1 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,339 HOMER: What? Cheap, lousy... 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,941 Ah, there. 3 00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,010 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,783 (sleepy piano melody playing) 5 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,852 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,956 MOE: Springfield-- the city sleeps. 7 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,792 But a storm is brewing over the home of... 8 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,362 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons. ♪ 9 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,998 MOE: Interesting fact: the singers that sang that song 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,066 are all dead. 11 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,234 Enjoy the show. 12 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,139 HOMER (over speakerphone): Hello, family! 13 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,707 I'm 20 minutes away. 14 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,142 Can I bring anyone a...? 15 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,411 Mmm, pork chop. 16 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,912 (tires screeching) 17 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:50,616 HOMER: Flanders, you need a new mailbox! 18 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,553 (groans) 19 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,088 (tires screech) 20 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,257 (Homer humming) 21 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:03,395 Are these from the gas station? 22 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,064 Uh, Marge, please. 23 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:08,167 They're from a supermarket that sells gas. 24 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,169 (sniffing): Were you at Moe's? 25 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:13,439 Yeah, celebrating St. Patrick's Day. 26 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:15,207 (in brogue): Ah, the Blarney Stone, 27 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,377 Angela's Ashes, centuries of troubles. 28 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,446 It's not St. Patrick's Day. 29 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,781 Well, on the real day, the price of green hats 30 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,049 goes through the roof. 31 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,251 I thought you'd be happy I was saving money. 32 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,520 Cheap hats? You ruined Sunday dinner 33 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,888 for cheap hats?! 34 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,558 That's not... You know, forget it. 35 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,694 That's it? Yeah, that's it. 36 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,463 Thanks for the flowers. 37 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,598 I'm sure they were nice, but they're wilting now. 38 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,933 (sighs) 39 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,035 Honey, when you were talking about those flowers, 40 00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:45,437 was it a metaphor for anything? 41 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,872 Was it? 42 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,174 Honey? Metaphor? 43 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,611 So I thought she'd be furious, but nothing. 44 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,713 She was as aloof as Steve Martin. 45 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:55,948 (both gasp) 46 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:59,318 Ahoy-hoy. This is Sector 7G, where... 47 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,954 where, uh... What does go on here? 48 00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,555 Mostly we decide which of us should be 49 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,090 on the lookout for you. 50 00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:07,292 Which was supposed to be you, Lenny. 51 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,560 (à la birdcall): Coo-coo-coo... 52 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:10,662 Yes, well, this is Nigel, 53 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,397 an old boarding school chum, 54 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,434 and, uh, this Piccadilly Circus walkup is his wife. 55 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,069 (Cockney accent): I have to go, luv. 56 00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,438 I've got to pick up a lip tint at the chemist's. 57 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,575 Farewell, darling. You take the sun with you. 58 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,013 (chuckles): You never told me about her. 59 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,916 Well, you never told me about 60 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,584 your handsome young man. 61 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,253 Who, Smithers? (chuckles) 62 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,654 He just works here. 63 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,523 Smithers, I see you're one of those 64 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,825 truly devoted people who make one forget 65 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,094 love is an illusion. 66 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,429 Eh, I'm just a man who enjoys his job. 67 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,265 Uh, time for your pill, sir. 68 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,369 (grunting) 69 00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:53,172 (Burns grunting) 70 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,876 Did you swallow the cheese and not the pill? 71 00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,011 Nuh-uh. 72 00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,746 Show me. 73 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,714 (swallows) 74 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,216 That's a good boss. 75 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,717 Such devotion. 76 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,120 My wife is in love with her tennis coach, 77 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,155 (rolling "R"): Rolando. 78 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,124 Well, I believe in true love. 79 00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,792 Like the first time I saw profit. 80 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,294 (chuckles) A day doesn't go by 81 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:16,795 that I don't think of that ledger. 82 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,497 (sighs) 83 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,065 Hey, Homie. 84 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,801 That's our cue. 85 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,237 Lenny, when you say "That's our cue," 86 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,705 then you're supposed to leave. 