 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 333 00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,281 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 334 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,284 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 335 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:17,455 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 336 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,357 ♪ Down ♪ 337 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,328 ♪ Fight till the end 'cause your life will depend ♪ 338 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,964 ♪ On the strength that you have inside you ♪ 339 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,967 ♪ Ah, got to be proud, staring... ♪ 340 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,202 No! 341 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,507 HOMER: ♪ You're the worst around ♪ 342 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,209 ♪ Everything's gonna bring you down. ♪ 343 00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:46,017 Okay, Milhouse, I'll drop a rock, you watch it come down. 344 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,820 That should be where Grampa's watch landed. 345 00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,588 (thud) MILHOUSE: Ow! 346 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,156 Did you see where the rock landed? 347 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,658 In my eye! 348 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,661 Oh. That watch was the only thing that made me not terrible. 349 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,263 I can't lose it. 350 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:01,432 I'll drop another rock a few feet to the left. 351 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,271 My other eye! 352 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,505 Ow! 353 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,775 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 354 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,411 Not a single one has missed me! 355 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,682 What are you doing? 356 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:21,686 That expert at the school said trophies are bad for kids. 357 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,122 It's all part of GRIT. 358 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,723 No, no. 359 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,792 My trophies were earned. 360 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,527 Even the soccer one? 361 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,630 I went to most of the practices. 362 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,033 Yeah, but what happens when another parenting expert 363 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,202 comes along with a whole new theory on self-esteem? 364 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,704 Another expert? 365 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,439 Who are they? What are they saying? 366 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,778 Aw. 367 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,719 Okay, the watch is gone. 368 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,555 I guess I can live with being a useless, worthless nothing 369 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,090 as long as no one finds out. 370 00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:02,660 Sweetie, your grampa's on the phone. 371 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,661 Hello. 372 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,229 Great news, kiddo. 373 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:07,565 Remember That magazine is putting out 374 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,001 their annual family heirlooms issue. 375 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,736 They want us for the cover. 376 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,771 You, me and the pocket watch. 377 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:14,906 Um... 378 00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:17,075 It's a great story. 379 00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:19,243 Passing a beloved heirloom from grandfather to grandson. 380 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,680 A gift that restored a child's faith in himself. 381 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,583 Uh, Grampa, there's something I have to tell you. 382 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:26,751 Hold on one second. 383 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,252 I'm just finishing up 384 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,588 a mandatory pre-article heart exam. 385 00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,423 Doc says as long as I don't suffer 386 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,360 any major disappointments, I'll be fine. 387 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,428 Now, what did you want to tell me? 388 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,697 Uh, helmets ruined football. 389 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,766 Exactly! If you want to protect your head, 390 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,101 grow your hair long. 391 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,870 Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. 392 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,273 And you won't be late because you've got that watch. 393 00:16:49,275 --> 00:16:50,808 (groans) 394 00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,777 Stupid parenting experts. 395 00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,780 Why don't they write a book called Stop Buying These Books? 396 00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,448 Everybody'd buy that. 397 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,550 Even if I was listening to what you said, 398 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,619 it doesn't matter; nothing matters. 399 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,454 My trophy business has failed 400 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,490 and Bart has the thing I wanted most: 401 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,058 Grampa's watch. 402 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,059 What watch? 403 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,561 The one you get for being a success. 404 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:11,963 Well, then I should have it. 405 00:17:11,965 --> 00:17:14,132 Uh, that never really came up. 406 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:17,535 All that's left to do now is bring these to the needy. 407 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,806 Best I can do is charge you ten dollars 408 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,307 to throw them in my Dumpster. 409 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:26,077 How about I give you a trophy that says "Best Pawn Shop"? 410 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,812 Not unless I earned it. 411 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:28,713 (gasps) 412 00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,649 Dad's watch! 413 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,817 Hey, dirtbag shopkeep. 