87 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,507 Dear God, so many times 88 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,842 I must have looked like a complete ass. 89 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,145 Homer, this is the part of the marriage 90 00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:35,214 where the needle is on "E," 91 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,550 but we still have a little more gas. 92 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,887 The brink of doom, where I do my best work. 93 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,689 And I want to break out of our rut, 94 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,824 so I brought us a nice lunch. 95 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:49,361 Oh, honey, you've given me a big appetite. 96 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,829 For what? 97 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,564 HOMER: Careful, Homer, she's expecting 98 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,566 a non-food answer. 99 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,703 For...you? Oh... 100 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,037 Well, I have to admit, 101 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,906 that was suggested by the nose. 102 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,075 (nasally): Finally, some credit. 103 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,509 Mmm... 104 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,179 Wait, I want to know that you're really gonna change. 105 00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:10,215 Marge, I get it. I truly get it. 106 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:13,452 And to prove it, I'm eating a carrot. 107 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,455 Oh... 108 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,756 Mmm. 109 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,726 Sir, do you need help with that tea bag? 110 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,128 No, I can talk to Nigel by myself. 111 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,132 Nigel, you were wrong about the Crimean War, 112 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,567 and you're wrong now. 113 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,435 Love can endure. 114 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,205 Oh, I could dissolve that union as easily 115 00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:36,141 as the tea dissolves this sugar. 116 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,909 Smithers, did you see him heft that sugar cube? 117 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,278 Did I. 118 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,046 Monty, I can break up that couple, 119 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,915 and I'd wager five million on it. 120 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,751 Dollars or pounds? Pounds. 121 00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,220 Sterling or flesh? Sterling, this time. 122 00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,722 Oh, that money is as good as mine. 123 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,491 Look at them spooning. 124 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,492 (giggles) 125 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,161 (both munching) 126 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,562 (whistle blows) 127 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,730 Hmm. 128 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,565 (humming happily) 129 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,901 Excuse me there, Simpson. 130 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,336 May I buy you a drink? 131 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,238 Thanks, Alfred, but my marriage is 132 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,107 in a very unusual condition-- good-- 133 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,009 and I want to get home. Now, now. 134 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,511 I'm an old friend of your boss', 135 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,279 and if you turn me down, 136 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,181 it will not go down favorably. 137 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,250 Will it go down unfavorably? 138 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,285 Mm, it may. (shrieks) 139 00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,187 Very well, then. (phone chimes) 140 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,422 (Homer groans) 141 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,824 No texting your wife. 142 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,894 I'll just tell her I'm drinking with an English guy. 143 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,365 (phone chimes) 144 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,866 What does that mean? 145 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,402 He'd better just be around the corner. 146 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,841 (disco music playing) 147 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,446 Oh. 148 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:51,717 ♪ ♪ 149 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,787 Oh! 150 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,190 And everyone left the hot tub 151 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:01,660 except for Ringo, Princess Margaret, and me. 152 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,462 Yeah, uh, listen, Dr. Doolittle, 153 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:07,899 I like hearing you talk, but I got to get home. 154 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,068 So, been married long? 155 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,337 Knocked her up right after high school. 156 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,340 I can't listen to that story without getting weepy. 157 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,576 Hey, hey, that's my talking bar rag! 158 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,678 Let go of that! 159 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,514 You doing all right there, Raggy? 160 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,116 Yeah, that's good. 161 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,319 So, Homer, the only woman 162 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,154 you've ever been with is your wife. 163 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,890 How shall I put this? You thumped one melon 164 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,892 and left the store satisfied. 165 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,328 If you knew anything about me, you would know 166 00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:39,831 I would never, ever shop in the produce section. 167 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,933 Homer, have you ever thought there might have been 168 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:46,271 other melons-- bigger, smaller, more exciting? 169 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:49,408 Oh, the women I could have had. 170 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,777 You drew me in fifth grade, 171 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,012 and I've never gotten over you. 172 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,716 I like a man who pours me on everything. 173 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,117 (shuddering): Oh... 174 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:03,188 I think it's time I went home to my wife. 175 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,625 (shrieks) 176 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,061 I fear my seed landed on barren soil. 177 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,597 Oh, yeah, he's crazy about that Midge. 178 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,600 Eh, she's got it all. Hair that goes on forever... 179 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,636 Moe, I always wondered something. 180 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,704 Who are you talking about when you say "Midge"? 181 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,106 Why, Marge, of course. 182 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,207 What the... (grunts) 183 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,975 Wait'll Midge hears about this! 184 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:28,079 Hmm, this might be worked from another angle. 185 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,483 So, Moe, you find Homer's wife attractive? 186 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,452 Yeah. She barely knows I exist. 187 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,654 Which is the only thing I got going for me. 188 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,823 Well, how would you like me to set you up 189 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,991 in a more elegant establishment? 190 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,560 More elegant than this? 191 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,462 Aah! 192 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,598 This may just be the bonk on the head talking, but sure. 193 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,566 Oh. 194 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:48,433 (tires screech) 195 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,335 (worried groaning) 196 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,504 Marge, I know I'm late, 197 00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,272 but I'm really sorry. 198 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,976 "Sorry" and "Congratulations, Graduate." 199 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,344 They had a two-for-one sale. 200 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,279 Now, I'm late because... Don't bother. 201 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,848 But there's a really good... It's too late. 202 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,150 But you're... You're gonna laugh when you... No. 203 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,619 I just have to accept that you're never going to change. 204 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,155 No, no, don't give up. I've changed before. 205 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,857 I lost my hair and got fat. 206 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,124 Good night. 207 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,860 Oh, good night. 208 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,630 (Homer snoring) 209 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,932 (sobbing) 210 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,038 ♪ ♪ 211 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,215 (crying) 212 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,385 (yawning) 213 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,854 How was your night? The usual. 214 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,696 (worried grunting) So, it's Saturday morning. 215 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,031 What do you want to do today? 216 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,900 Nothing. Hey, Homer, 217 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,635 I got an extra ticket for the ball game. 218 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:57,802 Box seats. 219 00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:58,670 He'll take it. 220 00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,171 Marge, no. 221 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,073 Flanders ruins baseball. 222 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,042 He adds the word "Lord" to the end of 223 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,177 "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." 224 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:09,214 FLANDERS: ♪ Take me out to the ball game, Lord ♪ 225 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,384 ♪ Take me out with the crowd, Lord ♪ 226 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,985 BOYS: ♪ Buy us some water ♪ 227 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,987 ♪ And that's just fine ♪ 228 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,823 ♪ All I drink is communion wine ♪ 229 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:22,227 ♪ For it's pray, pray, pray to our Jesus ♪ 230 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:25,530 (Homer groans) ♪ If we don't win, it's His will ♪ 231 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:29,167 ♪ 'Cause He's one, two, three Gods in one ♪ 232 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,037 ♪ At the baseball church ♪ 233 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,204 ♪ We're at church. ♪ 234 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,272 D'oh. 235 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,674 Hi, hon, I'm near Moe's, 236 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,042 but I can come right home. 237 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,277 I haven't even put a coin in the meter. 238 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,547 Just what I needed to hear. 239 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,215 Oh... Oh, damn it. 240 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,151 (gasps) 241 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:50,956 Aw, maybe now I can finish my novel. 242 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,525 I just wish I hadn't left it in there. 243 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,265 Yeah, well, don't worry, you still got old Moe. 244 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,934 Moe 2.0. It's a whole new me. 245 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,970 I even bought one of those new gizmos 246 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,572 that everyone's using. 247 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,374 Why'd you close the bar? 248 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,077 Well, I've been set up in a high-end establishment 249 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,812 by a well-heeled backer. 250 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,147 Really, you should see the heels on this guy. 251 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,816 MoHo House? 252 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:21,119 Yes, MoHo House, the vaguely British, invitation-only club 253 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,655 that celebrities who don't want publicity 254 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,457 can be sure to be seen at. 255 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,026 I'm going there now. Don't tell anyone. 