414 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,519 How did this come to you? 415 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,920 Mm. Some kid brought it in. 416 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,655 Said he was mad at his friend 417 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:41,659 for dropping so many rocks in his eye. 418 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,728 That dude's seen a lot of living. 419 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,165 Yours for 20 bucks. 420 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,699 That's an insult. 421 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,935 You're talking about a self-worth-boosting antique 422 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,538 that's been in my family for generations. 423 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,772 Twenty-two? 424 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,908 You'll take it all and you'll like it. 425 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,681 (maniacal laugh) 426 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,516 Yes. I have it. 427 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,018 Some said it would never happen. 428 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,020 Most were unaware of the situation. 429 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:12,123 But I finally have my father's watch! 430 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,192 (maniacal laugh) 431 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,131 (singsongy): Oh, Bart, look what Daddy's got now. 432 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,600 (Bart crying) 433 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:27,538 Grampa was the only person who believed in me. 434 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,974 But when he finds out I lost the watch, 435 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,375 even he'll give up. 436 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,543 (sobbing) 437 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,711 Stay strong, Homer. 438 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,379 Don't go soft on him now. 439 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,915 This is a once-in-a-lifetime face-rubbing-in. 440 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,650 Mm. Come on, foot. 441 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:40,885 Kick, damn you! 442 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,953 (grunts) 443 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:47,725 (sighs) Son, I found something that belongs to you. 444 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,894 (gasps) Grampa's watch! 445 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,896 No. I can't take it. 446 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,731 I didn't earn it, so I don't deserve it. 447 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,233 You were right. 448 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,901 I am a screwup. 449 00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,438 But, boy, who screwed you up? 450 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,406 (gasps) You. 451 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,008 It was you. 452 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,677 And those who came before. 453 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,281 (choking loudly) 454 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,920 It's stuck in your hand fat. 455 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:20,191 Oh. You got to wedge something in there to break the vacuum. 456 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,826 (grunting) 457 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,430 Okay. 458 00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,533 Smile, my little watch watcher. 459 00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:32,670 (camera clicking) 460 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,310 That was a nice thing you did. 461 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,712 Which parenting guide told you to do it? 462 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,814 Well, baby, sometimes you just 463 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,017 got to trust your gut. 464 00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:52,623 (watch shatters) 465 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,292 (choking) 466 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,705 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 467 00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:14,812 It's NBA draft day, and the world waits to see 468 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:15,813 who will be the first pick. 469 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,416 The consensus choice is Cody Harris from LSU, 470 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,484 but there's an exciting dark horse this year. 471 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,087 It's a player from Springfield by the name of Ralph Wiggum. 472 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,322 Uh-oh. 473 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,423 There's no tape 474 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,824 on this three-foot-six second-grader, 475 00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,826 but he does lead the nation in trophies. 476 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,661 You can't argue with trophies. 477 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,663 Boom! Kid's a winner. 478 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,665 (groans) 479 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,668 From the Springfield Elementary Afterschool Happy Hamsters, 480 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:41,906 the Philadelphia 76ers select Ralph Wiggum, power forward. 481 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,776 I'm a millionaire! 482 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:46,677 (camera clicks) 483 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,379 ♪ ♪ 484 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,715 HOMER: ♪ Try to be best 'cause you're only a man ♪ 485 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:53,351 ♪ And a man's got to learn to take it ♪ 486 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,686 ♪ Try to believe, though the going gets rough ♪ 487 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,689 ♪ That you got to hang tough to make it ♪ 488 00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,192 ♪ History repeats itself ♪ 489 00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,794 ♪ Try and you'll succeed ♪ 490 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:06,030 ♪ Never doubt that you're the one ♪ 491 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,566 ♪ And you can have your dream ♪ 492 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:11,469 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 493 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,871 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 494 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,574 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 495 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,743 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 496 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,646 ♪ You're the best around ♪ 497 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:25,816 ♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪ 498 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:30,454 ♪ You're the best. ♪