256 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,463 Tonight is the grand opening for the town's hottest 257 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,765 new destination, run by the man most in demand 258 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:37,102 for Springfield's haunted houses, Moe Szyslak. 259 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,570 (growling) 260 00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:39,904 Oh, sorry, force of habit. 261 00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,139 (chuckles) How you doing? 262 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,307 Good to see you, Mr. Mayor. 263 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,442 Bumblebee Man, ¿cómo está? 264 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,077 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 265 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,581 No can do, Mr. "Movie Star." 266 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:50,949 Your last picture... (chuckles) 267 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,183 was a bomb. 268 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,352 The trailer gave away too much, 269 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,321 like, uh, the fact that it was terrible. 270 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,789 I deserve a good time. 271 00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,324 I can have a good time. 272 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,059 The heck with Homer. 273 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,429 Thanks for the lift, Homer. 274 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:05,830 (tires screech) 275 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,265 (groans) 276 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,602 I really don't think you're taking this seriously enough. 277 00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,370 (chuckles) 278 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,874 BURNS: What are you up to, Nigel? 279 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,143 Oh, just stacking the deck in my favor, 280 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,211 as sporting men are wont to do. 281 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,114 A posh club, beautiful single men and women, 282 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:27,519 irresistible temptations to my unsuspecting quarry. 283 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,388 (scoffs) Good luck breaking them apart. 284 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,790 See you. Hmm. 285 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,324 (gasps, shudders) 286 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,959 HOMER: I can have fun by myself. 287 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,695 Would you care to spill a drink on me 288 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,863 and use it as an excuse to meet me? 289 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,298 Can I eat the cherry first? 290 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,966 Don't take too long. 291 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,035 I might; I asked for extra cherries. 292 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,072 (whispering loudly): They don't charge for extra cherries. 293 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:51,076 Monty, what say we make this wager something meaningful? 294 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,143 Like what? 295 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,079 How about my entire fortune 296 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,014 against your boy Friday? 297 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,015 (gasps) 298 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,683 Smithers? 299 00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,818 (grunting) 300 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,920 Oh. (groans) 301 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,055 Well, I can't possibly lose. You're on. 302 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,658 Mr. Burns, you can't use me as a gambling chip. 303 00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,526 Check your contract. 304 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,428 (sighs) I'll be darned. 305 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,330 It also says I'm permitted to mold your hair 306 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,165 into whimsical shapes. 307 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,233 Smithers want a cracker? 308 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,368 (groans) Got to get a better lawyer. 309 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,004 Ooh, those fingers. 310 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,206 (chattering) 311 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,941 The chimp yes, the clown no. 312 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,242 Don't tell me, 313 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,111 it's because I'm Jewish. 314 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,212 No, it's 'cause you're a has-been 315 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,580 nobody likes, all right? 316 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,582 Please tell me it's because I'm Jewish. 317 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,883 (cries) 318 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:32,951 Moe, good to see you. 319 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,686 Oh, good to see you, Midge. 320 00:12:34,688 --> 00:12:36,955 Boy, who knew you'd look so great in a strapless dress? 321 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,189 Well, thank you. 322 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,559 Methinks I see my opportunity. 323 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,428 Why are you telling me? 324 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,263 I always considered us friends. 325 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:48,867 So, let-- uh, what's your name there? 326 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,202 Brant-- Brant here pour something for you. 327 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:54,038 We got loads of microbrew with crazy names, 328 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,642 like, uh, Hops-along Cassidy and Michelob. 329 00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,711 So, uh, where's Homer? 330 00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,713 We're not spending as much time together. 331 00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,615 MOE: Whoa, this night, when I opened up 332 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:07,218 a fabulous new bar, just got interesting. 333 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,486 (soft jazz music plays) 334 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,188 Hey, Stogie, how about a little "Moonglow"? 335 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,657 Not the real moon. 336 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,459 Oh, you mean the drug. 337 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,760 No, the song. 338 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:18,263 ("Moonglow" playing) 339 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:22,400 "Moonglow," that's my favorite song. 340 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,003 Yeah, you came into my bar seven years ago 341 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,771 and you played it on the jukebox. 342 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,107 I remember things like that. 343 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,942 So, you want to dance? 344 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:34,379 I actually do it a lot, but, uh, nobody sees behind the bar. 345 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,084 I guess one dance couldn't hurt. 346 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,923 So, can you start Monday? 347 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,791 Oh, you won't break up the Simpsons. 348 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,662 I'm not used to getting my arms all the way around someone. 349 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,765 Oh, God, I can't work for a man I'm not in love with. 350 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,900 I've got to fix this now. 351 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,604 Simpson, you need to patch things up with your wife now. 352 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,873 We're fine. Excuse me, bartender? 353 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,676 I ordered three dozen wings and I only count 35. 354 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,144 Listen to me, 355 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,679 this was gonna be a birthday present for my mother, 356 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,647 but I want you to give it to Marge. 357 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,282 Okay, what's the gag? 358 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,818 You have to reconcile with your wife. 359 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,820 Mm, there's always a catch. 360 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,023 I've seen a whole different side of you tonight, Moe. 361 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,693 MOE: Whoa, she's waving me home 362 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,194 like a third-base coach. 363 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,996 But could I really do that to Homer? 364 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,831 Damn it, I need time to think here. 365 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,534 Sorry, this is great, but I got to go stick plastic ribbons 366 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,869 onto toothpicks. 367 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,103 That don't just happen. 368 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:37,642 If Moe can change, why can't my husband? 369 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:41,579 Well, um, seems to me the reason your husband won't change 370 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,715 is 'cause he knows he's got a great thing with you. 371 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,316 If he suddenly treated you different, 372 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:46,885 that should worry you. 373 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,419 I mean, duh, I guess. 374 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,054 You know? Duh? 375 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,656 Hey, Marge. Homie! 376 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,991 I got you something. 377 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,660 (sobbing) 378 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:56,928 What the...? 379 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,330 That's not from you. 380 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,066 Can't you at least open it so I can find out what it is? 381 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,673 Marge, I got the best gift 382 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,441 I ever got you in my life. 383 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,743 Huh? 384 00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,745 (groans) Okay, 385 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:17,115 that's not great. And why, if you were trying to be close, 386 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,684 would you spend the whole evening away from me? 387 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,687 Hey, you've taken me off the market since I was 18, 388 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,789 which I immediately regret saying. 389 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,457 Look, I'm on my knees. 390 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,192 Why aren't you forgiving me? 391 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,962 I'll follow you. 392 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,264 Ow, hairbrush. 393 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,098 Ow, alphabet blocks. 394 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,233 Ow, dog toy! 395 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,068 (murmuring): Wasn't even a card for me. 396 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:40,204 (Homer grunting) 397 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,907 I hope you kids haven't lost any respect for your old man. 398 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,243 Uh, can't lose what you don't have. 399 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,111 Thanks, boy. 400 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,248 HOMER: Ow! Oh! 401 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,849 (thunder crashes) 402 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,719 ♪ ♪ (sighs) 403 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,421 Something wrong, boss man? 404 00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,623 When you finally get a shot at what you always wanted, 405 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,958 do you really want it? 406 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,327 Frankly, that's a white person problem. 407 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,295 Wow, I never had one of those before. 408 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,797 Hey, what you playing there? 409 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,833 Oh, just a little something I've been messing around with 410 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,770 that may or may not be a commentary on your situation. 411 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,807 ♪ ♪ 412 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,609 ♪ It was hopeless and new ♪ 413 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,812 ♪ New from the start ♪ 414 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,814 ♪ Her hair was blue ♪ 415 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:26,317 ♪ As blue as my heart ♪ 416 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,619 ♪ Her husband was fat ♪ 417 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,990 ♪ And not very smart ♪ 418 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:35,927 ♪ So I'm writing this song to tell you it's wrong ♪ 419 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:39,664 ♪ To love ♪ 420 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:45,370 ♪ An elephant's wife ♪ 421 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,405 ♪ It's wrong, baby. ♪ 422 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,176 (squawks) 423 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,678 Homer don't treat her right. 424 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,946 She should be loved. 425 00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:57,382 Loved like Barney loves my bar. 426 00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,718 He's thinking of me, I know it. 427 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,254 This is going in my new novel. 428 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,025 My mind's made up. 429 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,494 There's only one thing I can do. 430 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,096 (phone chiming) 431 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:18,002 Whoa, that's a conflicted look. 432 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,304 Are you a cashier or a psychiatrist? 433 00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:23,007 (sighs) I was a psychiatrist. 434 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:26,644 Then I lost my license for prescribing too few meds. 435 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,424 You came. I wasn't sure you would. 436 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,093 ♪ He wasn't sure you would ♪ 437 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,928 Let's go somewhere more private. 438 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:48,399 ♪ There's cameras everywhere. ♪ 439 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,202 I needed to see you. 440 00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,603 (thunder crashes) 441 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,505 You're supposed to be my friend, Moe! 442 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,008 How could you meet my wife behind my back? 443 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,343 I did it because I'm your friend, Homer. 444 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,345 And that's why I invited you here. 445 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,881 To tell you that if you don't treat this woman right, 446 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,216 someone's gonna take her away. 447 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,918 Now, it won't be me, 448 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,720 but you don't leave the lid off a pickle jar like her. 449 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,022 Right, Midge? 450 00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,557 First of all, it's Marge. 451 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,126 No, I know, I-I don't know what my deal is with that. 452 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,961 But you're right about everything else. 453 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,729 Marge, I treasure you. 454 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:22,300 And to prove it, here's something I drew last night. 455 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,105 ♪ Why do birds ♪ 456 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:30,975 ♪ Suddenly appear ♪ 457 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,910 ♪ Every time ♪ 458 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:35,546 ♪ You are near? ♪ 459 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,649 ♪ Just like me ♪ 460 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,819 ♪ They long to be. ♪ 461 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,322 Okay, we haven't achieved all our dreams, 462 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,058 but the day I met you, I had them. 463 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,392 I love you. 464 00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,061 I love you, too. 465 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:51,896 Mmm. Mmm. 466 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,664 Maybe some day I'll find happiness, 467 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,066 but not today. 468 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,302 Ugh. 469 00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,971 Mm-mm-mm. 470 00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,406 A very touching scene. 471 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,678 Pleasure doing business with you. 472 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,814 Uh, sir, who are you talking to? 473 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,083 Why, Nigel here. 474 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,785 Sir, you're imagining people again. 475 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,355 Well, then who gave me this check? 476 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,924 That's a coupon for free frozen yogurt. 477 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,325 Bah! 478 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,165 Where is he going, and why is my check torn to shreds? 479 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,534 You don't have to pay him, he'll be fine. 480 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:32,003 Use me in a wager, will he? 481 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,638 Mmm! Mmm. 482 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,740 ♪ ♪ 483 00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,816 Wait a minute, this place was just built. 484 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,151 ♪ ♪ 485 00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:51,722 ♪ It must have been MoHo ♪ 486 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:56,527 ♪ For Homer and Marge ♪ 487 00:19:56,529 --> 00:20:00,731 ♪ They got back their mojo ♪ 488 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:05,136 ♪ And now they're living large ♪ 489 00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:08,406 ♪ Still I hear you saying ♪ 490 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:13,211 ♪ What happens to Moe? ♪ 491 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:19,650 ♪ He'll go back to his hellhole ♪ 492 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:24,155 ♪ That's the ending of the show ♪ 493 00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,224 ♪ Except for the tag. ♪ 494 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,030 Okay, sir, we've revised my contract, 495 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,665 so you can no longer proffer me in a wager, 496 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,200 throw me in a volcano, 497 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,668 use me as a chew toy for your tiger... 498 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,604 (chuckles) Sabu will be disappointed. 499 00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,239 ...use me as a human Christmas ornament, 500 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,174 or jack-o'-lantern, lit. 501 00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,743 But I still agree to be mummified with you if you pass. 502 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,144 Excellent. 503 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,116 Mm, it's good to be back. 504 00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,452 ♪ ♪ 505 00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,058 Shh! 506 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,030 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH